My Thoughts.

Graduation tomorrow. And tomorrow is in like an hour.

I can't believe it's here. Graduation, I mean.

Grad practice today. Kind of lame. Meh. Had lunch with friends at Wendy's. Then we went to the park and found a necklace. And I bought a present for Darrin Minkler, because he said he would only come to my graduation if I bought him something. And Grandma, Grandpa, and I went to V-Ho for dinner, then to Wal Mart, then came home. And then we sat around. And then we played Rummy, and let me tell you, I am a Rummy master. It's like I'm a member of a secret Rummy club, and we meet at Midnight every Thursday and practice. That's how good I am.

Two nights ago, I spent like an hour talking to God about faith. And it was good. Then last night, we talked for another hour or so about purity. And how purity isn't just physical stuff, like abstaining from sex before marriage, but spiritually, and emotionally. And I think I failed in the last part in regards to the whole Corrie thing.

I've been thinking about that a lot lately. Just everything to do with that. And really, I'm never going to be able to seperate myself from him. I mean, I wasn't in love with him, but he was with me. And there are things I told him that I haven't told anyone else. Like, ever. So he has a huge part of my heart. And I'll never get it back. And I hate that. Because, really, I wanted to be able to give all of myself to my future husband, including every bit of my heart: The joy and the pain. I hate that he'll always be there.

I totally regret it. I mean, we didn't DO anything. Except talk. And I think the emotional hurt of relationships is just as painful as any physical pain there may be.

God showed me some purity verses last night. One of them, Psalm 91:10, is really cool: "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me." It's like, since we're all sinful, only God can create a pure heart. It isn't something I can do myself. And I think a lot of times that I think it is. Then it says renew and how cool is that? God renews me. When I think I can go no further, He's there saying, "Here, I'll help you out." And BAM, I'm new again. And it's just sweet that He does that.