Update.

I just spent the last hour typing a new post, then the internet crashed. So I'll start again.

I finished reading Redeeming Love and even though I wasn't sure if I would like it, I really did. I learned a lot about unconditional love, and faithfulness, and purity.
1. It's crazy how Michael Hosea just kept loving his wife, even after he learned about her past, and what happened whenever she left him. He sought her out time and time again, and all he wanted was for her to love him back....and God loves me like that. Everytime I sin and hurt Him, He just wants me to come back to Him. There is so much restoration in Him. Unbelievable that even after all I do and have done, He loves me anyway.
2. I need to be faithful to God in my thoughts and actions and words and in everything I do, which is really hard.
3. Purity...I want to be able to give my husband all of me when I get married - every kiss, everything. I don't want to have regrets. I don't know, but like, Shaun had his car when he was dating Pam, and I can't help but think that he held her hand in that car, kissed her in that car, told he loves her in that car...and that makes it less special, in a way, to be in the car with him.

God's also been teaching me about how special I am to Him, how He truly treasures me, and cares about me, and wants me to love Him. I've been struggling with that, with feelings of just blahness. God's taught me more about beauty, how it really isn't about what people see, but about what God sees. And that's hard to remember sometimes.

The last draft I wrote was WAY longer, much more in-depth, but I don't want to write all that again. I wrote it once to get it out of my system. This is just for all you people who read this.

PS. I love you all. :)

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas to all.

And Happy Birthday to Jesus.

I'm so blessed.

I'm home.

It's...a little weird. Not really what I expected, but what can you do? It's interesting how things change, how people "replace" you, in a way.

Stressing Out.

I'm freaking out.

Not even kidding. I'm going to have a break down any time within the next 2 or 3 days.

I was almost crying earlier today when Kristin and I were at the GC. And Shaun was playing ping pong, so I gave him a hug, and felt a little better. But seriously. I have no idea how I'm going to get everything done.


French homework.
Book to read for English.
Philosophy paper to write.
Philosophy study guide to fill out.
Cross-Cultural Ministry study guide to memorize.
Old Testament notes to review.
Aerobics grade to check.
French exam to prepare for.
English Blue Book to do on Monday.
Finals all next week.
Birthday plans for Shaun.
Christmas presents to buy.
Stuff to pack for home.
Get Whitney moved out and Amber moved in.
Clothes to fold.
Shaun to pray with.
Friends to remember.
Time to talk to God.
Interview for The Herd tomorrow right before Mission Center.
Philosophy review Sunday night.


I feel sick to my stomach every time I think about all I have to do. It will be a late night. And a late weekend. And a stressful finals week.

I'll be home soon. Can't wait. 6 weeks of not worrying about anything to do with school. Glorious.

Freaking out.
So stressed.

Everyone's just saying, "It'll be okay. You'll do fine." But the thing is, they don't know that. If I don't do good enough on my finals, I will lose my scholarship. Then I need to find $4000 for the next semester. Good luck, Melissa.

I know that God wants me here, and He'll provide a way. But I'm having a hard time believing that right now. I don't want you to say that He's still in control. I know He is.

All I want is for people to be there with their mouths shut. I want them to just listen and give me a hug when I want one. They don't need to have anything to say. It's okay for them to be quiet and just let me talk. And if I cry with them, they just need to sit and hold my hand.

Falling For God.

I bought an "I'm a Scandanavian sheep herder" vest today. It's amazing. It was only like $1.60. VERY nice.

Lots to do - finals in another week, and I'll be busy up until then with other homework and Mission Center and other meetings and such. Then I'll be home for 6 weeks.

Mom and I are ordering Thank You presents for Addi's parents and Shaun's parents right now. I'm so thankful that they opened their houses and families and lives to me like they did. It was sad not being with my family for Thanksgiving, but Addi's family is like my family in Oklahoma. I love them all so much. And Shaun's family is amazing, too. I love his sister. And his Mom. I didn't talk to his Dad much. Oh, and Shaun is pretty amazing, too.

I got my latest Philosophy paper back today. And I got an "A-"!!! That's the best I've gotten in that class ALL semester. I've only gotten Bs in there, but then I got this A. Ah. I was so happy about it. And my oral French exam was moved to Wednesday, and Wednesday is also "Be a Bison" day, so there will be a bunch of prospective students around, which is always fun.

And Thursday is the start of Operation Birthday Week.

I love talking to my Momma.