Thoughts and memories can instantly turn bitter, leaving that lasting residue in your mouth of regret and pain. I wear my heart on my sleeve, to echo the cliche that clogs our world. One look at my face and you generally will know exactly what I am thinking.
Where was I one year ago? Two years ago?
A very different place than where I am now, far away, hidden in the shades of a life that I would soon like to forget, but a life I am destined to live with merely because that's how life is.
11.30.2009
11.29.2009
Countdown.
Sixteen blessed days from now I will be en route to Alaska. Oh happy, happy day. In honor of those 16 days, here are 16 things I am thankful for:
1. A lovely weekend spent at my grandparent's house in Oregon: "sleeping in" until 8am, the smell, marking my height on the door, sewing.
2. Frequent flier miles.
3. Cell-phones and being able to call people I really care about to talk about nonsensical things.
4. My car. I am SO thankful for my car.
5. Christmas. All of it.
6. Packages in the mail, even if you only get them because you ordered stuff on-line.
7. Christmas music on Pandora, and the ability to skip the Chipmunks songs.
8. Job interview this week. Exciting, but nerve wracking!
9. Visiting my 8th graders this morning, just to take a picture, and seeing their excited reactions when I walked through the door.
10. Skype. I am very thankful for Skype.
11. Really fun shoes that add to my teacher outfits.
12. Being able to run (2.5 miles yesterday. My goal is 4 by the time I come home.)
13. Water. It's yummy.
14. Making plans for when I go home: snow shoeing, poster contest, sister time, shooting, sledding, movies, IHOP...
15. Getting the grade back on my Math Methods PK-3 unit about dinosaurs.
16. The socks my grandma made that I've been wearing lately. So warm and comforting.
1. A lovely weekend spent at my grandparent's house in Oregon: "sleeping in" until 8am, the smell, marking my height on the door, sewing.
2. Frequent flier miles.
3. Cell-phones and being able to call people I really care about to talk about nonsensical things.
4. My car. I am SO thankful for my car.
5. Christmas. All of it.
6. Packages in the mail, even if you only get them because you ordered stuff on-line.
7. Christmas music on Pandora, and the ability to skip the Chipmunks songs.
8. Job interview this week. Exciting, but nerve wracking!
9. Visiting my 8th graders this morning, just to take a picture, and seeing their excited reactions when I walked through the door.
10. Skype. I am very thankful for Skype.
11. Really fun shoes that add to my teacher outfits.
12. Being able to run (2.5 miles yesterday. My goal is 4 by the time I come home.)
13. Water. It's yummy.
14. Making plans for when I go home: snow shoeing, poster contest, sister time, shooting, sledding, movies, IHOP...
15. Getting the grade back on my Math Methods PK-3 unit about dinosaurs.
16. The socks my grandma made that I've been wearing lately. So warm and comforting.
11.23.2009
Stone Bridge.
Ha. God surprises me. I love it.
I thought, "Surely Journeyman or teaching in the Bush. That's what I'll do, come May 15th. It'll be good. Epic and fun."
And then.
Coffee with Sarah on Friday. She said, "I have a job prospect for you!" and out comes a brochure for Stone Bridge Academy, opening next fall in Okmulgee. "My brother-in-law is the principal and I told him all about you. He wants to see your resume. You should apply."
Ha.
So. I just sent in my resume.
I thought, "Surely Journeyman or teaching in the Bush. That's what I'll do, come May 15th. It'll be good. Epic and fun."
And then.
Coffee with Sarah on Friday. She said, "I have a job prospect for you!" and out comes a brochure for Stone Bridge Academy, opening next fall in Okmulgee. "My brother-in-law is the principal and I told him all about you. He wants to see your resume. You should apply."
Ha.
So. I just sent in my resume.
11.19.2009
Come Home.
Dang. Maybe I do want to do Journeyman.
It's just so confusing.
I'm being pulled in two different directions.
Alaska: family, friends, Eskimo village, home, home, change but familiarity, mountains, adventure
Journeyman: uncertainty, adventure, new friends, trust, growth, dependence on God like never before
11.18.2009
To Me, You Are.
My Father who art in heaven. Hallowed be His name!
He teaches me things.
He is the stump.
From Him all things grow, flourish, and find life. He births, sustains, ends.
Be all, end all.
Singer over my soul, refresher of my breath, strengthener of my legs.
He never gives up on me.
He never lets go of me.
He's calling me - beckoning - for me to step out.
To take that leap.
That jump from the top of the fridge into His arms; away from the wall and into the music with Him; across the wobbly bridge to where He stands, eagerly waiting for me.
He rejoices over me, my Redeemer and Lover.
He is.
He is beyond compare, beyond description. The letters in the English language cannot spell out a word amazing enough, wonderful enough, beautiful enough for Him. Twenty-six little letters cannot do the Lord and Maker of the Universe justice.
I stand before Him, awe-struck, confused, and humbled and the words I attempt to utter fall short. My heart harbors ill-will, discouragement, bitterness, anger, smugness. All He wants is my heart.
The great thing about God is that I don't have to clean up my act before I come to Him. He accepts me now, broken and lonely. He takes me under His wing, and because He loves me, He doesn't leave me like that.
This week. This week has been hard. This world is challenging, but my God is greater still. He is greater still.
John 16:33 "I have told you this so that through me you may have peace. In the world you will have trouble, but be courageous-I have overcome the world."
He teaches me things.
He is the stump.
From Him all things grow, flourish, and find life. He births, sustains, ends.
Be all, end all.
Singer over my soul, refresher of my breath, strengthener of my legs.
He never gives up on me.
He never lets go of me.
He's calling me - beckoning - for me to step out.
To take that leap.
That jump from the top of the fridge into His arms; away from the wall and into the music with Him; across the wobbly bridge to where He stands, eagerly waiting for me.
He rejoices over me, my Redeemer and Lover.
He is.
He is beyond compare, beyond description. The letters in the English language cannot spell out a word amazing enough, wonderful enough, beautiful enough for Him. Twenty-six little letters cannot do the Lord and Maker of the Universe justice.
I stand before Him, awe-struck, confused, and humbled and the words I attempt to utter fall short. My heart harbors ill-will, discouragement, bitterness, anger, smugness. All He wants is my heart.
The great thing about God is that I don't have to clean up my act before I come to Him. He accepts me now, broken and lonely. He takes me under His wing, and because He loves me, He doesn't leave me like that.
This week. This week has been hard. This world is challenging, but my God is greater still. He is greater still.
John 16:33 "I have told you this so that through me you may have peace. In the world you will have trouble, but be courageous-I have overcome the world."
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