Sermons And Youth Groups.

I'm now really excited for college. Whitney and I are planning stuff out, and it's just exciting. And yeah, I know my last entry was about how scared I am and stuff, but church on Sunday changed that. All of it.

Pastor Tom's sermon was in the beginning of Matthew 12, and I don't remember the title or anything. But something he said really spoke to me. Like, lately, I've been wondering if I'm really supposed to go to OBU, and I've been kind of nervous about that, and I know that that's Satan. Because Pastor Tom said, "God won't lead you somewhere where He doesn't want you to go." And I had totally never realized that. So I thought about that for a while during the sermon. About how God doesn't lead you half-way, then say, "Oh, okay, Melissa, you've got it from here. I'll see ya later." So what does this have to do with college? It's a total God thing that I even found OBU. Mom and I just happened to stop at a Christian bookstore in Eagle River, and I just happened to pick up a magazine and just happened to turn to an advertisement for Oklahoma Baptist University. And then I just happened to remember the website. And the school just happened to be EVERYTHING I wanted. Then I just happened to get accepted, even though they had never heard of me before. And I just happened to get scholarships from them and just happened to have a serene experience on campus. They "just happened"? Yeah right. That's a God thing. So during Pastor Tom's invitation, we started singing, and I went up to the altar to pray, which I don't really like doing, but I did. And I just prayed for an excitement. Because yeah, one door is closing forever. And I'll never have the same friendships I do now, and all that. But, anything can happen this next year. I could fall in love. I could have someone fall in love with me. I could make an awesome friend, who I'll know for the rest of my life. I could realize that I'm awesome at tennis. ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN. And I think that's why I'm so incredibly stoked now.

Last night was fun, too, with Kristina. We went to First Baptist Palmer's youth group. Chris invited me, and whether or not he really wanted me to come, I did. So that's that. They had a cool message about how you can only see pieces of your life, but God sees all of it. So even when you don't know why something is happening, God does. And it's all going to be okay, because His plan is perfect. Then, since it was Cody's last youth group, he chose a game to play, and we played Shuffle Your Buns. And it was really fun, actually. Then we talked to Cody and Chris for awhile, and Kristina and I met Jade at V-Ho and had milkshakes. So it was an overall good evening.

AND, I had an overall awesome week, what with hanging out at baseball games, cheering for number seven, to my multiple V-Ho trips, to sleeping in a tent in Hannah's backyard, to playing guitar in front of my friends. And whether or not they were impressed, I don't know, or really care, because I was just playing for Jesus. And I like playing my instrunment. Oh snap.

Excited + Sad + Scared = Me.

I'm excited. For college. For my future. For the baseball game tonight. For going to a concert in Oklahoma City. For life.

I'm sad. To say goodbye to Hannah yet AGAIN. To pick up and move everything. To start over with making friends.

I'm scared. Of everything I'm excited and sad about.

I'm going to miss Hannah a lot. I mean, she's practically a sister to me. And yeah, I'll totally miss Kristina and Jade, but me and Han...it seems like we've always just BEEN. And I hope that we'll always BE. I spent the night at her house last night, and I realized that it was possibly the last time she and I could had a sleepover. I mean, within the next 5 years, we could both be married, have children, have careers, and live in completely different areas. I mean, I know that the last bit isn't a huge change, but... It seems like everything is changing. And I know that as soon as I start packing my bags for Oklahoma, the change is inevitable. It's like a storm. It starts innocently enough, just some rain, then all of a sudden it changes, and the thunder and lightening start, and the power goes out, and the rain is pounding down super super hard. And all you can do is pray that your house won't flood. And yeah, that might sound dramatic, but I'm being serious. It seems like I'm caught in this huge flood of change. I know I'll change. And myfamily will change. And my church: people are going to join the congregation while I'm gone, and they'll be all, "Melissa who?" But my friends, too. There is going to be a big difference between the people who stay here in Alaska and those who go out of state (and country). And, I don't know, but maybe I'm just really doubting God. Like, I can't handle all the change by myself, so I guess I'm wondering if He can handle it. I know that He never changes, that He is constantly the God He says He is. And it's comforting to know that He is always here, even when I can't feel Him. Maybe my faith is wavering. That's no surprise, though. It seems like...I don't know, like my faith isn't REAL. I mean, it's real, but you hear about people whose lives have been drastically affected and changed through faith. I don't know.

At Hannah's this morning, we watched the Gilmore Girls episode where Rory moves into college. And in exactly three weeks, that will be ME. It's so...weird feeling.

You have brought me out of the pit. So I sing Glory, Hallelujah. I lift Your Name on high. I'll sing Holy, cuz You're worthy. I'll praise You with the dance.

Today.

Talked to Chris on line last night for literally two hours. It was crazy. And I told him the C. Story, which was interesting.

Just think - in three weeks, I will have a majority of my earthly posessions in duffel bags and suitcases, waiting to go to the airport so I can go to OBU. And oh, man, I'm excited. I wasn't really, until I talked to Cody the other day. And now I am.

I think people are intersting. How they react to certain things, why they do the things they do, all of that. It makes you wonder what they're thinking when they do something. But really, you'll never know. And really, it kind of sucks that you may never know what someone is thinking, but I guess I don't want people to always know what I'm thinking.

My foot fell asleep.

Blowing Things Up.

Titus is moving to Oregon on Friday. So tonight everyone laid hands on him and prayed for him. And I can't believe that in three weeks, it will be me up there that everyone is praying for. And I'm totally going to cry. But Jack and Peg said they were seriously going to visit me at OBU, which will be fun, and I'm hoping that if Brad comes home around Thanksgiving, he'll come to my school so I can see him.

Friday night rocked. Sunday School sleepover. Scavanger hunt. Girls won. Wiffle Ball for 3+ hours. Girls vs. Boys. Girls won. We were on fire. Sardines. I hid in a chair with Juanita and it took about 20 minutes for someone to find me. Maria and I jammed out the next day. I played like crap, as Tyler would say... "MELISSA!" and I laughed a lot.

Saturday night was awesome, too. Hannah and I painted the town red. It was just FUN being with her. We laid on the grass and just talked about stuff. Nothing important, but it was all important. You know? We had a V-Ho picnic which was really really nice. Because really, the only time Hannah and I hang out together is at Curves. So this was fun. We walked to Fred Meyers and got dessert, and ate at a "French cafe" in Palmer.

And no work tomorrow. I'm sleeping in, baby! Azzy gets to work by herself. I don't think Terrie is very happy with me, but really, I'm okay with that. I didn't even want to work this month. Though it's good I am. My lap top cost over $1700. I told her at the beginning that I had other stuff going on, so hopefully she's okay.

Ha - Alaska's gonna blow up when me and Cody leave for school.

College Bound.

I leave for college in 26 days.

I'm leaving everything I know behind, and moving into the wide, open, and sometimes scary world. I have no idea who I will meet, what my roommate is like, what church I'll go to, or really, how I'll pay for it.

But Hannah just reminded me of something: Jesus will be there.

And if He's for me, who can be against me?

Talking.

I Love talking in front of people. I love it. I love it. I love it.

For example, tonight we spoke about the mission trip. And watched a slide show with our pictures. And it was so much fun.

I talked about beauty.




I miss Hawaii.

What I'll Say About The Mission Trip.

This is actually part of an e-mail I sent to my friend, Brittany. But it's good.

Hawaii was AMAZING. It was indescriable. And I'm not even just saying that. I don't know if you'll understand this, but it's like, I loved just being with God in this beautiful place. And everywhere I looked - at the beaches, the water, the cows, the people, the guavas, everything -they had "GOD MADE ME" written all over them, and His beauty was everywhere. And God's been teaching me that there's beauty everywhere...even in me. Even on the days when I'm PMSing and everything (you know how THAT is). And I mean, I knew, but I guess I didn't realize that beauty goes deeper than skin. And nothing is more beautiful than the feet of those who serve the Lord. And how cool is that?

I think that's what God has been teaching me: all about beauty. A lot of times, I doubt I have any of it. But then, God assures me: I'm a little more than useless, and when I think that I can't do it, He promises me that I'll get through it and do something right, do something right for once.

So I'm going to bed now. And I'll sleep well, and wake up tomorrow ready for another day. I hope. Perhaps I'll sleep with my fingers crossed, just in case...

BTW, WE NEED CHILL.

Sequel Is A Funny Word.

I saw Pirates 2, the sequel to Pirates 1, with my parents last night and was pleasantly surprised. As a sequel, I thought it was very very good. It could easily have stood by itself as a movie, as opposed to a sequel. Which is good, as far as sequels go. I wonder how many times I can use the word sequel in this entry.

As a sequel (hahaha) to that paragraph, work has been fun lately. Azzy and I have been talking a bit - about the lights in the hallway, Gilmore Girls, people getting hurt on the job, names, and, yes, movie sequels. She, too, liked the Pirates Sequel.

And my guitar playing is coming along nicely (there was no way to use the word sequel in that). It's really fun to play it, especially when the song continues, in a sequel, if you will, on the next page, and you have to flip pages real quick.

Sequel is a funny word. Did I even spell sequel right? I hope I spelled sequel right. It'd be embarrasing if I did spell sequel wrong, seeing as it's in every sentance.

I Don't Know What To Call This, But It's What I'm Thinking.

You know how sometimes you experience something super awesome, beyond belief even, that if you stop to write about it, it just takes away from the experience? Like, if you share it with someone, if becomes less real? So you just want to treasure it in your heart forever, but you know that if you don't write it down, you'll forget it...the little bits and pieces of it that made it so awesome. And you know that pictures do NOT do anything justice, and the recanting of the stories is never as good as living the stories in the first place, and you can't help but wish that someone could follow you around with a video camera and a key to access your mind. But no one does that, and the memories fade, and life goes on.

That's how it is with me and this mission trip.

July 3rd was the best day of my life.