Update.

Less than one more month. Then, less than 3 and a half months.

I came up with this brilliant idea to redecorate my bedroom… why? I’ll be gone for two years. But alas. I painted, rearranged, and redecorated. It’s quite nice. Maybe I chose to do it because it’s like… closing one bedroom door and opening another. Except this door will be in South Asia.

I bought some more Darjeeling tea and have been making chai. Chris and I had some after his soccer game, then I just made some for Dad before he left for work. It tastes different every time since I’m just doing it from memory. My memory is a mixture of when Steve made it last summer and when he made it for the Go-ers Group.

I start work tomorrow. It has been SO nice to sleep in every morning, generally until 9:30am or 10:00am. But Mom and I report tomorrow around 7:30am. I will dress professionally, since there is a new superintendent and I have high hopes of being hired by the district in two years. Who knows if this dude will still be here, or if I will want to be here, but we’ll see.

“We’ll see.” That’s such an odd phrase. Growing up, my parents said it to me when they really wanted to say no to something I asked but didn’t quite want to crush my dreams. Ha. Now, I guess I say it because I really don’t know what’s going to happen. Which is exciting and epic and fantastic and so scary that I don’t know what to do. Besides that whole walk-by-faith thing.

Ha.

This has been a good week: painting, hiking in the fog, inventing horror stories, crocheting, midnight premieres, lunch at V-Ho, decorating my room. Mom and I are hanging out tonight. I feel as if I have not seen her in FOREVER.

I’m realizing more and more how I will miss my parents when I move. And not just my parents, or “my people” here, but… Alaska and life here. I have not seen the sun in WEEKS. (But really, I won’t miss that. I like the sun.) And at the same time, I’m realizing more and more how excited I am about the next step. Bright colored clothes contrasted with dirty buildings. Smells of spices and food wafting from street vendors. Chai on the streets. A flat with a girl I don’t know. Yet.

I want to learn to dance, to hang out with school children, to impact something bigger than myself. This is the time to do that. Twenty-two years old and not really tied down to anything...

Camping this weekend, for the 4th of July. When I typed “July” I thought “Whoo-lie” in my mind. The Spanish version of July? Ha. Seward with Han and Jade. Last time I was there was with Emily, and we bought Crab Hats. Oh, that was fun.

Summer In Alaska.

Me and Cody during our Butte picnic. We forged our own path through the brush, making the Tuesday Night Preposition Club trail. Chris was there too. It as windy on top and we got dirt everywhere. Even in our mouths. Also, we were shot at, almost attacked by a bear, and met some Israeli gunmen.



Camping at Rolly Lake with Janelle, Megan, and Sydni. Our reunion campout, minus Maria. Except this time, we were able to start a fire, did NOT have veggie dogs, and stayed dry. We talked long into the night, when Syd finally showed up. We ate a whole bag of chips and had s'mores for breakfast. The creepy campers nearby wanted to kill us.



Me and Hannie, playing "Let's Hide!" in Palmer. Jade was going to the bathroom. This game is only fun if you are part of the hiding team. This round, we hid in the Palmer garden. Then, though we ordered it, a pizza was NOT delivered to the Palmer Public Library sign for us. How rude. We waited for over an hour.

Waiting.

Oh boy, oh boy.

Is it really the end of June? I graduated roughly 6 weeks ago. I returned home 3 weeks ago.
And so many questions have been going through my head for the last week that I can’t even STAND it anymore. Really? Let’s be done with it.

What are we doing?

2 Peter 1:3-4 has been on my mind a lot. Confirmation for my next step has come in so many different forms: conversations, verses, speakers, fellowship… He is always faithful. He always meets my needs because He freaking owns everything. I am called to be a good steward. Easy enough.

Not. It takes constant vigilance. (That reminds me of Harry Potter’s occlumency lessons with Snape.)

But I am tired. Just… tired.

What are we doing?

We are waiting. What a sigh of relief, knowing that He does have a plan, that it is good, and that He will work it out. I feel so much more peace knowing what we are doing. Waiting.

I feel like Ruth, after she lays everything down at Boaz’s feet, having changed out of her mourning clothes, and must simply wait until morning. Because she could just wait, she was able to spend uninterrupted time with Boaz. I bet they talked all night long. I bet they shared stories and secrets and fell more in love than they already were. She rested in the waiting, but she also grew in the waiting.

Blink. Revive. Breathe.

It's been a while. 15 days, eh? That's half of a month.

Home no longer feels like home. I have spent the last 4 years investing in Oklahoma life. My people, my hobbies, my everything took root there. Now, the knowledge that in less than 4 months I am moving to another country is keeping me from planting my life here again.

The problem? Without planting my life, I cannot develop and grow relationships. I cannot make a difference. I will be rendered useless for the Kingdom, a huge fear in my life.

I listened to the radio tonight while washing dishes and a new song came on, one I have not heard before. It's called "Blink," by the band Revive. The lyrics are as follows:

Teach me to number my days
And count every moment
Before it slips away
Take in all the colors
Before they fade to grey

I don't want to miss
Even just a second
More of this

It happens in a blink, it happens in a flash
It happens in the time it took to look back
I try to hold on tight, but there's no stopping time
What is it I've done with my life?

This week is VBS and I teach the 3rd/4th grade class. I love spending time with them, challenging them (and myself). But have I savored my time with them, plunging full-force into everything? And if not, will I?

Another Year Older.

Today is my birthday. I am now 22 years old. I feel that that is much older than 21, though for reasons I cannot really identify. Maybe because I'm a year past the drinking age. Maybe because now I'm also a college graduate. Maybe because now, I've had my own apartment and my own life... and I've had to move away from it all.

I miss Oklahoma. I miss feeling like I have a home - my place - to be.

I love birthdays. :) A lot.

Tonight we are having dinner at home, per my request. Chicken stuffed with spinach and cheese; macaroni and cheese; fruit salad; asparagus; dinner rolls; and then... le creme de le creme: ice cream cake.

Chris bought me a dinosaur egg and it is hatching in my room at Grandma's as I type. We'll have the same birthday, me and the T-Rex. "T-Rex" makes me think of tea, which makes me think of Chai, which I am drinking in a cafe right now. So I think that's what I'll name it: Chai. Or Chai Baby.

Last night I was thinking about the last year. Being 21.

I went to South Asia. I broke up. I served as a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding in New York. I co-founded the MNHC. I climbed mountains. I started dating. I was a Tro-W during welcome week. I moved into my own apartment with roommates and was so blessed all year by one of them. I became OBU's Harvest Court 2009 Best All Around female and I bought a beautiful dress. I spent Thanksgiving with my grandparents for the first time ever. I showshoed up a mountain. I applied for, was accepted as, and chose to serve with the J-man program. I met Katie, with whom I actually just got off the phone. Nice timing. I ran 5K. I learned to play tennis. I started a mini-hat business. I learned to bat. I student taught in 4th grade. I planned and carried out a great exploration activity about Africa for my students. I roadtripped with two awesome girls to North Carolina. I went to Bill Pope's house for dinner. My portfolio and assessment project were kept as examples of good work. I graduated Summe Cum Laude. I began a roadtrip with my parents and boyfriend across the country, meaning that this year, I traveled from one end of I-40 to the other end. I learned a lot. More than I ever thought possible.

Wow. It's been good. Maybe the best so far.

One Day.

This is it. There is one day until graduation. 1 Day. So, in honor of that, following is a list of my...

Top 1 Memory at OBU: (in no particular order) (ha)

1.

This was too hard. There are so many. Sorry.

- Late night wiffle ball on the tennis courts.
- The GC dance party after The Spring Affair Show and the IHOP coup that occurred thereafter.
- Tagging cars with Helena.
- Tie-dye.
- That time I went to get a haircut, then got distracted, and ended up just driving around Oklahoma for about 2 hours, talking to my Father.
- Dinner at Bill Pope's.
- Harvest Court photo shoots.
- The awkward first meeting with my India family.
- When Dr. Akin called me out on my attitude.
- B-street with Kim.
- Having Emily as a roommate.
- And Katie.
- Pacing at the airport for two hours, then seeing him come through security.
- Summer visits from Helena and Crab Hat Girl.
- When Kim and I went to Wal Mart late one night and that boy jumped in her sun roof at the stop light while we were in the middle of singing "Party in the USA."
- Chair racing in the ARA at a late night breakfast, then falling backward. In front of everyone.
- Working for the Mafia.
- Finding the dead bird in the Kerr attic.
- Movie premiers.
- Photo shoots.
- Ruth.
- That night at Saturday in the Park (but was really Saturday at OBU) when I was really mad at God and He put me in my place. That was really nice.
- Senior year.

Two Days.

There is way less than one half week until graduation. 2 Days. So, in honor of that, following is a list of my...

Top 2 Things the Father Taught Me During my Time at OBU: (in no particular order)

2. Love. Being in South Africa, spending time with Tahmee, changed my life. Literally. This precious then-3-year-old girl became one of the brightest stars in my life. Through love - legitimate, full, godly love - this girl was transformed and I was there to witness it. No longer was she scared, robotic, and alone. She was a regular girl, playing on the swings, holding my hand, wanting me to tickle her.


If I love like I am supposed to - really, truly - the world will change. People will see that there is more, that cars and money and clothes are not the end all, be all in life.

1. Sacrifice. Ohhhh this was a hard one to learn. It took e on a rooftop, after reading John 12:1-8 over and over and over. I had reached the end of my rope and was broken, waiting on my knees for Him to come. So He did. It was great. But so hard. Learning that I need to be Mary - pouring out my perfume for the King, giving the most important thing to gain a closer relationship with Him...


Sacrifice means saying, "This thing I value is worth less than You and knowing You. It is hard, but must be done. Mary did not pour out her perfume then try and scoop it back into the container. She poured it out and let it be, His feet anointed.

This was a hard post to write. There are so many things He taught me. How could I possibly narrow it down? But these are the things that drastically changed my perception of the world. Other things have to - the importance of sacrifice, obedience, and being less ego-centric.