Lots to do today, and not a lot of time to do it. I've gotta go to the bank, then shopping, then to Kristina's party, then to play soccer (maybe), then home to spend time with my grandparents who flew in last night, then we have church tonight. And I really want to play my guitar. And it's raining, which I love.
And I'm nervous about something, but I don't know what.
5.31.2006
5.29.2006
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.
That's how I feel right now.
I'm feeling literally TONS of emotions right now: anger. sadness. love. disappointment. dread. excitement. fear. and thousands more that I can't even put into words.
And I know why, but I hate it, and want it to end. And it isn't. And it is not fun. And...
I think my heart is going to explode from over-use, which really, wouldn't be a terrible thing right now, but still. Not so pretty. Imagine all these emotions pouring from my heart and splattering on the walls, books, computer screen, everywhere.
I don't want another repeat of before. That just went horribly awry. But...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.
The song "Ocean" by Mae comes to mind right now.
That's how I feel right now.
I'm feeling literally TONS of emotions right now: anger. sadness. love. disappointment. dread. excitement. fear. and thousands more that I can't even put into words.
And I know why, but I hate it, and want it to end. And it isn't. And it is not fun. And...
I think my heart is going to explode from over-use, which really, wouldn't be a terrible thing right now, but still. Not so pretty. Imagine all these emotions pouring from my heart and splattering on the walls, books, computer screen, everywhere.
I don't want another repeat of before. That just went horribly awry. But...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.
The song "Ocean" by Mae comes to mind right now.
Ouch.
I am sore from my birthday hike on Saturday. My shoulder muscles and my thighs. And I'm totally scratched up on my legs and have bruises.
But it was soooo worth it.
We conquered a mountain. Then went to Palmer Fred Meyer's and bought stuff and had a picnic in front of the library. Then rolled and spun around a lot. Then we went to a park. And we chased gangsters. Not really.
It was the sweetest birthday weekend ever. No joke.
God is sooo good.
And he was supposed to come, but didn't.
And instead, he showed up unexpectadly. I hate when he does. It just catches me off guard. And really, I hate when I know about it and he shows up. I just hate seeing him, pretty much. I shouldn't, but I do. And I don't know if that's a bad thing or not.
But it was soooo worth it.
We conquered a mountain. Then went to Palmer Fred Meyer's and bought stuff and had a picnic in front of the library. Then rolled and spun around a lot. Then we went to a park. And we chased gangsters. Not really.
It was the sweetest birthday weekend ever. No joke.
God is sooo good.
And he was supposed to come, but didn't.
And instead, he showed up unexpectadly. I hate when he does. It just catches me off guard. And really, I hate when I know about it and he shows up. I just hate seeing him, pretty much. I shouldn't, but I do. And I don't know if that's a bad thing or not.
5.26.2006
I Forgot.
I forgot to say in the last one that I army crawled today. Kind of. And I got rug burns on the top of my feet that really hurt. So I have bandaids on. It's funny. :)
It's My Birthday!
Today is my birthday!
Yay!!!! It was such a great day! I love my friends and my family and my school and everything on this beautiful planet that God so graciously made!
And I hope that doesn't sound corny, because really, that's how I feel.
So this morning, Mom and Dad came in and sang me Happy Birthday and an Army-type song that Dad changed for my birthday. It was sweet. Then I fellback asleep, then got up and got ready, and Dad drove me to school in his police car.
So I walk down to my locker, and it isn't decorated, and I'm kind of bummed. So I just sit there and look at my yearbook, and I glance down the hall, and there's Hannah carrying a plastic bag and smiling sheepishly. So she reaches me, and says, "Hey, you should go walk around the school so I can deocrate your locker!" So I start laughing, and wander aimlessly around the school for the next like 15 minutes. Okay, it wasn't that long, but still. Johanna Donner sees me and gets me some cotten candy from Mr. Scharf for my birthday, and I see the french one kids outside jumping rope, and I walk around some more, and go to my locker and Hannah is done and my locker looks really cool and I get super stoked.
So then we stand in the hallway with Chrissy and are late for Anthropology. REALLY DIDN'T MATTER. And Tony wasn't there, which ticked me off cause he was supposed to sign my yearbook. So anyway. Hannah made me a T-shirt that says "Today is my 18th Birthday!" So I went into the bathroom and put it on and wore it all day. And people kept telling me "Happy Birthday" which was fun.
During third hour, we watched the kareoke video that Brittany and I made for Hannah. And it was really embarrasing and funny.
In fourth hour, I ripped a kid's $50.00 in half...oops. :)
Lucas baked me an AWESOME sour cream cake, which I happily began to consume during lunch. And people walking past just kind of stared at me. Haha.
Fast forward to French. One girl bought me two huge things of Apple Juice (my favorite) and some ice-cream for my birthday. We happily consumed them and spent the rest of the class talking and signing yearbooks. It was sweet. I think that out of everything high school entailed, I'm going to miss my French class the most. They are such awesome people. During French class, the office brought me some flowers from Debbie and Earl, which was really really nice of them, and I got a couple of birthday cards (from Hannah, Glendy, Emily) and just felt special.
Went to work afterwards. Woohoo.
Came home, opened presents. Dad bought me a knife, and I got dishes and sheets for college. And lots of $$$$$ from family. Talked to Brad and Jeff on the phone, and we ate at a Mexican retsurant for dinner (I wanted fish, but didn't know where to get any, so there you go). After dinner, Dad and I played catch in the yard, which was fun. I miss playing baseball -A LOT-. I think at OBU, I'm gonna play intermural softball.
And tonight I played "mmbop" on my guitar. And now I'm talking to two of the greatest most godly people I know.
And I am sooooooooo blessed. And I have to take Megan a piece of my cake on Sunday. She'll love it. :)
I FORGOT! The Roots called and left a message on the answering machine for me. They all sang a birthday song for me, then at the end all shouted "WE LOVE YOU, MELISSA!" And I felt so loved. And Hannah sent me the coolest e-card in the world.
What an AWESOME day. And tomorrow I am hiking.
Yay!!!! It was such a great day! I love my friends and my family and my school and everything on this beautiful planet that God so graciously made!
And I hope that doesn't sound corny, because really, that's how I feel.
So this morning, Mom and Dad came in and sang me Happy Birthday and an Army-type song that Dad changed for my birthday. It was sweet. Then I fellback asleep, then got up and got ready, and Dad drove me to school in his police car.
So I walk down to my locker, and it isn't decorated, and I'm kind of bummed. So I just sit there and look at my yearbook, and I glance down the hall, and there's Hannah carrying a plastic bag and smiling sheepishly. So she reaches me, and says, "Hey, you should go walk around the school so I can deocrate your locker!" So I start laughing, and wander aimlessly around the school for the next like 15 minutes. Okay, it wasn't that long, but still. Johanna Donner sees me and gets me some cotten candy from Mr. Scharf for my birthday, and I see the french one kids outside jumping rope, and I walk around some more, and go to my locker and Hannah is done and my locker looks really cool and I get super stoked.
So then we stand in the hallway with Chrissy and are late for Anthropology. REALLY DIDN'T MATTER. And Tony wasn't there, which ticked me off cause he was supposed to sign my yearbook. So anyway. Hannah made me a T-shirt that says "Today is my 18th Birthday!" So I went into the bathroom and put it on and wore it all day. And people kept telling me "Happy Birthday" which was fun.
During third hour, we watched the kareoke video that Brittany and I made for Hannah. And it was really embarrasing and funny.
In fourth hour, I ripped a kid's $50.00 in half...oops. :)
Lucas baked me an AWESOME sour cream cake, which I happily began to consume during lunch. And people walking past just kind of stared at me. Haha.
Fast forward to French. One girl bought me two huge things of Apple Juice (my favorite) and some ice-cream for my birthday. We happily consumed them and spent the rest of the class talking and signing yearbooks. It was sweet. I think that out of everything high school entailed, I'm going to miss my French class the most. They are such awesome people. During French class, the office brought me some flowers from Debbie and Earl, which was really really nice of them, and I got a couple of birthday cards (from Hannah, Glendy, Emily) and just felt special.
Went to work afterwards. Woohoo.
Came home, opened presents. Dad bought me a knife, and I got dishes and sheets for college. And lots of $$$$$ from family. Talked to Brad and Jeff on the phone, and we ate at a Mexican retsurant for dinner (I wanted fish, but didn't know where to get any, so there you go). After dinner, Dad and I played catch in the yard, which was fun. I miss playing baseball -A LOT-. I think at OBU, I'm gonna play intermural softball.
And tonight I played "mmbop" on my guitar. And now I'm talking to two of the greatest most godly people I know.
And I am sooooooooo blessed. And I have to take Megan a piece of my cake on Sunday. She'll love it. :)
I FORGOT! The Roots called and left a message on the answering machine for me. They all sang a birthday song for me, then at the end all shouted "WE LOVE YOU, MELISSA!" And I felt so loved. And Hannah sent me the coolest e-card in the world.
What an AWESOME day. And tomorrow I am hiking.
5.24.2006
T Minus Two Days And Counting.
In two days, I become an adult. Though, really, it won't change much. The only thing this birthday will change, is that I can now vote. I mean, I'm not going to smoke or do anything that is illegal for me to do right now. But still...it's exciting to be an official adult.
Sometimes I act like a little kid again. Like tonight at church, I played "Chase" with these five year olds and a sixth grader. It was really just glorified tag. And it wasn't even glorified. It was just tag. And how totally mature is that? But when I turn 18, do I still have to act mature all the time? It's getting close to when I can't watch Disney movies, or listen to Aaron Carter and stuff.
Not that I listen to him all the time right now... :) haha. I only have like 6 of his songs on my iPod, tops. And that poster? It's old, I swear. I just haven't taken it down yet. (Okay, I totally DO NOT have an Aaron Carter poster. Really.)
Okay, that's all.
Sometimes I act like a little kid again. Like tonight at church, I played "Chase" with these five year olds and a sixth grader. It was really just glorified tag. And it wasn't even glorified. It was just tag. And how totally mature is that? But when I turn 18, do I still have to act mature all the time? It's getting close to when I can't watch Disney movies, or listen to Aaron Carter and stuff.
Not that I listen to him all the time right now... :) haha. I only have like 6 of his songs on my iPod, tops. And that poster? It's old, I swear. I just haven't taken it down yet. (Okay, I totally DO NOT have an Aaron Carter poster. Really.)
Okay, that's all.
5.23.2006
T Minus 3 Days And Counting.
I hate it when people get attitudes. Like, when they think that they are always right, or when they say something jerky, or when they think something is their business when it's not. I hate that.
It's like, they don't know who they are or something so they have to do everything they can to put themselves out there for people to say, "Yeah, okay, you're a cool person."
Then I think, do I need that kind of recognition and approval? Am I the type of person I hate?
I also hate it when people judge other people before they really know them. But now, as I think about it, maybe that's what I'm doing right now. I'm judging people for why they do specific things. And I mean, I know the person I'm talking about. Kind of. I guess.
It's interesting how you think you know someone, then you realize that you actually don't, that they are completely not who you thought they were. I don't know. It's just kind of a time when you stop and simply say, "Oh. I dind't know that about you. Okay then." And it isn't really bad, per say, but it isn't super great either.
I'm probably not making any sense to anyone reading this, but it makes sense to me.
Last night was fun, kind of, I guess. It is what sparked paragraph four. And I'm looking forward to this summer, but it was be akward, I think. But maybe it won't be if I don't make it that way.
I really confuse myself sometimes. And I get mad at myself. And I think its dumb. This whole thing I'm thinking about right now. I think I'm really passive aggressive. I'm not one for confrontation, but I'll do something that is...I don't even know how to explain it.
I wonder if God ever gets tired of my antics. Like, does He ever look down and think "Why the heck did you do that, Melissa? What have I taught you? I gave you a brain for a reason. You should use it. Come on, now, time is running out. Do you really want to live like that?" If He does, I have no excuses. None at all.
Which is not a fun thought to think about.
It's like, they don't know who they are or something so they have to do everything they can to put themselves out there for people to say, "Yeah, okay, you're a cool person."
Then I think, do I need that kind of recognition and approval? Am I the type of person I hate?
I also hate it when people judge other people before they really know them. But now, as I think about it, maybe that's what I'm doing right now. I'm judging people for why they do specific things. And I mean, I know the person I'm talking about. Kind of. I guess.
It's interesting how you think you know someone, then you realize that you actually don't, that they are completely not who you thought they were. I don't know. It's just kind of a time when you stop and simply say, "Oh. I dind't know that about you. Okay then." And it isn't really bad, per say, but it isn't super great either.
I'm probably not making any sense to anyone reading this, but it makes sense to me.
Last night was fun, kind of, I guess. It is what sparked paragraph four. And I'm looking forward to this summer, but it was be akward, I think. But maybe it won't be if I don't make it that way.
I really confuse myself sometimes. And I get mad at myself. And I think its dumb. This whole thing I'm thinking about right now. I think I'm really passive aggressive. I'm not one for confrontation, but I'll do something that is...I don't even know how to explain it.
I wonder if God ever gets tired of my antics. Like, does He ever look down and think "Why the heck did you do that, Melissa? What have I taught you? I gave you a brain for a reason. You should use it. Come on, now, time is running out. Do you really want to live like that?" If He does, I have no excuses. None at all.
Which is not a fun thought to think about.
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