Crying In Your Room.

I went crazy for a little while last night, like legitimately crazy: crying over my headband slipping, crying because the boy was making a funny face at me, crying because I didn't know why I was crying. It was exhausting.

But I felt better afterwards.

I didn't think I was really stressed, but maybe I am and it just hasn't caught up to me yet. Social studies project is going well. We did paper mache yesterday, as we are in the process of making 4 pinatas. And we painted the mural wall, or at least the first layer. My partner's boo was there, and he listens to interesting music.

Los Angeles.

I think the Social Studies Project about Los Angeles is about to take over my life. It scares me. That, coupled with Environmental Science and Reading Assessment, is going to be the death of me.

I keep having dreams that I skipped some tutoring sessions. Then last night (or I think it was this afternoon when I was napping on the couch) I had a dream about rooming with Dani next year.

All I know is that I'm about to be really really overwhelmed.

Love.

- Naps on the couch.
- Walking around the zoo for three hours.
- T.V. Marathons.
- Sleeping in.
- Dota/Dodo.
- Staying up late.
- Pizza.
- Wii Fit.
- Picking on the dog.
- Playing tennis.
- Going for walks.
- Hot weather.
- No school.

Oh, I love Spring Break.

Be There To Hold Your Hand.

Alas, Spring Break has stumbled upon me; or perhaps I have stumbled upon it. Either way, we have met, and we shall not part for a week.

Tomorrow is his wedding. Crazy. This is him, on the far right.



After the wedding, the boy and I are going to his aunt and uncle's house, then heading "home" to the Wichita area. I'm not yet packed. In fact, I still have laundry to do. And instead, I am painting.

I sketched a picture of some books on a shelf and some aviators, and it makes me pretty happy. The colors of the books so far are fantastic - so lively and lovely. Too bad life isn't always lively and lovely.

I am the co-chair for the India trip.
My first $800 is due by April 6th.
Then $1200 by May 1st.
Then the final $1470 by May 20th.

We leave the day before my 21st birthday.
I'll be 21 in India before I am 21 in America. Ha. That's funny. Funny also that my parents flew a gasket when I mentioned staying in Kansas for my 21st birthday, then going to the boy's family reunion. But when I asked if I could be in India on my 21st birthday, they were completely cool with it.

I will travel the ocean to be there to hold your hand.

Oh, India.

I just had my interview for India. And then they asked me to pray about co-chairing the trip with Kyle. And... wow. Me? Wow. I told them I would pray about it, then let him know tomorrow when I go to sign the contract.

I was very honest and blunt in my interview... about my testimony, my strengths, and my weaknesses. But then, when I couldn't come up with an example of my in-tents problem-solving skill, I couldn't help but think that Steve thought I was lying. :) He said he wasn't.

So, India... wow.

For My OCBF.

ADDISON IS THE BEST SWIM COACH IN THE WORLD! :)







Even though I always think I'm about to drown, and even though I can't float on my back, and even though I was incompetent at treading water... She's still encouraging and a great teacher.

Thanks, boo.

Thoughts And Sick Boys.

My boy is sick. And though his deep, gravelly voice is a little bit sexy, I'm still sad for him. He hates being sick. So to make him feel better, tonight I cooked dinner for us: tomato soup, grilled meat and cheese sandwiches, and carrots. He provided the drinks (orange juice for him, chocolate milk for me) and some cheddar cheese Sun Chips. Since he's losing his voice, I had to supply all of the conversations.

So I told him about our social studies projects about L.A. and people relationships there. I told him about my dress. I told him about India some more. I discussed spring break, Russell's wedding on Saturday (and whether we were REALLY invited or not), and about a lady's blog I saw the other day that detailed how she plays WOW with her husband all the time. He perked up a bit at that point, and I told him that if he expected me to game all the time with him, I would expect him to paint and do yoga with me all the time. He laughed/wheezed.

And the conversation (though one-sided) was nice, but the comfortable silence was nice, too. I really enjoy just enjoying people. The not talking moments, where we are each lost in thought, and it's completely fine. The comfort in knowing we are accepted as is, that words cannot and will not change that. I love that.

Shaun's thoughts are always really deep – about God's righteousness and grace…things I just kind of accept by faith and move on. He likes to prove things. He likes to debate, to dissect, to interpret. The thought that consumed me all day yesterday was about the Ninja Turtles: were they human-size or legit turtle size? And what about their rat teacher? Was he human-size or rat-size? (The reason I was entertaining such thoughts was because in science, we dissected owl pellets, and were looking for mouse skeletons. Also, the other day, Jenna, Jon and I found a turtle shell on North 40. The two thoughts just kind of combined, I suppose.)

Paige likes the dress :)

My Little Black Dress.

Today, in the mood for an adventure, I decided to tackle the dilemma of finding my bridesmaid dress for Brad and Paige's wedding.

First stop: Dillards. I looked at a menagerie of dresses, contemplating style and cut. Then I saw this one and, well...



It's just so fun! It made me feel like a 1920s flapper. I couldn't help just shaking what my momma gave me!

But it isn't the dress I bought.

I thought something more sophisticated would be better, and ruffles are always a nice touch, right?



But somehow, it just wasn't right. I felt a little "Mother of the Bride" rather than "Super Hot Bridesmaid."

I alas, I departed from Dillards, and ended up wandering into Maurice's, a store I rarely shop at. But today, this store held a gem:



Oh, how beautiful! The satin ribbon ties around my waist, and the satin trim on the bottom makes it look so classy. I put it on, and man... it's like the world stood still. Check out the back:



In the words of Roy: "So sexy!"

Maybe.

Maybe Hannah's right.
Maybe Dani's right.

Maybe it IS my decision. Maybe God has laid a path in front of me with two branches, and whichever branch I pick, it will bring Him glory and will bless me and others. Both of my choices are things I am passionate about, and He has given me that.

So, that's that.

I choose India.
May 25 - July 1.

Dear God.

What do you want from me?

Dear India,

Can we be friends?

Love, Melissa

Letter.

Dear Summer of 2009,

Please just work it all out. Alaska, Africa, India... get to your corners, fists up, and fight til the death. I'm sick of it. I just want to know where to go and what to do.

Thanks.

Love, Melissa

Daydreams From God.

Once again, Mission Center worship was wonderful tonight. Right after Brett started playing his guitar, I was just kind of sitting there, looking down, and I saw a really random red plastic heart, like a confetti heart. I picked it up, and put it in the middle of my hand, then just started thinking about Christ's hands being pierced for me, how the blood represented love, just like how a heart does.

I held it there the rest of the night.

The songs we sang... I just realized how PERSONAL God is, how intimate He is in what He does. So, singing, I was just picturing myself with God, sitting on a pier, spending time in His word, watching the sunrise over the ocean. I saw us climbing a mountain together, laughing about something random, Him helping me over the last hard peak before we surveyed His creation together.

I saw Him, dressed as the King He is, standing in the middle of His court, surveying the crowd before Him. Then He sees me, dressed in rags, covered in filth, trying to hide from His majesty and grace. He comes over, offering me His hand, and as we dance around the crowded hall, my dress transforms into one that is so beautiful, making me the princess that I am in His eyes.

I saw myself worshiping Him in heaven, just broken before Him, but knowing that I am accepted as is, broken and lifeless without Him.