Sadie Hawkins Dance, In My Khaki Pants...

I listened to Relient K last night.
It's like I have a love/hate relationship with them.
I love them, but sometimes I go for a long time without listening to them...then I do, and it's like I fall in love with them again.

Last night was like that.

I listened to "Sadie Hawkins Dance" and it reminded me of when we made the music video at Christina's party.

Colony is having a Sadie Hawkins Dance. I'm jealous. I wish we had had one. Although...I don't know if I would have asked anyone anyway. Well, we did ask Cody and Chris to prom...but that wasn't like a DATE...at all.

I don't think I would have asked anyone, but I think I would have regretted not asking anyone.

Too bad we don't dance at OBU - we FUNCTION.

Wow, this is my 301st post.

This Is...

This is my friend. I've known her since 2nd grade. We played with Barbies and American Girl Dolls and mini-Cabbage Patch Dolls. Then we talked about boys and really important stuff. She knows a lot about more. More than most people.

This is another friend. I've known her since...middle school. But I don't actually remember meeting her. Somehow we just WERE. She likes music and we went to concerts together in high school. Our houses are a lot alike.

This is another friend. She likes to boogey and dance like a Gangster. She's a lot more outdoorsy than me but we like to kayak sled together. I don't remember meeting her either. We just were. We did a science project together in like 7th grade.

This is another friend. He eats hair sometimes, but we like him anyway. He knows about 80s and 90s TV shows. And he likes to cheat at Clue, too. The V-Ho is our "special place" and he likes my cool trapper hat.

And this is my boyfriend. I love him. We met at lunch one day. He came and sat by me. Then he turned me down when I asked him out on a TWIRP date. Last night we looked at the stars before we prayed. There was a deer in the woods and it scared me. He's meeting my family this Christmas, and I'm scared for him.

Themes.

I have themes in my life right now.

What are they?

Forgiveness.
Dealing with bitterness.
Hurt.

There has never been anything this prevalent in my life before.

I've talked to a lot of girls in the last four of five days that have been hurt and don't want to forgive or can't forgive. It's interesting.

Funny how you never know what someone's gone through in their life until you take the time to talk to them, to ask, to get to know what's REALLY behind their face.

All Is Well...Well, Kind Of.

I'm excited about the way things are going.

My time at home was fantastic. Exactly what I needed to get through the rest of the semester. I saw my brothers in Seattle, which was a huge blessing too.

And now, one more week of classes, then finals.
I can't beleive how fast this semester has gone.
I can't believe how fast this whole YEAR has gone.

It's the first day of the last month of 2007.
It's Rochelle's birthday.
It's expensive sandwich day with Kim at Benedict Street.
It's Hanging of the Green and the CAB/ARA banquet.

I have a lot to do - lots of reading - but it's okay. I'm excited to read Milton's "Paradise Lost". I think it'll be good.

I finally found jeans that are long enough, so I bought (well, Mom bought) me three pairs from AMerican Eagle. They're fantastic.

Cora was at Mission Center last night, and she LOVED her Christmas present and card, which was good. We talked for a while, and I gave her a hug and told her I love her and that I'll miss her. Because I do and I will. Mom didn't understand why I wanted to give her a present even though she hurt me so much, but...I still love her. She's still my friend.

How many times do we hurt God and He always blesses us and loves us anyway?

Also, I love curly hair. A lot.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I like to just sit in my room with the door closed and no music on and the lights off, not to forget the world is out there, but to remember that there is a world inside of me.

A world of fear and disappointment, but also a world of hope and yearning and life and love. It's a world where I am free to do and be and say what I want. It's a world where no one's opinions matter because mine and God's are the only opinions present.

I like to forget who I am - a sister, a daughter, a best friend, a girl friend, an RA, an Awana leader, a mission center volunteer. I like to forget those things and just be me sometimes. The me without the labels attached.

Overwhelmed By The Beauty Of God.

Hall Bible Study was good for me last night. Granted, only two girls came out of the 19 on my hall, but that's okay. I love those two girls - they are so dedicated and so encouraging to me.

I didn't really know what we were going to talk about until about, oh, 7:30 pm - half an hour before Bible Study started. But I was praying, and God just put worship on my heart. So I found some verses, then decided that I needed to worship. So I got my guitar out and played for a good 20 minutes for the first time in a while.

We studied Psalm 95:1-7

In the Message it says:
"Come, let's shout praises to God, raise the roof for the Rock who saved us! Let's march into His presence singing praises, lifting the rafters with our hymns! And why? Because God is the best, High King over all the gods. In one hand He holds deep caves and caverns, in the other hand grasps the high mountains. He made Ocean - He owns it! His hand sculpted the earth! So come, let us worship: bow down before Him, on your knees before God, who made us! Oh yes, He's our God, and we're the people He pastures, the flock He feeds. Drop everything and listen..."


I love that. I love it.
It shows that worship is not a passive thing. It's so active - shouting, raising roofs, marching, singing, lifting the rafters. This is so joy and spirit filled, it's amazing. And yet... when was the last time I worshiped like that?
It shows why to worship God...because He holds the lowest and the highest points in His hands. Because He made the ocean, the earth, and us! And for the God who made me to enjoy the fact that He made me is kind of cool.

Worship isn't something we always FEEL like doing. You know? Sometimes you're in such a bad mood and just want to sulk and be miserable that you don't WANT to feel better and you know that by praising God, you will feel better...so you don't want to. Even though God deserves our praise 24/7.

In a book I have called "I Believe", there is a page or two dedicated to worship and it has a quote from Matt Redman, author of "The Unquenchable Worshipper". It says:

"Sometimes it comes down to a simple choice. We may be hard-pressed on every side, weary and not able to sense God. But then a choice faces us - to fix our eyes on the circumstances or to cling to God and choose to worship Him even when it hurts. The heart of God loves the offerings of a persevering worshipper. Though overwhelmed by many troubles, they are even more overwhelmed by the beauty of God."

I love that.
"Though overwhelmed by many troubles, they are even more overwhelmed by the beauty of God."

I want to be overwhelmed by Him beauty.
I want it to be more about Him and less about me.
I want to be a light - His light - declaring His glory.
I want to be a persevering worshipper.