Me.

I've been thinking lately about what I've learned this summer.

And it's been a conglomeration of stuff.
I've learned a lot about who the Holy Spirit is by teaching a bunch of 5th and 6th grade boys. The Holy Spirit is the Spirit of truth. She is like our liver - we can't just taker Her out one day and put Her back in the next. She is always with us. She is our counselor, our guide, that small voice that whispers when the rest of the world shouts and jostles for our attention.

I learned a lot about love from a little girl I may never see again. The transformation in her only occurred through the love that Christ poured out through me. I am so honored to be part of that miracle, and in no way claim responsibility for it. It was all God. I was just a vessel put in the right place at the right time.

I learned so much about contentment through a 99 cent inflatable beach ball. It rolled in the dirt, and before Sofanee and I played with it, he picked it up and brushed it off on his shirt. Who does that? I know who - a little boy who was so blessed by that beach ball that he wanted to play soccer with it every time he saw me.

I learned about joy through the eyes of the little kids I saw at the orphanage... and I learned so much about immense sorrow from them as well.

But ultimately, I think that what God taught me this summer was about myself.

I met one of the funniest, most random, kindest, godliest 40 year old men ever this summer. And in my mind, I kept telling myself that I wanted to be like him one day, in the sense that he is completely 100% himself. And one night, he told me that we were pruned from the same personality tree. He told me that I AM like him. He said that he sees that I am okay with myself. I know who I am, and I am not afraid to be me. Helena told me that same thing this summer. She said that being with me is free, because I'm not afraid to look stupid or be thought of being ridiculous.

I am who I am. Sometimes I get quiet and rarely speak at all. Sometimes I burst into random songs. Sometimes I drive fast and sometimes I drive slow. I like to listen to happy pop music, but have my moments of intense hardcoreness, too. But by being me - by being okay with who I am - I give others the freedom to be themselves, too. Rachel told me that no matter what we are doing, I can make anything fun. Nate said that I have an uncanny ability to be wherever he wants someone to be, doing whatever he wants them to be doing. I can connect with people of all ages: There's an old man at church who "flirts" with me. And there are 2nd grade boys who hang out in my Sunday School classroom.

God made my personality, and for me to hide it is me telling Him that "No, thanks, I can do better. A for effort God, but D- for execution."

I started working out a few times a week, and that taught me to accept my body. No, it is not perfect. My toes are still long, my thighs are still there, my hips aren't going anywhere... but that's how I'm supposed to look. I AM A WOMAN. It's okay to have thighs and hips. It's awesome having curves. My boyfriend looked at pictures of me and said I have the right kind of curves (however awkward that may be for you to read.... it's true!). I am a size smaller in my jeans, but not only that, I FEEL better about myself. I'm excited to go to Chena and wear my TWO PIECE in the hot springs. I bought SHORTS and I wear them.

I have my own style now... or at least, I'm getting to where I have my own style. I like to mix things up. Today's outfit is hole-y jeans, a (RED) shirt, a black sweater, silver flats, and a fake diamond bracelet that I wore to prom. Tomorrow might be running shorts and a T-shirt. That's what tonight's outfit will be, anyway. I like to wear bracelets. I pile them on, most days. It's fun. I like my clothes. I like what I wear. I feel comfortable and confident in it. I bought Tevas, and I don't feel like a poser. I'm just me. I bought running shoes and shorts, and I don't feel like a hypocrite, because now I actually use them.

I'm okay with just sitting in my room reading Harry Potter. I LIKE to scrapbook, to write, to be creative. I can't play guitar, and I'm SO okay with that. God has given each of us different gifts. Mine is not the gift of music. But put me in front of a group of people, and I could talk forever to them about something.

I know I am not perfect... but that's okay. I mean, I am working to that. :) Pretty much, I like me now.