Sacrifice.

So God spoke to me at church today. Not in an audible voice, cuz that's never happened to me. But what He told me made me cry.

Pastor Tom preached about the boy who gave his lunch, and how Jesus took all he had and blessed it and used it. But it was about how the boy gave it willingly with an open heart, and how he gave ALL he had to Jesus.

And God was just like, "Why haven't you given Me all you can, Melissa? Why are you holding things back? If you give it all - ALL - to Me, I can bless you so much. There is so much I want to do through you, you just have to give it up."

And I almost cried throughout the whole sermon.

Then when the invitation came, my heart started POUNDING in my chest. I could feel it. My heart was beating so fast. It was crazy.

So I went to the altar.

As soon as I got there, I started praying, and crying silently. I was just broken. I realized that I HAD been holding things back from God, things He had given me. So I was just giving things up to Him, finally, when my Mom came down and prayed with me. And she prayed for my future, which I'm not really worried about. God told me to be a missionary, so I will. But that isn't what I'm struggling with right now.

When I got back to my seat, Dad was all like, "Does this have to do with Shaun? Or any of your other friends?" And I'm like, "No, Dad." Then he says, "I don't know about Africa, but I think you'll go somewhere."

And I just thought, "How do you know what God has for me? How do you know His plans and ideas and thoughts?"

Pretty much the song by Jeremy Camp, "What it Means", sums everything - and I mean EVERYTHING - up right now.

I've been here a thousand times before...
Face down on the floor
Wondering how I even reached this place again
But you have shown so endlessly,
How your love pours over me,
No picture can re-create the beauty that I see

Show me what it means,
To live my life, a sacrifice,
If only I would realize
How much it took to pay the price,
I know I'd always give,
Everything to You

I want this world to always see
Your perfect majesty,
Reflecting from my life this brilliant poetry
Written all over this place,
The signs of all creation that you breathed,
Words can't even state how much You mean to me

Show me what it means,
To live my life, a sacrifice,
If only I would realize
How much it took to pay the price,
I know I'd always give,
Everything to You

I want to face my very crime,
Of not always giving all of mine,
But I can feel the hope You bring to me

Show me what it means,
To live my life, a sacrifice,
If only I would realize
How much it took to pay the price

Show me what it means,
To live my life, a sacrifice,
If only I would realize
How much it took to pay the price,
I know I'd always give,
Everything to You