Home.

Well. I am now 20 years and 3 days old.

My teenage years have passed, and I am now a "Twenty-something" year old. I don't know how I feel about it. I mean...I'm TWENTY.

Africa is coming up pretty quickly, which is exciting. Less than a month now. God way out did Himself, and provided WAY more money than I needed.

Spent the last week with Helena, and now I am sad that I don't have an OBU friend here with me. We had fun though - went to Seward and the cabin and climbed the Butte. We watched a LOT of movies, and slept in every day. Loved it.

I start work on Monday. That'll be fun...ish.

It really is nice being Home, where the house is messy and comforting, where I can cook if I want to and it doesn't cost money to do laundry. Of course, there are things I would change about Home - the bad internet for example - but I would never change some things... like the Kip poster on my parents' door. Random things like that are just...Home.

And I like Home.

Helena and I talked a lot about being married... and I can't wait. I mean, I know I will. A couple more years, anyway. :) I can't wait to have a husband... my best friend to stand by me through it all. I can't wait to have a Home with him... to start our own little family.

Three, Two, One.

Let's play a game - Two Truths and a Lie.

You have to comment, telling which is which.

Ready? GO!

1. My favorite color is yellow.
2. I hate shopping for shoes.
3. I love having long finger nails.

TRICKED YOU! THEY ARE ALL LIES!
Bahaha...

Let's try it again.

1. I scare myself really easily.
2. I love to workout by myself.
3. I have wanted to go to Africa since 7th grade.

TRICKED YOU AGAIN! They are all true!
Bahaha...

Okay, this time it's for real.

1. My favorite Food Network show is "Iron Chef."
2. I went swimming in a King's private swimming hole.
3. I doodle... a lot.

Well? What do you think? What are the two truths, and what's a lie?

Thundercats.

Well, I am (mostly) all packed. Carp - can't forget the Superman poster... It's the only thing left on my walls.

I finished Civ with an A. :) I dominated the final. I only missed 16 points on it - 159 out of 175. The only thing was that I sometimes got my key facts mixed up. But I got a LOT of check marks and underlines, which is good. Hello, 4.0 again! That means my GPA will be about 3.9 now. Yay!

I worked really hard this semester, and am happy with the results.

I saw Helena today! She came over while I was working and helped me fold my clothes, then she helped me pack for like 2 hours. What a good friend. I'm so excited to show her Alaska. My mom is, too. She's planning a nice roadtrip for us.

I want to go to Canada this summer, too. And lots of hiking/Butte climbing. And lots of talking. I can't wait to just TALK to my friends...face to face, not on-line or on the phone. You know? I'm ready for that personal touch.

Of course, that means saying goodbye to people here - Kim, Addi, Jenna, Olivia, my girls, the other RAs, my class friends (Kristin, Russell, Aaron, Carissa, Hannah) Mission Center people (Allen, Galend, David, April, Laura), and the Seniors (John, Amanda, and Amanda). And of course, Shaun.

We're... okay... now, by the way. Not amazing. This week has been really trying on our relationship... at least on my half of it. I don't know.

And now, I should take some more stuff to Kerr so that Shaun doesn't have to carry everything for me. I just took one load. The attic there scares me, though, and so does the elevator. I don't like it.

I hope my bags aren't over 50 pounds. THat would kind of suck. A lot. I would have to pay money. Lame. Good thing I get two bags still, though. How did I get this much stuff? It's like it DOUBLED this year. I don't understand. I think this fall I'm going to go through and purge a lot. The only issue with that, though, is that I am WAY sentimental, and can't get rid of ANYTHING.

Okay, Kerr's attic, here I come. Let's do this.

So Long, Farewell.

It was supposed to be a special night. My 20th birthday date with Shaun. We were going to go to Red Lobster so I could have shrimp pasta. Then we were going to go to the Oklahoma City art museum, something I've wanted to do for a YEAR now.

So I spent the last hour getting ready... curling my hair, making sure my outfit looked nice, doing my makeup.

And he forgot.
He fell asleep.

It's All Over.

I am officially a junior in college at Oklahoma Baptist University.

Whoa.

It's sad, saying goodbye to my girls and my professors. I mean... I'll see most of them again next fall, but some of them... I won't. And wow. Sad.

I've been an emotional wreck this week. But alas.

One week from today I will be home, hanging out, waiting for Helena to come in. That's fun. She's here in Oklahoma now, but I haven't seen or talked to her yet. I think she's coming to OBU some day. She said she wants to see Dr. Hagen. I don't blame her. He's cool.

I got my Civ long paper back... all 13 pages of it, size 11.5 font. I got an A. :) I was pretty proud. I worked really hard on it. And on the last third of it, all Dr. Armond wrote is "good" with a few check marks, which means that it was really good. Yay. I like when I work hard and am rewarded for it.

I wonder how Shaun did.

It's raining. Again. I like rain.

I bought a fun scarf at the mall today. It's blue. I'm wearing it now. And I bought a new wallet. It's red. And summer-y.

I'm hungry. I should go eat dinner before church tonight. I think I'll wear my raincoat tonight. It matches my scarf.

Ha - I like how the last 10 sentences are written like a first grader wrote them. Ah, my first graders... I liked them. When I go home this summer, I am teaching the 5th/6th grade Sunday School class at church. I love that age... My mom is teaching that class now and when she told them I would take over for the summer, they got really excited. Then when I wasn't there on the 11th, I guess they were sad, and were like, "Where's your daughter???" That's cute... I'm excited that they are excited to have me teaching them.

And I'm excited that I found my passion in life...teaching.

Story Of My Life.

Gah.

(Hi, Dr. Armond)

Addi is next to me. We are NOT spooning. But she wants to. It's almost like last year, when I would crawl into her bed, shoved between her and the wall, and sing to her the suicidal panda song.

The song changed every time, but the effect didn't. She always woke up smiling. And annoyed that I had moved her. And that I woke her up in the first place.

I would take off my shoes at her door, and run and THROW myself into her bed.

Now she's in my bed....talking about her "dang boobs" and playing on her phone... "Dang boobs. They always get me in trouble."

Sometimes...

...I live in my own universe.

www.youniverse.com

"HIT THE GROUND!!!!"

We had an adventure tonight, Addi and I.
It was hardcore fun.
We attacked the campus.

We hid from campus safety... kind of.
Addi lost her ID.

Then we had really deep conversations by the fountain. And we talked... a lot... about lots of stuff.

Civ
Heaven
haha... unmentionables...

It was good. Needed.

My DNA.

I am an easy rider.
I am an escape artist.
I am a new wave puritan.
I am touchy feely.

I know that art is not about perfection - it is about making what you feel.
I know that life is defined by laughing, loving, and having fun.

I love to drive with windows down and music blasting.
I love the feeling of flying when you jump into water.
I love shoes.
I love traveling - you never know what will happen one day to the next.

I relax while I sleep.
I relax on beaches next to the ocean.
I relax when I am surrounded by rugged beauty.

I am done with Civ. Whether or not I'll get an A, I don't know. But I'm done. Wow.

One more final, and a presentation, and a paper to write. I haven't started my paper yet. I think I'll do it tomorrow.

It's crazy... I'm packing my room, getting ready to go home again.

My birthday date with Shaun is on Thursday. We're going to the Oklahoma City Art Museum. I've wanted to go there for a really long time, and kept asking him, but we never did. So now we are. :) I'm excited.

Modern.

Modernity.
What does it mean to be “modern” – that is, to live in a post-modern age?
What does it mean?

And how does everything from the American Revolution and after lead up to where we are today? What does Liberal and Conservative thought have to do with me being at OBU right now? And how can I integrate all of those things and apply them to my life, so that I may not stumble through life naive and unaware, but active and engaged in the world around me?

Liberal thought is that which stresses the importance of the individual.

Authentic Living.

So, here I am. Last night before my last day of class as a sophomore at OBU. Where has the time gone? I mean, really. Seems like yesterday I was moving in on during Welcome Week, wearing my beanie. Now, I am slowly packing up my sophomore dorm room, about to leave for home, for Africa.

In Civ, we've been talking about living an authentic life. What does that really look like?

And... I don't know. I think it's about more than just not lying on facebook. I think it's about knowing your place in the world - where you stand, what your role is. It's about knowing who you are, not in the world's eyes, per say, but in God's eyes. It's about being comfortable enough in your own skin that nothing can deter you from doing what you are called to do.

And that isn't easy.

I mean, it's hard to live a free, comfortable life when everyone around you is drowning in a lack of self-confidence... when no one is willing to step out of their shell and really BE who they're meant to be.

None of us are called to live shallow, turtle lives where we merely hang out in our shell all day. We are called to be fabulous... to allow God to be fabulous through us. Being meek does not help the world at all. Holding back from letting yourself shine does nothing for the universe.

We are called to let our lights shine. And when we do that, when we grace the world with the amazingness that God has given us, that's when we live authentically. That's when and where we see that without God, we're useless... that without Him, there is nothing we can do. But when we are humble, and recognize that, that's when we can live. That's when we can act and dream and hope and be fearless. Because that's when we know...well, everything that needs to be known.

I mean, maybe I won't be a really famous person one day. My dream used to be to be famous. But now... I'm okay without that. Because maybe, if I was in that place, I would no longer really be me. I wouldn't be authentic.

As a teacher, I can really be someone who effects change in the world through the lives of my students. I can really have an influence in their lives, in their walks through the world of education. And that excites me.

I'm excited that God has called and gifted me in that realm. I know that not everyone is called that way, and I'm excited (and surprised) that I am among those who are.

So, authentic living. It could be a magazine, like Martha Stuart Living.

Except, instead of having "How to make a centerpiece out of twine and newspaper," it can be filled with articles about "How to play big, take chances, and have fun." Because I think that everyone needs to know that lesson even more.

Eek. Hahaha.

I got a pretty sunburn this weekend, all over my arms, chest, neck, shoulders, and face. It's so red it's almost purple. Really. It hurts. I would take a picture, but my camera is broken.

Maybe I'll get a new one for my birthday....

Which is in 21 days.

Crazy. In 21 days, I will be two decades old. Where does time go?

Right out the window. This semester has been so fast - like I blinked and it's gone. This whole past two years. How is it possible that I am almost halfway done with my college career? I mean, really?

What am I going to do after I graduate? It would be really cool to teach in the Bush in Alaska... in a little village, in a little house. I wonder how Shaun would feel about that. Hmm.

Ha - I just looked up teaching jobs in Alaska, and there is an opening for an elementary teacher in Eek, Alaska. I didn't know there was an Eek, Alaska, but it intrigues me. :)

Fun.

Fall In Love All Over.

I can't wait until I get married.

I Keep Thinking.

I think that it is funny how things work out sometimes.

It's like, you don't think they will, or you are passive about it to begin with, then it happens, and it just blows your mind and takes you by surprise, then as it sinks in, you just realize how awesome God is to work it all out like that.

Like Africa.

I leave in 54 days.
I bought a dress (a long dress) to wear while I am there. And it's fun.



I hate it when people are like, "You don't know me! No one understands me!" Because, okay, if no one knows you, that's kind of pretty much entirely your problem, not theirs. You are the one who has not been real and open with people.

All others can do is take things at face value. No one really knows what it is in your heart and mind unless they ask and unless you are honest about it. If you think people don't know you or don't understand you, then maybe it is because you aren't honest with them about whatever it is they don't understand or know.

That's all.
I need to keep working on my Civ paper now. I'm on page eight, and it needs to be ten to twelve. I wonder if I'll go over. Probably.