Sarah Palin.

The powers to be in the PR department at OBU found out that I am from the same town as Vice President running mate Sarah Palin. So they interviewed me today.

I think it was a bit of a let down for them when I told them that I don't actually know her or her kids. But I told them about kayak sledding... So I am sending them these pictures:




Oh, Alaska...how I love you! And oh, Alaska... how you captivate other people! They just don't understand you.

Mission Center on Friday was... awesome.

I was tired and slept on the way to the city, then when we got there I was grumpy, and no one was cooperating, so I was snappy with the group. Not good. But we split into our groups and started walking around, picking kids up.



When we got to Kathleen's house, she came RUNNING out, and ran to me. I gave her a huge hug (I missed her!!) and she just stood by me the whole time we were at her house. Then she asked me to carry her, so I did.



I carried her on my back the whole way, and sometimes we talked, but sometimes she just hung out back there. She is such a precious girl... top student in her second grade class. She loves Hannah Montana and has the sweetest heart of anyone I have ever met.

All the kids play on the playground when we get there. I played tag for a LONG time with Yessica and Roberto. The girls love showing off their monkey bars skills, especially Hannah:



We went inside for the lesson, and while Hannah was running around instead of sitting down, the rest of the kids listened pretty well. Kathleen sat with me the whole time, and she was quiet, like she was really letting the words sink in about Jesus healing a man with leprosy.



Then it was craft time! The kids colored pictures of the story. Kathleen and I colored together with her little cousin Kyle. At one point, Kyle grabbed a marker and started scribbling all over my picture, which was sad, but fine. Then he started to scribble on Kathleen's picture. I told him to color on his own page. And he did.

But Kathleen was quiet for about 10 minutes, just coloring and thinking. And all of a sudden she looked at me and said, "I forgive Kyle for coloring on my page. I know I need to, so I do. He didn't do it to be mean. I forgive him." Then she went back to coloring.

I was speechless. Literally. I just looked at her. This little, beautiful girl, age seven, who lives in a neighborhood where the last thing most kids learn about is forgiveness... and she forgave her cousin for ruining her picture, just like that.

How many times in my own life have I known that I needed to forgive someone and not done it? How many times have I withheld that forgiveness? And why? WHY? What a lesson learned... forgiveness. And Jesus did it on the cross.

Kathleen gave her picture to me, and I gave mine to her. She colored the one on the left. I wrote her a note on the back about what an awesome girl she is. And I'm going to hang mine up in my room.



God teaches me so much about life through the kids at Mission Center. We go to teach them, but I feel like they are the teachers rather than me. I guess it's life and to some extent, I'll always be a student. Kathleen's words... they keep ringing in my ears... "I forgive Kyle... I know I need to, so I do." So matter of fact. So pure. So undeniably Christ at work in her.

How I Think.

I never really thought much about how I think... until last night, when a special someone asked me to explain how I think.

So I did.

I told him that my thoughts flit around easily, that my brain gets distracted and thoughts that shouldn't flow together, do. For example, I'll start thinking about the pretty flowers sitting by my bed, then I'll think about the person who gave them to me, then about what that person is doing, how our paths will cross again in the future, about my future and my hopes and dreams... and all of those thoughts occur in like a 5 second time span.

I think things quickly and randomly. I think about the future a lot and I dwell on the past too much. I compare myself. Sometimes I like to just BE and not think.

I loved New York City because it made me see humanity in a new way. All the thousands of people walking down the street have lives - a family, friends, a history. They attended an elementary school and experienced the emotions one feels on the first day of high school. They had to decide what to wear, to brush their teeth or not, and how they would get to work. It's fascinating to me that they all have their own thoughts, that our thoughts consume us so much that sometimes we tune the real world out.

I like to come up with solutions to practical problems, like "How do I hang my mirror up?" I'd much rather think about those things than deep philosophical or theological ideas. I think that thinking needs to be practical, not just some fluffy thing out there. What's the point of thinking if it won't lead to action?

When I Talk To You.

I am going on a date tonight, and I am excited.

I am paying because it is Twirp week. But, in fact, this week about 2 years ago was when he and I first started really talking and deliberately seeing each other. I like it. Trying to plan this date is fun. I don't know where we are going to eat... because I don't know much that's around. We are going to Target (because I want to, and I like Target) and then we are going to Life Stream. Apparently Shane and Shane are leading worship there tonight, which will be fun. It'll be crowded there, for sure. I don't know what I'm going to wear yet.

I am also sick. I have medicines that I am taking, but so far they aren't doing much for me. My sinuses are draining. :(

Mm... I'm excited for Target tonight. I'm looking at the website so I know how I want to divide my time there. They stay open until 10:00pm, which is plenty of time, since the doors open for Life Stream at 8:00pm.

Biggie was... fantastic. One of the best nights of my life. It was so much fun, just acting silly and speaking in different accents. I am proud of myself. I know I did well... bahaha - I just thought of something completely awkward and funny.

And I just got a facebook message about how someone wants to write an article about me being from the same town as Sarah Palin. Funny.

Life.

Biggie tonight.

I'm wearing the good-luck tie dye underwear in honor of it.

Rehearsal last night was so much fun, actually running through the skits, having people laugh at them. I'm so excited, nervous, and anxious. I don't want it to be over. You know? I've loved getting to know the other emcees, just laughing and acting ridiculous.

Life is good right now - blessing filled and wonderful. God is outdoing Himself again. :)

Wonderful Angel.

I have a new band. New to me, anyway.

Monk & Neagle.

They have been very focusing and calming while I try to figure out all that God is teaching me. It's hard to remember sometimes. Can't believe it's only been two days. Feels like so much longer.

It really frustrates me when people make the wrong assumptions about something, then act angry and Hitler-y about it. I don't know how to correct them in love sometimes. I want to, so desperately, but I am afraid of ruining a relationship or putting up a wall.

I went for a run tonight, just a couple of songs as I jogged around campus. At one point, I stopped, and saw a huge rat looking thing. Creeped me out. I left that spot soon after that.

Script writing is fun. :) It's hard being creative and funny on command. But apparently I have a sweet way with the voices, so I'm excited. Less than one week from now I will be on-stage performing in Biggie.

I miss the days of summer.

Africa
Helena being there
House-sitting
Roadtrip with Hannah and Jade
Adventures
Hiking
Just being

All I Want.

"All I Need" Monk And Neagle

All I want, all I need
You hold all these things
In Your hands, oh Lord
I can wish I may, or wish I might
But I won't find it in the stars tonight
It's in Your hands, oh Lord

All I want is You
All I need is You

Chorus
I'm holding on to the center of Your love
Cause everything reminds me of You
I open up, cause Your always enough
All I want is You
All I need is You

Take my heart, take my mind
I want to leave this world behind
I give You everything
You're the reason I'm alive today
I throw my cares away
As I stand to shout and sing

Bridge
You're everything to me
I'm nothing without You
You're everything I love
There's no love without You
And every part of me cries for You



This is my prayer, this is my plea.

Support From All Around.

What a tumultuous week. Highs and Lows out the wazoo.

I am slowly learning to trust God, and though it is hard and I don't like it, I know it is good for me. This morning He showed me that He is a Romancer. And I love that about Him.

I auditioned for Biggie (the September OBU talent show) as an emcee (the person who does skits between the acts). I wrote my own script and performed a monologue in which I pretended to talk to Sarah Palin the whole time about America. I even painted an American flag tank top to wear. It's awesome. Anyway, I went to look at the list today, and my name was the first one on the top. THE FIRST ONE!! I was so excited. Nervous, oh my heck, but excited. 15 or 16 people auditioned, and only 6 of us were chosen. And the WHOLE school comes and PACKS the chapel, so this is a big deal. I'm stoked. I feel like God is really showing me something through this. Like the fact that I have GOT to rely on Him.

He has to be the only God in my life. And for so long... for close to 2 years... He hasn't been. That hurts to realize, but I realized it back in May and didn't want to do anything about it. Now I have...and I have never felt a more intense pain. I need to get over something before I can (maybe) get it back.

If that makes sense.

It's not what people expect. But God doesn't do the ordinary. I don't really know what to expect either though, I guess. I'm just holding on... waiting for this wild ride to even out... and I'm not sure it will.

I'm going to the state fair on Sunday with some of my girls, and I am so exceedingly excited about it. I'm learning what it means to build relationships again.

i am: going to audition as an Emcee for Biggie
i think: about painting a lot
i know: that grapes make everything better
i want: for fall to come
i have: the sweetest shoes ever
i wish: that I didn't have to go to class at 4:00pm
i hate: hot weather
i miss: Alaska
i fear: making wrong decisions and getting hurt
i feel: hungry
i hear: some guy working on my lobby
i smell: air
i crave: food and love
i search: for the right words
i wonder: what my friends are doing
i regret: not forgiving as much as I should
i love: cold weather
i ache: the day after I workout intensely if I don't stretch
i care: like a Care Bear!
i always: breathe
i am not: going to take a nap
i believe: that God works everything together for good
i dance: to pop music
i sing: to myself
i don't always: put effort into how I look
i fight: with God... and lose
i write: in my journal everynight
i win: at life!
i lose: time
i never: thought I would fall in love at OBU
i confuse: Shaun
i listen: because sometimes it's more fun than talking
i can usually be found: in my dorm room
i am scared: that life won't be what I want
i need: affirmation
i am happy about: knowing a God who loves me a ridiculous amount

Mission Center.

We returned to Mission Center tonight... all 54 of us OBU students for the 28 kids that came. I loved it.

The freshmen were brilliant... they were involved, active, and I could tell they just loved it. During Circle Time, one freshman girl referred to the group as "us" and "we" and it made my heart SO happy to hear that she already includes herself in that.

And the kids...
Blake can walk! He doesn't need his wheelchair at all anymore, except for school and "just in case". He walked all the way home from Mission Center for the first time ever. And he spent the hour and a half there just sitting in Tina's lap, playing with her hair. He gave her a kiss on the cheek. She was so excited about it, and I am too! Jessica told us that last summer, his wheelchair was stolen, and they couldn't afford to get a new one, which he needed before he could return to school. One of the news stations heard about it, did a story, and in one night they raised enough money to buy him a nice new chair and a little tricycle to ride around. What a God thing!

Kathleen is so beautiful... she is top in her second grade class! She has such a huge heart and I can't wait to see even more how God is going to use her. She knows the Fruit of the Spirit verses by heart and can recite them back to us. She is growing into an girl/young lady. She loves reading, Hannah Montana, math, and her family. And I love that she loves us. She came up to me, and I carried her most of the night. Oh, I love her.

And Desiree and Katie... those girls... wow. So much energy. They very clearly like Mission Center.

And Andy, Yessica, and Roberto. How did I live for three months without seeing them!

Tink is locked up again. Her mom said she would be back home on Wednesday. That girl... she needs so much prayer and love, and I don't know if I have enough to give her. It's so hard sometimes. But in the hard times, that's when I know she needs it the most.

God is working in the neighborhood, in the lives of those that live there. And I have a role in it. I contribute.

I am amazed.

Skater Girl.

Well.
Finally Friday. I work in 40 minutes, then at 4:30 is Mission Center. I'm excited.

I feel like a skater today. My pants are tight-ish at the bottom, more so than on any other jeans, and I have on Vans. So I feel very... "Grab a long board and let's go!" It makes me laugh.

Middle School.

Middle School.

Oh, the glorious days of wearing gray sweatpants and tan over-sized shirts, passing notes in band, and hanging out with the ELP kids. I tried to block most of it out, not because it was bad, but just because it was... eh.

But today I had to write a middle school memory, and floods of occurrences just came rushing back to me. So I wrote them all down on my calendar, and decided to commemorate my high school years here forever. So, without further ado...

My List of Middle School Memories.

- Breaking my reed during the band concert and having to leave to get a new one, then Dylan telling on me and Brittany for talking during the concert. Gosh, I was mad at him.
- In 6th grade, going with Cody, Matt, and Caitlyn to get fish on base for the ELP fish tank. We didn't talk the whole way in, then on the way back, we played the alphabet game. Then Caitlyn and I had nothing to do with the fish the rest of the year.
- I made a lot of websites, and somehow ended up teaching a class to younger kids about how to make their own website.
- Going to Kachemak Bay.
- Winning 2nd place in the 8th grade speech competition.
- Reading days in the library, and spending all semester on ONE book. My teacher was not impressed, even though the book I was reading was called "How to Win Children to Christ". The only time I ever read it was when we went to the library. It was boring, but now I wish I had paid better attention to it.
- Playing Truth or Dare at Sabrina's house.
- Doing the project about stars with Jade and another girl at Glacier View.
- Writing a story about Martha Stewart in 8th grade English.
- Having to recite song lyrics as poetry in 8th grade English, and Cody getting the best grade in the class, even though he messed up a lot. Dang.
- In venting animals in 8th grade science. I hated that project.
- Getting a perfect score on the 8th grade English standardized test, and no one telling me until I got my results, even though my parents, teachers, and principal all knew.
- Going to Germany and New York.
- Honor Band trips to Palmer High School.
- Talking to the Principal in 7th grade about having a lock down plan in case a Columbine shooting happened at our school... and crying throughout the entire hour-long interview.
- Interviewing the principal in 8th grade (Mr. Miller) and reading his favorite book about golf. Again, I wish I had paid better attention to it.
- 9/11 and the 7th grade scrapbook about it.
- Hannah visiting me.
- Walking into the bathroom one time during lunch in 8th grade and seeing Allie and Kelsey in there hiding the fact that they were eating a brownie.
- Middle School Dances... ha. I wore a skirt to the last one. It was black. I remember being really scared to ask my mom, the one day we were driving home from dance class, and a song came on the radio that was about missing the dance, and I told her I didn't want to miss the dance, and could I please go? She said yes. And I remember Brad picking me up from a dance, and he sneaked inside the commons to look at the sound equipment the DJ used.
- Someone had a crush on Gabe, and we spent one social/dance trying to get near him so he would ask her to dance. Was it Liza? I don't remember.
- Spraining my finger during volleyball one day in 7th grade and getting out of PE for a semester. I ended up being an aid to my teachers.
- Carmen called me Mel-Issa.

Hm. Funny.