Come Thou Fount.

My heart is so heavy tonight. I feel as though I am being defeated, breaking under the weight of my world and the world around me. I feel as though my knees are buckling under the pressure, as though my arms are drooping as I try to hold them up high. It's tiring, overwhelming, and overcoming.

Mission Center tonight ended with a very somber feel. The whole night was just off... different than normal. One precious little girl just turned eight and was excited about her new shoes... the kinds with the wheels in the heels.

And another girl... her life is so fraught with sadness. Her lip was bruised and broken open, peeling almost. Her dad told her to wear long sleeves to cover a wound she later showed me. Her clothes don't fit and she wears flip flops in 30 degree weather. She confided that her mother went to prison this week, just for a day or so, but that the police came and took her away. She doesn't trust the police. She bumped her mouth on the playground, and while it should not have hurt much, she cried and complained about it the whole way home. When I told her dad about it, he said, "She's a tough girl. And she's teaching the twins [her younger brothers] to be tough."

Why does a seven year old girl need to be tough? Why can't she just cry about it? What has happened in her life that makes it necessary for her to be tough? And how is is that she is teaching her brothers those things? What do they see behind closed doors?

Gangs. Mothers fighting. Drugs. Prostitution. Drinking. Potential abuse. Hurt families. Excitement over going to McDonalds.

I created a Pandora station based on Bella's Lullaby, by Carter Burwell. The first song that came up was "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing."

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing, Tune my heart to sing Thy grace; Streams of mercy, never ceasing,Call for songs of loudest praise. Teach me some melodious sonnet,sung by flaming tongues above. Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,Mount of Thy redeeming love.

Sorrowing I shall be in spirit, Till released from flesh and sin, Yet from what I do inherit, Here Thy praises I’ll begin; Here I raise my Ebenezer; Here by Thy great help I’ve come; And I hope, by Thy good pleasure, Safely to arrive at home.

Jesus sought me when a stranger, Wandering from the fold of God; He, to rescue me from danger, Interposed His precious blood; How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell, Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.

O to grace how great a debtor Daily I’m constrained to be! Let Thy goodness, like a fetter, Bind my wandering heart to Thee. Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love; Here’s my heart, O take and seal it, Seal it for Thy courts above.

O that day when freed from sinning, I shall see Thy lovely face; Clothed then in blood washed linen How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace; Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away; Send thine angels now to carry Me to realms of endless day.

How is it possible to praise God in times like this? When everything about the world seems to be attacking me? I guess its called Spiritual Warfare. We are being attacked. God is about to move in abundant and extreme ways. Satan wants to incapacitate us.

So I suppose the real question is "How is it NOT possible to praise God in times like this?" I feel as though my faith is the size of a mustard seed... but even that can move mountains. And even a mustard seed is compared to the kingdom of God.

It hurts, knowing their lives are like that... filled with battles for their attention, love, and spirits. It saddens me in a way nothing else has ever. Seeing relationships disintegrate because of home life. That is not God's desire.