Excited + Sad + Scared = Me.

I'm excited. For college. For my future. For the baseball game tonight. For going to a concert in Oklahoma City. For life.

I'm sad. To say goodbye to Hannah yet AGAIN. To pick up and move everything. To start over with making friends.

I'm scared. Of everything I'm excited and sad about.

I'm going to miss Hannah a lot. I mean, she's practically a sister to me. And yeah, I'll totally miss Kristina and Jade, but me and Han...it seems like we've always just BEEN. And I hope that we'll always BE. I spent the night at her house last night, and I realized that it was possibly the last time she and I could had a sleepover. I mean, within the next 5 years, we could both be married, have children, have careers, and live in completely different areas. I mean, I know that the last bit isn't a huge change, but... It seems like everything is changing. And I know that as soon as I start packing my bags for Oklahoma, the change is inevitable. It's like a storm. It starts innocently enough, just some rain, then all of a sudden it changes, and the thunder and lightening start, and the power goes out, and the rain is pounding down super super hard. And all you can do is pray that your house won't flood. And yeah, that might sound dramatic, but I'm being serious. It seems like I'm caught in this huge flood of change. I know I'll change. And myfamily will change. And my church: people are going to join the congregation while I'm gone, and they'll be all, "Melissa who?" But my friends, too. There is going to be a big difference between the people who stay here in Alaska and those who go out of state (and country). And, I don't know, but maybe I'm just really doubting God. Like, I can't handle all the change by myself, so I guess I'm wondering if He can handle it. I know that He never changes, that He is constantly the God He says He is. And it's comforting to know that He is always here, even when I can't feel Him. Maybe my faith is wavering. That's no surprise, though. It seems like...I don't know, like my faith isn't REAL. I mean, it's real, but you hear about people whose lives have been drastically affected and changed through faith. I don't know.

At Hannah's this morning, we watched the Gilmore Girls episode where Rory moves into college. And in exactly three weeks, that will be ME. It's so...weird feeling.

You have brought me out of the pit. So I sing Glory, Hallelujah. I lift Your Name on high. I'll sing Holy, cuz You're worthy. I'll praise You with the dance.