Pilgrimage.

I never really thought about Pilgrimage until last week. My Pastor’s wife and I are doing a Bible Study by Beth Moore called “Stepping Up.” I picked it from lifeway.com and somehow, I just knew it is the one we needed to do right now, just the two of us.

We are all on Pilgrimage. Every follower of Christ is on a pilgrimage to Zion, to our wedding feast with the King. We are following in the footsteps of those believers who walked before us and paving the way for the ones who will come after, but we all have to walk our own journey.

This study is based on the Psalms of the Ascent: 15 songs that are found toward the end of Psalms – Psalm 120-134 to be precise. Think of these songs as a playlist you load onto your iPod before a road-trip with friends: they are the songs Jews sang as they traveled to Jerusalem. And now, for me, they are the songs I will sing as I travel through this very dark and uncertain forest called… life. My Pilgrimage is very different than I thought it would be. But then, I suppose life is never quite what we think it will be.

Beth Moore quoted from a friend at the Simulcast a few weeks ago. Her friend said something along the lines of, “Life is scary right now and I don’t know what the future holds. But if feels as if I am surrounded by blank canvases and I get to paint beautiful colors all over them.” I’m almost there, to the excitement of painting on my blank canvases.

For the first time since about high school, I get to figure out me. That sounds funny. I get to discover who I am in Christ, what I really enjoy doing, the things I like to talk about and laugh at and explore. I bought a book by Doris Chan: “Crochet Lace Innovations.” (Be jealous.) I bid on a retro blue desk today. Soon I will reupholster a chair. I spent the last weekend in Washington with my lovely sister-in-law, who is more like a real sister than not. We shopped and watched movies and talked – oh, how we talked!

But the best part? My favorite thing to do right now? Be on my face, on the floor, as low as I can go, before the Lord. Usually my arms are tucked into my side, and usually I go between talking to Him and just… being with Him. I spent so much time the last week and a half feeling anxious, in tears, unable to eat. Before the Maker of Heaven and Earth is the one place where I felt whole again. And now, it is the best place to find rest for my soul.

Because the thing is, I can’t base my worships on NOW because NOW is always changing. And since NOW is always changing, I know I won’t be in this hard place forever. God has ordained this hard place since the beginning of time, when the angels first started singing. This hard place is proof that God has not accomplished His will in my life yet… if He had, I would already be in His presence in heaven. I would be done with this body and in my new one! I would hear Him singing on the throne as the angels and I worship Him. I have not made it to Zion. This is a hard trip. But I am not walking alone. Other travelers are with me – dear friends near and far…different friends, but dear ones nonetheless.

So there you go. Pilgrimage. I challenge you to read the Psalms of the Ascent this week – to find them and fall in love with them. To see them as the soundtrack to someone’s vacation, walking across the dessert, to the one place they really wanted to be: the Temple of the Living God. And see yourself in them: walking through this difficult season, anxious and excited to be on the other side of the mountain. As we walk together, please let me know how I can be lifting you up as I am laying down.

Things For Which I Am Thankful.

- The day off of work.
- The fair being in town. I love the fair.
- The visit from Brad, and walking on the glacier with him, Chris, and Lola.

- Planking.

- Dwelling in love. Proverbs 10:12 "Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses."
- Talking with a great friend one day and the encouragement therein.
- Being invited to go to Brazil with an African buddy.
- Ordering books on Amazon.com
- "No matter how the wind may blow, it cannot shake the son."
- Cold weather; holding hands on the Ferris Wheel; sacrifice.
- Lola.

Isaiah 54.

Love, love Isaiah 54. I’ve read it every night for nearly a week.

“Oh, barren woman whom I love – enlarge your tents! Spread out! I am the LORD your Husband. I have called you and I am building you up to be better than before. Get ready to receive My blessings.”

I walked barefoot through grass on my lunch break at work today. This was a busy week and I was feeling a little despondent about not teaching this fall; the school where I taught last year is about 60 students over their projected enrollment. But as I walked laps around the soccer fields nearby, I felt God whispering His love over me in everything:
- The soft grass under my feet
- The warm sun after a week of rain
- The dew that clung to the grass despite the warm temperatures
- The wind rustling through the trees and all around me, calling my name, reminding me that everything that happens is designed to display God’s love for me
- The stillness and solitude, but not loneliness

He reminded me that I am chosen. That I am pursued. That I am loved.
I’ve been wearing a simple silver band on my left index finger – a ring that reminds me, per Jewish Tradition (though it’s usually worn on the right hand) of my Betrothal to my Lord. Whatever happens, I am His.

Life Right Now.

I must own my life as it is now, not as I see it in the future. The future is not promised; only this moment is. So why throw away right now for something that is not yet known?

Life right now:
My name is Melissa. I am 23 years old, I live at home, and I drive my parents’ pickup truck. I have paid off half of my student loans and am on track to pay off my last chunk before I turn 24. I recently set financial goals and will have to revamp them soon because they are too easy to attain.

I am a salaried employee, a “Project Administrator/Change Manager” for the Mat-Su School District, making more money than a first-year teacher. I love my job. My biggest task this week is creating a music video to Kanye West’s song “Stronger,” which I rewrote to reflect the software implementation we are beginning on Monday. I really do enjoy the corporate world: having a desk, with a computer purchased and loaded just for me, with the authority to call some shots, and an overactive e-mail account. My boss and I have a similar sense of humor and other employees recognize that I can help them with what they need, even though I haven’t been in this position for a month yet.

I’m getting braces soon. There, I said it. Braces and oral surgery to fix my too-small upper palette and, hopefully, reduce the number of sinus infections I get every year.

My boyfriend and I just celebrated two years of dating with a 25.4-mile bike ride at Eklutna Lake. He is working hard to finish his flying courses at UAA so that he can become a Certified Flight Instructor for the school this fall. He studies more diligently than anyone I have ever met, and takes work more seriously than most of my family put together. I really respect him for that – I praise God that He put a man in my life who knows the importance of hard work and does not slack on what needs to be done. He thinks about everything, challenging me to see something I might otherwise miss.

I teach GAs at church. Tonight we had an enjoyable time of fellowship and “crafting.” They are so fun to be with – I love their enthusiasm and desire to share everything that’s going on in their lives, from soccer to bug bites and everything in between. My church in Alaska is quite different from the church I attended senior year at OBU. More traditional. But oh, it is homey.

I spend a lot of time crocheting. Maybe too much time. I have coffee with my Pastor’s wife every Tuesday night. My parents and I watch “Project Runway” on Thursdays. Every Sunday after church, Chris and I go to lunch with my parents and Fred and Betty. I like classical music – a lot. And the song “Without You” by Keith Urban. Keith Urban is one of my favorites. He has so many good love songs out.

I watched “Beauty and the Beast” last night in my room by myself. I only like movies when I know people fall in love at the end. It is a wonderful story, but knowing that I am preparing for a Royal wedding with my King is even better. Bride of Christ. The Lord dotes on my even more than Beast did for Belle. But His greatest desire is that I become like Him. That process takes time, and usually challenges. But, after all, as I read in “My Utmost for His Highest,” the Christian life is not deliverance from troubles, but deliverance IN troubles. God does not give us overcoming life: He gives us life as we overcome.

This is the life the Lord has given me right now. I may not understand all the ins and outs of it, but by golly, I will make it my goal to glorify Him in this life: in my job, my time at home, my GA leadership, my relationship with my boyfriend. All this, as I prepare to be His bride.

I wish people communicated more. That they TOLD what was on their mind, how they felt, etc. I am SO over not talking about things.

Promises.

7-9-2011
1 Peter 2:9 “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.”

1 John 1:5 “This is the message we have heard from Him and declare to you: God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all.”

1 John 3: 20b “For God is greater than our hearts and He knows everything.”

Isaiah 55:8 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the Lord.”

Psalm 55:2 “Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall.”

Put your whole weight on it, see it if stands – see if you can trust Me and My unfailing love for ever and ever. MY promises are true and are NOT dependent on man. I ALWAYS want you to be My bride. Rest.

Jeremiah 6:16 “This is what the Lord says, Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.”

Jeremiah 29:11-14 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you, declares the Lord, and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

Psalm 23:4 “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows.” Even in the presence of your enemies, even amongst those who have hurt you and maligned you, I will be there. I will be there and I will make sure that you are provided for, according to My riches in heaven. My child, learn to rest there, in the middle of danger, not because you are unafraid, but because you are Mine. My greatest desire is to make you more like Me. In that, I want to drench you in My love, pursuing you in My divine power.

Psalm 27:3 “Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident.”

Though others forsake you, my child, I will receive you.

Psalm 31:7 “I will be glad and rejoice in Your love, for You saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul!”

Psalm 33:4 “For the word of the Lord is right and true; He is faithful in all He does.”

Melissa. My word is right. I am not wrong. I do not make mistakes. Remember? I told you that through your own words in Old Harbor. You are not a mistake. This situation is not a mistake. I make everything Good. My word is true. You can trust it. You can trust me. Take the promises and stand on them. I am faithful and I will not let you fall. I will see you through because there is more to be done on the other side.

Old Harbor.

Wed. June 29, 2011
12:00am ish

I’ve been home from the Mission Trip to Old Harbor for roughly… two hours. And even though I was only gone for ten or eleven days, and even though I stayed in Alaska, I feel as if I am reverse culture-shocking.

Laying in my bed, looking at all my stuff kind of makes me feel ill. Why do I need all this? It isn’t as if people in Old Harbor don’t have stuff – because they do – it’s how they view it. To them, it is necessary. A skiff to catch fish. A Honda to get around town. Clothes so you aren’t naked. There seem to be no pretenses because there isn’t room for them. And yet, they allow themselves to take pleasure in those things, enjoying the tools. Using the skiff to view Harbor seals and find sand dollars. Going over the hill on the Honda. Playing dress-up.

It’s also odd, the first few days, to be with different people, people who did not go on the trip, who will not understand what happened, no matter how many times and ways you explain it.



I think I am so tired and confused at this point that nothing makes sense… at all. Everything is loud and annoying and frustrating, so I’m going to bed. Tomorrow I am meeting with my future supervisors to talk salary, benefits, and a possible trip to Disneyland. But oh, what I would give to be back on that skiff, watching the seals, then on that beach, cavorting in the warm sand, playing I Spy with sand dollars.