Update.

Less than one more month. Then, less than 3 and a half months.

I came up with this brilliant idea to redecorate my bedroom… why? I’ll be gone for two years. But alas. I painted, rearranged, and redecorated. It’s quite nice. Maybe I chose to do it because it’s like… closing one bedroom door and opening another. Except this door will be in South Asia.

I bought some more Darjeeling tea and have been making chai. Chris and I had some after his soccer game, then I just made some for Dad before he left for work. It tastes different every time since I’m just doing it from memory. My memory is a mixture of when Steve made it last summer and when he made it for the Go-ers Group.

I start work tomorrow. It has been SO nice to sleep in every morning, generally until 9:30am or 10:00am. But Mom and I report tomorrow around 7:30am. I will dress professionally, since there is a new superintendent and I have high hopes of being hired by the district in two years. Who knows if this dude will still be here, or if I will want to be here, but we’ll see.

“We’ll see.” That’s such an odd phrase. Growing up, my parents said it to me when they really wanted to say no to something I asked but didn’t quite want to crush my dreams. Ha. Now, I guess I say it because I really don’t know what’s going to happen. Which is exciting and epic and fantastic and so scary that I don’t know what to do. Besides that whole walk-by-faith thing.

Ha.

This has been a good week: painting, hiking in the fog, inventing horror stories, crocheting, midnight premieres, lunch at V-Ho, decorating my room. Mom and I are hanging out tonight. I feel as if I have not seen her in FOREVER.

I’m realizing more and more how I will miss my parents when I move. And not just my parents, or “my people” here, but… Alaska and life here. I have not seen the sun in WEEKS. (But really, I won’t miss that. I like the sun.) And at the same time, I’m realizing more and more how excited I am about the next step. Bright colored clothes contrasted with dirty buildings. Smells of spices and food wafting from street vendors. Chai on the streets. A flat with a girl I don’t know. Yet.

I want to learn to dance, to hang out with school children, to impact something bigger than myself. This is the time to do that. Twenty-two years old and not really tied down to anything...

Camping this weekend, for the 4th of July. When I typed “July” I thought “Whoo-lie” in my mind. The Spanish version of July? Ha. Seward with Han and Jade. Last time I was there was with Emily, and we bought Crab Hats. Oh, that was fun.

Summer In Alaska.

Me and Cody during our Butte picnic. We forged our own path through the brush, making the Tuesday Night Preposition Club trail. Chris was there too. It as windy on top and we got dirt everywhere. Even in our mouths. Also, we were shot at, almost attacked by a bear, and met some Israeli gunmen.



Camping at Rolly Lake with Janelle, Megan, and Sydni. Our reunion campout, minus Maria. Except this time, we were able to start a fire, did NOT have veggie dogs, and stayed dry. We talked long into the night, when Syd finally showed up. We ate a whole bag of chips and had s'mores for breakfast. The creepy campers nearby wanted to kill us.



Me and Hannie, playing "Let's Hide!" in Palmer. Jade was going to the bathroom. This game is only fun if you are part of the hiding team. This round, we hid in the Palmer garden. Then, though we ordered it, a pizza was NOT delivered to the Palmer Public Library sign for us. How rude. We waited for over an hour.

Waiting.

Oh boy, oh boy.

Is it really the end of June? I graduated roughly 6 weeks ago. I returned home 3 weeks ago.
And so many questions have been going through my head for the last week that I can’t even STAND it anymore. Really? Let’s be done with it.

What are we doing?

2 Peter 1:3-4 has been on my mind a lot. Confirmation for my next step has come in so many different forms: conversations, verses, speakers, fellowship… He is always faithful. He always meets my needs because He freaking owns everything. I am called to be a good steward. Easy enough.

Not. It takes constant vigilance. (That reminds me of Harry Potter’s occlumency lessons with Snape.)

But I am tired. Just… tired.

What are we doing?

We are waiting. What a sigh of relief, knowing that He does have a plan, that it is good, and that He will work it out. I feel so much more peace knowing what we are doing. Waiting.

I feel like Ruth, after she lays everything down at Boaz’s feet, having changed out of her mourning clothes, and must simply wait until morning. Because she could just wait, she was able to spend uninterrupted time with Boaz. I bet they talked all night long. I bet they shared stories and secrets and fell more in love than they already were. She rested in the waiting, but she also grew in the waiting.

Blink. Revive. Breathe.

It's been a while. 15 days, eh? That's half of a month.

Home no longer feels like home. I have spent the last 4 years investing in Oklahoma life. My people, my hobbies, my everything took root there. Now, the knowledge that in less than 4 months I am moving to another country is keeping me from planting my life here again.

The problem? Without planting my life, I cannot develop and grow relationships. I cannot make a difference. I will be rendered useless for the Kingdom, a huge fear in my life.

I listened to the radio tonight while washing dishes and a new song came on, one I have not heard before. It's called "Blink," by the band Revive. The lyrics are as follows:

Teach me to number my days
And count every moment
Before it slips away
Take in all the colors
Before they fade to grey

I don't want to miss
Even just a second
More of this

It happens in a blink, it happens in a flash
It happens in the time it took to look back
I try to hold on tight, but there's no stopping time
What is it I've done with my life?

This week is VBS and I teach the 3rd/4th grade class. I love spending time with them, challenging them (and myself). But have I savored my time with them, plunging full-force into everything? And if not, will I?