Silliness.

hehe I'm in a giddy mood. :) :)

I'm such a girl.

I hope Addi gets back soon. Soo glad I didn't go int OKC with them. I knew this would happen. Hope everything is okay and that they make smart choices.

Hehehehe I'm just giggly. :)

I'm really excited for tonight. "My boy" (as My Maddill friend calls him) and I got everything on the table tonight. I have no idea what's going to happen. At all.

That's so silly.
I'm so silly.
And holy cow - he's silly, too.

Ah Crap.

What the crap. What is going on?! How does that HAPPEN?

Wednesday night: 4 hours.
THursday night: 3 hours.

Question after question. Family. Baseball. Music. Video games. Pets. Shooting things. Our testimonies. Family vacations. Friends back home. Crazy things we've done with friends. Fears. Oh my word.

And I'm pretty sure he likes me. And that can't happen. Not with him, anyway. I don't like him like that. At all. He's like Lucas with a but of Tony - just the game-playing part of Tony, though. He smelled good last night. And he escorted me back to my dorm at about 1:00 in the morning. I had to sign in at the front desk, even, for being out so late.

This can't - CAN'T - happen. Doesn't he get that?

I can't just stop talking to him, though. That's not fair. But I can't lead him on. If that's what I'm doing. I don't want another Corrie. It's like that quote from Little Women: "You don't need scores of suitors - just one if he's the right one."

I'm not sure what to do. And I don't know who to talk to about it. I told Christina about it a little...but I don't know if she got it. Maybe I'll tell Addi while we drive to her house on Sunday. She'd understand. It doesn't help that she called him "My man" already. Or that she thinks he's a cutie, too.

I can't.

What the crap...?!?!?!??????!?

Mission Center Rocks My Socks.

Mission Center last night was incredible. It was everything I had imagined...and more.

I'm working with Tink now. Have I mentioned her? SHe's a mentally-challenged girl who goes to mission center. She needs one on one attention. The girl who works with her right now - Ashley - is graduating at the end of the year, so they've been praying about someone to work with Tink, preferably someone who is an underclassman. So I started praying about it, asking God if it is what He wants me to do. And it is. But I was like, "Well, someone else will do it. I can't." And GOd was all, "UM, you CAN, and I WANT you to." So I told the group on Monday that yes, I'd work with Tink. And then I started crying, and Ashley was like, "MELISSA! You are soo the right person for Tink. You're crying!"

So I wrote her a letter during the week, just telling her how excited I was to meet her. And then I got sick. And I wasn't sure if I would be up to going to Mission Center or not. I didn't want to get everyone else sick or anything.

But I ended up going. We stopped by Tink's house to pick her up, but she wasn't home, and I was kind of disappointed. But we went back to the Mission Center, and started the lesson...and about 1/2 way through, she walked in! I didn't really say anything to her until we started the craft. But she totally was open about talking to me. She was like, "Any friend of Ashley's, I want to meet." So we just talked. And it felt more natural than anything else I had done there yet.

So then it was time to take her home. And when we got to her house, she gave Ashley a hug, as was normal, but then she gave me one too.

And after she walked away, Ashley looked at me, and was like, "THAT WAS SO COOL!" Apparently Tink is never that open with anyone. She never gives hugs on the first day. But she did with me. So every Friday after Mission Center, we all sit around and talk about the night, so I shared about Tinkerbell, and it was just so cool. Like, I found my niche. And I like it. It's a little scary, I'm not quite used to it, but already, I know it'll be a nice niche. You know?

Then we went to Braums and I got some peanut butter cup icecream, and talked to people, and it was good fellowship. We talked about running on tredmills, going caving, giant produce grown in Alaska, and I don't know what else. But I just saw one of the guys in the library, and we talked in passing. But it's cool to feel involved and welcome. And Erin, Eckle, Becca, Hannah and I had a good (tired) ride back home afterward.

It was a good night.

Then I stayed up until 1:30 am or 2:00 am reading one of Whitney's books. :) But it was a really really really good book. One of the best that I've read in a long time. So there you go. And all the homework I have left to do is reading chapter six of Plato's Replublic, and writing a paper for philosophy. Bah. I hate philosophy.

Not A Senior Anymore.

Wow, that's so weird....I'm not a high school senior anymore.

I mean, I knew that. I totally did. I'm in college now. Not high school.

But wow.

I was just looking at the Anchorage Daily News website and the Frontiersman site, and I was scanning an article about Colony's football season thus far, and they were talking about Colony High School Senior So-And-So. And it was just weird. I mean, that was ME. Well, not ME me, but my classmates. That was Joey on the football team, Joe Cook running uber fast, Hallie Huggins jumping like her life depended on it. And now it isn't.

It's weird.

I don't really know what to think about it all.

Tomorrow I get back on face book. Can't wait to see what Tammy wrote in the last week while I was going without FB. Something about me and Shaun, I think. Bah.

We Rock At Flag Football.

I'm sick now. And it's lame. Like, my throat is killing me. It's retarded. I hate it.

We played flag football again tonight - AND WE WON. We are so good. I played the entire first half and like 3/4 of the second half. Ha - I like our plays A LOT. We have such girlie code names for them. Like, "pink" and "yellow" and there's "flower", "tree", "rainbow"...no, I actually don't think there's a rainbow. But still. In one play, our coaches yell from the sidelines, "They can take our pride, but they can't take our..." And we all yell, "FREEDOM!" And charge. Then for another one, as soon as the QB says, "HIKE" we on the line get down on our hands and knees and bark like dogs. It's incredible. We did it in today's game, and the other girls were just like, "Um...okay..." Apparently it's in a movie. But the play worked and we gained some yardage. And this girl got made at me because she ran into my knee, then said I tripped her. Sore loser. Then she wouldn't come shake our hands after the game.

I think I did really bad on my French test today. And I have an Old Testament test tomorrow. I need to study. A lot. And drink apple juice that I bought at WalMart today.

Flood.

Music Video:FLOOD (by Jars Of Clay)

Music Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

Work Work Work.

I don't really have anything to update.

Classes are okay. Tonight I have flag football practice at 7:00, a hall Bible Study at 8:00, and a Mission Center meeting at 9:00. AND I need to get all of my homework done before that, including studying for two tests and brainstorming for a paper that is due next week. PLUS, I have to write and send some letters. Bah.

I think the stress is setting in. Haha. So uh, if you guys have anything funny, a song, a joke, a story, let me know, so I can laugh and de-stress a little.

Aight, I'm off to the library to do work.

Thoughts And Football.

I think that, in regards to the girls on my floor, since I missed the initial "Get to know eachother" time, I'm always going to be an outsider with them. I mean, I have like two friends in the hall. Three, including Whitney.

But I just can't really be myself with them.

Maybe they intimidate me, in all their outgoing ways. Maybe I'm just better at observing than participating. Maybe if I was really good at something, I could be in their little gang.

I mean, I'm part of all the little hall things they do - or some of them - the one's I know about and am invited to - but there's just little things. Like hanging out in eachother's dorms all the time, or just sitting with eachother in class. I'm never in on it.

And why do I feel like I need to be in on it?

It saddens me sometimes. Just the thought that we girls always seem to need to be with other girls, even if those girls make us feel dumb, or give us a negative self-image. It's sad that there are girls who feel like they don't measure up, so they have to diet and work out like crazy. Why do girls feel like they need to go shopping so that they never look like last week's style? Have you ever thought that somewhere, girls are standing in line for a makeover?

I mean, Okay, I know that not EVERY girl feels like that. But I bet that at least once in their life-time they do. I know I do.

I'm in college and I still do.

I don't think it will get better though.

The Bible says that God is enthralled by my beauty, so why do I let the world's standards get in my line of thought all the time? Why - HOW? - does it all become about looks and clothes?

And it's not just those, but it's relationships. There are girls in my hall who already have boyfriends here. Not that there's anything wrong with that, and perhaps I'm just jealous, but...

I struggle with that. I'm not gonna lie.

I dream about a boy falling in love with me, and us going for a drive and him pulling the car over and turning up the stereo, then getting out and asking me to dance. You know? I think about what I want him to look like, the kinds of activities I want him to be involved in. I want him to be able to sing so that he can write me songs.

But before I get all that, I need to let God be the romancer of my heart. I know that I need to fall in love with Him first, but it's easier to tell my mind that than my heart. Not that I'm in love with anyone - by any means - but still.






What is my destiny?

Reality Sucks Sometimes.

Life is crazy sometimes.

And sometimes, it flat out is crap. Even if what you find out isn't that big of a deal and you don't know WHY it matters so much, but it does. And I guess I need to get back to relying on Jesus.

And I don't know. But even when I don't think so, I've got you and Jesus.

Stellar Kart has an amazing new song called "Me and Jesus" and I love it. A lot. It's in my top top top top top ten.

I sat with Helena in chapel the other day, and talked to her a few times today in passing. She's nice. She taught me that if you stand on the end of the tree, you get more leverage.

I've got a flag football game tonight. Too bad I can't catch or throw. :) haha And tomorrow night I'm going into Oklahoma City to work with some intercity kids. And I'm super excited about it.

The other night, we had a speaker at 905 who talked about destiny and how like our daily descisions affect ours. And it was cool to think about. After 905 was done, I thanked him for coming, and went outside and started crying and just walked around campus in the dark. It was so good.

I think I'm going to go to the library now to do homework. I'm limiting myself to an hour on-line per day unless it's for homework.

So I'm out.

But thanks for the letter, Kristina. I love it. :)

Chapstick. And Chapped Lips. And Things Like Chemistry.

Going to dinner in about 9 minutes. Or, 14 minutes, depending on which clock I go off of.

And I have homework to do afterwards.

This isn't very interesting, thus far.

Last night, I was thinking, crazy, huh?, about love. Yes, love. And I was thinking: who do I love more? God or other people? Do I want to be in love with God or with a mortal man? Whose love can I depend on more? So why then, do I spend my time thinking about other things?

And I decided that it's lame.

I have some other things I decided, too, but those will be recorded later. I need to get ready for dinner.

Peace out.