Thoughts And Football.

I think that, in regards to the girls on my floor, since I missed the initial "Get to know eachother" time, I'm always going to be an outsider with them. I mean, I have like two friends in the hall. Three, including Whitney.

But I just can't really be myself with them.

Maybe they intimidate me, in all their outgoing ways. Maybe I'm just better at observing than participating. Maybe if I was really good at something, I could be in their little gang.

I mean, I'm part of all the little hall things they do - or some of them - the one's I know about and am invited to - but there's just little things. Like hanging out in eachother's dorms all the time, or just sitting with eachother in class. I'm never in on it.

And why do I feel like I need to be in on it?

It saddens me sometimes. Just the thought that we girls always seem to need to be with other girls, even if those girls make us feel dumb, or give us a negative self-image. It's sad that there are girls who feel like they don't measure up, so they have to diet and work out like crazy. Why do girls feel like they need to go shopping so that they never look like last week's style? Have you ever thought that somewhere, girls are standing in line for a makeover?

I mean, Okay, I know that not EVERY girl feels like that. But I bet that at least once in their life-time they do. I know I do.

I'm in college and I still do.

I don't think it will get better though.

The Bible says that God is enthralled by my beauty, so why do I let the world's standards get in my line of thought all the time? Why - HOW? - does it all become about looks and clothes?

And it's not just those, but it's relationships. There are girls in my hall who already have boyfriends here. Not that there's anything wrong with that, and perhaps I'm just jealous, but...

I struggle with that. I'm not gonna lie.

I dream about a boy falling in love with me, and us going for a drive and him pulling the car over and turning up the stereo, then getting out and asking me to dance. You know? I think about what I want him to look like, the kinds of activities I want him to be involved in. I want him to be able to sing so that he can write me songs.

But before I get all that, I need to let God be the romancer of my heart. I know that I need to fall in love with Him first, but it's easier to tell my mind that than my heart. Not that I'm in love with anyone - by any means - but still.






What is my destiny?