Burning.

I burned my J-man paperwork… the application, the information from conference, papers from training… It is all in the burn pit in our yard.

As I twisted paper logs and watched the flames, I felt heaviness in my heart of my own selfish volition. I know God told me no, told me to go home. And I did. But I guess I had never closed the door myself.

I am unsure how to rest in God. I don’t understand what that means. My whole life has been teaching Sunday School and VBS, going on mission trips, doing service projects… now, I work in a warehouse for 40 hours a week, inventorying surplus curriculum. I feel so lost. Unsure as to what I’m doing here. I understand and believe that the Lord has me here for a purpose.

And maybe that purpose is to just learn to rest. To rest so that I may be revived, drawn closer to Him, and sent out again.
Maybe to the Bush to teach.
Maybe to West Africa to establish an orphanage.
Maybe to Palmer to develop deep, lasting relationships.

Maybe instead of my hypothesizing and supposing, I should turn off the music, put down my crochet hook, book, even journal, and just SHUT UP already. God shouldn’t have to yell at me to get me to listen; I should be quieted before Him, the Lord of the Universe, my Provider.