Perspective.

Father, I have been suffering.
I didn’t think I was; not really. I thought life was just happening around me.
But this is hard. This is suffering.

Rejected
by school districts, right and left,
and wounded by those closest to me,
and feeling jilted at every turn,
and uncertain as to why I am so dissatisfied with this life You have graciously given.

But God, Your Word says to rejoice in suffering
Because it develops perseverance.
Because it perfects me.
Because it draws me closer to You.
So that I can obtain the prize.

And You never give me more than I can handle…
But I don’t feel as tough as You must think I am, Father.
(I am not a champion weight lifter, in any sense. I fell in the middle of yoga that time, remember? I’ve never been able to do a cartwheel, much less a forward roll. My best mile time is roughly nine and a half minutes. Tough? Me? Hardly.)
I feel weak and lost and alone and afraid and like a loser.

I feel like a loser.

But You don’t whisper those thoughts to me. You don’t. You love me. I am Your Bride. I am Chosen and Dearly Loved and I was bought with a price. Ha. I am valuable. I am not my own; I was bought with a price. So even in this hard time, I can honor You with my body. I can present myself as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to You because this is my spiritual act of worship. In this waiting, I do not have to be conformed to the world, but I can be transformed by the renewing of my mind so that I can test and approve Your will for my life, Your good, pleasing, and perfect will, both in the future and in the now. (Romans 12:1-2)

So maybe, Lord, maybe…
Maybe through Your Spirit alone, I am stronger than I think.
Maybe You are accomplishing something in this season that seems to last for-freaking-ever.
Maybe I can trust Your plans for me.

No, Lord. Not Maybe. Definitely.
Through Your Spirit, I am definitely stronger than I think, because of the promise in Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things [even the things that threaten to suck the life and joy right out of my lungs] through Christ who strengthens me.”
You are definitely accomplishing something through this time, like Romans 8:28 claims “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.”
I can definitely trust Your plan, because it is good: Jeremiah 29:11 tells me, from Your own point of view, “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope.”

You are never late, Lord. Your plans never fail to come to fruition. They are never forgotten until the last minute. You never have, “OH CRAP!” moments. You don’t need a plan B and You don’t have to second guess how something will turn out. You are never late; so I can praise You while I wait.

That’s the great part of being free in Christ. All my worries and cares? I don’t have to live under the weight of that oppression. I don’t have to stress about where I am going and how I am going to get there and with whom I will live life.

As a child of the King, I am free. Free to live completely surrendered to His love, completely alive in His presence. These ties that were holding me don’t have to hold me any longer. Surrender. The key to, and difficulty in, surrendering is that I forfeit my right to ask questions.

It can be easy; I think people – myself included – tend to over think things, especially Christianity. Your love, God, is strong. Stronger than Satan’s pull on my life. Stronger than my own fleshly desires. Stronger than my fear and uncertainty. Your love is Strong. I can trust You. I know I can. And I choose to, Father. I choose to trust You again. And again. And again. Renewed everyday, just like Your mercies.