Last Few Days.

Thursday
What a blessing-filled night!!
-"I'm so mad I could DANCE!"
-beautiful necklace and bracelet that are already providing assurance. "Have Faith" then... "Just because you have faith doesn't mean it will be easy."
-journal that is waiting to be filled with my words, thoughts, and emotions during some period of the next two years.
-encouragement from women at my church who serve a pivotal role in my life as role-models and mentors.

I am so blessed.


Friday
Then King David said to the whole assembly, “My son Solomon is young and inexperienced. The task is great because this palatial structure is not for man but for the LORD God.” 2 Chronicles 29:1

This task that I am fixing to start… ooh, it is great!

I have been rather selfish lately, concerned with building my own kingdom, wanting my own life and plans to be brought to fruition rather than His. When He showed me this, I felt great remorse and shame.

Who am I that I should claim to be greater, to know more, to be more important than the Most High God? My view of myself was severely disjointed. Praise the LORD that He is faithful still.

His kingdom must be greater. My desire to serve Him must be all encompassing. He must fill every crevice, every nook, every cranny of my life. And if He doesn’t, I will be ineffective.

I am young an inexperienced… the structure I am building is not for man, but for the LORD God. I have His spirit within me that will guide, comfort, and strengthen me. I must trust in that.


Saturday
Three words: Buzz Lightyear Dancing.


Sunday
Tonight is the first night I’ve felt really, deeply sad about the next stage of life, about leaving things, people, memories… everything I know.

Everyone reminds me that “this will be great!” and “the Lord will do great things!” and I know they’re right. I know they are. And I know that His plan is higher and better than mine. He has things in the works that are completely incomprehensible to me right now.

But this afternoon I went to a soccer game and said bye to a friend, one I won’t see for two years. He’ll get married in that time and do who knows what. He’ll probably move somewhere else. Other friends will be juniors and seniors in college when I get back. And that’s hard.

It’s hard realizing that Alaska does not cease to exist when I leave. I am the center of no one’s world (but my own, and far too often is that true). My parents will continue to work; friends will start school next month; winter and snow will come.

And I will not be here. Ha, I feel so emo right now. Funny – odd – how emotions and my view of the world can change so swiftly, so drastically… here today, gone tomorrow.

Chris and I decided to find a verse that encompasses our relationship, one to which we can cling when things are tense from being long distance. No final decisions yet on which verse it will be.

T-25 hours until take off to Virginia.