Love And Marriage.

The last three weeks have been a whirlwind. A whirlwind, I tell you. Like a dream.

August 16: After a delicious pizza dinner at a restaurant we've been hankering to try, after making me hike a mountain in a dress, Allen proposed. I said yes. Jade was there to capture it on film, adding to the joyous moment and fun.

August 18: We picked a date - January 10 - and the planning began. Colors, "vibe," flowers, decorations, Save the Dates, bridesmaids and groomsmen...

August 25: Realize we won't have anywhere to live after getting married (except Mom and Dad's basement).

August 28: Tour an apartment. Bottom floor. No thanks.

August 29: Tour another apartment. Top floor. Two bedrooms. Within our price range. Perfect, we'll take it.

September 3: Pay deposit and sign lease for our first apartment.

And in between: Addressing and mailing Save the Dates. Pinning. Celebrating. Laughing. Anticipating. Planning.
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This man - my best friend - will be my husband in 4 months and 1 week.  My late night talks, early morning coffee, fill the car with gas, adventuring, loving, passionate and compassionate husband.

But I am also reminded of Isaiah 54:5 "For your Maker is your Husband, the Lord of hosts is His name. The Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer. The God of the whole earth, He is called."

Allen will be my husband. But only my "Til Death Do Us Part" husband. The Lord is my forever husband. Allen will not be able to meet all of my needs, fulfill all of my desires, whisper answers to the longings of my heart. But the Lord will. He will indeed.

I am so excited to see how the Lord uses us together. In our church. In our apartment building. In our jobs. In the world. In Africa. In a hut. Hugging those small children who have stolen both of our hearts and are holding them ransom. I am so excited to see how we - together - will point others back to Him.

We start our pre-marital counseling with Pastor Tom in October. While I'm nervous - why? - I'm excited to continue to learn more about Allen and more about myself. The books we've been reading together have been wonderful in growing our relationship; I know this will be too.
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In Titus 2, older women are commanded to teach the younger women how to love their husbands. I praise God for my mama, who teaches me how to love my husband through the way she loves my daddy.

I am excited and humbled for the opportunity to teach my girls how to do the same. 

Conference.

I was asked to speak at a Women on Mission Conference in April, about how missions goes on.

I am praying the Lord gives me direction on what to speak, that I will point the women to Him, not to myself, that He will increase and I will decrease. I am praying that He will be exalted higher and higher in my life and in the lives of the attendees.

I'm not nervous. I don't often get nervous before speaking in front of people. But I want to share what He commands.

What if that means spilling my J-Man story to everyone? Missions goes on, even if it doesn't look the way you anticipate.

Will you join me in praying?

His Voice.

Breathe.

Between working full time, grad school, leading my girls at church, maintaining friendships, and seeing family, it seems that life has slipped away.

But I've made it a point to be in God's word more, to be dilligent: I want to read through the Bible this year and though I got off track at times, I think I'm back on.

His word is breath and life.

Psalm 29:4-9
"The voice of the LORD is powerful; the voice of the LORD is majestic. The voice of the LORD breaks the cedars; the LORD breaks in pieces the cedars of Lebanon. He makes Lebanon skip like a calf, Sirion like a young wild ox. The voice of the LORD strikes with flashes of lightening. The voice of the LORD shakes the desert; the Lord shakes the Desert of Kadesh. The voice of the LORD twists the oaks and strips the forest bare. And in his temple, all cry 'HOLY!'"

Stoping long enough to hear His voice, to recognize and understand His words, is challenging at times. But there is nothing more I want to do.

First Fruits.

Some big financials decisions to be made:
- Where to live (back at home, saving $500 a month, at least until September. Then we'll see.)
- How many classes to take (Goal: complete Grad School without new student loans.)
- How much I can afford to put into my Roth IRA (try to meet the yearly maximum?)
- How quickly I can pay off my car (by the time I'm 27? That's just over 3 years.)
- Can I afford to buy a house? (Oh my lanta, who even knows?!)

Last night, I was reading through the various laws in Deuteronomy.  And I came to the part where Moses commands the Israelites to give their first fruits to the Lord. The first of their crops and animals.

The first.

Before they knew if there would be more coming.
Before they paid bills and took their goods to the market to sell.
Before they checked how much was in their savings account.
Their first fruits.

The reason? So that we may "rejoice in all the good things the Lord your God has given to you and your household" (Deuteronomy 26:11).

I love that. I was convicted.

I tithe regularly, but it had always been on the last Sunday of the month. That way, I knew how much I would make, what my "10%" would be, and that my bills all paid with no problem.  But what if I gave my tithe on the first Sunday of the month? Before those bills are taken out? Before my car payment, my credit card bill, my cell phone, my insurance, my, my, my.... How would that change my dependence on the Lord? How would I grow in my faith and trust? How would I see "all the good things the Lord [my] God has give to [me] and [my] household"?

That seems a little radical. Counter-culture. To give first rather than saving or spending first. But I'm excited.  Last night, I fell more in love with the Word of God than I have been in a while. And I was reading in Deuteronomy. No one expects that.  I am excited to take the Lord at His word. To give Him my first fruits.

G'Morning.

After staying up late studying, I slept through three alarms this morning.  I can't remember the last time I did that.

Highlights of Today at 6:57am:
- Red pants today
- I have a three-day weekend
- My Jeep is stuffed with food the girls collected for MYHouse
- Coffee is brewed
- The sun is already rising.

Oh, Lord. Let me dwell in You today. Let me shine for You. I choose You. I pour out my perfume, my desires, my feelings at Your feet. And I want to be filled with You.

Sin Part 2.

If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 2 Corinthians 5:17  (NIV)

That's how. Remain in Christ.

What if that isn't just a church answer? What if that's really how it works? What if remaining in Christ, in His word, always praying, always pursuing, always pouring out that perfume onto His feet... what is that IS how it works? What if I am attached to the Vine? What if the Vine gives Life everlasting - in the future and here?

What if my life becomes that perfume, that sacrifice offered on the altar, that complete tithe for Him? And what if I take Malachi 3:10 and run with it: "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it."

That would be cool. That would be God. That would be godliness.

I like that.

"Those" People.

Deb and I took our girls out for coffee tonight, for our fifth Wednesday date - seven of them plus two of us equals three round tables at Starbucks in the grocery store.  I had hoped it would be a great time for us to just relax and talk.

There is a large population of homeless youth in the Valley. About 800 of them, who have no stable family, housing, or life in general. A lot of those kids hang out at the Wasilla grocery store.  The management lets them hang out, sleep, whatever.

There was a group of kids at the grocery store tonight, seated right by my girls and me. I'm not sure if they fit into the above category, and honestly, that's not an issue in my mind.

You know what is an issue?
- The looks of disdain my girls gave those kids at their use of bad language, their talk of smoking.
- The judgement I heard in their voices when they talked about it on the drive back to the church.
- The disgust at the "fake tan" girls who "wore too much makeup."

These girls, who probably accepted Christ at a young age, who grew up in Christian homes, who have been called to make disciples, bear fruit, and love freely... they are the ones withholding mercy when James plainly tells us, "Mercy triumphs over judgement!"

And, telling Allen about it later, I became angrier and angrier.

And then the conviction hit.  Just today, didn't I judge the person who parked too close to my car in the parking lot? "Learn how to park! How can I even get into my car?!" Just today, didn't I judge what someone wore in a picture on Facebook? "Really? She's wearing that shirt?"  Just today, didn't I judge coworkers for the way they pronounced words? "Why does she say it like that? Can't she tell that isn't the normal pronunciation?"

I hate it.  I hate this.

How can we love people when we are too busy looking down our noses at them?
How can we show them Christ when we're hiding Him behind our own self-appointed "holiness"?
How can we make disciples when we don't even want to talk to the people who need Him most?

<Oh, Lord, that You would come and change me! That You would soften my heart. That You would convict me more. That You would guide my steps to interact with those who need You. Lord, I need You! Change lives... but I need You to change me too. Come, Lord Jesus.>

Weekend Review.

I feel so challenged and refreshed and revived after the youth retreat this weekend. And to think I almost didn't go.

Bringing glory to God's name is not something we should just talk about - we should live in a way as to actually do that. In relationships. At work. At home. At church. In all things. Suffering for doing Good is GOOD. To Him be the glory.

Prayer cannot be about me. I must rightly relate to God.
- creation to Creator
- unholy to Holy
- daughter to Father
- slave to Redeemer
- guilty to Forgiver

Failing to relate rightly to Him leads to wrong prayer. "Lord, if I bring You more honor by being in this fire, then leave me here until You are done with Your plan. If you are rightly glorified by my suffering, allow me to suffer more. Lord, do not put me where You can use me. Put me where You will be lifted up by me."

Praying and Worshiping for hours with youth - so so good. Talking with them about their desires to serve Him awakened and renewed those desires in me.

The importance of living in community and the difficulty of doing that.

Isn't He good? Isn't He powerful and right and lovely and deserving of all worship and attention and preferences? Prefer Him.

Anniversary Prayer Calendar.

For months now, I've wanted to create an Anniversary Prayer Calendar so that I would be praying for my married friends and family. And tonight, I did!

I started by making little squares out of index cards. I ripped them so that they would have straight edges... plus I like the rugged edge.

Then I rummaged through my sticker collection and started putting the numbers on! I wanted my family's to stand out a little more, so I put them on bigger tags.

 I took some of my scrapbooking supplies to make a header for the calendar.  It says "Where there is great love, there are always miracles."  Isn't that so true these days? Any time someone is married for more than five or ten years, it's seen as a miracle. And marriage is nothing short of that - a miracle. Living with someone everyday for the rest of your life? All the forgiveness and compassion and patience necessary? Miracle.

I gathered all the wedding announcements and invitations I've been saving for such a time as this and recorded the bride and groom's names on the day they got married.

My mom even sent me the anniversaries of some couples from church!  I have 28 couples on my calendar right now. Fun fact - from my India Family that is married so far, Steve (and Shelly) and Daniel (and Leah) are on the 1st and Kyle (and Laura) and Hannah (and Galend) are on the 2nd. That means Jordan (and Daniel) and I should each get married on the 1st or 4th. Isn't that funny? 

So here it is. I spaced out the squares, added some brads and yarn to my siblings' and parents' days, and added the word "Pray" to the bottom. 

I'm really really happy about how it turned out!  Today - the 10th - had Emily and Matt on it. I loved spending today praying for them and their marriage!  For it to be strengthened, for them to grow together and in the Lord, for increased love, patience, and forgiveness between them.

What a special thing, to be interceding on behalf of my precious friends and family, for their marriages. I hope someone does that for me one day.

Praying For Family.

This is one of the first nights in weeks that I have gone straight home from work, without doing any errands, and have no plans whatsoever for the next four hours.  It feels really great, actually.

My apartment is clean, so I don't need to do that. I only have two things in my sink, so dishes will be a breeze tonight. I already have dinner cooked.

I could do anything tonight! Haha - so this is where the challenge comes in: what do I do?

Our church has been doing 7-days of prayer. Every night, people can gather at the church and pray. For whatever. For however long they want. Alone or not.

Mom and I prayed together last night, after Ms. Gayle prayed with us. I prayed mostly for my family - my brothers, their wives, my parents... and it shocked me how rarely I actually do that. How rarely I pray for their marriages and relationships and jobs and lives. How can I be a good sister to them if I am not even lifting them up before the Lord?

Dad.

Me and my Momma.

Paige and Brad.

Jeffy and Dana.

See.

The Lord doesn't always see the things we see. Rather, He isn't blinded by what we see.

We see bad news from the doctor - bad X-Rays or bad CT scans. He sees the healing He'll do to surprise you at your next visit.

We see bills coming and jobs NOT coming. He sees that anonymous gift that comes at the last minute that saves you financially, or that job that's just around the corner, as long as you don't give up.

We see the hurt friendships, the lacking trust, the pain from neglect. He sees Redemption and Forgiveness at work.

I pray that this year, I am not blinded by what I see, but that I am open to see what the Lord sees. I pray that this year, we all look with His eyes - at other people, and events, and circumstances. That we would have His eyes.

Prayer.

This is the thing about prayer.

If I really believed it mattered, I would pray.  If I honestly thought it would change things, nothing would be able to keep me from being on my face, back to the sky, before the Most High God. I would pray unceasingly. My prayers would be effective.

The Bible claims prayer is important.  "Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain and it did not rain on the land for three years. Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops." James 5:17-18.

It's important to praise as part of prayer. We see that over and over in the Psalms - glorifying God in the middle of a cry for help.

Acknowledging sin in prayer is important, too. Sin leads to broken relationships, which leads to broken communication.  David recognized his broken relationship with the Lord after his sin with Bathsheba (and the accompanying ones!) and he poured his heart out to right that relationship in Psalm 51.  And through David's life, we see that forgiveness leads to restored relationships and restored communication. After all, the Savior of the world came from his line!

Abiding in the Lord is what makes the real difference. Elijah knew how to abide in the Lord, as a vine is with the branch. John 15:7 "If you abide in Me, and My Words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you."

Rightly abiding in the Lord automatically lends itself to not delving into sin, which springs from our own evil desires and ultimately leads to death (James 1).

Rightly abiding in the Lord keeps those channels of communication open, where we know He will hear our fervent requests and our praises to Him.

Rightly abiding in the Lord means we already know what to ask for and we can hear His guidance in those areas.

Believing that it matters is the beginning.

If You Could Have Dinner With Anyone In History, Who Would It Be And What Would You Eat?

Mary.

The Mary from John 12:1 and following.  The Mary who poured the most expensive thing she owned - a half-liter of perfume - onto Jesus' feet - which were probably cracked and dry and dirty - and she wiped them off with what was probably one of the prettiest things about her - her hair.

What love. What worship. What devotion to the Lord Most High.

I would love to sit and eat bread and vegetables and hummus and talk with her about that.  Why she did that.  If she was scared.  If the boys teased her.  What her dad say about "wasting" something that could have fed so many people, or if that even was his perspective.

Did Jesus hug her afterward?  Was that culturally acceptable? Probably not.  But then again, Christ didn't really care about being culturally acceptable...

The More...

The more time I spend with the Lord, the more time I want to spend with Him.

The more I know the Lord, the more there is to discover.

The more I seek Him, the more I want to find Him.

I think this is how it's supposed to work.

Radical Challenge.

Rich towards God,
In money
And in time
And in love
And in praise.

What does that look like? In every planned phase, in every month, in every job and relationship and task, how can I be rich towards God?

I don’t really know what I’m doing tomorrow, let alone next year. But I do have a plan for my life. My plan is to be rich towards God.

I’m going to take the Radical challenge. But I don’t want to just jump in haphazardly. So I’m going to start on January 1. Until then, I’m praying about how I should give money sacrificially. Sponsor a child? I already help sponsor Steve in CA. He sometimes acts like a child. Give to the Cooperative Program? I love the work Southern Baptists do, but I don’t know that I want to be tied to a denomination. I want to discover my passion, and give to an organization that is in line with my passion.

Ha – Krochet Kids.

But seriously – what is my passion? What is it that excites me about life?

I’ve grown really proud of my friend Kristina lately. She knows her passion in life: she loves to travel. And she is doing that. Every available ounce of her heart, energy, and money go seem to go toward living passionately on a plane, in foreign environments, and with new people. I admire her tenacity, how she knows what she wants and she pursues it. (I spent close to $100,000 at college studying to be a teacher, and I don’t even know if I want to teach after all, at least not in a traditional classroom. I don’t think. I don’t know.) But Kristina just says, “Hey, this is the next country I want to go to, or the country I want to return to, so I’m going to go there next summer. I might do this when I get there, or I might do this, but I’m not sure yet. I just know I want to be there.”

I guess that’s how adventures always start. You get an idea: “This sounds good.” Then you just… Go with it. Being rich towards God – that seems like the start of an adventure. I don’t know how I’ll get there and I don’t know if I’ll know when I get there. I don’t think they’ll stamp my Passport at customs in “RichtowardsGodlandia.” (Side note – I still have that valid Bangladesh Visa. I should go.)

People talk about what they’re passionate about. I talked a lot about myself today. I’m passionate about proclaiming my own kingdom come, furthering my own agenda – at least judging by today, I am. I talk about crocheting often, and I do it a lot. I talk about education and Africa and living in a hut. Lately I’ve been talking about Mr. Darcy (so much so, that I think my Dad is sick of hearing his name).

2011 is almost over. It’s always at this time of year that I get all nostalgic and think about what I did and didn’t do over the last year. And it’s when I make plans for the next year. I’ll be doing that seriously soon – be excited. And live passionately.