Burners.

I've shafted God from the number one place in my life. And I don't know how to give it back to Him.

Paul writes in Philippians 3:8-9 (The Message)
"Yes, all the things I once thought were so important are gone from my life. Compared to the high privilege of knowing Christ Jesus as my Master, firsthand, everything I once thought I had going for me is insignificant - dog dung. I've dumped it all in the trash so that I could embrace Christ and be embraced by Him. I don't want some petty, inferior brand of righteousness that comes from keeping a list of rules when I could get the robust kind that comes from trusting Christ - God's righteousness."

Do I really consider it a high privilege to know Christ? Like, really?

Honestly, I don't.

So often He gets pushed to the back burner as I focus on other relationships, my job, my dreams, my hopes for the future. And so often, He never gets put on the front burner again. I don't have that passion that Paul had.

I feel like on the outside, I'm a great Christian girl. And on the inside, I'm falling apart.

Romans 8.

I've been learning a lot about the Holy Spirit lately. Mostly because I've been teaching my Sunday School class about "It".

And one of the things I've learned is that the Holy Spirit is SO not an It. The Holy Spirit is alive, and is probably sick of being shafted so much. I mean, people put a lot of emphasis on God creating and loving and sending, and they put a lot of emphasis on Jesus coming and dying and living. But the Holy Spirit? Kind of the gets the short end of the deal.

I know that I never thought about the Holy Spirit much until this summer.

But really? God would not be God without the Holy Spirit, and Jesus would not be Jesus without the Holy Spirit, and I would not be myself without the Holy Spirit.

I taught my class that the Holy Spirit is the Spirit of TRUTH - No lies stem forth from him. I taught them that He lives in us (FOREVER!!!) and in heaven, and that He is our counselor, here to guide us in life, to empower us to be witnesses, and tomorrow we are talking about how He gives New Life.

And this whole new life thing?
Why don't we live in it more?

Personally, I get so caught up in the laws of this world...making sure I wear the right thing, that I look nice, that this is perfect and that is perfect and I said hi to this person, and that person saw me talking to so-and-so... I spend so much time thinking and worrying about such things when the Holy Spirit is right there, being my Counselor, and whispering the truth to me that I AM SET FREE FROM THE LAW. Not only that, but it is confirmed through the Spirit that I am God's DAUGHTER. I get to call Him Daddy.

We just celebrated Fathers Day. And my Dad here is great. He took us fishing today, and we had quite the adventure (and caught no fish, but my mom fell in the river and made funny noises). When I had my mini-medical emergency on Wednesday, my Dad wanted to be there with me, and when I have my check-up on Monday, he wants to go, just so he can sit in the waiting room. I love him. He's the best Dad I could ask for. But really, he's not...

God is.

God, through His rich love and mercy, gave His Son to save me, and He gave His Spirit to guide me. It's great that God made me, but I have no hope of grace without His Son, and no hope of a future without His Spirit.

Thus.

The Holy Spirit is alive and active, calling people into a life that is categorized by one word:

FREEDOM.

I want to live in it.

To Do And Other Thoughts.

1. Enchanted night, complete with dressing up and a fondue dinner.
2. Photo shoots: summer dress, AG, happy photos in general.
3. Road trip with Jadie.
4. Cabin.
5. Watching Sisterhood movies.
6. Show and Tell.

I've been thinking about Civ a lot lately. And yes...I miss it. I learned so much and my professors were amazing. I keep having Civ flashbacks during random non-Civ related conversations, and they make me surprisingly sad.

Han makes me laugh. I like her and our friendship and life with her by my side as my bestie.

VBS makes me happy. And my flourescent green VBS shirt.

Be The Change.

I'm realizing more and more how things change. And I mean, I know that change is inevitable. But the width... the extent to which things change never ceases to amaze me.

My parents are the same. Sweet, caring Mom and funny, random Dad.

Work is the same. ALways lots of food, random conversations, and boring filing. The work quote of the day was spoken during our picnic lunch. Joy said, "I love those geeks with personalities."

Church is different, though. Everyone has mentioned how much I have matured. Which I guess I never realized before. But it's true... for sure. I don't really know where I fit in at church anymore. I mean, I'm teaching Sunday School all summer, and VBS next week, but other than that... I still feel caught between the adults and the youth. So I'm just trying to serve - washing dishes, picking things up... I don't really know what else to do, and it seems like a good way to spend my time.

Friends are different too. Not good or bad... necessarily... but different. Relationships have changed. Some have gotten a LOT deeped, but others have become a LOT more superficial.

I guess change has to occur for growth to occur. And growth has to occur for the work of God to be accomplished.

I just wish it was easier.

Home.

Well. I am now 20 years and 3 days old.

My teenage years have passed, and I am now a "Twenty-something" year old. I don't know how I feel about it. I mean...I'm TWENTY.

Africa is coming up pretty quickly, which is exciting. Less than a month now. God way out did Himself, and provided WAY more money than I needed.

Spent the last week with Helena, and now I am sad that I don't have an OBU friend here with me. We had fun though - went to Seward and the cabin and climbed the Butte. We watched a LOT of movies, and slept in every day. Loved it.

I start work on Monday. That'll be fun...ish.

It really is nice being Home, where the house is messy and comforting, where I can cook if I want to and it doesn't cost money to do laundry. Of course, there are things I would change about Home - the bad internet for example - but I would never change some things... like the Kip poster on my parents' door. Random things like that are just...Home.

And I like Home.

Helena and I talked a lot about being married... and I can't wait. I mean, I know I will. A couple more years, anyway. :) I can't wait to have a husband... my best friend to stand by me through it all. I can't wait to have a Home with him... to start our own little family.

Three, Two, One.

Let's play a game - Two Truths and a Lie.

You have to comment, telling which is which.

Ready? GO!

1. My favorite color is yellow.
2. I hate shopping for shoes.
3. I love having long finger nails.

TRICKED YOU! THEY ARE ALL LIES!
Bahaha...

Let's try it again.

1. I scare myself really easily.
2. I love to workout by myself.
3. I have wanted to go to Africa since 7th grade.

TRICKED YOU AGAIN! They are all true!
Bahaha...

Okay, this time it's for real.

1. My favorite Food Network show is "Iron Chef."
2. I went swimming in a King's private swimming hole.
3. I doodle... a lot.

Well? What do you think? What are the two truths, and what's a lie?

Thundercats.

Well, I am (mostly) all packed. Carp - can't forget the Superman poster... It's the only thing left on my walls.

I finished Civ with an A. :) I dominated the final. I only missed 16 points on it - 159 out of 175. The only thing was that I sometimes got my key facts mixed up. But I got a LOT of check marks and underlines, which is good. Hello, 4.0 again! That means my GPA will be about 3.9 now. Yay!

I worked really hard this semester, and am happy with the results.

I saw Helena today! She came over while I was working and helped me fold my clothes, then she helped me pack for like 2 hours. What a good friend. I'm so excited to show her Alaska. My mom is, too. She's planning a nice roadtrip for us.

I want to go to Canada this summer, too. And lots of hiking/Butte climbing. And lots of talking. I can't wait to just TALK to my friends...face to face, not on-line or on the phone. You know? I'm ready for that personal touch.

Of course, that means saying goodbye to people here - Kim, Addi, Jenna, Olivia, my girls, the other RAs, my class friends (Kristin, Russell, Aaron, Carissa, Hannah) Mission Center people (Allen, Galend, David, April, Laura), and the Seniors (John, Amanda, and Amanda). And of course, Shaun.

We're... okay... now, by the way. Not amazing. This week has been really trying on our relationship... at least on my half of it. I don't know.

And now, I should take some more stuff to Kerr so that Shaun doesn't have to carry everything for me. I just took one load. The attic there scares me, though, and so does the elevator. I don't like it.

I hope my bags aren't over 50 pounds. THat would kind of suck. A lot. I would have to pay money. Lame. Good thing I get two bags still, though. How did I get this much stuff? It's like it DOUBLED this year. I don't understand. I think this fall I'm going to go through and purge a lot. The only issue with that, though, is that I am WAY sentimental, and can't get rid of ANYTHING.

Okay, Kerr's attic, here I come. Let's do this.