To The Last Person I Kissed.

Ha, hey Chris.
I wonder how many of these letters will be to you by the end of this all.

I joked the other day that I was going to buy red lipstick and wear it on our Valentine's Date, but then people would know if we kissed. Mom said, "You better not be kissing!" Oh, Mom.

By the time my parents were a year and a half into their relationship, they'd already been married for about 8 months. But heaven forbid we kiss! How funny.

13 months. Love, love, love.
Thanks for that. It's special.

Sleep well tonight. Dream big, but not soo big that it keeps you awake all night. Dream happy, not sad or angry.

This could turn quite scandalous in an instant. This is a rather scandalous letter topic to begin with, dear. What am I supposed to say?:
"OH MY GOSH! You are the BEST kisser ever! I melt every time out lips meet." OR
"Eh, you're pretty good... but try some chapstick next time. Your lips are kind of flaky." OR
"I could kiss you everyday and never be sick of it." OR
"Sometimes I am so happy when we kiss that I can't stop smiling; that tends to interrupt the kissing process."

Haha.

Love,
The One Who Wants To Be Your Last First Kiss.

To Someone To Whom I Want To Give A Second Chance.

Dear High School People,

I want to give you a second chance. We were so... ridiculous in high school. Clique-y. Why? Why weren't we all just nice and lovely and caring? Why did we have that "Holier Than Thou" attitude? Gah.

If we do this whole 5-year reunion thing, will it be awkward? Will anyone remember or talk to anyone else, apart from the friends they had in high school? I don't know.

It's not that you were ever blatantly mean to me. I mean, people were nice to me. But there's a difference between being polite and being friends.

So, this is it. Let's be friends.

Melissa.

To Someone I Judged By Their First Impression.

By first impression, you were lovely, Satan. The things you whispered to me sounded right... They confirmed all my worst fears, which had to be true: that I am not beautiful. That I am not lovable. That I am not forgivable.

But, OH, how wrong I was.

You are a liar, a thief, a manipulator.

You do NOT know all; rather you pretend to be the One who does know all.

Previously, I was easily deceived by you, king of deceivers. But now... now, by the Grace of the One against whom you rebelled, I know that I do not have to listen to you. I have freedom in Him. You cannot take away that freedom.

Yours Truly,
Melissa

To The One That Broke My Heart The Hardest.

Dear M.P., aka my crush for FAR too long in elementary school,

You were SO cute. I mean, seriously?
Then, that time in 5th grade changed it all - when you read that note out loud to the class, in which I declared my undying love for you. I was mortified and went home early that day, missing the Halloween party. That is still the number one Most Embarrassing Moment Of My Life.

All for you.

I was convinced back then that we would marry and spend many a weekend together snowboarding and whatnot.
Ha.

I'm glad things change. Judging from your facebook pictures, which I just saw, I am glad we did not ever have a "thing," whatever that could be in elementary school or middle school. Your tattoos are NOT cute.

That's all. Thanks for making me tougher!

Melissa

To Someone That Pesters My Mind - Good Or Bad.

You.
Chris.
You are always on my mind: first thing when I wake up, right before I fall asleep, and often in-between.

The song is fairly sad. My thoughts about you are not.

Often they leave me with that same old ridiculous, huge, goofy grin on my face.
I hope I never get over it. And I hope you never get over it, too.

The times we spend just sitting together, on a couch or on my bed, are so wonderful. So... perfect. I want those moments with you forever.

Love,
Melissa

To The Person That I Wish I Could Be.

(Side Note: I'm not sure if this refers to someone I want to be like, or what I want myself to be like. Thus, I am unanimously deciding to go for the latter. This is to me, what I want me to be like.)

Dear Me,

Let me remind myself of who you are. Of who I am.

I am
Caring.
Not emotionally-driven.
Compassionate.
Loving to the point of recklessness.
Beautiful.
Talented. Talented at teaching and loving and allowing people to be free to be themselves.

I am
A Teacher. A Real, legit, teacher who has her own class and can read literature with her students, practice problem-solving, and teach them ALL about the Cold War, Senegal, and the woes of "Global Warming."
Beloved and Treasured.
Not Valuable, but Valued.

I am someone who is not afraid to try new things. I will boldly move in new directions, even if the path does not go that way. I will answer with what I really think is true, not what I know people want to hear. I stand up for truth. I fight for truth.

I regularly listen to "Walk in the Word" with James McDonald. I am THAT person. And I like it.

Apparently I'm now a Taurus. Funny.

I am who I make me. Stop wishing, Melissa, and do it. It is who I am made to be.

Love,
Me.

To Someone From My Childhood.

Dear Becca,

We wore polarfleece nearly everyday in 2nd grade. Remember? We both liked Joel. Funny. Oh, funny.
And, we went to church together. And played in the gym. And hung out at your Dad's house reading Full House books. I was convinced that you and Han and I would be Best Friends Forever!

How funny.

I don't know what you're doing now. Are you married? Are you happy?
Do you ever miss how things used to be?

As we grow older, separately now, I find myself becoming more and more nostalgic. I think about playing American Girl dolls, once you got Felicity, too. Sitting in your hot tub. Etc.

But really, I'm also becoming more and more excited about what will happen in the future. I'm learning to dream more - I think often about what I want for the future, but what does God want?

Do you think about God ever?
We were baptized on the same day. Remember?

Huh.

I hope you're doing well, Becca.
That's all.

Melissa

To Someone Who Is Not In My State/Country.

Oh Em Gee.
I miss you, KK.

My sister from another mister. Sister from another mother, too. But soul sisters, too. That's sisters THREE times over. In. Credible.
I like that we were roomies and took beautiful pictures together our last night in VA. Hotties. Fo' Sho.
And I like that we were both in Oklahoma! So we could actually hang out and be friends! That was lovely.

You are such a beautiful woman. Inside and out. Your tenacity, humility, and ability to figure out that which is most important is so admirable. Thank you for being that friend in my life.

Also, thank you for coming to my goodbye breakfast and supporting me throughout that decision to come home.



i think that picture says it all.

Love,
Melissa!

To The Person I Miss The Most.

Hi friend.
BFFFL.
I miss you.

Remember that time we bought the matching hats at Target? It was fall and we wore them the whole way home, even though it was like 80 degrees outside. Jamming to Hannah Montana the whole time.

Ha, and remember when you came running to my room, pounded on the door, and grabbed my hand when I stumbled out of bed, having already fallen asleep? Only you.

Harvest Court. Mission Center. RA/Network role reversal.
I don't really know what else to say. You are important in my life and I miss you.
I appreciate you, and I hope you're doing well.

Love,
Melissa Louise.

To Someone I’ve Drifted Away From.

Side note: Why are all these subjects so sad?! I mean, come on. What about a letter to a leprechaun at the end of a rainbow??

Ah.
Hokay.
Hey Sarah.
We've drifted. Icebergs moving so slowly through the water that you don't even notice at first, the one day - BAM! You're gone. Funny how that happens.

I really looked up to you for so long. I still do, but now I don't even know you hardly. What are you doing? Where are you?
I wish I could plop down in your office, tell you about my life and a new funny story, then hear about what your kids are doing before I went on my way and you on yours. That was lovely, wasn't it?
I would love to see you in church again. I would hug your neck for an awkward amount of time. Is that okay?
I would tell you all about Chris and why I didn't move overseas and I would pray that you'd understand.

I would ask if you were mad at me.

And I would hope that one day, it would be like the olden days of us.

Love,
Melissa

To Someone I Wish Could Forgive Me.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for those failures and shortcomings.
I'm sorry that I was not enough for you.

If I could take it back, I would. I would change everything. I would rethink priorities and make you do the same. Ask you to do the same. Together, we would maybe succeed.

Maybe.

I won't beg you to forgive me. That's incredibly silly. It would be like forcing your hand at something you might not want to do. These days, I try not to do that.

But I do hope that one day, you could forgive me. I hope those closest to you will, too.

Thanks.

To Someone Who Caused Me A Lot Of Pain.

Dear Girl Who Shoved Me And Dislocated My Wrist During That One Flag Football Game:

That hurt.
A LOT.

I went to the Emergency Room. Did you know that? I was there for a LONG time... and I had class early that next morning. They even took X-Rays. My wrist was dislocated, then it popped back in place. I had to wear a brace on my wrist for weeks and it looked like I had carpal-tunnel.

I don't even know if you apologized.

Humph.

It's okay. I forgive you. And I can add that to my ER tally. During my time at OBU alone, I think I went... 7 times? Sounds about right.

Love,
Melissa

To A Deceased Person I Wish I Could Talk To.

Dear Grandma,

I want to hear your stories. I want to know about your first date with Grandpa, how you fell in love with him, how he proposed.
I want to hear about how you worked as a nurse during World War 2 and all about living through the Great Depression.
I want to know what you thought when you found out Mom was expecting me, your first granddaughter.

I wish I could have back all those years that we spent at your house, bored out of our minds because it was a million degrees outside. Now, I would sit next to your feet, let you play with my hair, and listen. Just listen. Probably, actually, I would tape-record everything. I would ask you what your favorite memories are. What you regret the most. What your passions are.

I wish I knew, Grandma. I wish I knew.

Mom says you are in Heaven now. I look forward to seeing you again. Do you think we'll remember this life? Will you be able to answer my questions?

I love you, Grandma. THere's so much more I could say.
I'm sorry for not writing you back. But thank you for the letters and savings bonds. You always thought ahead. Thank you for sending school supplies, and picking out clothes for me, and loving me a LOT. I never doubt that you do. Did? I don't know. This whole death thing is... odd.

I think about you often. I am grateful for you. I love you.

Remember your 50th wedding anniversary? I didn't really think it was a big deal, back when I was in 4th grade, but I do now. And I love having that legacy in my family. We sat on the bed in the hotel room and looked at Molly. I had just gotten her for Christmas. Remember? That was nice.

And remember that time we sat in your living room, and looked through your photo albums? Chris and I did that last summer and I remembered some of the things you told me, like about the toilet paper you had to use in Europe that was waxy and FAILED at wiping appropriately.

And remember that time I counted all your Beanie Babies? You thought they were so cute. You would make Grandpa take you to McDonalds so you could get them in Kids' Meals.

Remember eating lunches together at your house? Chips, half a banana, sandwich. And getting our hair done. I would watch you paint on your eyebrows. Ha. I loved that. You hung my clay surfer head on your wall, the one I made in middle school art class. And our 5x7 school pictures.

Oh, Grandma. Come back. Please?

Love always,
Melissa

To Someone I Don't Talk To As Much As I'd Like To.

Hi, Brothers. And their lovely wives.

I don't talk to you as much as I would like to.
I'm sorry.

So here's the deal. If I could tell you anything about myself and life, it would be:
1. I really enjoy teaching. More than most else in life. If I were not a teacher, I would be... I have no idea. I take that back. I would be an archaeologist. But I would have to go back to school for a LONG time. So if I couldn't be a teacher, I have NO IDEA what I would do right now. Probably work in a bookstore. Or a daycare. No, not a daycare. That would be awful, especially if the kids are biters. I have a student right now who is a biter.
2. I wonder sometimes about love and I would enjoy hearing your thoughts about it. How did you know it was love? What actions do you take to show your spouse you love them? How do show love even when you don't feel it?
3. Was I a good little sister? Do I make you proud with what I do and who I am?
4. If you could go on vacation by yourself - to anywhere in the world, all expense-paid - without your spouse - where would you go and what would you do? I would go to Africa. And probably stumble upon some random village. I would braid women's hair and take dolls for the little girls and tell stories. I would probably get a sunburn, but I would wear all the traditional clothing. Batik. And I would learn to weave cloth. You know what? I loved Africa. It felt just like home. I can't even explain it. India was NOT like that, but India changed my world and how I do things in ways that Africa did not. India was hard. Really hard. But at the same time, I felt the Holy Spirit move in my life. It was amazing. Indescribable. I also fell in poop in India, before wetting the bed.
5. I don't get embarrassed often. Do you?
6. I like to be creative. Crocheting, Knitting sometimes, painting, whatever. It is... music to my soul when I can't carry a tune.
7. My favorite numbers are 7 and 3. But not because they are Biblical. I always set my alarm so that it ends in either of those numbers because then I feel like I am sleeping in for 2 or 3 minutes that I wouldn't get if I woke up on a solid 0 or 5.

But mostly, I would tell you that I love you and appreciate you.

That's all.

Melissa.

To Someone I Wish I Could Meet.

Dear Esme Raji Codell,

You are my favorite. I am getting excited just thinking - literally - about re-reading your book "Educating Esme." Who cares that it would be my 5th or 6th time reading it? I laugh out loud every time. And every time I learn something new about teaching.

I would have paid MONEY to be your Student Teacher last spring.

When you roller-bladed down the hallway, with the crazy inventions outfit on?! Genius.
The Reading Time Machine?! Brilliant.
Your weekly class discussions about issues?! So smart for developing social skills.
Making the student teach that one day?! Gutsy.

I admire how you did what you knew would work for your students. You KNEW them. You learned from them just as much as you taught them. I love how you stood up to your ridiculous principal, how you describe the classroom decorations, and how you welcomed your students everyday: the word card, worries basket, and the pleasant greeting.

Inspirational. Seriously? Oh my gosh.

I would love to know more of your procedures. How did you make it all work? What did their parents think? Were you friends with other teachers at the school? How did you balance personal life with work? What is your favorite part of teaching?

I am a Special Ed teacher right now. I love my students. The other day, they noticed another student who has brain damage from a childhood incident. He spends some of the day riding a bike around the school to practice coordination and work his large muscles.. One student said, "Man, he gets to ride a bike IN SCHOOL because he's in Special Ed. I wish I was Special Ed!" It was all I could do not to laugh. How did you inspire students who were lower achieving? How did you get them to even care? That's my hardest part: keeping them from getting discouraged and angry that they are in Special Ed.

You're my teaching hero. Thanks for your hard work.

Melissa

To My Favorite Internet Friend.

Hahaha - this one makes me laugh. When I think internet friend, I think internet "friend..." like, someone I met on an internet dating site. However, that person does not exist in my life, so I'm not sure how to take this letter topic. Fortunately, all my "internet friends" are people I know in real life.

I have no one to whom I can write this letter, so I pass.

To My Ex-Boyfriend.

Greetings, Shaun.

I am sorry that I broke your heart, especially because for you, it was so unexpected.

Actually, I am not sorry that I broke your heart. You did not treat me as well as I deserved and I was willing to put up with that because of a lack of self-concept and a gleeful heart that someone wanted to date me. No, that is not your fault. But I believe that our combined immaturity left us in many compromising, disastrous situations.

I don't know what you're up to, since you unfriended me on Facebook. (BTW, that is so immature.) And it's not like I want you to drop off the face of the planet, just because I broke up with you.

However, I do think that I wasted three years of college. You know, I didn't make good college friends until senior year? After we broke up? Unhealthy. At the time, I totally did NOT see that; but there's an old Egyptian saying, "Hindsight is always 20/20." I don't actually think that's an Egyptian saying, but it still applies.

I hope you are happy and have moved on. If not, I hope you do one day soon.

Also, I didn't think your jokes were funny. At all.

Melissa.

Edit: This sounded very harsh, on my rereading. There were good times, but in the end, it was not what I wanted. However, thanks for teaching me how to longboard. That was fun.

To A Stranger.

Hey you.

Yes, YOU.

What do you see when you look at me? Do you judge me as too heavy? Too short? Too... anything?
When I speak, or fail to, am I judged as stupid or ignorant?

Am I stand-offish? Do I intrigue you? Do you care either way? Do you care at all?

Do you think I'm beautiful? Worth it? Lovely?
What do you think my hidden talents are, just by looking at me? Can you tell I like to teach? That I usually wear shorts and tall boots home from the gym, where I go 5 days a week? That I am the youngest in my family?

Maybe one day you won't be a stranger. Maybe one day you will be important - more important than anyone else. Everyone starts out as strangers. Magical how they don't stay that way, really.

Love,
A Fellow Stranger.
But not Stranger Than Fiction.

To My Dreams.

You intrigue me. Sometimes, you escape me. Always, you excite me.
You are varied and intense and often disconnected.
Occasionally, I don't even know who you are.

But you come back. You always come back.

Africa. You have come and gone, fluttering in and out of my mind often in the last 8 years (or so). But it's like, even when I don't see you, you are there, just hovering beneath the horizon of consciousness, off the coast of Maine. The orphanage. Mm, the orphanage. Drakensburg mountains. Hopping from village to village, hut to hut. Giraffes and zebras in the wild, beckoning for me to run freely with them, wind in our hair, dirt as old as Moses stuck beneath fingernails.

Marriage. I dream of you regularly. Married now to the Prince. To my Prince, the One who bought me with a price, proclaimed His love after knocking on my door, after discussing the bride price with my Father. But one day, marriage here, on earth. Sleeping in on Saturday mornings. Chai together at night, after work. Being a poor, young, married couple. But knowing and feeling and tasting love.

Teaching. My dream (mostly) come true. "You are a great teacher, but do not teach. Act." I think of that quote often, from "Educating Esme", my favorite book about teaching to date. That moment, when it clicks. Making phonics more interesting and fun. Googling because a student asks about the 3-legged man born in Sicily in the 1800s. But I want my own class, my own set of 50 eyes looking up at me, expectantly, blank canvases onto which I can help create a masterpiece with crayon, paint, pastels, or whatever medium they choose. They each have talents and abilities that are waiting to be discovered, but we have to look.

I want to look.
And explore.
And love.
And be.
And become.

So dreams... Dreams. Take me there with you. Let's run away, spending an afternoon just dreaming. Our own romantic rendezvous. I'll bring the chocolate, you bring the paper. As time passes, I hope you grow bigger, not stifled by "reality" or "maturity" or whatnot. Let's be real, but let's also be real intense.

Love,
the Dreamer.

To My Closest Relative.

Grandma!!

Oh, Grandma. How you make me laugh. The last letter you sent? The one with the drawing in it? I laughed out loud. By myself. In the car. At the post-office. I did get a special Christmas present, but that was not it. Sorry. You will probably be the first one I call when I get THAT present.

I like that you laugh and joke and take things as they are. And I like that you let me come visit you, and you teach me how to make candy, and you let me make chai for you. Yummy. I really enjoy learning about you, from whence you come, how you and Grandpa made everything work, being poor in money but rich in everything else.

Thanks for all the letters you sent me while I was at college.
Thanks for taking care of Ethel June.
Thanks for teaching me how to knit.

Thank you, most of all, for investing time in my life.

Love,
Melissa

To My Crush.

Hey Chris.

Remember that time when we got Cold Stone before going to the park and talking? It was our first date, something I never thought would ever happen. I was cold; you offered my your jacket. Thank you.

Remember our second sit-down dinner? We went to The Indian Restaurant That Is No More. On the way there, I asked, "Will you eat with your hands?" You didn't know this at the time, but it was a deal-breaker: if you wouldn't eat with your hands, I would not have gone out with you again. But you just blinked and said, "Yeah. Sure." And you did. Quite well, I might add. After dinner, with our hands still giving off that curry and onion scent, we went to the lake and you surprised me with painting supplies. It was rainy and cold and we sat under the gazebo. I painted you a dinosaur and you made me a water scene. Thank you.

Remember when you had to pick me up at the airport because it was late and my parents were sick? It was awkward - our first time together in months. We hugged, but didn't talk much. Lots of looking at each other and smiling, like middle school kids. That night, in the car on the way home, you drove 43 MPH and we held hands for the first time. Thank you.

Sometimes, often, when I think of you, I get that stupid goofy grin on my face. I wonder what people think when they see it. Either, "Wow, that girl is special..." or "Wow, that girl has someone special in her life..." The latter is absolutely true. You are that someone special.

Sometimes, when you hold my hand, I still get those butterflies. I like how we hold hands - with my pinky and ring finger on the inside, so it's like your whole hand is swallowing mine. It started because you were hurt, and now it is second nature. I blushed the first few times we held hands, thinking, "Is this okay? I can't believe he wants to hold MY hand!"

Sometimes, when you give me a hug, I just melt into your arms. I never want to leave because there I feel special and safe. You give nice hugs.

This crush isn't new. In fact, I liked you in high school, too. But you weren't interested and we both moved on. I'm glad we needed shoes on the same day because I don't know where I would be without you. Thank you for supporting me when I thought I was moving to India. Thank you for supporting me when I came home. Thank you for praying at my house with my Mom during those rough times.

Also, thank you for being thoughtful - genuinely thoughtful. The easel you made, totally passing the Lowes challenge. The Necklace That Said It All. The Coach purse, because you knew I like them and would never buy one for myself. That may be my favorite thing about you- how thoughtful you are. Thank you for putting God first, and for allowing me to be second.

Love,
Melissa

To My Parents.

Dear Momma and Dad,

Growing up, I did not always appreciate you. I didn't understand why you wanted to know my friends' parents, I hated having to tell you when I got home. My curfew was always too early, in my opinion. But I think that going to college helped me appreciate you more. Seeing you twice a year made me value that time more.

And now, living at home again, my level of respect and appreciation for you has grown even more. Not only do you let me live at home, rent-free, but you let me drive your car, among other things. Working full time has made me appreciate how you balance your time, how you never made housework a priority so that you could spend more time with us.

So, I don't say it enough, but thanks for being wonderfully uniquely you. Thank you for having a marriage that is 30+ years strong. Thank you for praying together at dinner. I appreciate it.

Love,
Your Favorite Off-Spring
(Don't worry, I won't tell the others.)

To My Best Friend.

Well, Hey Kimberly Louise and Hannie.

Crap.
I miss you. I feel like it's been so long.

I kind of feel lost without you, like I don't know where I fit in anywhere or with anyone. Like I need our inside jokes and weekly plans to be human. Loved.

And now that's gone.
It left me in crisis mode, floundering for the first time in years.

So, that's all.

Love,
Melissa.

I Love This, So I'm Stealing It. Starting Tomorrow.

30 Day Letter Project
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

New Year!

I'll be honest - the last 6 months sucked. A lot.

If I could sum up 2010 in five words they would be:
hard.
tumultuous.
growing.
frustrating.
change.

Last night was fun. Our "first date" in a way. We got my new Coach bag - green leather, super cute. And we had sushi, then a McDonald's stop, then Cold Stone.

I am becoming more aware of what is important to me, the priorities in my life. I really like my job, being in a school again, getting to dress like a teacher, having kids recognize me.

"Where did you get your glasses?"
"The eye doctor."
[blank look]

I am starting to talk to other staff and faculty more, and that's pleasant. I am seeing my need for relationships, how I miss having close friends who value the same things as me. My parents are a blessing. I work with the Mom of a student with whom I graduated from high school. How funny. She was quite popular at Colony and is now a hairdresser. Seems odd, like she should have done something really exciting. But no. She cuts and colors hair. I hope she likes it.

It makes me wonder what people think of me, and where I am, and what I am doing.

Zumba this morning was nice. It was my first Saturday class in a while. Chris got a membership to AT&T so we've been going together to work out sometimes. I had a fun afternoon with my Mom. And tonight, pizza with Chris and his parents.

How can I be a blessing to my parents? to my friends? to my students?