9.30.2005
SAT's
I signed up for the SAT's. Haven't taken them yet, though I'm a senior. And um, I'm supposed to STUDY? oops. Haven't even thought about it yet. Not even sure when it IS. Possibly the 8th of October. OH MY GOSH...that's in one week! My whole future could rest in how well I do on a test that I only have ONE WEEK to prepare for! Oh my word. I'm going to fail the SATs. I'm going to fail high school. I'm going to fail life.
9.29.2005
My Prayer
You say you're falling apart.
Reached the end of the line.
Just looking for your place in an ordinary life.
No one calls you friend.
No on ven knows your name.
You just want to feel loved instead of all the pain.
You no longer have to say.
No one's listening anyway.
Come here and cry on my shoulder.
I'll hold you 'til it's over.
I'll rescue you tonight.
Let my arms be your shelter,
You're hiding place forever.
I'll love you more than life.
You're wearing a frown.
Given up on hope.
My heart is reacing out.
More than you will ever know.
Is your buden too much?
Is it more than you can bear?
I'll help carry the load if you're willing to share.
You have had some hard times.
Had thorns placed in your side.
I know about what you've been going though.
Tears of pain are falling down.
It hurts so bad you're crying out.
Your problems wont last forever.
Let Me put you back together.
I just heard this song "Cry On My Shoulder" by Overflow, and I'm pretty sure they just played it for me. It's so encouraging to me, even when no one else cares, to know that God DOES. He's in charge of the whole universe and everyone and everything in it, but He still finds time to love me and know me. Even on the days when I'm PMSing, and I'm feeling fat and unloved, and just blah, He knows and He wants me to feel better. Who else loves me like that? Answer: No one.
I really want all of me to be about all of Him. I don't want people to see ME, I want them to see Him in me. I want to be noone. Is that possible? Is it possible for me to disapear until all that is left of me is Him?
Dear God,
I love You, I want to know You, I'm not complete without You. Make me whole. Make me who You want me to be, nothing more, nothing less. Make me Yours.
Amen
Reached the end of the line.
Just looking for your place in an ordinary life.
No one calls you friend.
No on ven knows your name.
You just want to feel loved instead of all the pain.
You no longer have to say.
No one's listening anyway.
Come here and cry on my shoulder.
I'll hold you 'til it's over.
I'll rescue you tonight.
Let my arms be your shelter,
You're hiding place forever.
I'll love you more than life.
You're wearing a frown.
Given up on hope.
My heart is reacing out.
More than you will ever know.
Is your buden too much?
Is it more than you can bear?
I'll help carry the load if you're willing to share.
You have had some hard times.
Had thorns placed in your side.
I know about what you've been going though.
Tears of pain are falling down.
It hurts so bad you're crying out.
Your problems wont last forever.
Let Me put you back together.
I just heard this song "Cry On My Shoulder" by Overflow, and I'm pretty sure they just played it for me. It's so encouraging to me, even when no one else cares, to know that God DOES. He's in charge of the whole universe and everyone and everything in it, but He still finds time to love me and know me. Even on the days when I'm PMSing, and I'm feeling fat and unloved, and just blah, He knows and He wants me to feel better. Who else loves me like that? Answer: No one.
I really want all of me to be about all of Him. I don't want people to see ME, I want them to see Him in me. I want to be noone. Is that possible? Is it possible for me to disapear until all that is left of me is Him?
Dear God,
I love You, I want to know You, I'm not complete without You. Make me whole. Make me who You want me to be, nothing more, nothing less. Make me Yours.
Amen
9.22.2005
This is Life. Excited?
When the most exciting thing all day to happen to you is gluing papers together, that's life. When you really want to do something extreme but you end up in the same old routine, that's life. When it's school picture day and you just wear jeans and a polarfleece, and other kids wear designer clothes, that's life.
I'm not complaining. Well, okay, I am. But life is awesome.
When you find your whole life looking forward to senior year, and your senior quote, and all that, and then it comes and you really don't want it to end, that's life. And when one of the smartes kids in school suddenly becomes really cool to you, that's life. And it's life when you can't do anything about it because it will ruin everything. It's life when your friend writes on your locker and now it won't come off. It's life when you're in an ecology group with kids you would NEVER choose to hang out with. And when your pants get all wet and so do your shoes, that's life.
When your Dad works a job that could quite possibly get him killed, and your older brother is in Iraq, and your OTHER older brother is in Missouri where he just bought a guitar after you've been wanting one for over a year, yeah, that's life.
When your car doesn't start and you have to drive the massive bulldozer of a truck everywhere you go, that's life as well. And when said truck is low on gas, you have to fill it up because you have been driving it and because that's life.
When you do the treasure hunt wrong in French class because the directions are horrible, that's life. But when you get to try again tomorrow for a 100%, that's abundant life. And when your French 4 friends help you out on said hunt, though they aren't supposed to, that's abundant life as well.
When over 100 kids come to See You At The Pole, and it is incredible, and you just pray with them and sing praises to God with them, that is even more abundant life. When all you want is the least you get, oh man is THAT abundant life! When you spend Wednesday night at a Senior Citizen Center talking to old people and playing BINGO, that's abundant life. Especially when you find out that one of them survived breast cancer, one was in Pearl Harbor during the attacks, and one will turn 91 in October, that's abundant life.
When you are blessed in little ways all day, that's abundant life. That's the life I want. That's the life I kind of sort of have.
And I want more.
Is that wrong? God wants us to have abundant life. And all I want is what God wants.
I'm not complaining. Well, okay, I am. But life is awesome.
When you find your whole life looking forward to senior year, and your senior quote, and all that, and then it comes and you really don't want it to end, that's life. And when one of the smartes kids in school suddenly becomes really cool to you, that's life. And it's life when you can't do anything about it because it will ruin everything. It's life when your friend writes on your locker and now it won't come off. It's life when you're in an ecology group with kids you would NEVER choose to hang out with. And when your pants get all wet and so do your shoes, that's life.
When your Dad works a job that could quite possibly get him killed, and your older brother is in Iraq, and your OTHER older brother is in Missouri where he just bought a guitar after you've been wanting one for over a year, yeah, that's life.
When your car doesn't start and you have to drive the massive bulldozer of a truck everywhere you go, that's life as well. And when said truck is low on gas, you have to fill it up because you have been driving it and because that's life.
When you do the treasure hunt wrong in French class because the directions are horrible, that's life. But when you get to try again tomorrow for a 100%, that's abundant life. And when your French 4 friends help you out on said hunt, though they aren't supposed to, that's abundant life as well.
When over 100 kids come to See You At The Pole, and it is incredible, and you just pray with them and sing praises to God with them, that is even more abundant life. When all you want is the least you get, oh man is THAT abundant life! When you spend Wednesday night at a Senior Citizen Center talking to old people and playing BINGO, that's abundant life. Especially when you find out that one of them survived breast cancer, one was in Pearl Harbor during the attacks, and one will turn 91 in October, that's abundant life.
When you are blessed in little ways all day, that's abundant life. That's the life I want. That's the life I kind of sort of have.
And I want more.
Is that wrong? God wants us to have abundant life. And all I want is what God wants.
9.19.2005
Quit my Complaining.
On Saturday, I met Jonna and Stephanie and Chris and Cody at First Baptist of Palmer for a FISH meeting. Then we did the Baptist thing and relocated to food at Taco Bell. You know how Baptists eat A LOT? Like whenever they can get away with it? Yeah,that's us! So the meeting was awesome. I'm so excited and so happy to be included in it. I'min charge of Inspiration (the I in FISH). It's so cool that Cody and them are all such strong Christians. Like, I knew they were saved, but I never knew how strong they are. It's so encouraging. I wonder if when people look at me, they see Christ like I do when I look at them.
I think one of my friends was kind of miffed that she wasn't invited to the planning session. Though, honestly, I'm really glad she wasn't. It seems like she is so used to being involved in every little thing, always being included and loved. It's really annoying, but I'm trying to stop judging people. That is not what God wants me to do. It's hard.
But okay, so Sat. night, we went to our other friend's house to watch Gilmore Girls, and that one friend, she was like 4 HOURS late. So she showed up and didn't even appolpgize, and she had this huge attitude like she was "Miss THANG" and we don't matter at all. Then she sat in dog poop... serves her right. How can someone show up at someone else's house 4 HOURS late and act all "Holier than thou"? If she was going to be so late in the first place, why even agree to a movie/Gilmore Girls night?
French is fun, though. :)
I think one of my friends was kind of miffed that she wasn't invited to the planning session. Though, honestly, I'm really glad she wasn't. It seems like she is so used to being involved in every little thing, always being included and loved. It's really annoying, but I'm trying to stop judging people. That is not what God wants me to do. It's hard.
But okay, so Sat. night, we went to our other friend's house to watch Gilmore Girls, and that one friend, she was like 4 HOURS late. So she showed up and didn't even appolpgize, and she had this huge attitude like she was "Miss THANG" and we don't matter at all. Then she sat in dog poop... serves her right. How can someone show up at someone else's house 4 HOURS late and act all "Holier than thou"? If she was going to be so late in the first place, why even agree to a movie/Gilmore Girls night?
French is fun, though. :)
9.13.2005
mmBOP
School is going well. I'm out of mathematics, which adds anywhere from an hour to almost an hour and a half to my sleep each day, depending on the following day's schedule. There are some new kids - one cute new boy but he seems like a bit of a punk. By punk I mean he's really preppy. Nicole and I had fun in ecology. We went outside and she and I wore our awesome hats even though it turned out to be a gorgeous day.
God has been surprising me a lot lately and I really enjoy it. Like stuff will happen and I'll just laugh and feel happy and blessed.
I have a cold and since antibiotics won't help, I just have to ride it out. I don't like this ride. But when I was at the Dr., he asked if I have ever surgically had anything metal inserted behind my eardrum, because apparently that is what it looks like when he shined the light into my ear. And since I'm totally a hypochondriac (Is that what it is called when you think you have every disease under the sun?), I'm pretty certain that I have some rare form of metalotosis or something that no one has heard of. And I'm pretty sure that I'm the only one in the world with it and that there is no cure. But it isn't a big deal I guess unless I start getting really bad head-aches and my teeth on the left side of my mouth begin to hurt. Like they do when I chew gum all morning.
I even wore my glasses to school today, and when I put my hat on in oceanography, Nicole just started laughing. She was like, "You look so cute, Melissa! You look like a cute little geek!" I was all, "OH, thank!" But it was really funny. I like her a lot. She's cool.
Oh, and my Mickey Mouse lunch box? It's pretty much the coolest thing since sliced bread. Jade wants one now, too, so I have to find an awesome one for her for her birthday in November.
And I'm very much stocked about Crosswalk.
God has been surprising me a lot lately and I really enjoy it. Like stuff will happen and I'll just laugh and feel happy and blessed.
I have a cold and since antibiotics won't help, I just have to ride it out. I don't like this ride. But when I was at the Dr., he asked if I have ever surgically had anything metal inserted behind my eardrum, because apparently that is what it looks like when he shined the light into my ear. And since I'm totally a hypochondriac (Is that what it is called when you think you have every disease under the sun?), I'm pretty certain that I have some rare form of metalotosis or something that no one has heard of. And I'm pretty sure that I'm the only one in the world with it and that there is no cure. But it isn't a big deal I guess unless I start getting really bad head-aches and my teeth on the left side of my mouth begin to hurt. Like they do when I chew gum all morning.
I even wore my glasses to school today, and when I put my hat on in oceanography, Nicole just started laughing. She was like, "You look so cute, Melissa! You look like a cute little geek!" I was all, "OH, thank!" But it was really funny. I like her a lot. She's cool.
Oh, and my Mickey Mouse lunch box? It's pretty much the coolest thing since sliced bread. Jade wants one now, too, so I have to find an awesome one for her for her birthday in November.
And I'm very much stocked about Crosswalk.
9.06.2005
Senior News
Just finished my first day of senior year, and already I'm despising math class. Oh the joy of it all. I'm gonna go watch "Saved by the Bell." And eat something. I'm starving! But yay, everyone liked my lunch box!
9.02.2005
Like My Dagger?
I got a dagger the other day, and so did Megan and Maria. From Portage Glacier. From INSIDE the glacier, actually. Pretty sweet.
We went camping there with Ms.Janelle and Syderni. It was so much fun! It rained like no other and we all got drenched. Then we couldn't build a fire, Megan got so spooked in the bathroom that she cried, and we forged many a rivers. It was so cold. I have a renewed appreciation for shoes and non-vegetarian hotdogs. We're thinking of asking the RA's to teach us how to build a fire. It would have come in handy!
School starts in 4 days. Oy. And now my toes are cold.
What a day.
We went camping there with Ms.Janelle and Syderni. It was so much fun! It rained like no other and we all got drenched. Then we couldn't build a fire, Megan got so spooked in the bathroom that she cried, and we forged many a rivers. It was so cold. I have a renewed appreciation for shoes and non-vegetarian hotdogs. We're thinking of asking the RA's to teach us how to build a fire. It would have come in handy!
School starts in 4 days. Oy. And now my toes are cold.
What a day.
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