Late Night.

I can’t sleep. Isn’t that usually how it is? It’s past midnight, I’m recovering from a surgery, and I can’t fall asleep. I hate that.

I had to ask forgiveness tonight, for losing my identity in Christ. For letting life overwhelm. For not keeping my focus.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately, about friends especially. How they come and go and change and you hold on and hold on and hold on but it really isn’t the same and you still can’t bring yourself to let go. Then they get engaged and start planning weddings or have babies or just get busy, and you’re like, “Wait, what? Where did they go?” But neither of you really slow your pace to reconnect. It’s sad. Interesting. I like when that moment comes, that moment that forces your hand practically, and says, “Hey! You don’t have a choice! You need this person more than you know. Get off your high horse and deal with the hurt and the pain that’s ensued lately. You have HISTORY together.” You know?

It’s almost 1:00apm now. I’ve been listening to iTunes, to a playlist I made for a friend.
Hey, Soul Sister: I was glancing through one of my old journals (number 17 to be specific) and it mentioned the first time I met you. Funny how, even in the beginning, we knew a special-connection friend when we saw/met one. And sure enough: that’s what you are. I like that. It’s like, we formed that special-connection friendship and no matter how LONG that friendship has been established, I know you are there for me in heart and soul, even if not physically. Like the song, “Pray for You” by Roads to Rome. You make me think of that song.

I’ve seen lately that to have a good friend, one has to be a good friend. I don’t think I’ve been a good friend to some of my people lately, and for that I am sorry. How can I remedy this? I guess it starts with an “I’m sorry for…”