2009 is almost over. So here it is:
A List Of My Favorite Parts of This Year.
1. Being in India with my new family.
2. Monday Night Hiking Club.
3. Getting my longboard.
4. Running 5K.
5. Making hats.
6. John 12:1-9
7. Temporary tattoo sleeves.
8. The girls on my hall last year and the friendships established therein.
9. Brad's wedding.
10. Teaching 8th grade English.
11. Realizing that my life is not him, but Him.
12. The North 40 and my science group.
13. Skype.
14. Relationships that were created this year.
15. Getting to know my grandparents more.
16. Flying ten times.
17. Ending in a seven or a three.
And...
A List of my Hopes for 2010.
1. Run more. A lot more. Hello, half marathon.
2. Through number one, get in better shape.
3. Hike.
4. Crochet a sweater to take on J-Man.
5. J-Man.
6. Write letters to people.
7. Cook more.
8. Graduate with honors.
9. Simplify
10. and Prioritize.
11. Memorize more scripture.
12. Learn to knit.
13. Drive to Louisiana and Tennessee.
14. Think more.
15. Pray more.
16. Live in the moment.
17. Make a Bollywood film.
"A Finger, Two Dots, Then Me."
12.29.2009
12.28.2009
12.27.2009
12.22.2009
Tuesday Tribute.
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Parents, I know you are scared for me. You are unsure about what is coming in my future and truth be told, I'm scared, too. I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know how the next two years will go nor what will happen after they are done. I just don't know.
Thank you for being brave for me. Thank you for teaching me and allowing me to be an individual. Thank you for encouraging me to try hard, for not accepting anything less than Me - the real, diligent, determined Me. Thank you for allowing me to fail. Thank you for trying to disuade me from decisions that lead to me failing. Thanks.
Thanks for providing me with what I need: money for college, even when it requires selling back your leave; money to buy groceries at school; a car; my American Girl Doll many years ago.
But there's so much more than that.
Mom, you taught me to love. To really love. To give unconditionally for other people. You always stayed up late finishing costumes for me, helping me with projects, sitting in the bathroom with me while I am sick. You speak truth into my life, even when I don't want to hear it. I respect your opinion a lot, Mom. I respect you a lot.
Dad, you taught me the importance of hard work. I see your example and I work hard to follow it. You never give up, never surrender. I admire that in you. Dad, I want to make you proud. I think that sometimes you don't understand where I'm coming from, but you always support me. Thanks.
Thank you for praying for me.
Thank you for taking me to church.
Thank you for sending me packages, for bragging about me, for not comparing me to Brad and Jeff all the time.
Thank you for letting me march to my own drum, to carve my own path, to be my own Me.
Decided.
I made my decision today, this morning, before I was fully awake, still on the cusp of sleep, with that scraggly edge lingering in my voice.
That's a lie. I made the decision last night. I followed through with it this morning.
So, goodbye first real teaching job, my 3rd and 4th graders who will not be mine. Goodbye lamp of learning, upstairs classrooms, an apartment in Oklahoma. Goodbye salary and benefits. Goodbye small-town living for a few more years.
And hello, uncertainty. Hello, teaching in an unknown location, unknown school, unknown everything. Hello, middle-of-nowhere, not seeing friends and family for two years, Skype, and new beginnings. Hello, following God's leading.
Finally.
Delayed obedience is disobedience. I know. That's why I did this.
You said you are proud of me. Thanks.
You said you were surprised, that you though I would take the job. Thanks?
You said not to second guess myself. I'm trying.
You said, "Wow."
You said, "We had no idea."
You said, "Last we heard, you were still uncertain. Then you came out this morning and dropped the bomb."
You said, "Go."
Welp, I'm going.
That's a lie. I made the decision last night. I followed through with it this morning.
So, goodbye first real teaching job, my 3rd and 4th graders who will not be mine. Goodbye lamp of learning, upstairs classrooms, an apartment in Oklahoma. Goodbye salary and benefits. Goodbye small-town living for a few more years.
And hello, uncertainty. Hello, teaching in an unknown location, unknown school, unknown everything. Hello, middle-of-nowhere, not seeing friends and family for two years, Skype, and new beginnings. Hello, following God's leading.
Finally.
Delayed obedience is disobedience. I know. That's why I did this.
You said you are proud of me. Thanks.
You said you were surprised, that you though I would take the job. Thanks?
You said not to second guess myself. I'm trying.
You said, "Wow."
You said, "We had no idea."
You said, "Last we heard, you were still uncertain. Then you came out this morning and dropped the bomb."
You said, "Go."
Welp, I'm going.
12.19.2009
Home.
Home.
I love this place. Snow buries the landscape in a perfect blanket that gives freely, allowing you to gallivant through it making snow angels and memories. The stars were brilliant last night, and we stood in my driveway looking at them until my Dad came out and shined his flashlight on us. I felt like a high school girl and I kind of liked it.
I've been blushing a lot lately.
There's just something about coming home. I feel like a kid again.
I love this place. Snow buries the landscape in a perfect blanket that gives freely, allowing you to gallivant through it making snow angels and memories. The stars were brilliant last night, and we stood in my driveway looking at them until my Dad came out and shined his flashlight on us. I felt like a high school girl and I kind of liked it.
I've been blushing a lot lately.
There's just something about coming home. I feel like a kid again.
12.15.2009
30 Hours.
Just like Relient K, I am so "Over It."
Fall semester came and went, sunshine rising then fading at the end of a day, leaving nothing behind but a glimmer and a reminder of what had been. It's always colder after the sun sets. It's always colder after the anticipated passes.
30 Hours until home.
Fall semester came and went, sunshine rising then fading at the end of a day, leaving nothing behind but a glimmer and a reminder of what had been. It's always colder after the sun sets. It's always colder after the anticipated passes.
30 Hours until home.
12.14.2009
Thanks.
Psalm 94:18-19
When I said, "My foot is slipping," Your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, Your consolation brought joy to my soul.
When I said, "My foot is slipping," Your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, Your consolation brought joy to my soul.
I Will Wait For You There. Phil Wickham.
I think I'm ready. Ready to be Mary rather than Martha. Ready to shut up and sit at Your feet, humbly just being with You. God, I'm sick of searching for Your will. I've been more concerned with that than becoming more like You. But at the same time, Lord, I don't know that I'm ready. Am I ready to follow Your leading?
I'm scared. And I know that You bring peace, assurance, and truth. You are Peace, Assurance, and Truth. But God...
But God...
What if I fail?
What if I lose?
What if I achieve nothing for Your kingdom?
What if nothing I do points to You?
God, the What ifs are making me scared. I don't want to focus on them anymore. But sometimes I feel overwhelmed by them. Instead, can I be overwhelmed by You?
I'm scared. And I know that You bring peace, assurance, and truth. You are Peace, Assurance, and Truth. But God...
But God...
What if I fail?
What if I lose?
What if I achieve nothing for Your kingdom?
What if nothing I do points to You?
God, the What ifs are making me scared. I don't want to focus on them anymore. But sometimes I feel overwhelmed by them. Instead, can I be overwhelmed by You?
My Life Next Semester.
The dream begins with a teacher who believes in you, who tugs and pushes and leads you to the next plateau, sometimes poking you with a sharp stick called "truth." ~ Dan Rather
I received my student teaching assignment today. Fourth grade in Tecumseh.
I received my student teaching assignment today. Fourth grade in Tecumseh.
Two Days.
So close - SO CLOSE! - to being done with this semester.
Keeping me from home:
-packing
-Clep test
-cleaning
The day after tomorrow.
Keeping me from home:
-packing
-Clep test
-cleaning
The day after tomorrow.
12.11.2009
Dear BFFFL.
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Super Trouper - Superchick
You were meant to live large
Come on, take charge
Let's go light the world up
Let's not wait until the end
To be the things we wish we'd been
You were meant to live life
Come on, let's fly
You're a super trouper spotlight
We're gonna jump on the count of three
Here it comes now
ONE - TWO - THREE jump
12.08.2009
Dr. Russell.
Dr. Jimmie Russell was clearly an inspiration to all students, peers, and community members who knew her. Simply reading the display case that details her life at OBU motivated and encouraged me in my quest of becoming a teacher. Dr. Russell’s life is a great example of what it means to be a teacher, as evidenced in the words written and spoken by those whose lives she touched.
In a broad sense, being a teacher is more than teaching the subject matter or the curriculum. Being a teacher means teaching students to live with their hearts. I think that your “heart” – not the physical heart, but the abstract heart – encompasses every part of life: dreams, fears, passions, secrets, hopes, and regrets, everything that encourages and excites a person, but also that which makes them think and reflect. True teachers consider each aspect of the heart, working to help the students develop into the person they want to be. Through this, teachers teach life. They lead by example and show their students that it is okay to fail, as long as you try.
Many times, teachers never know the important role they have played in someone’s life. Words expressed after one’s passing show the true magnitude of that person’s influence. Dr. Russell lived influentially through the lessons she taught in and out of the classroom, the service she offered her community, and the programs she developed, such as America Reads, working with the school in Russia, and starting a reading and math clinic.
However, reading about someone like Dr. Russell is also a bit intimidating. I so desire to have just half of that magnitude of impact on someone’s life, but I do not know how I relate to her life as a future educator. I suppose, like Dr. Russell, I have a huge passion for education. I sincerely believe that education changes both the lives of those teaching and of those learning. Every situation is an opportunity to learn. Coupled with a passion for teaching, there needs to be Christ-like behavior and advocacy. The main component of both Christ-likeness and advocacy is love. I have learned a lot about love this semester and am looking forward to applying that in my teaching career, and beforehand. Love in the teaching field is saying, “You can try again. This time you will get it.” It says, “I will fight for you and with you in this situation because you are worth it to me and to others.” Living a life of love through a passion for education is crucial to being a teacher who makes a difference.
I know that no one can replace Dr. Russell in the lives of those who knew her. I know that I am different from Dr. Russell in personality, ability, and technique. However, one day I hope to be someone’s “Dr. Russell” – the teacher that supported, inspired, and mentored her students and peers. Like Dr. Russell, I am not defined by the job I do. Who I am defines the quality of job I do. I am not Melissa Krauss because I am a teacher. I am a teacher because I am Melissa Krauss. My character, choices, and convictions make me who I am. In turn, they make me into the teacher I will one day become.
In a broad sense, being a teacher is more than teaching the subject matter or the curriculum. Being a teacher means teaching students to live with their hearts. I think that your “heart” – not the physical heart, but the abstract heart – encompasses every part of life: dreams, fears, passions, secrets, hopes, and regrets, everything that encourages and excites a person, but also that which makes them think and reflect. True teachers consider each aspect of the heart, working to help the students develop into the person they want to be. Through this, teachers teach life. They lead by example and show their students that it is okay to fail, as long as you try.
Many times, teachers never know the important role they have played in someone’s life. Words expressed after one’s passing show the true magnitude of that person’s influence. Dr. Russell lived influentially through the lessons she taught in and out of the classroom, the service she offered her community, and the programs she developed, such as America Reads, working with the school in Russia, and starting a reading and math clinic.
However, reading about someone like Dr. Russell is also a bit intimidating. I so desire to have just half of that magnitude of impact on someone’s life, but I do not know how I relate to her life as a future educator. I suppose, like Dr. Russell, I have a huge passion for education. I sincerely believe that education changes both the lives of those teaching and of those learning. Every situation is an opportunity to learn. Coupled with a passion for teaching, there needs to be Christ-like behavior and advocacy. The main component of both Christ-likeness and advocacy is love. I have learned a lot about love this semester and am looking forward to applying that in my teaching career, and beforehand. Love in the teaching field is saying, “You can try again. This time you will get it.” It says, “I will fight for you and with you in this situation because you are worth it to me and to others.” Living a life of love through a passion for education is crucial to being a teacher who makes a difference.
I know that no one can replace Dr. Russell in the lives of those who knew her. I know that I am different from Dr. Russell in personality, ability, and technique. However, one day I hope to be someone’s “Dr. Russell” – the teacher that supported, inspired, and mentored her students and peers. Like Dr. Russell, I am not defined by the job I do. Who I am defines the quality of job I do. I am not Melissa Krauss because I am a teacher. I am a teacher because I am Melissa Krauss. My character, choices, and convictions make me who I am. In turn, they make me into the teacher I will one day become.
Today.
They offered me the job, Stone Bridge Academy. I could start working there next fall. It's December 8th and I could have the next few years already planned. $30,000 a year. Benefits. Opening year at a school. I want to say yes so badly that it hurts.
But something - Someone - is holding me back. When I got the call today, I almost cried.
God, I thought we had talked about this: They were supposed to say "no" so that my decision was made for me. I was going to take it as a sign. But then I got the job. Now what? I don't think You play games - I really don't - but what are You doing?
Driving back from Tulsa today, I started praying a lot, pouring out my desires and thoughts to God, holding nothing back, and honestly: tearing into Him. I was being very selfish. Jeremy Camp's song "Walk By Faith" popped into my head, so I tuned into it with my iPod. But it angered me. I don't want to walk by faith right now. I want to walk by Melissa's sight. Then, I listened to his song "Open Up Your Eyes" and the chorus struck me, a slap in the face:
And the time has come to realize
And see the plan you've been designed for
So face the fear of all unknown
And see the heart inside
So open up your eyes
So open up your eyes
There is so much unknown. Conference isn't until the end of February, and I may not find a job there that stands out to me. Rejecting the job at SBA means completely leaping out on faith. There's no ledge around the window, just the hope of a safety net there below. That scares me. It's hard for me to tell one awesome opportunity "NO!" when the possibility of finding a great job at Conference is not guaranteed. Because then what?! I gave up one thing for...nothing.
I keep telling You I trust You. But those appear to be empty words, smoke blowing into the atmosphere, there and then gone. Meanwhile, I am here, waiting, hoping, seeking. Will You come through for me?
But something - Someone - is holding me back. When I got the call today, I almost cried.
God, I thought we had talked about this: They were supposed to say "no" so that my decision was made for me. I was going to take it as a sign. But then I got the job. Now what? I don't think You play games - I really don't - but what are You doing?
Driving back from Tulsa today, I started praying a lot, pouring out my desires and thoughts to God, holding nothing back, and honestly: tearing into Him. I was being very selfish. Jeremy Camp's song "Walk By Faith" popped into my head, so I tuned into it with my iPod. But it angered me. I don't want to walk by faith right now. I want to walk by Melissa's sight. Then, I listened to his song "Open Up Your Eyes" and the chorus struck me, a slap in the face:
And the time has come to realize
And see the plan you've been designed for
So face the fear of all unknown
And see the heart inside
So open up your eyes
So open up your eyes
There is so much unknown. Conference isn't until the end of February, and I may not find a job there that stands out to me. Rejecting the job at SBA means completely leaping out on faith. There's no ledge around the window, just the hope of a safety net there below. That scares me. It's hard for me to tell one awesome opportunity "NO!" when the possibility of finding a great job at Conference is not guaranteed. Because then what?! I gave up one thing for...nothing.
I keep telling You I trust You. But those appear to be empty words, smoke blowing into the atmosphere, there and then gone. Meanwhile, I am here, waiting, hoping, seeking. Will You come through for me?
12.06.2009
If You Say Go.
If you say go I will go
If you say wait I will wait
If you say step out on the water and they say it can’t be done
I’ll fix our eyes on You and I will come
Your ways are higher than my ways
And the plans that You have laid are good and true
If You call me to the fire You will not withdraw Your hand
I’ll gaze into the flames and look for You
I’ll gaze into the flames and look for You
If you say wait I will wait
If you say step out on the water and they say it can’t be done
I’ll fix our eyes on You and I will come
Your ways are higher than my ways
And the plans that You have laid are good and true
If You call me to the fire You will not withdraw Your hand
I’ll gaze into the flames and look for You
I’ll gaze into the flames and look for You
12.04.2009
Highlights From The Week.
Well, there you are.
-Awesome interview at Stone Bridge!
"If we offer you the job next week, how would you react?"
-Call from Journeyman
This included an interrogation about Chris and an informal invitation to conference in February.
-Running. Lots of running.
Goal: Run everyday until I leave. So far, so good!
Goal: By Saturday, December 5, run 3 miles. CHECK! 3.1 today. Hello, Mr. 5K!
Goal: By Saturday, December 12, run 4 miles.
-Mission Center party tonight.
Kathleen... so happy. Spent most of the evening with her, decorating and eating sugar cookies, coloring, writing with the same color markers, listening to the puppet show, giving her the picture of us.
-Procrastination on homework...
Until last night.
-Good eye-opening conversations with people.
-Awesome interview at Stone Bridge!
"If we offer you the job next week, how would you react?"
-Call from Journeyman
This included an interrogation about Chris and an informal invitation to conference in February.
-Running. Lots of running.
Goal: Run everyday until I leave. So far, so good!
Goal: By Saturday, December 5, run 3 miles. CHECK! 3.1 today. Hello, Mr. 5K!
Goal: By Saturday, December 12, run 4 miles.
-Mission Center party tonight.
Kathleen... so happy. Spent most of the evening with her, decorating and eating sugar cookies, coloring, writing with the same color markers, listening to the puppet show, giving her the picture of us.
-Procrastination on homework...
Until last night.
-Good eye-opening conversations with people.
12.03.2009
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