Sometimes I Feel Beat Up.

A List of Blessings from a Hard and Trying Week:

1. The Bible Study Monday night about encouragement.
2. The writings on my board:
3. The flowers and fudge Mom and Dad sent me:



4. Designing a dream wedding with Ambyer
5. Buying plaid shoes at Wal Mart for $7.00:
6. Adding to my wall of cards:
7. My Halloween present from Sara:
8. Talking to my girls for a long time and feeling like I actually HELPED
9. Writing encouraging notes to Kim this week
10. Talking to Jessica for an hour today
11. Getting pictures from Heather - of me and a leaf, and me in Alaska
12. Counting down to getting to go home!
13. The grade on my Civ exam:
...especially when the class average was 75% :)
14. Josh hugging me goodbye after my observation and wanting me to read with him next week.
15. Helping Challen read and seeing him improve in one sitting.
16. Knowing it's okay to cry in front of Shaun.
17. The weather turning colder.
18. My science teacher telling us about the baby boy his wife is having.
19. Getting Jade's birthday present!

Love You.

We watched "Stranger than Fiction" last night, and the last song of the credits...I really like it.

It's called "Love You" by The Free Design.
http://www.myspace.com/design4free

Lyrics:
Give a little time for the child within you,
don’t be afraid to be young and free.
Undo the locks and throw away the keys
and take off your shoes and socks, and run you.
La, la, la...

Give a little time for the child within you,
don’t be afraid to be young and free.
Undo the locks and throw away the keys
and take off your shoes and socks, and run you.
La, la, la...

Run through the meadow and scare up the milking cows
Run down the beach kicking clouds of sand
Walk a windy weather day, feel your face blow away
Stop and listen: Love you.

Roll like a circus clown, put away your circus frown
Ride on a roller coaster upside down
Waltzing Matilda, Carey loves a kinkatchoo
Joey catch a kangaroo, hug you.

Dandylion, milkweed, silky on a sunny sky
Reach out and hitch a ride and float on by
Balloons down below catching colors of the rainbow
red, blue and yellow-green: I love you.

Bicycles, tricycles, ice cream candy
Lollypops, popsicles, licorice sticks
Solomon Grundy, Raggedy Andy
Tweedledum and Tweedledee, home free.

Cowboys and Indians, puppydogs and sandpails
Beachballs and baseballs and basketballs, too.
I love forget-me-nots, fluffernutters, sugarpops
I’ll hug you and kiss you and love you
La, la, la... Love you.


Yay.
Much love for it right now.

Home Sick.

I want to go home...
to my family.
to my room.
to my friends.
to everything familiar.

I want to go home...
despite not working.
despite missing classes.
despite not seeing OBU people.
despite everything.

I've never wanted to go home this badly.

I want to hug my Mom.
I want to hold m Dad's hand when we pray at dinner.
I want to have a sleepover with Hannah.
I want to go to IHOP with Kristina.
I want to V-Ho it.

Why is it so hard this year?

I'm sitting here... in Shaun's living room... with his Mom and sister in bed, and Shaun and Roy playing computer games in the computer room... and I'm *THIS* close to crying and no one even knows. Except for Jonathan who saw it on my facebook status.

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things....

My Favorite Things:


Me and Shaun dancing:


Kim and me on 80s night:


My dresser:


My Mommy:


My Daddy:


Crabbing in Florida:


Kayaking with Morgan:


My Sisters:


The mountains:


The train in Hatchers:


Hubcaps:


Notes at Portage Glacier:

Comatose.

I don't know how I feel tonight.
Kind of... off.

Sad. A little lonely.
My stomach feels weird, not sick weird, just weird.

This is it.
This is how I feel.


"Comatose" by Skillet

I hate feeling like this
I'm so tired of trying to fight this
I'm asleep and all I dream of
Is waking to You
Tell me that You will listen
You're touch is what I'm missing
And the more I hide I realize I'm slowly losing You
Comatose
I'll never wake up without and overdose of You
I don't wanna live, I dont wanna breathe
'Les I feel you next to me
You take the pain I feel
Waking up to You never felt so real
I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way You make me feel
Waking up to You never felt so real
I hate living without You
Dead wrong to ever doubt You
But my demons lay in waiting
Tempting me away
Oh how I adore You
Oh how I thirst for You
Oh how I need You
Comatose
I'll never wake up without and overdose of You
I don't wanna live, I dont wanna breathe
'Les I feel You next to me
You take the pain I feel
Waking up to You never felt so real
I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way you make me feel
Waking up to You never felt so real
Breathing life
Waking up
My eyes open up
Comatose
I'll never wake up without and overdose of You
I don't wanna live, I dont wanna breathe
'Les I feel You next to me
You take the pain I feel
Waking up to You never felt so real
I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way You make me feel
Waking up to You never felt so real
Oh how I adore You
Waking up to You never felt so real
Oh how I thirst for You
Waking up to You never felt so real
Oh how I adore You
The way You make me feel
Waking up to You never felt so real

The Perils Of Mission Center.

So, MIssion Center Friday night...

SO GOOD.

When we picked up Kathleen, she had just gotten up from a nap, so I started carrying her. Like 15 minutes into me carrying her, Amy says, "Kathleen, you have something in your hair..." and she goes to pull it out, but it won't come out. And Amy turns to me and says, "Melissa, I think she has lice."

So then, later, we're at Mission Center, and this little girl is sitting on my lap, and she stands up...and there are two wet spots on my lap. She PEED in my lap. No joke. SO GROSS.

But then...Amanda came in and said, "Melissa, Tink is here and she's looking for you!" So I run outside and Tink sees me, and she runs up and gives me a huge hug, and it was so cool. She hadn't been at her house when we stopped by, but she had come to the mission and...it was just cool. We hung out the rest of the night, just talking and such. It was SO good. Then we walked her home and talked to her outside her house for a while.

And I don't know, but I can't explain how much it meant to have her be so excited to see me.

So we get back to Shawnee after Mission Center and Laura, Shaun and I go to Walmart and I buy lice shampoo and wash my hair, and have people check my scalp, and so far everything is good. Then today I went to the nurse and she looked all over my head and said that my hair is beautiful and my scalp looks amazing and there is NO way I have lice. Yay!