Like My New Layout? I Do.

I'm re-reading a book called "And The Bride Wore White" by Dannah Gresh. I read it senior year at an Acteens purity retreat, and decided that since I've been thinking a lot about purity, I'd like to re-read it. I'm taking it a chapter a night after I do my quiet time and so far it's been good. But I'm only on the second chapter.

Can't wait to go back to Oklahoma. 5 more days. I can do it. I don't know, but 6 weeks is a LONG time to be home...with parents...after having been "on my own" for four months. I'm excited to get back so that I can do my own thing - have my own schedule, and take naps, and talk to my friends, and all that jazz.

I'd like to babysit for Morgan and Anna and Sam once before I leave...but I don't know if that will happen or not. I could have on Friday night, but then I went to this thing Kristina's youth group was doing. A concert, if you will, but not really. It was just their band playing at a cafe. But it was really cool. I saw Jen there and talked to her, and it was nice.

Then Kristina spent the night at my house, which I think was the first time EVER for her. Which is weird, since I've known her since sixth grade. But I don't have friends over to my house often. At all. Jade's only been there twice now. We started watching Harry Potter 2, then I started falling asleep, so we went to bed. We talked a little bit, but then we just kind of stopped and were both like, "So, I'm going to fall asleep soon..." And then we did.

I was way tired this morning. I was up until like midnight last night, and had to wake up at 6:45 ish. Only three more days of work, though. Praise Jesus.

You know when you come home from college, or from a long trip or something, and everyone is like, "OH! We need to hang out or something while you're home!!" And you're just like, "Okay, I'm not doing anything, so call me." Then they never do? That's what the last 5 and a half weeks have been like. People at church will be like, "Before you go back, we ought to get coffee and talk or something." Then we never talk about it again, so it never happens. Last Sunday (not yesterday, but the Sunday before that) I went out to youth group with the kids. And it was just awkward. I felt like such an outsider. I never had a youth group - I had Acteens. And don't get me wrong, I liked Acteens, but I wish we had had a real youth group. We did for a while - with kids the Pines brought. But, as bad as this may sound, I wish I had been part of a youth group that had good Christian kids in it. So when I sat in with the youth group, I was just like, "Hm...yeah, I feel like a loser who wants to hang on to something she never had." I was debating going to Acteens this Wednesday, but I'm afraid it will be the same thing - me, just feeling lame for being in something I had outgrown.

I was prayed over last night before I went back to school. And I always really like it when they do that for me. So as Pastor Tom was praying last night, he prayed about me being a missionary. And I thought, "Holy crap! I could go live in a hut in Africa one day, and talk to people who want to kill me for being from America and for loving Jesus!" Like, I mean, I know that I'm going to be a missionary. But I'M GOING TO BE A MISSIONARY! I can't be a missionary! I don't know the first thing about how to reach out to people like that. I mean, I can't even tell people here in AMERICA what I believe, much less in some foreign country where I don't know the language.

What I really want to do in Africa, though, is open an orphanage/boarding school for girls, particularly those with AIDS, or those orphaned by AIDS. Seriously. My husband (when and if I get married) and I would go to Africa - Ethiopia maybe? - and buy or build a building. (Ha - build a building). He and I would be the "headmasters" if you will. Perhaps he would be a pastor, and I would teach English. We could bring in other people to teach different subjects - everything from life skills to basic math and science. Then we find girls who most people think don't have a future. And we give them the knowledge and resources they need to have one, while telling them how much Jesus loves them.

Oh my heck. I know that may not be what God has planned for me, but I also know that if it's not, He has something even BETTER in store - something that I can't even imagine right now.

Praise Him it isn't a desk job. I would probably kill myself if I had to sit at a desk all day and stare at a computer screen. Well, not really, because I know He would give me the grace to do it. But wow...pretty sure I'd hate it.

So last night, I was in my room, and I had iTunes on on my computer, so I started playing DC Talk, which I got from Kristina, and I started dancing around. I felt so... I don't know. I like just dancing like a retard to music when no one else is around...and even when other people are around. Beethoven, anyone? So I was just busting a move in my bedroom. Then today, as I was thinking about it, I started to laugh. Because I'm pretty sure that EVERYONE has done that at one point or another. Whether it was by yourself, or with friends, or in your bedroom or dorm room or living room, with or without music, I'm fairly positive that everyone has danced around like nothing else. And man, you should have seen me. I was MC Hammering it up. I was pulling the robot off like I was all that and a bag of chips. I got some Riverdance in there that rivaled Jade's. Pretty sure I even pulled off a little ballet. I was something, man. I'm not sure what, but something. It was hardcore.

Do you guys remember when we watched "Finding Neverland"? I bought it the other day. Or rather, my Mom bought it for me. But I watched it yesterday afternoon, and it made my day happy. It's one of my favorite movies of all time. I also bought "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" and it reminded me of us. Then I was reminded of the necklace, and the N.W. in Australia. Yeah that's right. You know who you are.

So I'm done for now, since this is super long. Happy blogging.