Definitions Of Me.: 09.2011

I never really thought about Pilgrimage until last week. My Pastor’s wife and I are doing a Bible Study by Beth Moore called “Stepping Up.” I picked it from lifeway.com and somehow, I just knew it is the one we needed to do right now, just the two of us.

We are all on Pilgrimage. Every follower of Christ is on a pilgrimage to Zion, to our wedding feast with the King. We are following in the footsteps of those believers who walked before us and paving the way for the ones who will come after, but we all have to walk our own journey.

This study is based on the Psalms of the Ascent: 15 songs that are found toward the end of Psalms – Psalm 120-134 to be precise. Think of these songs as a playlist you load onto your iPod before a road-trip with friends: they are the songs Jews sang as they traveled to Jerusalem. And now, for me, they are the songs I will sing as I travel through this very dark and uncertain forest called… life. My Pilgrimage is very different than I thought it would be. But then, I suppose life is never quite what we think it will be.

Beth Moore quoted from a friend at the Simulcast a few weeks ago. Her friend said something along the lines of, “Life is scary right now and I don’t know what the future holds. But if feels as if I am surrounded by blank canvases and I get to paint beautiful colors all over them.” I’m almost there, to the excitement of painting on my blank canvases.

For the first time since about high school, I get to figure out me. That sounds funny. I get to discover who I am in Christ, what I really enjoy doing, the things I like to talk about and laugh at and explore. I bought a book by Doris Chan: “Crochet Lace Innovations.” (Be jealous.) I bid on a retro blue desk today. Soon I will reupholster a chair. I spent the last weekend in Washington with my lovely sister-in-law, who is more like a real sister than not. We shopped and watched movies and talked – oh, how we talked!

But the best part? My favorite thing to do right now? Be on my face, on the floor, as low as I can go, before the Lord. Usually my arms are tucked into my side, and usually I go between talking to Him and just… being with Him. I spent so much time the last week and a half feeling anxious, in tears, unable to eat. Before the Maker of Heaven and Earth is the one place where I felt whole again. And now, it is the best place to find rest for my soul.

Because the thing is, I can’t base my worships on NOW because NOW is always changing. And since NOW is always changing, I know I won’t be in this hard place forever. God has ordained this hard place since the beginning of time, when the angels first started singing. This hard place is proof that God has not accomplished His will in my life yet… if He had, I would already be in His presence in heaven. I would be done with this body and in my new one! I would hear Him singing on the throne as the angels and I worship Him. I have not made it to Zion. This is a hard trip. But I am not walking alone. Other travelers are with me – dear friends near and far…different friends, but dear ones nonetheless.

So there you go. Pilgrimage. I challenge you to read the Psalms of the Ascent this week – to find them and fall in love with them. To see them as the soundtrack to someone’s vacation, walking across the dessert, to the one place they really wanted to be: the Temple of the Living God. And see yourself in them: walking through this difficult season, anxious and excited to be on the other side of the mountain. As we walk together, please let me know how I can be lifting you up as I am laying down.

Definitions Of Me.

9.20.2011

Pilgrimage.

9.05.2011

Things For Which I Am Thankful.