Seven Places.

"Even When" -Seven Places

This week, I prayed, one time
My phone, it rang, I put You on the other line
And now my thoughts they drift around
My knees remain unacquainted with the ground
Unless my faith is put to the test and I am forced to bow
Although I'm in this flesh it doesn't mean
You shouldn't have the best from me, from me

[Chorus:]
Even when my eyes are dry
Even when my soul is tired
Even when my hands are heavy,
I will lift them up to You
It's not about how I feel, oh Lord
I am here for You
I exist for you

I close my eyes but all I see
Is a background of black, bouncy squiggly lines
And this week's mistakes coming back to mind but
I will lift my voice and make a joyful sound
Forget about me, I only get me down
Although I cannot see it doesn't mean
I shouldn't sing to You, to You

[Chorus]

You've given me Your life
And have held mine together yet I find
Excuses to slouch in my pew
But when glory divine
Is sitting in my very presence,
The least that I can do
Is give my all to You, give my all to You

[Chorus]


Wow. Talk about convicting.

I have a new love - the band Seven Places.
I just heard them on the radio. They're pretty much amazing. So I went to their myspace, and the songs on there are good, too. And this song is on their purevolume page.

Sunday night, at Exit316, Jeremiah talked about having a new perspective, and the Seven Places song I just listened to was all about that. Crazy how God does that. It's awesome how God does that. That night, I really did not want to worship. I was like, "I don't feel like it!" SO I had to keep reminding myself that it isn't about me. None of it is about me. It's like, God has to have center stage in my life. And sooooo often I forget that.

Am I really living to live for Christ? It is so much easier to die for something you believe in...but to live for it? Not so easy. Do I think He is worth it? Yeah, I do. But do I show it? Not really.

I let my emotions get in the way. I think, "Oh, I don't want to. I don't feel like it. I'm not in the mood to spend time with God." but I can't base anyhing on my emotions.

Emotions change.
God doesn't.
How cool is that, that He doesn't change? He's always the same! Adam and Eve knew the same God that I know now. They walked with Him in the garden of Eden. I can walk with Him everyday still. That's amazing. All those thousands of years, and He's the same. Even when it seems like the whole world is falling apart, God is still there. And when I feel bad about anything, God still cares. And when I'm happy and joyful and giddy, God's STILL there.

And He loves me.
That's crazy to think about. I mean, there are BILLIONS of people on this planet. And God knows ALL of them. But...He still loves me. There are so many better people out there. SO many that are more devoted to following Him, to worshiping Him, to living for Him... but He looks at me with love. And not earthly love, but a love that no one can really understand. His love is huge. And we (I mean, I) take it for granted.

He thinks I'm beautiful.
I don't know if I believe this right now. All through Spring Break, I was surrounded by Shaun's family and friends, all of whom are SO thin. And I'm not...and I started feeling really bad about myself. And I still do. It's so easy to focus on my thighs and hips and stomach and everything. It's so hard to look past that. I just feel... blech...ugly...fat...unloveable. I know God is "enthralled by my beauty," like Psalms says... but it can't be true. Not right now anyway. Maybe after I lose a few pounds.

I know that sounds ridiculous. But that's where I'm at right now.

I had to do the walk/run test today. And I'm pretty sure it was way more than a mile. But oh well. I prayed the whole time. It was kind of cool. I enjoyed it thoroughly. The praying part. Not really the walking part. I prayed, asking God to show me what He sees when He looks at me. When I look in the mirror, I want to see what God sees. Whether or not that is possible, I have no idea. But it's what I prayed for. I asked Him to show me beauty, to show me Himself.

I so just want to be happy with who I am. But I'm not.