I found my happy.
It came when I least expected it.
It came in a variety of ways.
I think I was so obsessed with losing my happy that I wasn't looking for it.
But I have it now.
The peanut butter to my jelly and I hung out for like 2 and a half hours, in the GC, then we ate dinner together. We talked about lots of random stuff... we are so ADD in our conversations sometimes. Having that relationship back is one of my happys.
I ministered to one of my girls. God spoke wisdom and love to her through me. The fact that He uses me like that is one of my happys.
I talked to a few of my professors for a while today. About my happy. And the Alaskan gangs. It was fun. I like my professors.
I got a facebook video which made me stinkin' happy. I like them.
So my happy has returned...or at least put in an appearance. Which means that it isn't gone forever. Maybe it is just on sick leave or soemthing. I'm okay with that. I just don't want it to be gone forever.
3.13.2008
3.12.2008
3.10.2008
Pretty Like A Princess!
My Mom and I looked at wedding dresses at davidsbridal.com today. :)
I called her crying, and she talked to me about it, then mentioned Jeff's wedding next week, and said she called his fiance to ask about what she is wearing. Then we started talking about wedding dresses.
I showed her my dream wedding.
Then we just perused the dresses.
It was fun.
It made me really really ridiculously happy, actually.
I called her crying, and she talked to me about it, then mentioned Jeff's wedding next week, and said she called his fiance to ask about what she is wearing. Then we started talking about wedding dresses.
I showed her my dream wedding.
Then we just perused the dresses.
It was fun.
It made me really really ridiculously happy, actually.
I Will Trust In You, I Will Trust In You.
Two weeks ago, everything was going really well. I was living life and loving every minute of it.
Then last week, it feels like it all fell apart.
1. I got word that there were "complications" with my application and background check to go to South Africa (which have since been cleared up).
2. WMU (aka, my home for the last two years) will be closed next year, so I will RA in Kerr.
3. I found out that I have to have a roommate next year... and NONE of my friends will willingly live in Kerr when they could go to apartments.
4. Money is VERY slowly dribbling in for my mission trip - only like $125 so far, which is so discouraging.
5. I don't know what to do about Tink. She's wearing on me. I feel like when she's at Mission Center, I have to spend time with her, rather than ministering to the kids in the kids group. And I LOVE the kids group. It breaks my heart that I feel like I can't be with them.
6. Shaun's sick, so he's always sleeping. Which is fine. He needs to get better. It just makes me sad to see him hurting.
So, God's been teaching me a LOT about worry and trusting Him. It's hard. And I don't always like His plans. They scare me and worry me and make me angry. But He is still God. He is God and I am not...for a reason. I know that I would just mess everything up.
But He has the whole world in His hands - something I can't even imagine - and I will trust Him.
Then last week, it feels like it all fell apart.
1. I got word that there were "complications" with my application and background check to go to South Africa (which have since been cleared up).
2. WMU (aka, my home for the last two years) will be closed next year, so I will RA in Kerr.
3. I found out that I have to have a roommate next year... and NONE of my friends will willingly live in Kerr when they could go to apartments.
4. Money is VERY slowly dribbling in for my mission trip - only like $125 so far, which is so discouraging.
5. I don't know what to do about Tink. She's wearing on me. I feel like when she's at Mission Center, I have to spend time with her, rather than ministering to the kids in the kids group. And I LOVE the kids group. It breaks my heart that I feel like I can't be with them.
6. Shaun's sick, so he's always sleeping. Which is fine. He needs to get better. It just makes me sad to see him hurting.
So, God's been teaching me a LOT about worry and trusting Him. It's hard. And I don't always like His plans. They scare me and worry me and make me angry. But He is still God. He is God and I am not...for a reason. I know that I would just mess everything up.
But He has the whole world in His hands - something I can't even imagine - and I will trust Him.
3.06.2008
Just Beyond The Riverbend.
I don't know what's around the river bend.
There have been "complications" with my South Africa application. I was so sure that that was what God wanted me to do this summer... but now I don't know.
I was so sure that I should be in WMU again as an RA next year. But now they are closing WMU for renovations, and I will be an RA in Kerr.
I wish I knew what was to come:
This spring break
This summer
The rest of my life.
It scares me not to know what's up.
I mean, I can't swim by myself, and what if the water around the riverbend is deep? What if there are sharp jagged rocks, and eels and sharks that will nibble at my toes? What if I get caught in the sea-weed and drown? What if I get caught in a whirlpool and just go round and round and round with no hope of getting free?
And what if, through it all, God just sits on the riverbend, watching, not helping, even when I call to Him? What if He leaves me to falter in the water by myself?
I know that in my past, God has never failed me. He is always there. And since God never changes, I know that He will be there for me tomorrow... over spring break... this summer.
So that what am I scared of?
Why am I worried?
There have been "complications" with my South Africa application. I was so sure that that was what God wanted me to do this summer... but now I don't know.
I was so sure that I should be in WMU again as an RA next year. But now they are closing WMU for renovations, and I will be an RA in Kerr.
I wish I knew what was to come:
This spring break
This summer
The rest of my life.
It scares me not to know what's up.
I mean, I can't swim by myself, and what if the water around the riverbend is deep? What if there are sharp jagged rocks, and eels and sharks that will nibble at my toes? What if I get caught in the sea-weed and drown? What if I get caught in a whirlpool and just go round and round and round with no hope of getting free?
And what if, through it all, God just sits on the riverbend, watching, not helping, even when I call to Him? What if He leaves me to falter in the water by myself?
I know that in my past, God has never failed me. He is always there. And since God never changes, I know that He will be there for me tomorrow... over spring break... this summer.
So that what am I scared of?
Why am I worried?
3.04.2008
1:30am And Counting.
Well, it is nearing 1:30 am, and I can't sleep.
So I am lying in my bed, with my window open about an inch and a half and my heater on (which kind of rules out the need for my window to be open). ANd I've been lying in my bed for almost two hours.
Why can't I sleep?
I called my Dad since I hadn't talked to him in a while, then he had to go to a call, which as sad.
My blinds keep rattling and making scary noises.
And I really need to use the restroom.
No, I REALLY need to sleep. I have class in less than eight hours.
So I am lying in my bed, with my window open about an inch and a half and my heater on (which kind of rules out the need for my window to be open). ANd I've been lying in my bed for almost two hours.
Why can't I sleep?
I called my Dad since I hadn't talked to him in a while, then he had to go to a call, which as sad.
My blinds keep rattling and making scary noises.
And I really need to use the restroom.
No, I REALLY need to sleep. I have class in less than eight hours.
3.01.2008
My Day As A Supermodel.
So...
Today I tried out for America's Next Top Model.
Seriously.
There was an open casting call in Oklahoma City and I heard about it on the radio. So I decided that I would go audition. After talking to some girls on my hall, one of them decided to audtion with me, and three others decided to tag along for fun. So at 8:45am today, Katelyn, Kylie, Melanie, Kelly and I left for Oklahoma City.
I waved at people on the way in.
So, we get to the city, and find where we need to be, and park and go inside. And a lady is standing at the door holding a measuring stick, and you can only get a wristband to audition if you have a wristband on. So she measures Katelyn (who is 5'11") and lets her in, but measures me two or three times before saying I'm good (since I'm "only" 5'8" tall).
So we get our wristbands - I am number 193, and she's 194. So we sit down, and I'm reading for Civ, and we're just waiting. We end up talking to the girls next to us, and one of them asks about our pictures. And we go, "Wait - what pictures?" We have no pictures. We need pictures: a head shot, one of us in a bathing suit, one of us full-body. So we're like, Well, Crap!
Thus, we get in the car and find a WalMart. At WalMart, Katelyn and I try on bathing suits and take pictures in the changing room. Then we walked around and took other random pictures. Eventually, we went back to the photo place to find out that their printer was out of order, and we would have to wait an HOUR to get prints developed.
So we blew that popsicle stand and went to a Walgreens on a really shady part of town... 23rd Street. And the photo printers at that Walgreens were broken, too. So the cashier, after asking us if we were going to "That Model Thing", told us where to go to print pictures... further down 23rd Street.
ANd really, it was scaring. I saw a lady shooting up on drugs on the side of the road. There were gangsters everywhere. Kelly told me not to wave at anyone because they could (and would) shoot me.
But we saw the Capital. It was cool.
We finally found the place and printed our pictures before RACING back to Remington place. We weren't sure if they were past our numbers yet, so we just hung out for a while before they called 180. We were still golden! We still had a shot!
So we got in line in numerical order, and we were going to be in the second group to go. And after half an hour or so, they called our numbers.
We joined 8 or so other girls and went upstairs. Upstairs, they had us turn in our TWELVE page application, our pictures, and the copy of our two forms of ID. So we did that, and signed another piece of paper, and they put them in manilla envelopes with NEW numbers on them - we were 291 and 292.
So THEN we went into ANOTHER room, with 50 or so girls. By this time it was 1:30 pm or so. And we sat. And we played games - I Spy, we made a Cootie Catcher and asked random questions, and tried to talk to the other girls there, but none of them wanted to play with us. We made paper airplanes and threw them to see whose would go the farthest.
Katelyn's mom brought us taco bell. Mmmm...
And we still just sat.
For three hours.
Yes, three hours.
Around hour two, we got up to go to the bathroom, and got distracted by an empty hall way that had a mirror in it. :) We practiced our model walking and our poses and ended up making funny faces in the mirror. We "catwalked"...literally... on the ground growling and meowing. So funny. REALLY good thing that no one walked past, though we were laughing hard enough that someone should have come to check on us.
We were the very last group to go. And at 4:30pm, they called our group. We went with nine or ten other girls to another room, where we waited for ten or fifteen minutes. And while we were waiting there, I started thinking. And I was like, "Oh my gosh. Why am I doing this? This is so stupid!!!"
But then they called my number.
And I had to go into the hall to wait for a few more minutes before I went into the interview room. And...
hahahaha
It was great. I had to model walk (yeah, I know!) and pose. When they asked me to turn to the left, though, I definaltely turned to the right first, then was like, "Oh, crap!" And turned to the other side really quickly.
They asked some questions, like "Why would you be a good top model?" and "What do you have that other girls don't have?" and "How would your friends describe your personality?" I mentioned that I was from Alaska, and that I butchered pigs, shot guns, and went kayak sledding and they thought that was pretty cool.
The only people in there with me was a guy who ran the video camera and the lady asking questions. No Tyra... No Jay... oh well.
So they asked a few more questions, and I thanked them and left. As I was leaving, the lady told me that I had a really good interview. I hope so. That would be fun.
If they call me back, I will go to Texas for another round of interviews, then if I pass that, they would pay for me to go to Los Angeles for another interview, and if I pass that one, I will be on the show.
I mean, I only did it for fun. I just thought that it would be hilarious and fun. And it was! I mean, it would be cool to go all the way, but at the same time, I know that there are a lot of girls who want it a lot more than I do.
Anyway, we waited for about 8 hours to be seen for 3 minutes. :)
Good story, huh?
Today I tried out for America's Next Top Model.
Seriously.
There was an open casting call in Oklahoma City and I heard about it on the radio. So I decided that I would go audition. After talking to some girls on my hall, one of them decided to audtion with me, and three others decided to tag along for fun. So at 8:45am today, Katelyn, Kylie, Melanie, Kelly and I left for Oklahoma City.
I waved at people on the way in.
So, we get to the city, and find where we need to be, and park and go inside. And a lady is standing at the door holding a measuring stick, and you can only get a wristband to audition if you have a wristband on. So she measures Katelyn (who is 5'11") and lets her in, but measures me two or three times before saying I'm good (since I'm "only" 5'8" tall).
So we get our wristbands - I am number 193, and she's 194. So we sit down, and I'm reading for Civ, and we're just waiting. We end up talking to the girls next to us, and one of them asks about our pictures. And we go, "Wait - what pictures?" We have no pictures. We need pictures: a head shot, one of us in a bathing suit, one of us full-body. So we're like, Well, Crap!
Thus, we get in the car and find a WalMart. At WalMart, Katelyn and I try on bathing suits and take pictures in the changing room. Then we walked around and took other random pictures. Eventually, we went back to the photo place to find out that their printer was out of order, and we would have to wait an HOUR to get prints developed.
So we blew that popsicle stand and went to a Walgreens on a really shady part of town... 23rd Street. And the photo printers at that Walgreens were broken, too. So the cashier, after asking us if we were going to "That Model Thing", told us where to go to print pictures... further down 23rd Street.
ANd really, it was scaring. I saw a lady shooting up on drugs on the side of the road. There were gangsters everywhere. Kelly told me not to wave at anyone because they could (and would) shoot me.
But we saw the Capital. It was cool.
We finally found the place and printed our pictures before RACING back to Remington place. We weren't sure if they were past our numbers yet, so we just hung out for a while before they called 180. We were still golden! We still had a shot!
So we got in line in numerical order, and we were going to be in the second group to go. And after half an hour or so, they called our numbers.
We joined 8 or so other girls and went upstairs. Upstairs, they had us turn in our TWELVE page application, our pictures, and the copy of our two forms of ID. So we did that, and signed another piece of paper, and they put them in manilla envelopes with NEW numbers on them - we were 291 and 292.
So THEN we went into ANOTHER room, with 50 or so girls. By this time it was 1:30 pm or so. And we sat. And we played games - I Spy, we made a Cootie Catcher and asked random questions, and tried to talk to the other girls there, but none of them wanted to play with us. We made paper airplanes and threw them to see whose would go the farthest.
Katelyn's mom brought us taco bell. Mmmm...
And we still just sat.
For three hours.
Yes, three hours.
Around hour two, we got up to go to the bathroom, and got distracted by an empty hall way that had a mirror in it. :) We practiced our model walking and our poses and ended up making funny faces in the mirror. We "catwalked"...literally... on the ground growling and meowing. So funny. REALLY good thing that no one walked past, though we were laughing hard enough that someone should have come to check on us.
We were the very last group to go. And at 4:30pm, they called our group. We went with nine or ten other girls to another room, where we waited for ten or fifteen minutes. And while we were waiting there, I started thinking. And I was like, "Oh my gosh. Why am I doing this? This is so stupid!!!"
But then they called my number.
And I had to go into the hall to wait for a few more minutes before I went into the interview room. And...
hahahaha
It was great. I had to model walk (yeah, I know!) and pose. When they asked me to turn to the left, though, I definaltely turned to the right first, then was like, "Oh, crap!" And turned to the other side really quickly.
They asked some questions, like "Why would you be a good top model?" and "What do you have that other girls don't have?" and "How would your friends describe your personality?" I mentioned that I was from Alaska, and that I butchered pigs, shot guns, and went kayak sledding and they thought that was pretty cool.
The only people in there with me was a guy who ran the video camera and the lady asking questions. No Tyra... No Jay... oh well.
So they asked a few more questions, and I thanked them and left. As I was leaving, the lady told me that I had a really good interview. I hope so. That would be fun.
If they call me back, I will go to Texas for another round of interviews, then if I pass that, they would pay for me to go to Los Angeles for another interview, and if I pass that one, I will be on the show.
I mean, I only did it for fun. I just thought that it would be hilarious and fun. And it was! I mean, it would be cool to go all the way, but at the same time, I know that there are a lot of girls who want it a lot more than I do.
Anyway, we waited for about 8 hours to be seen for 3 minutes. :)
Good story, huh?
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