Radical.

I just finished reading “Radical” by David Platt. It took me about a month, from start to finish. I read it at work, thousands of miles in the sky, lounging in a chair in the California sunshine, and relaxing on my bed with fresh snow outside.

Talking to Grandma tonight, I mentioned wanting to move to Africa, to intern with KKI for six months. She asked if I want to do it long-term, that if I do, I’ll miss a lot of family stuff, that I probably won’t get married, that I’ll have cats instead. But you know – my heart has been in Africa since 2008. Three years now. Four, next summer. If I am to go to Africa, I will go, for however long the Lord allows me to stay. With or without a husband. With or without cats.

Because it comes down to this: The Lord is faithful. He is just and pure and His way is much higher than my way. He makes everything work for good, even things that seemingly threaten to throw my whole life off course and make me doubt everything. He works them for good.

If this, then…. And if that, then… And if I hadn’t, then…

He knows. God knows. He knows all those paths and He is leading me down the one that He has ordained since the beginning. And I get to walk it. No, I get to run it, straight into His arms at the end of the race. Along the way, I get to serve and lead and disciple and carry my cross. And there is no other way I want to live.

One of the most difficult things, however, is not having people my age here in Alaska with whom I can talk about this. Or maybe I do, but the topic is never breached. Like we’re all scared to go there, to cross that line and discuss something that really matters… like it makes us uncomfortable because it doesn’t follow the American Dream. For that reason, I really miss OBU and Senior Women Bible Study. I miss my roomies and my BFFFL and Sarah and my J-Man Sister, who was mostly another Oklahoma friend. A heart friend. I miss having a heart friend.