My Birthday.

Today is my birthday.
I am now 19. :)

Today was fun -

friends + family + randomness = :D

Waving flags cuz it's my birthday.
The massaging pillow.
Making that guy who sold the bags sad.
The outhouse.
The hubcap.
And the second matching hubcap.
The whale.
The giant machine.
Gong into every store.
The accent people.
Fitting into every conversation that it's my birthday.
Starting every sentence with "Hey" and having to walk like a bear if you failed to do so.
Falling into the Portage Glacier Water.
Cody losing his shoe.
Kristina getting soaked by a waterfall.
Trying to get free samples...of everything.
The safehouses.
Getting random things from every place we stopped.
Climbing the rocks.
Climbing the waterfall.
Jumping across the waterfall.
Walking to the end of the pier and the picture where it lookslike I'm going to push Cody in the water.
Cody's postcard about Alaska.
The Scientology girl, and the E-Scale freaking out, and Cody witnessing to her.
Telling stories.
Laughing at Kristina's bad windshield wipers.
Getting constant calls from Mom.
"The bathroom is down the ramp and 30 feet behind the building."
The toilets scaring us.
The seatbelt in the middle.
Window racing.
Getting money shoved at us randomly.
The movie in the tunnel.
Wii and satelite TV in the safehouses.
"If you knew the world was going to blow up..."
Kristina disappearing randomly.
Getting soaking wet.
Pictures at Portage Glacier.
"Name that Sound" game.
"Cody, go pretend to be a baby moose."
Ninjas vs. Pirates. (PIRATES ALL THE WAY!!)
Really cool talks on the way back.
Thankfulness for good friends, awesome family, and blessing-filled rainy days.

27 facebook birthday wishes.
Talking to Sydni, Kim, and Christina.

Knowing Is Key.

Did You Know...

I gag when I brush my teeth in the back on top.
My house smells like red licorice.
The chair I'm sitting in swivels.

I cry at realistic ghost stories.
I'm scared of the dark sometimes.

I burned my arm with an iron.

I haven't had my hair cut since like November.
I still really want a Jeep Wrangler.
I tried on moose hats with my grandma.
I'm starting to enjoy running.
I used to bite my nails.

My passion is for Africa.
I can't wait to be married and have a family.
My three best friends are like sisters to me.
My first kiss happened two and a half weeks ago.

I can't wait until Helena comes...
So that I can have some semblance of college here.

My phone has a gangster ring tone.

I laugh at random things.
I'm mean sometimes.
And sarcastic, too.

I made a tye-dye shirt with Helena and Shaun for my old English professor, who is also the guy that Helena and I worked for, who is also Shaun's professor for second semseter.

I just found out today that most of our chickens are gone.
I don't know if we still have a goat or not.
We had a dog named Dusty.
Jeff named Chewie after Chewbacca on Star Wars.
I named Pepper after some kids in a book I was reading when I got her.

I had a water bed when I was four or five.

The Dream Is Over.

I have come to a realization.

Alaska isn't my life anymore.
And that isn't really bad, it's just new.

I mean, I love it here - it's beautiful, with the mountains and the flowers, and the streams and moose and all...but this isn't my life, or even my home. I came back, and everything was the same, but I realized that I am the one who's changed. I'm different. Not in a good or bad way, per say, just different.

I have new experiences, new people in my life, new dreams and hopes and fears. I've grown, intellectually and spiritually, and people here haven't.

It's kind of like a time machine, where I moved ahead, but everyone else stayed in the past.

Nothing is wrong with Alaska not being my life anymore. It's fine if it's other people's lives. But God has called me to something...MORE...than this town. He's called me to people different than those at church. He's called me to a life bigger than Bogard Road, a life bigger than our ktichen table and the V-Ho.

I'm not bragging, like "Oh, God's called me to more than this..." but, well, He has. I mean, I'm just not comfortable here, I guess. Church on Sunday was just awkward. I had a lady ask if that was my first Sunday there.

And I guess in a sense, it was, since I've changed since I was last there, too.

But the people I was close to at church, I'm not anymore.
The Swiharts and Ms. Middendorf were excited to see me. Anna hugged my neck for like 20 mintues and wouldn't let go. But Megan? Maria? Janelle? Not so much.

This isn't my life anymore.
There is more to me than this.

I want to be back at OBU.

One More Day 'Til The Dreams End.

I leave tomorrow.
My room is bare, except for a few random things that I haven't packed yet.
Like my French phrase a day calender
And my box of Nemo tissues
And my bathroom stuff.

And the flowers that Shaun picked at the North 40 for me yesterday.

I'm going to cry. I don't want to leave. Well, I do...but I don't. This is my home now. I love it here. I mean, Alaska is my home, too. But I'm here more than I'm there. I'm so going to miss my friends - Helena, Kim, Vivanna, Jenna, Gina, Tara, Jenni, John, Jonathan, the Matt's, Patrick, Jarrod, and Shaun. And Chae. And my whole French class. And Alana, my new friend.

I'm listening to Yellowcard's "Ocean Avenue" CD right now. For some reason, it really matches my mood today.

Helena and I were supposed to have a photo shoot in the sunrise this morning, but that didn't happen. Not sure why. Oh well. Her parents are now here. I wonder if I'll meet them. She's coming to Alaska in June.

We are going to have so much company this summer. When I get home, my grandparents and a great aunt will be there, then a few days after I get there, another great aunt comes. Then right after that, my parent's friends from California come up, then they'll leave in like June, then Helena comes up. Then Mom and I might go to Arizona, then we're going to CREATION, then I'll be home for like a week and a half with my sisters before I Have to come back down here for RA stuff.

And in between, I'll be working, running, going to IHOP, and just chilling.

It's so sad to look out my window and see people carrying stuff to their cars.

Carp, I hope my bag isn't over 50 pounds.

My Henna.

My friend Kim and I went to Hot Topic...
And bought Henna. :)

I am officially the WMU Third North Henna Tattoo artist. I've given I don't know how many henna tattoos since Saturday.
Here's mine.






Yay

I think that next year, I'm going to have Henna Parties with the girls on my hall, cuz they're fun. :)

And I might get some when I'm home this summer, cuz I like it.
My parents are going to flip out.

Good Life.

Two finals down. Three to go.

Wrote like 8 or 9 pages for my English final.
Pretty sure I rallied my math one.
Good thing, too, since I studied for it for FOUR hours last night in the library.

I'm slowly packing up my room. It looks like a disaster area right now, with papers and clothes everywhere. Pretty cool...

Only a few more days.
Not sure how I feel about going home. It will be nice to not have to do school for three months. But being home? Being away from everyone here?

Next year is going to be completely different. I'll be in charge of a hall. I won't have the 3rd North girls with me. Kim will be around, since she's my networker, and I'll see the other people, but really... I love my hall this year. What if I have bad girls next year? Our hall is tight.

Even though sometimes it seems like I'm on the outside looking in...

I'm going to miss my room. It was my safe haven. The place I came and closed the door and blasted music and just thought. It's where I missed my sisters the most, where I called home, where I watched movies and played my guitar.

Grandma and Grandpa and Aunt Cecile are going to be there when I get home. I hope they don't mind if I go out on Monday with Cody and Kristina and hopefully Chris. They might. We might have to reschedule.

They wouldn't buy my psychology book back. Made me sad. Hopefully they'll take my math book. Cross your fingers.

I have my French final in about an hour. And really, I might fail it. I'm not even kidding or trying to get pity points. I really don't know it. It's all about verb tenses and stuff like that. Which, I kind of know...but not really.

I'm listening to the song "Good Life" from the movie What a Girl Wants. :) Makes me happy.

I do have a good life.
I live in a beautiful state
Go to an amazing school
Have the best friend I'd ever need or want
My boyfriend is amazing
Jesus died for me
I'm going home soon
Then I'll be back here in 3 months
I get to see my parents and grandparents
Music makes me smile
It rained on the way to my math final
Then was sunny afterwards
I haven't worn jeans in a LONG time
It's way hot here
We've got the good life.

Also.

People are Ridiculous.
They make me laugh in a sad sort of way.

Au Revoir, Freshman Year.

Can't belive freshman year is almost over.

Seriously?

Where did it go?

Come baaaack...
Come baaaack...
Come baaaack...

It's like I blinked and BAM. It was gone.

Why?

My Buddy Timmy.

I have to read 1 and 2 Timothy and Titus for my New Testament class.
So, I decided to read them from The Message.

I found a copy of The Message on-line. And I love how it reads 1 Timothy:

1 Timothy 2:8-10
Since prayer is at the bottom of all this, what I want mostly is for men to pray—not shaking angry fists at enemies but raising holy hands to God. And I want women to get in there with the men in humility before God, not primping before a mirror or chasing the latest fashions but doing something beautiful for God and becoming beautiful doing it.

I love this passage - women doing something beautiful for God and becoming beautiful doing it...
That's what I want.

Kissing.

Shaun: "So, are you ever going to kiss me?"
Me: "Maybe after six months."
Shaun: "It's been over six months."
Me: "Oh. There you go, then."

I could not determine if I had this conversation or not. Not for the LIFE of me. I thought: Did we talk about this? Did I just think it in my head? Did I dream it?

So I asked Shaun last night if we had talked about kissing at all in the last week or so. And he laughed and said no, and asked why. So I told him. And he called me crazy for not knowing if we had that conversation or not.

Fortune Cookie Always Wrong.

So, today was stir fry day at lunch.
It was good. I'm really full now.

But that isn't the topic of this post.

I got a fortune cookie with my stir fry.
And my fortune said:

"You are the crispy noodle in the
vegetarian salad of life."

I'm not one to believe in fortune cookies, but what does that even MEAN?
Is it good...or bad?
I really don't know.

But I think it's funny, so I'm going to keep it.