Sometimes

Sometimes, I wonder what I was thinking when I did something. Of course, I always wonder that after it happens. Why can't I think and act at the same time?

Then I wonder, what was God thinking when He made me? That isn't really an accusatory question, but, like, did He think, "I know Melissa will have a hard time with this, but I'm going to put it into her life anyway because I want her to learn this from it."? Or, "If I make Melissa like this, she's going to get really prideful, so I'm going to make her like this instead."? I don't know.

God made me. I know that. He made how I look. So did He make how I act? That's part of my DNA right? Or does the world I live in basically make me act how I do? Do I act or react? or proact?

Sometimes, I wish I were a hermit living in the mountains so that I didn't have to deal with stuff. But I know I can't. And that sucks.

God put me here, right now, and He put this stuff in my life for a reason. I guess what I do with it is up to me. I need wisdom.

How I Live My Life

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences.You have one big dream in your life, and you never lose sight of it.

How Do You Live Your Life?

Elliot

I am Elliot.

Brad gave me that nickname at the Hoffman's the other night. We were comparing hand sizes, and he realized that my fingers are the same length as his, but his palms is bigger. So then he thought of the movie "E.T." and how at one point ET points at the kid Elliot and says, "Elliot..." I am, therefore, Elliot.

I love having Brad home.

Christmas is in 5 days. We got a fake tree the other day. It isn't horrible. I actually kind of like it.

And that's all for now.

Bombs Away!

We had a bomb threat today.

I was freaked out. Not like a, "Oh my gosh, I'm going to die" thing, though I did think that. I was more freaked out that someone could have so much pent up frustration and no other way to let it out than by blowing my school to smitherens.

So we all had to troop over to the Middle School, all 1000 of us or so, and hang out in their big gym. It was crazy when we reached the front doors, because I looked back and there were just hundreds of people streaming out of the school behind us.

So we get into the gym and are just hanging out. For hours.

Finally they let us call parents, so I call my Dad and he says he'll be right there to pick me up. We live like 5 minutes from the school, but it is AN HOUR AND A HALF until he comes. The parking lot was crazy, the line of parents getting kids was ridiculously long.

So before we left the school, we couldn't get to our lockers, our cars, or anything.

So now, all the cars in the parking lot are in lock-down, and my keys, cell phone, and ID card is in my locker, along with today's lunch and all my books, bag, and down vest.

But Hannah and I were talking, and Tony, too, and what if they had called in a bomb threat, knowing we would go to the Middle School, then once we were all there, they bombed the Middle School with us all in it? There were no preventive measures for THAT.

So I don't know. It was rather a waste of a day.

Pop

I just got a massive paper-cut on my left ring finger, right at the crease where my finger connects to my palm. I now have a paper towel wrapped around my finger. If I hold it a certain way, my finger, I mean, I can feel my heart beat. It feels cool.

FISH today was awesome. I love Christians. And God. A lot.

Fulfill the Dreams Worth Dreaming

Lately, I have been in a very contemplative mood, thinking about friendships, and college, and God. A lot about God. I've been struggling with some stuff in mywalk with Him, like with speaking intongues, healing people, hearing Him audibly...it's been hard. Then I met with my Pastor on Tuesday, and talked to him for like an hour, and it was soooo good. I cried like the whole time, but he showed me some good verses ni 1 Corinthians 12-14, and in Galatians 1. Apparently the church at Galatia was going through the same things as me, which was cool to find out.

And college...I think I really want to go to Biola. But then, my friend, Liza, she just got back from visiting a college that she thought she wanted to go to, but it turns out she didn't like it that much. So I'm scared that I won't like Biola. And there isn't really another college I want to go to. So... I don't know. I'm trusting God with it. Plus, I don't know how to pay for college. I'm not super smart or super good at anything. I'm trusting God.

I'm SOOOOOOOO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Brad and Dad are coming home in like 3 or 4 days! Whenever Sunday is. And Jeff will be home in January with Kayla and Kaden. I wonder when they are getting married...Kayla and Jeff, I mean. I'm getting excited about that, too.

My Hands are Striped in Black. Bummer.

I wish I were good at something.

Like, in Sunday School on Sunday, we were talking about praising God in everything we do. So Mrs. Nunnally was like, "Titus, praise God when you build computers. Maria, praise God when you're on the basketball court. Ryne, praise God when you play sports. And Melissa...what do you DO? Praise God in whatever it is."

So what do I do? I don't play sports. I don't play a musical instrument. Besides the clarinet. I want to learn guitar. Like that'll happen. I can't do anything with computers. I'm not artistic. I'm not strong or pretty or super smart.

Like, I know I have gifts, such as showing mercy and teaching. And I know how to use them. But really, what is my THING?

Hannie and I have been fighting more. Over stupid stuff that usually ends up at "You hate me." I think she still feels b ad about...well, anywho. She shouldn't. I've totally forgiven her. But then I get all dumb and bring it up again. So she feels bad and I feel like a horrible friend.

College is dumb.
Boys are dumb.
School is dumb.

Aargh.

I need a hug.

And I miss Sydni.

Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to say.