Parents.

Within the last three weeks, as I vacationed first with my mom and then with my dad, I was reminded of what a beautiful life I live. I am blessed with parents who love the Lord, love each other, love me. I am reminded that though I am getting married, I will always be their daughter. 

What a delight. 

Love And Marriage.

The last three weeks have been a whirlwind. A whirlwind, I tell you. Like a dream.

August 16: After a delicious pizza dinner at a restaurant we've been hankering to try, after making me hike a mountain in a dress, Allen proposed. I said yes. Jade was there to capture it on film, adding to the joyous moment and fun.

August 18: We picked a date - January 10 - and the planning began. Colors, "vibe," flowers, decorations, Save the Dates, bridesmaids and groomsmen...

August 25: Realize we won't have anywhere to live after getting married (except Mom and Dad's basement).

August 28: Tour an apartment. Bottom floor. No thanks.

August 29: Tour another apartment. Top floor. Two bedrooms. Within our price range. Perfect, we'll take it.

September 3: Pay deposit and sign lease for our first apartment.

And in between: Addressing and mailing Save the Dates. Pinning. Celebrating. Laughing. Anticipating. Planning.
__________________________

This man - my best friend - will be my husband in 4 months and 1 week.  My late night talks, early morning coffee, fill the car with gas, adventuring, loving, passionate and compassionate husband.

But I am also reminded of Isaiah 54:5 "For your Maker is your Husband, the Lord of hosts is His name. The Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer. The God of the whole earth, He is called."

Allen will be my husband. But only my "Til Death Do Us Part" husband. The Lord is my forever husband. Allen will not be able to meet all of my needs, fulfill all of my desires, whisper answers to the longings of my heart. But the Lord will. He will indeed.

I am so excited to see how the Lord uses us together. In our church. In our apartment building. In our jobs. In the world. In Africa. In a hut. Hugging those small children who have stolen both of our hearts and are holding them ransom. I am so excited to see how we - together - will point others back to Him.

We start our pre-marital counseling with Pastor Tom in October. While I'm nervous - why? - I'm excited to continue to learn more about Allen and more about myself. The books we've been reading together have been wonderful in growing our relationship; I know this will be too.
__________________________

In Titus 2, older women are commanded to teach the younger women how to love their husbands. I praise God for my mama, who teaches me how to love my husband through the way she loves my daddy.

I am excited and humbled for the opportunity to teach my girls how to do the same. 

Scariest Things.

The scariest thing about the idea of getting married one day? 

The knowledge that I will, at one point, disappoint the man I marry. 

Knowing that I will hurt him. 

Knowing that I don't have the strength to put his needs before mine everyday for the rest of my life. 

Knowing that he will do the same.

The best part? 

Knowing that the Lord will use us and strengthen us daily, if we allow Him.

I'm excited to see what the Lord has for this man and I in the next few months and (Lord willing, years).

Rend The Heavens.

This blog just touched my heart tonight.  Because lately, my words have not been full of Him either. My words at work. At home. At church, even.

But I want Him to consume me. Oh, that He would rend the heavens and come down! Oh, Lord, I want to tremble before You!

But life creeps in. Even good things - a bike ride with Allen; teaching my girls; working in the nursery - even these good things creep in and push the Lord out. Not waking up early enough to read His word before work. Not praying before eating my lunch at work.

Oh, that He would rend the heavens and come down.

There are attacks because He is at work. And that's okay, as long He will continue to lead me to the Rock that is higher than I. His faithfulness never ends.

24 In Review.

I've been thinking about this post: 24 Things That Happened While I Was 24.

1. I broke my leg. In three places. On an island. And had to wait two weeks before I could have very invasive surgery to get it fixed. That surgery included inserting a metal rod into my tibia, placing about 5 screws in my leg, and being in various casts for three months.

2. I applied to Johns Hopkins. And was accepted.
3. I started and finished my first class. And got an A. And now I'm taking two more and I love them.
4. Two of my favorite bosses of all time left the District. And we got two replacements. The Lord is teaching me to love them.
5. The Lord gave me a "Front Row Seat" to the work He is doing in the lives of my middle through college-age girls at church. And, as this blog reminded me, I am so not needed in that.

6. I won $8.00 for my crocheted creations at the Alaska State Fair! Ha. And I took a pottery class.

7. I write a weekly newsletter and this year, it went National. It is now received by four or five different states.
8. I learned to be dependent on people for everything. Even going to the bathroom and bathing.
9. I lived on my own. And I loved it.
10. I moved back home. And I loved it.
11. I learned that there is a time for everything.
12. I've made substantial progress in paying off my Jeep.
13. I made the decision to honor God with my money (and have been reading this book to help).
14. Allen and I celebrated our one-year dating anniversary. And I was constantly challenged by his selflessness, his compassion, and his silliness.

15. I planned and executed a conference for 100+ staff members in the school district.
16. I started memorizing James (and am about 4/5 of the way through!).
17. I cut off all my hair! And I don't think I'll ever go back to long hair. And I was told I look like Anne Hathaway and Julia Roberts, circa "Hook."
18. I flew to Arizona and surprised my Grandpa with a visit. I hadn't seen him in about two years.

19. We celebrated the third annual Lemonade Stand on the Butte.

20. I worked as a model. By that, I mean I posed for some pictures for my friend Jade. Through that experience, I learned I am more business-professional than whimsy.

21. Our church finished the new sanctuary and I helped move chairs into it.
22. I learned the importance of just loving on people. And I felt the opposition that comes from that.
23. My momma became more than a momma. She became my friend.

24. I started sponsoring Cwangco, a little girl who lives in Africa, through World Vision.

Here's to the next year of being 25!

Money And Moving.

This is my last week in my apartment. I've spend the last 5 days slowly packing things in my apartment, making trips to move things home to my parents' house, helping clean my bedroom there, and still living life.

I've been slightly obsessed with this website: www.moneyunder30.com and the advice they offer to "kids" in my situation - 20-somethings, with jobs, out of school, trying to figure out life financially. And though it isn't Christian-based, they talk a lot about living debt-free, how to calculate if you can afford a home, setting budgets, etc.

Money sees to be a taboo thing in the church. Not many people like to talk about tithing, budgeting, love offerings, debt... but so many young Christians graduate from college, not knowing what to do next.

Thanks be to God, I am in no way strapped financially right now. And I have some good financial goals:
- Pay off my car by the time I am 27
- Complete grad school without taking out student loans
- Begin saving for a downpayment on a house

When they couldn't renew my lease on my apartment, I wasn't sure what to do. But moving back home? Right now, I think that's good. I'm looking forward to spending more time with mom and dad before they leave the state, and helping them with things while I can. I'm excited to save money so that I can accomplish my goals.

And I'm excited to learn how to honor God in this area of my life!

First Fruits.

Some big financials decisions to be made:
- Where to live (back at home, saving $500 a month, at least until September. Then we'll see.)
- How many classes to take (Goal: complete Grad School without new student loans.)
- How much I can afford to put into my Roth IRA (try to meet the yearly maximum?)
- How quickly I can pay off my car (by the time I'm 27? That's just over 3 years.)
- Can I afford to buy a house? (Oh my lanta, who even knows?!)

Last night, I was reading through the various laws in Deuteronomy.  And I came to the part where Moses commands the Israelites to give their first fruits to the Lord. The first of their crops and animals.

The first.

Before they knew if there would be more coming.
Before they paid bills and took their goods to the market to sell.
Before they checked how much was in their savings account.
Their first fruits.

The reason? So that we may "rejoice in all the good things the Lord your God has given to you and your household" (Deuteronomy 26:11).

I love that. I was convicted.

I tithe regularly, but it had always been on the last Sunday of the month. That way, I knew how much I would make, what my "10%" would be, and that my bills all paid with no problem.  But what if I gave my tithe on the first Sunday of the month? Before those bills are taken out? Before my car payment, my credit card bill, my cell phone, my insurance, my, my, my.... How would that change my dependence on the Lord? How would I grow in my faith and trust? How would I see "all the good things the Lord [my] God has give to [me] and [my] household"?

That seems a little radical. Counter-culture. To give first rather than saving or spending first. But I'm excited.  Last night, I fell more in love with the Word of God than I have been in a while. And I was reading in Deuteronomy. No one expects that.  I am excited to take the Lord at His word. To give Him my first fruits.

Israelite.

And so, I shall trust the Lord.

I shall be like the Israelites, wandering in the desert, not knowing where their next home will be, but knowing that the Cloud and Fire would guide them.

I shall walk, one foot, then another, not knowing where I will take my shoes off at night, but thankful that I have shoes.

I shall trust. With every new day. With every assignment. With every box. With every meal. With every dollar. I will trust.

Sin Part 2.

If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 2 Corinthians 5:17  (NIV)

That's how. Remain in Christ.

What if that isn't just a church answer? What if that's really how it works? What if remaining in Christ, in His word, always praying, always pursuing, always pouring out that perfume onto His feet... what is that IS how it works? What if I am attached to the Vine? What if the Vine gives Life everlasting - in the future and here?

What if my life becomes that perfume, that sacrifice offered on the altar, that complete tithe for Him? And what if I take Malachi 3:10 and run with it: "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it."

That would be cool. That would be God. That would be godliness.

I like that.

Crab Hat Princess.

I started my graduate course!  But I have seriously got to be the weirdest kid in my course.  This is what I'm wearing while studying tonight:

Most of my classmates work for the government in DC, or for the UN in Africa, or something equally impressive.  Me?  I work for the Mat-Su Borough School District.  And I love it.  I'm excited to see how this degree, the skills I'll learn, and the opportunities I'll have will help me make some of my hopes and dreams come true.

But for now, I'll watch my Power Point, wear my crab hat and crown, and just be me.

Africa And India.

I had another friend over for dinner tonight. Shannon, from the youth group. I made us rice, veggies, and chicken. Yummy.

We talked a lot about life - what she's facing as a senior in high school, what I'm facing as a young adult. Then (somehow) we started talking about India and Africa.

I loved those places. For different reasons.

Africa was about learning to love, learning to serve, learning to give.
India was about learning to trust, learning to depend on God, learning to be a friend.

Africa was cold.
India was very hot and humid.

Africa opened a door to my soul that I didn't even know was closed. A door I had been afraid to open, afraid of what may be behind it. But one look into Tahmee's eyes, one game of soccer with Sofanee, one late-night talk with Brianna, and there was no way I could close that door again.  That door to love.

India was about walking through that door. One foot in front of another, until I prayed at that hotel late at night, until we talked in the candlelight at the hostel, until I laid it all out on the rooftop. I learned to walk... and keep walking.

I don't know what's next. But as long as I keep that door open, and as long as I keep walking through it with the Lord, I know it will be Good.

See.

The Lord doesn't always see the things we see. Rather, He isn't blinded by what we see.

We see bad news from the doctor - bad X-Rays or bad CT scans. He sees the healing He'll do to surprise you at your next visit.

We see bills coming and jobs NOT coming. He sees that anonymous gift that comes at the last minute that saves you financially, or that job that's just around the corner, as long as you don't give up.

We see the hurt friendships, the lacking trust, the pain from neglect. He sees Redemption and Forgiveness at work.

I pray that this year, I am not blinded by what I see, but that I am open to see what the Lord sees. I pray that this year, we all look with His eyes - at other people, and events, and circumstances. That we would have His eyes.

Confession.

Sometimes I read things that other people wrote, and I'm like, "What does that even MEAN?!"

But then I can't (or don't) ask  because I don't want to be the awkward one who doesn't know.

So there you go.

2012 And 2013.

Oh yeah, 2012 ended. It kind of just...slipped out for me. Mostly because I was at my parent's home, totally sick (as in, sinuses draining, sore throat, cough, etc.) and because my boyfriend was flying across the country to be with his mom, who is even more totally sick (as in, infection to the bone, open heart surgery, 6-bypass, breathing machine, etc.).

But okay, a year in review. The others are doing it:
- I fell in love again.
- I flew to Alabama.
- I broke my leg in three places and had surgery to fix it.
- I moved into my own apartment.
- I got a new job and a raise at work.
- I bought a new car.
- I was accepted to my first and only choice of grad school: Johns Hopkins University.
- I started leading the middle and high school girls at church.
- I laboriously crocheted two stockings.
- Mom and I went to a work conference together.
- Dad bought my a new gun.
- Brad and Jeff both made it back safely from their deployments.
- I won third place (for a sweater) and second place (for a pair of gloves) at the Alaska State Fair (and deposited the prize $8 into my Roth IRA).

Phew. Not bad.

2013:
- Start Grad School
- Get back in shape (along with millions of other people)
- Not compare myself to others
- Read through the Bible
- Be the kind of person I want to be friends with.

Terrie.

Terrie is retiring. And really, that's quite a tragedy in my life.

Terrie hired me when I was in high school to work for the District filing papers in Payroll. And I helped with the AS400 to IFAS conversion. And did everything that no one else wanted to do. Ah, the summer of gluing and copying. (See posts from 2005 for more information)

Terrie was the one who, last fall when I was heartbroken, told me to "Buck up." Just like that, too. "Buck up, Melissa." I needed that, and she had the guts to tell me. I'm glad she did. I've thought about that a LOT since then.

Work will not be the same without her.

I like that she always does the right thing, even when it is hard. I like that she has high standards for everyone, but is realistic about what can and can't be done. I like that she gushes over her kitties and puppies.

I just like her. One and a half more days with Terrie and then... who knows?! Sad.

Apartment.

Really enjoying living in my apartment. It feels so cozy and lovely. I cooked dinner tonight in it for the first time in weeks (so busy these days!).

But busy-ness is the thief of peace and joy. I want to simplify.

I liked the pottery class J and I took together, but I am really looking forward to coming home tomorrow, putting on my PJs, and crocheting. I've got two stockings to finish by Christmas Eve!

Apartment.

I'm moving into my own apartment the beginning of October.

I'm excited, but I think I will miss this - this living at home with Mom and Dad, being with other people, not being alone. Dad is not real happy that I'm moving out.

It's a new phase, you know? That's all. Not bad, just different.

Break My Legs.

We Were Fiction - "The Rain"

Please, oh, heavens, soak my body.
Please, break my legs 'til I'm baptized in the
Puddles and streams of Your love.

James 1:2 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds..."

Feel it. Feel the joy, letting it wash over you.

I am mostly an emotional person.  Actually, I am a very emotional person. I wear them right there on my sleeve, all the time.  And I am commanded to consider - to feel - joy when bad things happen.

When my leg is broken and achy.
When I am completely dependent on other people.
When I have taken one shower in three and a half weeks, and countless bucket baths to suffice.

Joy.

Why?

James 1:3 "...because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."

I don't know why I need this level of perseverance. But the Lord knows.

James 1:4 "Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

I really like this song, this song on repeat.  Break my legs, Lord, just so I can rest in Your love. So I can appreciate You. So I can remember being Your daughter. Help me be quiet, turning off the movies and putting down my crocheting needles, and erasing the callouses so I can be open to You. I have nothing to prove, Lord, and everything to lose for You. Break my legs so that I can be dependent on You. Break my legs so that when they are fixed, I can have beautiful feet that bring Your good news.

Tomorrow Is My BIrthday.

And the start of Birthday Week 2012.

I am going to be 24.  Mid-twenties.  Isn't that odd?

Where Do You See Yourself In...

Five Years?
I'll be 29 in five years.  Married, Lord willing, with a child or two.  Probably Alaska, involved in ministry, with my Jeep paid off and a house to my name.  Or an apartment.  I hope my husband and I are able to lead mission trips - to Africa, especially - or at least serve together.  I'll probably still be working for the school district, but looking into the next job, if I have to have one.  I bet I'll be crocheting a lot.

Ten Years?
34 years old. Wow. Maybe a couple more kids, adopted from Africa, where I am living in a hut with my adorable family.  Working with an orphanage, aiding with empowering women, basically living the dream and loving people.

FIfteen Years?
Almost 40. Holy toledo.  Too old.