The Dream Is Over.

I have come to a realization.

Alaska isn't my life anymore.
And that isn't really bad, it's just new.

I mean, I love it here - it's beautiful, with the mountains and the flowers, and the streams and moose and all...but this isn't my life, or even my home. I came back, and everything was the same, but I realized that I am the one who's changed. I'm different. Not in a good or bad way, per say, just different.

I have new experiences, new people in my life, new dreams and hopes and fears. I've grown, intellectually and spiritually, and people here haven't.

It's kind of like a time machine, where I moved ahead, but everyone else stayed in the past.

Nothing is wrong with Alaska not being my life anymore. It's fine if it's other people's lives. But God has called me to something...MORE...than this town. He's called me to people different than those at church. He's called me to a life bigger than Bogard Road, a life bigger than our ktichen table and the V-Ho.

I'm not bragging, like "Oh, God's called me to more than this..." but, well, He has. I mean, I'm just not comfortable here, I guess. Church on Sunday was just awkward. I had a lady ask if that was my first Sunday there.

And I guess in a sense, it was, since I've changed since I was last there, too.

But the people I was close to at church, I'm not anymore.
The Swiharts and Ms. Middendorf were excited to see me. Anna hugged my neck for like 20 mintues and wouldn't let go. But Megan? Maria? Janelle? Not so much.

This isn't my life anymore.
There is more to me than this.

I want to be back at OBU.