Still Learning.

Lessons from my own life: How I know God is Real.

When I was five, I felt convicted to kneel at our couch and pray, asking Him to be my Savior. Even then, I recognized my position as a sinner and His position as Lord of the Universe.

While attending GVAC, there was the time the man went forward as part of that skit Paula did – I was reminded then of God’s ability to change and transform lives, even though I was only 10 or 11, probably.

At MYPD, I felt so lost and confused; I was uncertain about life, especially life everlasting. That night, I rededicated my life to Him and felt that huge burden lift. I know at that moment, He became my Lord also… and sometimes, yes, I have booted Him from that throne, kicking Him out of the throne room of my heart. Repent.

I can’t be the Lord of my life, God. I can’t do it. I am a sinner, with desires of my own that do NOT please You. Too often I walk according to my flesh, not according to the call You’ve placed on me. Forgive me, Father. I step off my throne again to give You back Your rightful place. You are Lord. You are my Hope. You are my Salvation. And I love you. God, I mean it. I believe… but help my unbelief.

Back from MYPD, I spent the summer serving: VBS after VBS, summer camps, etc. God used me to lead children to Himself; I was His vessel. Then, sure enough, He proved faithful again – calling me into missions. I still don’t know the extent to which that call will lead, but I have seen Him be faithful:
1. That summer around Alaska.
2. Travelling to North Carolina for CrossWalk, right after Grandma died and I didn’t want to go.
3. Hawaii.
4. Florida.
5. South Africa; providing all the money, all the prayer support, safety, blessing upon blessing as I shared His love through His strength. Tahmee showed me that God exists. His love changed her life. Mama Vuyi showed me that redemption is possible. Brianna showed me that God unites. Sofani showed me contentment in Him. Candace showed me hope. Let the world crash, love can take it.
6. India. That phone call from Tezpur should have been the end of me. I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t continue. His strength was my all in all. The confidence that He had led me there in a matter of a month and half, stemming from a random conversation on the way home from Mission Center. Those friendships, instant connections with people I barely knew. Those times when we should have been frustrated, but laughed instead. Those times when the electricity was out or the AC was leaking… God showed Himself faithful again and again. The birds. “Watch the birds. Just like I show them where to go, I will show you where to go.”

That summer: the end of one relationship, the start of another. A call to purity and patience. Rest. Faith.

NOT going overseas; change of plans; provision in the form of a job at Machetanz; not getting the job in Bristol Bay; the offer of a job in the Valley (but not what I expected); now, on to Old Harbor for a week or two.

I can only cling to the promises I know. I can only know the promises through spending time in His word. My relationship with God is similar to any other relationship: it takes time, communication, a commitment, trust, and forgiveness. Showing love to God is more than just sitting in Sunday School and church on Sundays. It’s more than singing, or even going forward during the invitation to pray. It’s more than my 15 minutes in the morning, spent praying and in His word. It’s being patient when His timing is not my own. It’s being kind to Him – not angry or bitter about how things are not going my way. It is walking by faith, always trusting and persevering, even when the road is rocky and shifty. He is not sand. He is the Rock on which my life and faith is built.

Jesus Christ, born of a virgin, is the Son of God. He lived a perfect life on earth, dedicated to serving His Father in obedience. Because of His perfection and obedience, He died on the cross at Calvary, the perfect redemptive price for me, a sinner lost in my worldliness. His resurrection three days after His death broke Satan’s chains on me and people worldwide, from Papua New Guinea to the Serengeti, to the jungles of Brazil and all places in-between. Jesus Christ is the one way to have eternal life with God, the Maker and Lover of all things.

I believe.
I believe.