I'm a little stressed out. Okay, nix the "little". I'm WAY stressed out. But it was good tonight, just watching Saved By The Bell.
I don't know what to do about my major and minors. And I mean, I know I'm only a freshman and don't really have to decide RIGHT now what I'm doing...but it would be nice to know. I wish that God would just come and speak audibly to me and tell me what to do. That would make everything so much easier.
This is going to be a rough semester. I've already had hours of homework every day. Not even kidding. I've had stuff to read and things to write. I have forms to fill out and things to get done. I have a class I need to drop, and another one I need to add.
I'm going to apply to be an RA. I think it would be so much fun.
Family Force Five makes me :)
I'm uber discouraged. Can't wait for the weekend. Already. Is that bad? I'm glad to be back at school, no doubt, but I guess I underestimated how hard this semester would be. Last semester was never this hard.
Chi Ka Pow...
Current Favorite Song: "Drama Queen" by Family Force Five.
I am such a drama queen sometimes. Gah.
1.31.2007
1.30.2007
Goals.
Life Goals:
1. Go to Africa.
2. Get married.
3. Have kids.
4. Adopt kids.
5. Teach English.
6. Stay in a beach house in North Carolina.
7. If the whole "missionary thing" doesn't work out, have my own talk show.
8. Fall in love.
9. Own a Jeep Wrangler - blue, with a hard top.
10. Go on a roadtrip.
11. See Kutless in concert.
12. Go to Fashion Week in New York City with Liza.
13. Go on a cruise with my sisters.
14. Dance in the rain with my husband.
15. Visit Europe.
16. Publish something. ANYTHING.
17. Walk around the Great Wall of China.
18. Step in the Nile River.
19. Take a trip to Golgotha.
20. Conquer a mountain.
21. Go camping in Homer.
22. Go to the midnight baseball game on the solstice in Alaska sometime.
23. Live a life worthy of my calling.
24. Learn to play a mean guitar, and maybe the cello.
25. Visit every state in America.
26. Stand on a bridge in the rain and spin around and around.
1. Go to Africa.
2. Get married.
3. Have kids.
4. Adopt kids.
5. Teach English.
6. Stay in a beach house in North Carolina.
7. If the whole "missionary thing" doesn't work out, have my own talk show.
8. Fall in love.
9. Own a Jeep Wrangler - blue, with a hard top.
10. Go on a roadtrip.
11. See Kutless in concert.
12. Go to Fashion Week in New York City with Liza.
13. Go on a cruise with my sisters.
14. Dance in the rain with my husband.
15. Visit Europe.
16. Publish something. ANYTHING.
17. Walk around the Great Wall of China.
18. Step in the Nile River.
19. Take a trip to Golgotha.
20. Conquer a mountain.
21. Go camping in Homer.
22. Go to the midnight baseball game on the solstice in Alaska sometime.
23. Live a life worthy of my calling.
24. Learn to play a mean guitar, and maybe the cello.
25. Visit every state in America.
26. Stand on a bridge in the rain and spin around and around.
1.29.2007
Also.
And it's amazing to me how we always need grace. Like, our best is never good enough for God. And I know that some people may think that that is really depressing...but I don't think it is. It just shows what an awesome God we have - One who no matter how much we screw up, He forgives us. He's so perfect...we could never be that without Him.
Just a thought.
Just a thought.
Becoming Who He Wants Me To Be.
Something that I hate is when people aren't comfortable with who they are. I hate when they complain and moan about what they wish they could change. And I mean, okay, I know I do that too, sometims. But I've been trying to stop.
But it's like, God - GOD!!!! - made us. The same God who carved the rivers with His finger and painted the stripes on bumble bees and breathed across the waters...that same God made me. He handpicked my hair color and chose my eye color out of a palette I can't even dream of. He formed my fingers and molded my nose. He had me in His vision before Adam and Eve were created.
And no one remembers that that often.
People complain about their eyes...their hair...their height and weight and pants size.
Everyone worries about their outer appearance, but they don't seem to care about the state of their heart or their mind. They don't care about being pure...about waiting for that special person that God made with them in mind. They spend hours putting on make up and fixing their hair and worrying about clothes, then never pray or spend time with God.
I'm guilty of that. I've been thinking lately about how I spend my time. I mean, God gave me my time here on earth. Am I using it to bring Him glory? Or am I using it to bring myself glory? I'm going to stand before God one day. What is He doing to say to me?
"Well, A for effort... but you could have done WAY better."
or
"If only you had asked Me for help..."
or
"Well done, good and faithful servant."
Really, I think God's putting me in the place where all I want to do is bring Him glory. No matter what. I'm not quite there...but I'm getting there...slowly.
But it's like, God - GOD!!!! - made us. The same God who carved the rivers with His finger and painted the stripes on bumble bees and breathed across the waters...that same God made me. He handpicked my hair color and chose my eye color out of a palette I can't even dream of. He formed my fingers and molded my nose. He had me in His vision before Adam and Eve were created.
And no one remembers that that often.
People complain about their eyes...their hair...their height and weight and pants size.
Everyone worries about their outer appearance, but they don't seem to care about the state of their heart or their mind. They don't care about being pure...about waiting for that special person that God made with them in mind. They spend hours putting on make up and fixing their hair and worrying about clothes, then never pray or spend time with God.
I'm guilty of that. I've been thinking lately about how I spend my time. I mean, God gave me my time here on earth. Am I using it to bring Him glory? Or am I using it to bring myself glory? I'm going to stand before God one day. What is He doing to say to me?
"Well, A for effort... but you could have done WAY better."
or
"If only you had asked Me for help..."
or
"Well done, good and faithful servant."
Really, I think God's putting me in the place where all I want to do is bring Him glory. No matter what. I'm not quite there...but I'm getting there...slowly.
1.22.2007
Like My New Layout? I Do.
I'm re-reading a book called "And The Bride Wore White" by Dannah Gresh. I read it senior year at an Acteens purity retreat, and decided that since I've been thinking a lot about purity, I'd like to re-read it. I'm taking it a chapter a night after I do my quiet time and so far it's been good. But I'm only on the second chapter.
Can't wait to go back to Oklahoma. 5 more days. I can do it. I don't know, but 6 weeks is a LONG time to be home...with parents...after having been "on my own" for four months. I'm excited to get back so that I can do my own thing - have my own schedule, and take naps, and talk to my friends, and all that jazz.
I'd like to babysit for Morgan and Anna and Sam once before I leave...but I don't know if that will happen or not. I could have on Friday night, but then I went to this thing Kristina's youth group was doing. A concert, if you will, but not really. It was just their band playing at a cafe. But it was really cool. I saw Jen there and talked to her, and it was nice.
Then Kristina spent the night at my house, which I think was the first time EVER for her. Which is weird, since I've known her since sixth grade. But I don't have friends over to my house often. At all. Jade's only been there twice now. We started watching Harry Potter 2, then I started falling asleep, so we went to bed. We talked a little bit, but then we just kind of stopped and were both like, "So, I'm going to fall asleep soon..." And then we did.
I was way tired this morning. I was up until like midnight last night, and had to wake up at 6:45 ish. Only three more days of work, though. Praise Jesus.
You know when you come home from college, or from a long trip or something, and everyone is like, "OH! We need to hang out or something while you're home!!" And you're just like, "Okay, I'm not doing anything, so call me." Then they never do? That's what the last 5 and a half weeks have been like. People at church will be like, "Before you go back, we ought to get coffee and talk or something." Then we never talk about it again, so it never happens. Last Sunday (not yesterday, but the Sunday before that) I went out to youth group with the kids. And it was just awkward. I felt like such an outsider. I never had a youth group - I had Acteens. And don't get me wrong, I liked Acteens, but I wish we had had a real youth group. We did for a while - with kids the Pines brought. But, as bad as this may sound, I wish I had been part of a youth group that had good Christian kids in it. So when I sat in with the youth group, I was just like, "Hm...yeah, I feel like a loser who wants to hang on to something she never had." I was debating going to Acteens this Wednesday, but I'm afraid it will be the same thing - me, just feeling lame for being in something I had outgrown.
I was prayed over last night before I went back to school. And I always really like it when they do that for me. So as Pastor Tom was praying last night, he prayed about me being a missionary. And I thought, "Holy crap! I could go live in a hut in Africa one day, and talk to people who want to kill me for being from America and for loving Jesus!" Like, I mean, I know that I'm going to be a missionary. But I'M GOING TO BE A MISSIONARY! I can't be a missionary! I don't know the first thing about how to reach out to people like that. I mean, I can't even tell people here in AMERICA what I believe, much less in some foreign country where I don't know the language.
What I really want to do in Africa, though, is open an orphanage/boarding school for girls, particularly those with AIDS, or those orphaned by AIDS. Seriously. My husband (when and if I get married) and I would go to Africa - Ethiopia maybe? - and buy or build a building. (Ha - build a building). He and I would be the "headmasters" if you will. Perhaps he would be a pastor, and I would teach English. We could bring in other people to teach different subjects - everything from life skills to basic math and science. Then we find girls who most people think don't have a future. And we give them the knowledge and resources they need to have one, while telling them how much Jesus loves them.
Oh my heck. I know that may not be what God has planned for me, but I also know that if it's not, He has something even BETTER in store - something that I can't even imagine right now.
Praise Him it isn't a desk job. I would probably kill myself if I had to sit at a desk all day and stare at a computer screen. Well, not really, because I know He would give me the grace to do it. But wow...pretty sure I'd hate it.
So last night, I was in my room, and I had iTunes on on my computer, so I started playing DC Talk, which I got from Kristina, and I started dancing around. I felt so... I don't know. I like just dancing like a retard to music when no one else is around...and even when other people are around. Beethoven, anyone? So I was just busting a move in my bedroom. Then today, as I was thinking about it, I started to laugh. Because I'm pretty sure that EVERYONE has done that at one point or another. Whether it was by yourself, or with friends, or in your bedroom or dorm room or living room, with or without music, I'm fairly positive that everyone has danced around like nothing else. And man, you should have seen me. I was MC Hammering it up. I was pulling the robot off like I was all that and a bag of chips. I got some Riverdance in there that rivaled Jade's. Pretty sure I even pulled off a little ballet. I was something, man. I'm not sure what, but something. It was hardcore.
Do you guys remember when we watched "Finding Neverland"? I bought it the other day. Or rather, my Mom bought it for me. But I watched it yesterday afternoon, and it made my day happy. It's one of my favorite movies of all time. I also bought "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" and it reminded me of us. Then I was reminded of the necklace, and the N.W. in Australia. Yeah that's right. You know who you are.
So I'm done for now, since this is super long. Happy blogging.
Can't wait to go back to Oklahoma. 5 more days. I can do it. I don't know, but 6 weeks is a LONG time to be home...with parents...after having been "on my own" for four months. I'm excited to get back so that I can do my own thing - have my own schedule, and take naps, and talk to my friends, and all that jazz.
I'd like to babysit for Morgan and Anna and Sam once before I leave...but I don't know if that will happen or not. I could have on Friday night, but then I went to this thing Kristina's youth group was doing. A concert, if you will, but not really. It was just their band playing at a cafe. But it was really cool. I saw Jen there and talked to her, and it was nice.
Then Kristina spent the night at my house, which I think was the first time EVER for her. Which is weird, since I've known her since sixth grade. But I don't have friends over to my house often. At all. Jade's only been there twice now. We started watching Harry Potter 2, then I started falling asleep, so we went to bed. We talked a little bit, but then we just kind of stopped and were both like, "So, I'm going to fall asleep soon..." And then we did.
I was way tired this morning. I was up until like midnight last night, and had to wake up at 6:45 ish. Only three more days of work, though. Praise Jesus.
You know when you come home from college, or from a long trip or something, and everyone is like, "OH! We need to hang out or something while you're home!!" And you're just like, "Okay, I'm not doing anything, so call me." Then they never do? That's what the last 5 and a half weeks have been like. People at church will be like, "Before you go back, we ought to get coffee and talk or something." Then we never talk about it again, so it never happens. Last Sunday (not yesterday, but the Sunday before that) I went out to youth group with the kids. And it was just awkward. I felt like such an outsider. I never had a youth group - I had Acteens. And don't get me wrong, I liked Acteens, but I wish we had had a real youth group. We did for a while - with kids the Pines brought. But, as bad as this may sound, I wish I had been part of a youth group that had good Christian kids in it. So when I sat in with the youth group, I was just like, "Hm...yeah, I feel like a loser who wants to hang on to something she never had." I was debating going to Acteens this Wednesday, but I'm afraid it will be the same thing - me, just feeling lame for being in something I had outgrown.
I was prayed over last night before I went back to school. And I always really like it when they do that for me. So as Pastor Tom was praying last night, he prayed about me being a missionary. And I thought, "Holy crap! I could go live in a hut in Africa one day, and talk to people who want to kill me for being from America and for loving Jesus!" Like, I mean, I know that I'm going to be a missionary. But I'M GOING TO BE A MISSIONARY! I can't be a missionary! I don't know the first thing about how to reach out to people like that. I mean, I can't even tell people here in AMERICA what I believe, much less in some foreign country where I don't know the language.
What I really want to do in Africa, though, is open an orphanage/boarding school for girls, particularly those with AIDS, or those orphaned by AIDS. Seriously. My husband (when and if I get married) and I would go to Africa - Ethiopia maybe? - and buy or build a building. (Ha - build a building). He and I would be the "headmasters" if you will. Perhaps he would be a pastor, and I would teach English. We could bring in other people to teach different subjects - everything from life skills to basic math and science. Then we find girls who most people think don't have a future. And we give them the knowledge and resources they need to have one, while telling them how much Jesus loves them.
Oh my heck. I know that may not be what God has planned for me, but I also know that if it's not, He has something even BETTER in store - something that I can't even imagine right now.
Praise Him it isn't a desk job. I would probably kill myself if I had to sit at a desk all day and stare at a computer screen. Well, not really, because I know He would give me the grace to do it. But wow...pretty sure I'd hate it.
So last night, I was in my room, and I had iTunes on on my computer, so I started playing DC Talk, which I got from Kristina, and I started dancing around. I felt so... I don't know. I like just dancing like a retard to music when no one else is around...and even when other people are around. Beethoven, anyone? So I was just busting a move in my bedroom. Then today, as I was thinking about it, I started to laugh. Because I'm pretty sure that EVERYONE has done that at one point or another. Whether it was by yourself, or with friends, or in your bedroom or dorm room or living room, with or without music, I'm fairly positive that everyone has danced around like nothing else. And man, you should have seen me. I was MC Hammering it up. I was pulling the robot off like I was all that and a bag of chips. I got some Riverdance in there that rivaled Jade's. Pretty sure I even pulled off a little ballet. I was something, man. I'm not sure what, but something. It was hardcore.
Do you guys remember when we watched "Finding Neverland"? I bought it the other day. Or rather, my Mom bought it for me. But I watched it yesterday afternoon, and it made my day happy. It's one of my favorite movies of all time. I also bought "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" and it reminded me of us. Then I was reminded of the necklace, and the N.W. in Australia. Yeah that's right. You know who you are.
So I'm done for now, since this is super long. Happy blogging.
1.19.2007
At Work.
I just want to sit and watch a movie.
Good thing Kristina is coming over tonight so we can do that. We watched Harry Potter 1 last night - was the first time I had watched it in a LONG time. It was good. I love Ron the most, I decided, but Malfoy is kind of cute. For like an 11 year old. Ha.
I have a new brother. His name is Ed. He works with my Dad, but is Brad's age. He calls Dad "Dad", and has house sat for us before. He's so funny. He always makes fun of me for having a Facebook instead of a myspace. At the PPD Christmas party, Ed and I started talking. Well, mostly he talked, and I nodded my head a few times. Then a few weeks ago, Mom and I are at PPD, and I'm sitting at Ed's computer, and he walks in and is like, "Were you looking at my myspace?" And I'm like, "No, why would I?" and he says, "Well, let me show you my pictures." So he brings myspace up on his computer, and shows me all his pictures.
At Costco yesterday, Anna (a three year old) and I had this conversation.
Anna: Melissa, where is your boyfriend?
Me: He's in Kansas.
Anna: What's his name?
Me: Shaun.
Anna: He doesn't like you.
Me: What? What are you talking about, Anna?
Anna: Boys only like blondes like me and my sister, Morgan.
Me: Oh, is that right?
Anna: Yes. So he doesn't like you.
Me: Well, Shaun told me he likes red-heads the best, so he does like me.
Anna: No he doesn't.
Me: Should I dye my hair blonde so he likes me?
Anna: No. But it's a good thing he isn't here, because he would start liking me.
Me: Oh? Why's that?
Anna: Because I have blonde hair (said in a "DUH!" tone). Maybe I'll just kill you so that I can date him.
Me: WHAT?
Anna: Maybe I'll kill you.
So I told Shaun a three-year-old threatened to kill me, and he just laughed. For a long time.
One more week. Just one more week. It's flown by. But it also feels like I've been gone from OBU forever. I can't wait to see everyone. My OCBF. My boyfriend. Team Balto. Mission Center people. The girls of Third North. I'm excited for French class. It was my favorite subject last semester...mostly just cuz there were only 7 or 8 people in the class. I'm excited for English, too. Helena said the teacher I have is the female version of Dr. Hagen. Ah - need to talk to Dr. Hagen about changing my major.
Busy second semester, I think. I'll have Mission Center twice a week. I'll be busy an hour each week for The Herd, and I'll have to do language labs each week. Classes to keep up on (I have 16 credits - 6 classes). Friends to hang out with, church to go to, hall Bible study on Mondays, personal quiet time, Cody and I might find a concert we want to go to with other people sometime in Dallas or something. And there's the other random day-to-day stuff I'll have.
My back hurts.
I want a hug.
Good thing Kristina is coming over tonight so we can do that. We watched Harry Potter 1 last night - was the first time I had watched it in a LONG time. It was good. I love Ron the most, I decided, but Malfoy is kind of cute. For like an 11 year old. Ha.
I have a new brother. His name is Ed. He works with my Dad, but is Brad's age. He calls Dad "Dad", and has house sat for us before. He's so funny. He always makes fun of me for having a Facebook instead of a myspace. At the PPD Christmas party, Ed and I started talking. Well, mostly he talked, and I nodded my head a few times. Then a few weeks ago, Mom and I are at PPD, and I'm sitting at Ed's computer, and he walks in and is like, "Were you looking at my myspace?" And I'm like, "No, why would I?" and he says, "Well, let me show you my pictures." So he brings myspace up on his computer, and shows me all his pictures.
At Costco yesterday, Anna (a three year old) and I had this conversation.
Anna: Melissa, where is your boyfriend?
Me: He's in Kansas.
Anna: What's his name?
Me: Shaun.
Anna: He doesn't like you.
Me: What? What are you talking about, Anna?
Anna: Boys only like blondes like me and my sister, Morgan.
Me: Oh, is that right?
Anna: Yes. So he doesn't like you.
Me: Well, Shaun told me he likes red-heads the best, so he does like me.
Anna: No he doesn't.
Me: Should I dye my hair blonde so he likes me?
Anna: No. But it's a good thing he isn't here, because he would start liking me.
Me: Oh? Why's that?
Anna: Because I have blonde hair (said in a "DUH!" tone). Maybe I'll just kill you so that I can date him.
Me: WHAT?
Anna: Maybe I'll kill you.
So I told Shaun a three-year-old threatened to kill me, and he just laughed. For a long time.
One more week. Just one more week. It's flown by. But it also feels like I've been gone from OBU forever. I can't wait to see everyone. My OCBF. My boyfriend. Team Balto. Mission Center people. The girls of Third North. I'm excited for French class. It was my favorite subject last semester...mostly just cuz there were only 7 or 8 people in the class. I'm excited for English, too. Helena said the teacher I have is the female version of Dr. Hagen. Ah - need to talk to Dr. Hagen about changing my major.
Busy second semester, I think. I'll have Mission Center twice a week. I'll be busy an hour each week for The Herd, and I'll have to do language labs each week. Classes to keep up on (I have 16 credits - 6 classes). Friends to hang out with, church to go to, hall Bible study on Mondays, personal quiet time, Cody and I might find a concert we want to go to with other people sometime in Dallas or something. And there's the other random day-to-day stuff I'll have.
My back hurts.
I want a hug.
1.17.2007
A List. Of I Don't Know What.
I'm wearing the hat my grandma made me.
My left foot is asleep.
I had a dream last night where I wouldn't hug these sewer kids becuase they were dirty.
I woke up feeling really convicted about it.
Pepper is laying on my right arm.
She makes it hard to type.
We finally took our Christmas tree down.
I want a daughter named Molly, and another one named Helena.
And I love the names Connor, James, and Peter.
Peter Pan is one of my favorite stories.
I ran for 25 minutes yesterday.
It feels good to have sore musceles.
I'm pretty sure I spelled that wrong.
I'm keeping a journal for my future husband.
I've been thinking a lot about being married and having kids lately.
I really want to be married one day.
I made this really hardcore cool necklace, and at work today, one lady told me it looked expensive. I was all, "Nope, it cost $1.50" Then my Mom said it looked like it came from a museum gift shop, which I guess is a compliment.
I want to dress up as Cowboys and Indians and go to the Cowboy museum.
That would rock.
I'm thinking of growing my hair long.
I've taken 7146 steps so far today.
I'm school sick.
I'm glad I have amazing friends.
I wish my boyfriend was more romantic.
I want to read the book "Captivating".
And I want to buy The Message.
Mm...I love videos.
Hehe.
"Some socks, and....a donut."
I decided it's dumb for me to give up chocolate again, since I already know I can go for a REALLY long time without eating it.
So yeah.
I'm going to bed now.
My left foot is asleep.
I had a dream last night where I wouldn't hug these sewer kids becuase they were dirty.
I woke up feeling really convicted about it.
Pepper is laying on my right arm.
She makes it hard to type.
We finally took our Christmas tree down.
I want a daughter named Molly, and another one named Helena.
And I love the names Connor, James, and Peter.
Peter Pan is one of my favorite stories.
I ran for 25 minutes yesterday.
It feels good to have sore musceles.
I'm pretty sure I spelled that wrong.
I'm keeping a journal for my future husband.
I've been thinking a lot about being married and having kids lately.
I really want to be married one day.
I made this really hardcore cool necklace, and at work today, one lady told me it looked expensive. I was all, "Nope, it cost $1.50" Then my Mom said it looked like it came from a museum gift shop, which I guess is a compliment.
I want to dress up as Cowboys and Indians and go to the Cowboy museum.
That would rock.
I'm thinking of growing my hair long.
I've taken 7146 steps so far today.
I'm school sick.
I'm glad I have amazing friends.
I wish my boyfriend was more romantic.
I want to read the book "Captivating".
And I want to buy The Message.
Mm...I love videos.
Hehe.
"Some socks, and....a donut."
I decided it's dumb for me to give up chocolate again, since I already know I can go for a REALLY long time without eating it.
So yeah.
I'm going to bed now.
Mm. I Realized I Always Type That For A Title When I Don't Know What Else To Say.
So... I don't know what to write about. So I'm really not sure why I started this. But alas, we'll see how it goes.
Mom and I ate dinner at the V-Ho tonight, before church, and we had a horrible waitress, as usual, so it was good.
I'm going into Anchorage with Mindy and Anna tomorrow.
I'm having a conversation in French right now over MSN with Bina.
I think, that above all, I want to do God's will. And I don't really know what that is, and it kind of bugs me.
I don't know what to do about my major.
I don't know what to do about life.
I can't wait to get back to campus.
I have loved being at home.
Mom and I ate dinner at the V-Ho tonight, before church, and we had a horrible waitress, as usual, so it was good.
I'm going into Anchorage with Mindy and Anna tomorrow.
I'm having a conversation in French right now over MSN with Bina.
I think, that above all, I want to do God's will. And I don't really know what that is, and it kind of bugs me.
I don't know what to do about my major.
I don't know what to do about life.
I can't wait to get back to campus.
I have loved being at home.
1.14.2007
Sacrifice.
So God spoke to me at church today. Not in an audible voice, cuz that's never happened to me. But what He told me made me cry.
Pastor Tom preached about the boy who gave his lunch, and how Jesus took all he had and blessed it and used it. But it was about how the boy gave it willingly with an open heart, and how he gave ALL he had to Jesus.
And God was just like, "Why haven't you given Me all you can, Melissa? Why are you holding things back? If you give it all - ALL - to Me, I can bless you so much. There is so much I want to do through you, you just have to give it up."
And I almost cried throughout the whole sermon.
Then when the invitation came, my heart started POUNDING in my chest. I could feel it. My heart was beating so fast. It was crazy.
So I went to the altar.
As soon as I got there, I started praying, and crying silently. I was just broken. I realized that I HAD been holding things back from God, things He had given me. So I was just giving things up to Him, finally, when my Mom came down and prayed with me. And she prayed for my future, which I'm not really worried about. God told me to be a missionary, so I will. But that isn't what I'm struggling with right now.
When I got back to my seat, Dad was all like, "Does this have to do with Shaun? Or any of your other friends?" And I'm like, "No, Dad." Then he says, "I don't know about Africa, but I think you'll go somewhere."
And I just thought, "How do you know what God has for me? How do you know His plans and ideas and thoughts?"
Pretty much the song by Jeremy Camp, "What it Means", sums everything - and I mean EVERYTHING - up right now.
I've been here a thousand times before...
Face down on the floor
Wondering how I even reached this place again
But you have shown so endlessly,
How your love pours over me,
No picture can re-create the beauty that I see
Show me what it means,
To live my life, a sacrifice,
If only I would realize
How much it took to pay the price,
I know I'd always give,
Everything to You
I want this world to always see
Your perfect majesty,
Reflecting from my life this brilliant poetry
Written all over this place,
The signs of all creation that you breathed,
Words can't even state how much You mean to me
Show me what it means,
To live my life, a sacrifice,
If only I would realize
How much it took to pay the price,
I know I'd always give,
Everything to You
I want to face my very crime,
Of not always giving all of mine,
But I can feel the hope You bring to me
Show me what it means,
To live my life, a sacrifice,
If only I would realize
How much it took to pay the price
Show me what it means,
To live my life, a sacrifice,
If only I would realize
How much it took to pay the price,
I know I'd always give,
Everything to You
Pastor Tom preached about the boy who gave his lunch, and how Jesus took all he had and blessed it and used it. But it was about how the boy gave it willingly with an open heart, and how he gave ALL he had to Jesus.
And God was just like, "Why haven't you given Me all you can, Melissa? Why are you holding things back? If you give it all - ALL - to Me, I can bless you so much. There is so much I want to do through you, you just have to give it up."
And I almost cried throughout the whole sermon.
Then when the invitation came, my heart started POUNDING in my chest. I could feel it. My heart was beating so fast. It was crazy.
So I went to the altar.
As soon as I got there, I started praying, and crying silently. I was just broken. I realized that I HAD been holding things back from God, things He had given me. So I was just giving things up to Him, finally, when my Mom came down and prayed with me. And she prayed for my future, which I'm not really worried about. God told me to be a missionary, so I will. But that isn't what I'm struggling with right now.
When I got back to my seat, Dad was all like, "Does this have to do with Shaun? Or any of your other friends?" And I'm like, "No, Dad." Then he says, "I don't know about Africa, but I think you'll go somewhere."
And I just thought, "How do you know what God has for me? How do you know His plans and ideas and thoughts?"
Pretty much the song by Jeremy Camp, "What it Means", sums everything - and I mean EVERYTHING - up right now.
I've been here a thousand times before...
Face down on the floor
Wondering how I even reached this place again
But you have shown so endlessly,
How your love pours over me,
No picture can re-create the beauty that I see
Show me what it means,
To live my life, a sacrifice,
If only I would realize
How much it took to pay the price,
I know I'd always give,
Everything to You
I want this world to always see
Your perfect majesty,
Reflecting from my life this brilliant poetry
Written all over this place,
The signs of all creation that you breathed,
Words can't even state how much You mean to me
Show me what it means,
To live my life, a sacrifice,
If only I would realize
How much it took to pay the price,
I know I'd always give,
Everything to You
I want to face my very crime,
Of not always giving all of mine,
But I can feel the hope You bring to me
Show me what it means,
To live my life, a sacrifice,
If only I would realize
How much it took to pay the price
Show me what it means,
To live my life, a sacrifice,
If only I would realize
How much it took to pay the price,
I know I'd always give,
Everything to You
1.09.2007
Mmm.
So, yeah.
It's like -30 right now.
I'm wearing my lime-green flip flop slippers.
And my South Point sweatpants, as Addi calls them.
And my green headband from the retreat Maria and I went to last school year.
And we got my return to school ticket today. So I'm officially returning to school. Haha.
It's like -30 right now.
I'm wearing my lime-green flip flop slippers.
And my South Point sweatpants, as Addi calls them.
And my green headband from the retreat Maria and I went to last school year.
And we got my return to school ticket today. So I'm officially returning to school. Haha.
1.02.2007
But When You Think Tim McGraw...
I'm a little irritated. Not sure why. I have my guesses though.
I really like Taylor Swift's song "Tim McGraw" - it makes me :)
My phone is freaking out. It keeps lighting up like it does when I get a new text message, but I don't have one, so I don't know what the deal is. Maybe if I turn it off then turn it back on, it'll be okay. I realized that i send a LOT of texts. It's a lot easier. Except today, my boss saw me texting Kristin. She didn't say anything about it, though, and I made sure that the next time she walked by, I was engrossed in my work.
VBS = MUCH MUCH MUCH love. I always forget how much I enjoy teaching Vacation Bible School. But I totally do. The lady who's assisting me, she said that I did a great job, that I'm a natural at this kind of stuff.
Found out about a GO trip to North Africa this summer. To Morroco. How cool would that be? I think I'm going to apply. It would be A-MAZING.
Spend a good deal of time today talking to a current Acteen - Roxy. She's super nice. I wish I could do something with the Acteens - teach a lesson or something. I dunno. But I don't want to suggest it. Is that lame? Probably.
I really like Taylor Swift's song "Tim McGraw" - it makes me :)
My phone is freaking out. It keeps lighting up like it does when I get a new text message, but I don't have one, so I don't know what the deal is. Maybe if I turn it off then turn it back on, it'll be okay. I realized that i send a LOT of texts. It's a lot easier. Except today, my boss saw me texting Kristin. She didn't say anything about it, though, and I made sure that the next time she walked by, I was engrossed in my work.
VBS = MUCH MUCH MUCH love. I always forget how much I enjoy teaching Vacation Bible School. But I totally do. The lady who's assisting me, she said that I did a great job, that I'm a natural at this kind of stuff.
Found out about a GO trip to North Africa this summer. To Morroco. How cool would that be? I think I'm going to apply. It would be A-MAZING.
Spend a good deal of time today talking to a current Acteen - Roxy. She's super nice. I wish I could do something with the Acteens - teach a lesson or something. I dunno. But I don't want to suggest it. Is that lame? Probably.
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