Coffee
And Homework
And Cold Blue Skies.

Skinny Jeans and Blankets.

And 55 Days.

And Conviction and Heart Talks and Humor and Silly Fights.

And Love.
Lots of Love.

On My Mind.

Things on my mind lately:
- Allen's birthday (tomorrow!)
- Acteen's purity retreat (this weekend)
- Getting my braces off (date TBD)
- Extravagant grace
- Wedding invitations (in the mail as of today!)
- Changing friendships
- School (halfway through my 3rd semester. After this semester, I'll be halfway done with the program!)
- Suits (Allen's suit for the wedding cost $7.50 at a thrift store.... and it was brand new.)
- Titus 2
- Snowshoeing
- Living room forts

Parents.

Within the last three weeks, as I vacationed first with my mom and then with my dad, I was reminded of what a beautiful life I live. I am blessed with parents who love the Lord, love each other, love me. I am reminded that though I am getting married, I will always be their daughter. 

What a delight. 

Love And Marriage.

The last three weeks have been a whirlwind. A whirlwind, I tell you. Like a dream.

August 16: After a delicious pizza dinner at a restaurant we've been hankering to try, after making me hike a mountain in a dress, Allen proposed. I said yes. Jade was there to capture it on film, adding to the joyous moment and fun.

August 18: We picked a date - January 10 - and the planning began. Colors, "vibe," flowers, decorations, Save the Dates, bridesmaids and groomsmen...

August 25: Realize we won't have anywhere to live after getting married (except Mom and Dad's basement).

August 28: Tour an apartment. Bottom floor. No thanks.

August 29: Tour another apartment. Top floor. Two bedrooms. Within our price range. Perfect, we'll take it.

September 3: Pay deposit and sign lease for our first apartment.

And in between: Addressing and mailing Save the Dates. Pinning. Celebrating. Laughing. Anticipating. Planning.
__________________________

This man - my best friend - will be my husband in 4 months and 1 week.  My late night talks, early morning coffee, fill the car with gas, adventuring, loving, passionate and compassionate husband.

But I am also reminded of Isaiah 54:5 "For your Maker is your Husband, the Lord of hosts is His name. The Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer. The God of the whole earth, He is called."

Allen will be my husband. But only my "Til Death Do Us Part" husband. The Lord is my forever husband. Allen will not be able to meet all of my needs, fulfill all of my desires, whisper answers to the longings of my heart. But the Lord will. He will indeed.

I am so excited to see how the Lord uses us together. In our church. In our apartment building. In our jobs. In the world. In Africa. In a hut. Hugging those small children who have stolen both of our hearts and are holding them ransom. I am so excited to see how we - together - will point others back to Him.

We start our pre-marital counseling with Pastor Tom in October. While I'm nervous - why? - I'm excited to continue to learn more about Allen and more about myself. The books we've been reading together have been wonderful in growing our relationship; I know this will be too.
__________________________

In Titus 2, older women are commanded to teach the younger women how to love their husbands. I praise God for my mama, who teaches me how to love my husband through the way she loves my daddy.

I am excited and humbled for the opportunity to teach my girls how to do the same. 

Scariest Things.

The scariest thing about the idea of getting married one day? 

The knowledge that I will, at one point, disappoint the man I marry. 

Knowing that I will hurt him. 

Knowing that I don't have the strength to put his needs before mine everyday for the rest of my life. 

Knowing that he will do the same.

The best part? 

Knowing that the Lord will use us and strengthen us daily, if we allow Him.

I'm excited to see what the Lord has for this man and I in the next few months and (Lord willing, years).

Feeling Adventurous.

I'm ready for an adventure.

A get in the car and drive somewhere, stopping randomly along the way, taking goofy pictures, eating too much junk food, stumbling upon someplace beautiful and tucked away, adventure. Away from work. Away from the computer. Away from internet. Away from research studies and Blackboard.

Oh, Lord.

I don't understand, Lord, but I will trust You.

I'm tired, Lord, but You give me strength.

I feel rushed, Lord, but You multiply the hours.

I am content, Lord, and I thank You for that.

Grad School Update.

Registered for Fall 2013!
- Understanding Markets and Audiences
- Crisis Communications

Summer 2013 is halfway done.

I had a great meeting with my advisor in DC a few weeks back and found I'd be able to get two concentrations rather than just one.
- Media and Public Relations
- Corporate and Non Profit Communications.

I am so thankful that I am able (thus far) to pay for my classes out of pocket, without any student loans. God is so faithful. After Fall 2013, I'll be halfway done with my program already. Isn't that crazy?

I'm learning so much, though talking about it at work probably makes me look dorky (which is fine by me). Implementing SharePoint? Let me tell you all about the Diffusions of Innovation Theory and how we can apply those constructs to our implementation process.

(None)

Lord, I crawled across the barrenness to You with my empty cup. If only I had known You better, I'd have come running with a bucket. -Nancy Spiegelberg

DC Tonight.

I'm in DC. The view from my hotel window is of the Potomac River. Very pretty.

8:30pm, and I'm in my giraffe pajamas, watching HGTV and reading for class.

25-year-old behavior? Not really. Perfectly content? You better believe it.

24 In Review.

I've been thinking about this post: 24 Things That Happened While I Was 24.

1. I broke my leg. In three places. On an island. And had to wait two weeks before I could have very invasive surgery to get it fixed. That surgery included inserting a metal rod into my tibia, placing about 5 screws in my leg, and being in various casts for three months.

2. I applied to Johns Hopkins. And was accepted.
3. I started and finished my first class. And got an A. And now I'm taking two more and I love them.
4. Two of my favorite bosses of all time left the District. And we got two replacements. The Lord is teaching me to love them.
5. The Lord gave me a "Front Row Seat" to the work He is doing in the lives of my middle through college-age girls at church. And, as this blog reminded me, I am so not needed in that.

6. I won $8.00 for my crocheted creations at the Alaska State Fair! Ha. And I took a pottery class.

7. I write a weekly newsletter and this year, it went National. It is now received by four or five different states.
8. I learned to be dependent on people for everything. Even going to the bathroom and bathing.
9. I lived on my own. And I loved it.
10. I moved back home. And I loved it.
11. I learned that there is a time for everything.
12. I've made substantial progress in paying off my Jeep.
13. I made the decision to honor God with my money (and have been reading this book to help).
14. Allen and I celebrated our one-year dating anniversary. And I was constantly challenged by his selflessness, his compassion, and his silliness.

15. I planned and executed a conference for 100+ staff members in the school district.
16. I started memorizing James (and am about 4/5 of the way through!).
17. I cut off all my hair! And I don't think I'll ever go back to long hair. And I was told I look like Anne Hathaway and Julia Roberts, circa "Hook."
18. I flew to Arizona and surprised my Grandpa with a visit. I hadn't seen him in about two years.

19. We celebrated the third annual Lemonade Stand on the Butte.

20. I worked as a model. By that, I mean I posed for some pictures for my friend Jade. Through that experience, I learned I am more business-professional than whimsy.

21. Our church finished the new sanctuary and I helped move chairs into it.
22. I learned the importance of just loving on people. And I felt the opposition that comes from that.
23. My momma became more than a momma. She became my friend.

24. I started sponsoring Cwangco, a little girl who lives in Africa, through World Vision.

Here's to the next year of being 25!

Money And Moving.

This is my last week in my apartment. I've spend the last 5 days slowly packing things in my apartment, making trips to move things home to my parents' house, helping clean my bedroom there, and still living life.

I've been slightly obsessed with this website: www.moneyunder30.com and the advice they offer to "kids" in my situation - 20-somethings, with jobs, out of school, trying to figure out life financially. And though it isn't Christian-based, they talk a lot about living debt-free, how to calculate if you can afford a home, setting budgets, etc.

Money sees to be a taboo thing in the church. Not many people like to talk about tithing, budgeting, love offerings, debt... but so many young Christians graduate from college, not knowing what to do next.

Thanks be to God, I am in no way strapped financially right now. And I have some good financial goals:
- Pay off my car by the time I am 27
- Complete grad school without taking out student loans
- Begin saving for a downpayment on a house

When they couldn't renew my lease on my apartment, I wasn't sure what to do. But moving back home? Right now, I think that's good. I'm looking forward to spending more time with mom and dad before they leave the state, and helping them with things while I can. I'm excited to save money so that I can accomplish my goals.

And I'm excited to learn how to honor God in this area of my life!

A Graduate Student's Guide To All Nighters.

1. Take out contacts and put on glasses. THIS IS IMPERATIVE. Your eyes will get sleepy and grainy if you leave your contacts in.

2. Make coffee. Good creamer is a necessity. If no creamer is available, opt for milk and brown sugar, like they do in India.

3. Make sure you have a good internet connection, your laptop's power cord, and bright lights on in the room.  A good smelling candle helps, too.

4. STAY HYDRATED. You'll feel better, plus it will give you built-in five minute breaks.

5. Put your phone on silent. This is not the time to text. In fact, turn it over also so you can't even see the screen. This is the time to work your butt off because your assignment is due in less than 24 hours.

6. Every couple hours, eat a high protein snack... while watching Kid President's Pep Talk. "Not cool, Robert Frost!"

7. BREATHE.

8. It's best to NOT put on your pajamas or comfy clothes. It keeps you in the "working" mind. I'm not saying put on your  best Business Professional outfit, but stay in jeans and a sweatshirt. Don't even wear slippers.

9. Sit at a table. Not on your bed. Or on the couch. Or on a comfy chair.

10. Be open to your assignment moving in new directions, to your paper topic shifting a little as your research progresses, but be sure to keep it limited. Don't "Ride like the wind, Bullseye!"

11. At some point, you are REALLY going to want to brush your teeth. Do it. But resist the urge to clean the bathroom while you are in there. You don't really want to clean. You just don't want to keep working.

12. Persevere. Just keep going.

JAMS.

I have never had this much difficulty writing a paper for school.  It only has to be 350 words, and I am scrambling to get one coherent sentence out.

WHY?!

It isn't even a paper, really. It is a blog post. About why a journal mattered. Why it is important to the communications practitioners. I write blog posts all the time.

The difference?

I'm writing it for a grade, not just to express myself and my thoughts.

The thing is, maybe I've over my head with this class. I'm not a communications practitioner. I'm a 24 year old, sitting at my dining room table, wearing a sweater from Old Navy and socks my Grandma knitted. Let's get real.

Why does this journal matter?

Because it's real.  It discusses real issues that are often overlooked by my small Alaskan brain.  Terrorism is bigger than the middle east and those who practice it. It causes real hurt and pain and frustration and anxiety. It makes people want to join forces with terrorists so that they can protect their families and eat regularly.

Everything we do affects things globally. The USA declares war on terror, and political cartoons in Kenya reflect that. A potential terrorist is tried for attempted bombing of a plane, and newspapers in Nigeria write all about it, but twisting the events - framing the events - so that it doesn't look so bad on them. Trying to make sense of what happened.

That's what communication practitioners do: we make sense of things and tell other people about how they make sense.  If we are unable to do that, well, we failed.

If everything is connected, we need to think about how our writings and publications affect others. But more than that, we need to think about how WE can affect others.  How we can make a difference.

Maybe this journal doesn't matter. Maybe it only matters to me.

Or maybe I just don't have the words to explain the panic rising in me over the fact that people are suffering... and so often we do so little about it. So often we don't even notice. Too often, we don't even care.

Crab Hat Princess.

I started my graduate course!  But I have seriously got to be the weirdest kid in my course.  This is what I'm wearing while studying tonight:

Most of my classmates work for the government in DC, or for the UN in Africa, or something equally impressive.  Me?  I work for the Mat-Su Borough School District.  And I love it.  I'm excited to see how this degree, the skills I'll learn, and the opportunities I'll have will help me make some of my hopes and dreams come true.

But for now, I'll watch my Power Point, wear my crab hat and crown, and just be me.

Weekend Review.

I feel so challenged and refreshed and revived after the youth retreat this weekend. And to think I almost didn't go.

Bringing glory to God's name is not something we should just talk about - we should live in a way as to actually do that. In relationships. At work. At home. At church. In all things. Suffering for doing Good is GOOD. To Him be the glory.

Prayer cannot be about me. I must rightly relate to God.
- creation to Creator
- unholy to Holy
- daughter to Father
- slave to Redeemer
- guilty to Forgiver

Failing to relate rightly to Him leads to wrong prayer. "Lord, if I bring You more honor by being in this fire, then leave me here until You are done with Your plan. If you are rightly glorified by my suffering, allow me to suffer more. Lord, do not put me where You can use me. Put me where You will be lifted up by me."

Praying and Worshiping for hours with youth - so so good. Talking with them about their desires to serve Him awakened and renewed those desires in me.

The importance of living in community and the difficulty of doing that.

Isn't He good? Isn't He powerful and right and lovely and deserving of all worship and attention and preferences? Prefer Him.

Pudding Cups.

Good Idea:

Mix instant pudding in a two-cup measuring cup that has a spout. Pour it straight into individual serving size Tupperware containers. Put them in your fridge to settle.

Pros:

- only one dirty dish (plus your whisk - of which I somehow have five, all different sizes....???)

- quick grab-and-go addition to lunches

- instant serving size! no over-eating

- they look so cute lined up in your fridge!

Cooking.

I'm cooking dinner for two girls tonight, two girls with whom I was good friends in high school. Megan and Maria. They've both been gone - to college and (in one case) in a different country. I'm excited to spend time with them tonight!

I'm making them dinner using THIS RECIPE - aren't they so cute?! I thought about taking pictures of the process, but she did such a great job on her website, that I'll let her speak.

While cooking, I am snacking on the dehydrated kiwi I made this week.

I'm feeling quite domestic, to say the least.

First Hot Chocolate In 2013.

Tonight, after taking down my Christmas decorations (well, all except for my (now bare) tree), I am sitting to enjoy a cup of hot chocolate.

I'd like to do this more: sit and enjoy. Savor.

Right now, I am savoring the messiness, the chocolatey-ness, the solitude of living. I like it.

2012 And 2013.

Oh yeah, 2012 ended. It kind of just...slipped out for me. Mostly because I was at my parent's home, totally sick (as in, sinuses draining, sore throat, cough, etc.) and because my boyfriend was flying across the country to be with his mom, who is even more totally sick (as in, infection to the bone, open heart surgery, 6-bypass, breathing machine, etc.).

But okay, a year in review. The others are doing it:
- I fell in love again.
- I flew to Alabama.
- I broke my leg in three places and had surgery to fix it.
- I moved into my own apartment.
- I got a new job and a raise at work.
- I bought a new car.
- I was accepted to my first and only choice of grad school: Johns Hopkins University.
- I started leading the middle and high school girls at church.
- I laboriously crocheted two stockings.
- Mom and I went to a work conference together.
- Dad bought my a new gun.
- Brad and Jeff both made it back safely from their deployments.
- I won third place (for a sweater) and second place (for a pair of gloves) at the Alaska State Fair (and deposited the prize $8 into my Roth IRA).

Phew. Not bad.

2013:
- Start Grad School
- Get back in shape (along with millions of other people)
- Not compare myself to others
- Read through the Bible
- Be the kind of person I want to be friends with.