Wonderful Angel.

I have a new band. New to me, anyway.

Monk & Neagle.

They have been very focusing and calming while I try to figure out all that God is teaching me. It's hard to remember sometimes. Can't believe it's only been two days. Feels like so much longer.

It really frustrates me when people make the wrong assumptions about something, then act angry and Hitler-y about it. I don't know how to correct them in love sometimes. I want to, so desperately, but I am afraid of ruining a relationship or putting up a wall.

I went for a run tonight, just a couple of songs as I jogged around campus. At one point, I stopped, and saw a huge rat looking thing. Creeped me out. I left that spot soon after that.

Script writing is fun. :) It's hard being creative and funny on command. But apparently I have a sweet way with the voices, so I'm excited. Less than one week from now I will be on-stage performing in Biggie.

I miss the days of summer.

Africa
Helena being there
House-sitting
Roadtrip with Hannah and Jade
Adventures
Hiking
Just being

All I Want.

"All I Need" Monk And Neagle

All I want, all I need
You hold all these things
In Your hands, oh Lord
I can wish I may, or wish I might
But I won't find it in the stars tonight
It's in Your hands, oh Lord

All I want is You
All I need is You

Chorus
I'm holding on to the center of Your love
Cause everything reminds me of You
I open up, cause Your always enough
All I want is You
All I need is You

Take my heart, take my mind
I want to leave this world behind
I give You everything
You're the reason I'm alive today
I throw my cares away
As I stand to shout and sing

Bridge
You're everything to me
I'm nothing without You
You're everything I love
There's no love without You
And every part of me cries for You



This is my prayer, this is my plea.

Support From All Around.

What a tumultuous week. Highs and Lows out the wazoo.

I am slowly learning to trust God, and though it is hard and I don't like it, I know it is good for me. This morning He showed me that He is a Romancer. And I love that about Him.

I auditioned for Biggie (the September OBU talent show) as an emcee (the person who does skits between the acts). I wrote my own script and performed a monologue in which I pretended to talk to Sarah Palin the whole time about America. I even painted an American flag tank top to wear. It's awesome. Anyway, I went to look at the list today, and my name was the first one on the top. THE FIRST ONE!! I was so excited. Nervous, oh my heck, but excited. 15 or 16 people auditioned, and only 6 of us were chosen. And the WHOLE school comes and PACKS the chapel, so this is a big deal. I'm stoked. I feel like God is really showing me something through this. Like the fact that I have GOT to rely on Him.

He has to be the only God in my life. And for so long... for close to 2 years... He hasn't been. That hurts to realize, but I realized it back in May and didn't want to do anything about it. Now I have...and I have never felt a more intense pain. I need to get over something before I can (maybe) get it back.

If that makes sense.

It's not what people expect. But God doesn't do the ordinary. I don't really know what to expect either though, I guess. I'm just holding on... waiting for this wild ride to even out... and I'm not sure it will.

I'm going to the state fair on Sunday with some of my girls, and I am so exceedingly excited about it. I'm learning what it means to build relationships again.

i am: going to audition as an Emcee for Biggie
i think: about painting a lot
i know: that grapes make everything better
i want: for fall to come
i have: the sweetest shoes ever
i wish: that I didn't have to go to class at 4:00pm
i hate: hot weather
i miss: Alaska
i fear: making wrong decisions and getting hurt
i feel: hungry
i hear: some guy working on my lobby
i smell: air
i crave: food and love
i search: for the right words
i wonder: what my friends are doing
i regret: not forgiving as much as I should
i love: cold weather
i ache: the day after I workout intensely if I don't stretch
i care: like a Care Bear!
i always: breathe
i am not: going to take a nap
i believe: that God works everything together for good
i dance: to pop music
i sing: to myself
i don't always: put effort into how I look
i fight: with God... and lose
i write: in my journal everynight
i win: at life!
i lose: time
i never: thought I would fall in love at OBU
i confuse: Shaun
i listen: because sometimes it's more fun than talking
i can usually be found: in my dorm room
i am scared: that life won't be what I want
i need: affirmation
i am happy about: knowing a God who loves me a ridiculous amount

Mission Center.

We returned to Mission Center tonight... all 54 of us OBU students for the 28 kids that came. I loved it.

The freshmen were brilliant... they were involved, active, and I could tell they just loved it. During Circle Time, one freshman girl referred to the group as "us" and "we" and it made my heart SO happy to hear that she already includes herself in that.

And the kids...
Blake can walk! He doesn't need his wheelchair at all anymore, except for school and "just in case". He walked all the way home from Mission Center for the first time ever. And he spent the hour and a half there just sitting in Tina's lap, playing with her hair. He gave her a kiss on the cheek. She was so excited about it, and I am too! Jessica told us that last summer, his wheelchair was stolen, and they couldn't afford to get a new one, which he needed before he could return to school. One of the news stations heard about it, did a story, and in one night they raised enough money to buy him a nice new chair and a little tricycle to ride around. What a God thing!

Kathleen is so beautiful... she is top in her second grade class! She has such a huge heart and I can't wait to see even more how God is going to use her. She knows the Fruit of the Spirit verses by heart and can recite them back to us. She is growing into an girl/young lady. She loves reading, Hannah Montana, math, and her family. And I love that she loves us. She came up to me, and I carried her most of the night. Oh, I love her.

And Desiree and Katie... those girls... wow. So much energy. They very clearly like Mission Center.

And Andy, Yessica, and Roberto. How did I live for three months without seeing them!

Tink is locked up again. Her mom said she would be back home on Wednesday. That girl... she needs so much prayer and love, and I don't know if I have enough to give her. It's so hard sometimes. But in the hard times, that's when I know she needs it the most.

God is working in the neighborhood, in the lives of those that live there. And I have a role in it. I contribute.

I am amazed.

Skater Girl.

Well.
Finally Friday. I work in 40 minutes, then at 4:30 is Mission Center. I'm excited.

I feel like a skater today. My pants are tight-ish at the bottom, more so than on any other jeans, and I have on Vans. So I feel very... "Grab a long board and let's go!" It makes me laugh.

Middle School.

Middle School.

Oh, the glorious days of wearing gray sweatpants and tan over-sized shirts, passing notes in band, and hanging out with the ELP kids. I tried to block most of it out, not because it was bad, but just because it was... eh.

But today I had to write a middle school memory, and floods of occurrences just came rushing back to me. So I wrote them all down on my calendar, and decided to commemorate my high school years here forever. So, without further ado...

My List of Middle School Memories.

- Breaking my reed during the band concert and having to leave to get a new one, then Dylan telling on me and Brittany for talking during the concert. Gosh, I was mad at him.
- In 6th grade, going with Cody, Matt, and Caitlyn to get fish on base for the ELP fish tank. We didn't talk the whole way in, then on the way back, we played the alphabet game. Then Caitlyn and I had nothing to do with the fish the rest of the year.
- I made a lot of websites, and somehow ended up teaching a class to younger kids about how to make their own website.
- Going to Kachemak Bay.
- Winning 2nd place in the 8th grade speech competition.
- Reading days in the library, and spending all semester on ONE book. My teacher was not impressed, even though the book I was reading was called "How to Win Children to Christ". The only time I ever read it was when we went to the library. It was boring, but now I wish I had paid better attention to it.
- Playing Truth or Dare at Sabrina's house.
- Doing the project about stars with Jade and another girl at Glacier View.
- Writing a story about Martha Stewart in 8th grade English.
- Having to recite song lyrics as poetry in 8th grade English, and Cody getting the best grade in the class, even though he messed up a lot. Dang.
- In venting animals in 8th grade science. I hated that project.
- Getting a perfect score on the 8th grade English standardized test, and no one telling me until I got my results, even though my parents, teachers, and principal all knew.
- Going to Germany and New York.
- Honor Band trips to Palmer High School.
- Talking to the Principal in 7th grade about having a lock down plan in case a Columbine shooting happened at our school... and crying throughout the entire hour-long interview.
- Interviewing the principal in 8th grade (Mr. Miller) and reading his favorite book about golf. Again, I wish I had paid better attention to it.
- 9/11 and the 7th grade scrapbook about it.
- Hannah visiting me.
- Walking into the bathroom one time during lunch in 8th grade and seeing Allie and Kelsey in there hiding the fact that they were eating a brownie.
- Middle School Dances... ha. I wore a skirt to the last one. It was black. I remember being really scared to ask my mom, the one day we were driving home from dance class, and a song came on the radio that was about missing the dance, and I told her I didn't want to miss the dance, and could I please go? She said yes. And I remember Brad picking me up from a dance, and he sneaked inside the commons to look at the sound equipment the DJ used.
- Someone had a crush on Gabe, and we spent one social/dance trying to get near him so he would ask her to dance. Was it Liza? I don't remember.
- Spraining my finger during volleyball one day in 7th grade and getting out of PE for a semester. I ended up being an aid to my teachers.
- Carmen called me Mel-Issa.

Hm. Funny.