Terrie.

Terrie is retiring. And really, that's quite a tragedy in my life.

Terrie hired me when I was in high school to work for the District filing papers in Payroll. And I helped with the AS400 to IFAS conversion. And did everything that no one else wanted to do. Ah, the summer of gluing and copying. (See posts from 2005 for more information)

Terrie was the one who, last fall when I was heartbroken, told me to "Buck up." Just like that, too. "Buck up, Melissa." I needed that, and she had the guts to tell me. I'm glad she did. I've thought about that a LOT since then.

Work will not be the same without her.

I like that she always does the right thing, even when it is hard. I like that she has high standards for everyone, but is realistic about what can and can't be done. I like that she gushes over her kitties and puppies.

I just like her. One and a half more days with Terrie and then... who knows?! Sad.

Lost In Austen.

I just watched the most delightful episode of "Lost in Austen" on Hulu. It made me want to speak with a British accent and wear long dresses.

If you are a Jane Austen fan, you should watch it too.

Christmas

I love this time of the year.
Christmas tree in my corner.
Snowflakes around my window.
Angels on my table.

But I really love reflecting on Christ as my Kinsman Redeemer. As the One who purchased me back from death and sin and lostness, as Boaz did for Ruth. I'll  never get over that. 

Apartment.

Really enjoying living in my apartment. It feels so cozy and lovely. I cooked dinner tonight in it for the first time in weeks (so busy these days!).

But busy-ness is the thief of peace and joy. I want to simplify.

I liked the pottery class J and I took together, but I am really looking forward to coming home tomorrow, putting on my PJs, and crocheting. I've got two stockings to finish by Christmas Eve!

Intentionality.

I've been thinking about the importance of intentionality lately. In conversations, at work, in my prayer life, in reading the Bible.

"What good is it my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him?"

What good indeed?

It takes intentionality to live by the Spirit, to allow Him to develop those fruits in me. Apart from the Spirit, I am broken and sin-bound. But with the Spirit, there is life.

Too often I choose not to be intentional, and things slowly start to unravel. I don't like that.

(None)

I got into Grad School. Have I even mentioned that?  I registered for my first course yesterday, Research and Writing Methods.  It's exciting, but a little scary.

Stephen Lee is getting married in less than a month, and I'd LOVE to be able to go to his wedding, but I'm not old enough to rent a car and drive around, I don't know anyone else who is going, and I can't really afford it, especially with Grad School looming over me. But who knows when I'd see him again?!

I love my girls at church. Love them. I don't know where this came from. I've never really worked with this age group, but I love them.  Dessert with one tomorrow, breakfast with another on Saturday.

Shoes For Africa.

Probably the perfect Halloween.

I had my girls over - six of them - for dinner tonight. Soup and grilled meat and cheese sandwiches. We ate in my apartment, talked, laughed, and then... went shoe shopping.

We had the opportunity to buy shoes for an orphanage in Africa. So I encouraged my girls to bring a few bucks to buy some shoes for the kids. And they did.

So together, we drove to Wal-Mart. We ate candy from the candy dishes. We ran up and down the shoe aisles, counting money, totaling costs, replacing some shoes with others, before finally settling on thirty - THIRTY - pairs of shoes to send to the kids. What a delight, to see the girls agonizing over which shoes they thought would be best.

Pink sparkles for the girls, regardless of how practical they were.
Brown work boots for a little boy, because they were so cute.
Four pairs of $2.00 sandals for babies, because it is hot in Africa.

Then praying in Wal-Mart over the shoes, asking God to bless the feet that will wear them.

What a mighty God we serve.

Prayer.

This is the thing about prayer.

If I really believed it mattered, I would pray.  If I honestly thought it would change things, nothing would be able to keep me from being on my face, back to the sky, before the Most High God. I would pray unceasingly. My prayers would be effective.

The Bible claims prayer is important.  "Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain and it did not rain on the land for three years. Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops." James 5:17-18.

It's important to praise as part of prayer. We see that over and over in the Psalms - glorifying God in the middle of a cry for help.

Acknowledging sin in prayer is important, too. Sin leads to broken relationships, which leads to broken communication.  David recognized his broken relationship with the Lord after his sin with Bathsheba (and the accompanying ones!) and he poured his heart out to right that relationship in Psalm 51.  And through David's life, we see that forgiveness leads to restored relationships and restored communication. After all, the Savior of the world came from his line!

Abiding in the Lord is what makes the real difference. Elijah knew how to abide in the Lord, as a vine is with the branch. John 15:7 "If you abide in Me, and My Words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you."

Rightly abiding in the Lord automatically lends itself to not delving into sin, which springs from our own evil desires and ultimately leads to death (James 1).

Rightly abiding in the Lord keeps those channels of communication open, where we know He will hear our fervent requests and our praises to Him.

Rightly abiding in the Lord means we already know what to ask for and we can hear His guidance in those areas.

Believing that it matters is the beginning.

My Friend.

So. So. So much love for this girl. What a blessing, talking with her tonight.

My heart is full and the Lord is faithful.

Lord willing, I will even get to see her in a couple of months. Huzzah.

John 6:63A

THE SPIRIT GIVES LIFE.

THE FLESH COUNTS FOR NOTHING.

You Know You're An Adult When...

You go shopping... and splurge on a 50% off memory foam bath mat.

Too Late At NIght.

Right now is the time to go to bed, not to be up writing on my blog.

But, a few highlights of late:
- moved into apartment.
- drastic haircut.
- accepted to Grad School!

Details on each to come soon.

Astonished.

"I have bad news for you: You're not clairvoyant. Not even a little. You have no idea how the future will unfold. But it will unfold, slowly and quickly and slowly again, in ways that you cannot now begin to imagine. So stop trying to guess what's coming next. All the effort you put into figuring out what will happen, all the scenarios you play out in your mind -- they're useless. And that's a good thing. Relax and let the future arrive on its own time and in its own way. Allow yourself to be astonished." - Robin Bernstein

Apartment.

I'm moving into my own apartment the beginning of October.

I'm excited, but I think I will miss this - this living at home with Mom and Dad, being with other people, not being alone. Dad is not real happy that I'm moving out.

It's a new phase, you know? That's all. Not bad, just different.

Saturday.

Today's goals:
- Snow tires for the Jeep (check)
- Brad's birthday present (He's thirty this month!) (check)
- Sort through books (bag some up for K)
- Work on reupholstering chair
- Laundry

India.

India was hard, but I enjoyed it. 

I don't wish I was back in that time, because this time in life is wonderful. But it's nice to remember that that time existed.

Good To Be Home.

Today was long. There's really no other way to say it.  Lots of forms, and meetings, and frustration, and wishing I could come home.

And now, here I am.

Delightful.

God is faithful, it's true. He is. Always. I love that about Him. On busy days and frustrating days and tired days... on "I don't know what to wear" days and "My leg hurts" days. He is still God.

In Your Presence, My Holy King.

I just want to hide in the shadow of His wings.

I am weak, but He is strong when I am barely hanging on.
He is my Portion and my Cup.

My soul will find rest in Him.

Forgive.

As many times as you are hurt, forgive.

Seven times seventy.

As many times as the pain boils up and the anger stirs. As many times as your heart hurts and you want to get even. As many times as it takes.

Forgive.

"I Believe In Scripture"

Christ Is Risen - Matt Maher - LifeChurch.tv Church Online

Break My Legs.

We Were Fiction - "The Rain"

Please, oh, heavens, soak my body.
Please, break my legs 'til I'm baptized in the
Puddles and streams of Your love.

James 1:2 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds..."

Feel it. Feel the joy, letting it wash over you.

I am mostly an emotional person.  Actually, I am a very emotional person. I wear them right there on my sleeve, all the time.  And I am commanded to consider - to feel - joy when bad things happen.

When my leg is broken and achy.
When I am completely dependent on other people.
When I have taken one shower in three and a half weeks, and countless bucket baths to suffice.

Joy.

Why?

James 1:3 "...because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."

I don't know why I need this level of perseverance. But the Lord knows.

James 1:4 "Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

I really like this song, this song on repeat.  Break my legs, Lord, just so I can rest in Your love. So I can appreciate You. So I can remember being Your daughter. Help me be quiet, turning off the movies and putting down my crocheting needles, and erasing the callouses so I can be open to You. I have nothing to prove, Lord, and everything to lose for You. Break my legs so that I can be dependent on You. Break my legs so that when they are fixed, I can have beautiful feet that bring Your good news.

Learning.

Well, let's see.

I broke my leg.
I am entirely dependent on other people.
The Lord is perfecting SOMETHING in me, but I don't know what.

Tomorrow Is My BIrthday.

And the start of Birthday Week 2012.

I am going to be 24.  Mid-twenties.  Isn't that odd?

List Ten Things You Hope To Be Remembered For.

- Loving.
- Answering the phone enthusiastically.
- Not being afraid to serve in dark places.
- Knowing how to have fun.
- Encouraging people.
- Teaching others - and not just in a classroom.
- Being Christ-centered.
- Having confidence in the Lord, not in man or myself.
- Supporting my husband.
- Taking chances.

What Do You Think People Misunderstand Most About You?

Golly, I don't know... I don't feel like I'm really misunderstood.  I tend to just be me and not worry about what others say or do about it.

But sometimes I get quiet and rarely talk at all, and I'm afraid people might think I'm standoffish.

I hope they don't think that.  I hope they know it is just for a time.

What Is Your Love Language?

I've hinted at this before: Words of Affirmation.

When someone purposely doesn't talk to me, or speaks lies and destructive words into my life, it is crushing.  Sometimes I feel needy when I tell people that's my Love Language.  Like, "I need you to affirm me and speak positive words in my life!"

But I know that, no matter what others say or don't say, the Lord Almighty speaks words of affirmation to me.  That I am unique and beautiful and lovely.  That I am worth it all.  That, despite my sins and shortfalls, He died to save me.

Oh how marvelous! How wonderful! Is my Savior's love for me.

What Is Your Favorite Part Of Your Body And Why?

Hmm...

There's a couple things I like about my body.  Can I name more than one?

I like my eyes.  They're green on the outside and brown on the inside.  In the picture below, I don't have any make-up on, but I like wearing a little bit of mascara.  My eyes have seen some things: children with AIDS, sunsets and beggars in India, the Valley from the top of a mountain.

I also like my fingers.  They are long.  Thin.  I have to wear my purity ring on my left index finger because it's the only one it fits on and will stay on.  But I like what my fingers can do: make Adobe forms, crochet, sew, climb on rocks, drive, point to things, serve.

What Popular Notion Do You Think The World Has Most Wrong?

The idea of relativity.

"If it's okay for you, it's right!" 

Not true.  If it is not aligned with the word of God, it is not right.  At all.  

All Truth is God's Truth, which means all lies are Satan's lies.  

Relativity is not True.  

We are all equal, yes, but we are not all saved.  We are all loved, yes, but we do not all love.  What's right for you may not be True.

And wouldn't you rather live in Truth?  Live in Light?  Live basking in the closeness of a relationship with the Lord, doing all you can do bring glory and honor to Him?

If You Could Have Dinner With Anyone In History, Who Would It Be And What Would You Eat?

Mary.

The Mary from John 12:1 and following.  The Mary who poured the most expensive thing she owned - a half-liter of perfume - onto Jesus' feet - which were probably cracked and dry and dirty - and she wiped them off with what was probably one of the prettiest things about her - her hair.

What love. What worship. What devotion to the Lord Most High.

I would love to sit and eat bread and vegetables and hummus and talk with her about that.  Why she did that.  If she was scared.  If the boys teased her.  What her dad say about "wasting" something that could have fed so many people, or if that even was his perspective.

Did Jesus hug her afterward?  Was that culturally acceptable? Probably not.  But then again, Christ didn't really care about being culturally acceptable...

Describe Your Family Dynamics Of Your Childhood Versus Your Family Dynamics Now.

When I was a kid, it seemed like everything was about my brothers - Brad being successful and going to West Point, Jeff graduating and joining the Army... and I was just.. there.  For a long time, I think I was just there - doing my own thing, flying below the radar.

I'm sure that wasn't true.  But I was a good kid, and did pretty well pretty easily in school, and played with dolls, and tried to play baseball.  I was quiet and read a lot.  And since my brothers seemed to hate me, I mostly stuck to myself.

And really, it wasn't until I was about 21 that my brothers realized I am a contributing member of society. I think they sometimes still don't remember though.  It makes it hard to even have an adult conversation with them when they don't remember you are (almost) in your mid-twenties, have a job making as much money as them, paid off student loans, and purchased your first brand new car.

Maybe it's because I still live at home.

For a long time, I didn't think my parents were proud of me.  Brad and Jeff overshadowed all I did, for the good or the bad.  But now, I think they're getting there.  Or maybe they were there all along, and I'm just now catching up to it.  That's more likely.  

List Your Top Five Hobbies And Why You Love Them.

- Crocheting. I love taking a ball of yarn and turning it into something with a series of knots and loops.  It is relaxing.  I enjoy making things for people - blankets, slippers, toys, hats... there is so much time and consideration that goes into each thing.
- Biking. So much faster and more fun than running.  Racing into the wind, legs up and down, skidding across rocks... thrilling.
- Teaching. I like explaining things effectively and helping people understand why it matters.  'Nuf said.
- Taking pictures.  Oh, to capture those special moments in time!  A picture says a thousand words.  I can look at pictures from India or last summer and instantly be back in that place and time - same smells, same tastes, same heat...
- Planking.  Really, this just signifies every ridiculous thing I do including, but not limited to, marathon thrifting, taking pictures of my Jeep's miles as they rack up, etc.  Life is full of and composed of moments like that.

Where Do You See Yourself In...

Five Years?
I'll be 29 in five years.  Married, Lord willing, with a child or two.  Probably Alaska, involved in ministry, with my Jeep paid off and a house to my name.  Or an apartment.  I hope my husband and I are able to lead mission trips - to Africa, especially - or at least serve together.  I'll probably still be working for the school district, but looking into the next job, if I have to have one.  I bet I'll be crocheting a lot.

Ten Years?
34 years old. Wow. Maybe a couple more kids, adopted from Africa, where I am living in a hut with my adorable family.  Working with an orphanage, aiding with empowering women, basically living the dream and loving people.

FIfteen Years?
Almost 40. Holy toledo.  Too old.

If You Could Have One Superpower, What Would It Be And What Would You Do With It First?

I would stop time in honor of those late night talks with dear friends, time on top of mountains selling lemonade, the sun shining as I drive my Jeep, and pure ridiculous awesomeness that comes with day-to-day life.

That's what I would do.

Describe Three Significant Memories From Your Childhood.

I feel like I've covered some significant childhood memories already, what with my love note to Mikey and all.  But I'll try to think of three new old ones.

- Mom told me to wait, but I started walking down the stairs anyway.  And I don't know what happened - maybe there was a toy in the way.  Or maybe my feet just stumbled.  But somehow, all of a sudden, I was tumbling down the stairs.  And then...I landed at the bottom and the pain hit.  Dad took me to the ER and they took X-Rays before wrapping my four-year-old arm in a bright pink cast.  I had to shower with a plastic bag over my arm, and I couldn't go out to play, but everyone signed my cast. That was my first real injury - the first trip to the ER that I remember.
- Mom and Dad gave me Molly for Christmas when I was in fourth grade. I loved her. That next January, we went to my Grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary.  I took Molly with me. I remember - very specifically - sitting in the hotel room with my Grandma, showing her my doll, sharing how special Molly was and thinking, "Of course Grandma loves Molly!"  And now, I think she loved that moment with me much more than she liked the doll.  I miss her.  I wish I had written her more letters before she passed away.
- One summer, Dad coached my baseball team.  I was awful.  I mean, really really terrible.  I got hit by the ball nearly every time I was up to bat that season, couldn't catch or throw well, but enjoyed hanging out in the dugout and on the field!  That season solidified the fact that I have very poor hand-eye coordination, that I prefer individual sports to team sports, and that I'm a better cheerleader than MVP.

If You Could Live Anywhere, Where Would It Be And Why?

In a heartbeat I would be
In a hut
On the edge of a village
Where children need a teacher,
a mentor,
someone to love them,
and hug them,
and not care that they are sick with AIDS.

Maybe its the romantic in me,
but we would go for walks
in the long grass,
watching giraffes and warthogs,
running barefoot -
as if we were being recruited for the Olympics.

The sun.
The dirt.
The heat waves glistening and undulating as the day draws to a close
And the crickets start chirping.

I'd wash my feet,
wiping the sweat off my brow
as I duck into my thatched-roof hut.

And as the sun set across the African landscape,
I would once again praise the
Lord who made Heaven and Earth,
thanking Him for another day,
another opportunity,
to tell another lost soul
that He passionately loves
and pursues
and seeks
and forgives.

Absolutely.

What Has Been The Most Difficult Thing You Have Had To Forgive?

Words spoken to me, from someone I loved and trusted, that tore me apart to the core.  That contradicted everything previously spoken to me, words that should not be uttered by anyone - particularly someone who "loves you."

Words you wouldn't even say to a stranger.

Words of Affirmation is my love language.  They are powerful things, words are.  That's why James encourages us to control our tongues.  They can cause such grief.

And that's what happened.  Grief.  Deep grief.  And nothing was the same after that.

What Is The Thing You Most Wish You Were Great At?

Being patient.

I wish I was great at waiting for the Lord.  I have faith that He will act, but sometimes I feel like I don't have the time to wait for Him to act!  Ha.

His timing is so much greater.  And when I think about it, that helps.  When I think about how good His timing has been in the past, I know that His good timing will continue, for sure. 

Being patient with other people too, though.  

They don't always catch on to things as quickly as I do. Sometimes they need to think or talk or work through a situation that I understood instantly.  

And that's okay.  Remember that post about giraffes? We all have different gifts.

What Are Your Five Greatest Accomplishments?

- Graduating summe cum laude from OBU.
- Surviving - physically, emotionally, and spiritually - my trip to India.
- Paying off my student loans before I turned 24.
- Leading people to Christ and leading GAs.
- Buying a new car with a big down payment.

If You Were An Animal, What Would You Be And Why?

A giraffe.  They are my favorite.

They have differences that seem weird at first, but they are all for a purpose.  Black tongues, long necks, spindly legs, odd patterns...

But God has given us all differences that seem weird.  But they are all for a purpose, too.  My creativity. My love for public speaking. My enthusiasm and joy.  They are not expected in today's world.

We don't always see how our gifts are used. I'm sure the giraffes didn't. But there is a purpose behind them all.  And if we fail to see those purposes in our own lives and in the lives of others, where are we?

Lost in the Savannah, unable to reach the tallest leaves, with sunburned tongues.

Describe Five Strengths You Have.

- Faith.  I really do think my faith is pretty strong.  I have seen the Father work too much in my life for me to really doubt He knows what He is doing.
- My legs.  I can leg press about 450 pounds.
- My mind. I like mind games, like Sudoku and this gear game I have on my iPhone. And I like learning new things.
- Teaching. Totally a strength.
- Working with my hands. I like making and doing new things.

Describe Five Weaknesses You Have.

- Chocolate and Peanut Butter. Soooo good.
- Patience. It sometimes runs short.
- My arms. I was I could be buffer (more buff?).
- The ability to focus.  ADD much?
- My abs.  Still no six-pack.

Describe A Typical Day In Your Life Now.

6:17am - first alarm goes off.
6:23am - second alarm goes off.
Shortly thereafter - go upstairs, eat oatmeal, get ready for work, pray with Allen.
7:03isham - leave for work.
7:30isham - get to work.
Between 7:30 and 8:00am - check e-mail, get my bearings, etc.
Work until 4:00pm, 4:30pm, 5:00pm, etc. depending on the day.
Go to the gym.
Workout.
6:30pm - home again.
9:30pm - get ready for bed.
10:00pm - sleep!

Describe Ten Pet Peeves You Have.

- Tailgaters.
- People who talk to me like I'm seven.
- Getting food stuck in my braces... and no one telling me it's there.
- Running out of yarn RIGHT BEFORE the end of your row.
- Lola jumping up on me.
- People who cut me off in traffic.
- Driving around and around and around and around the parking lot to find a close spot.
- Not having time to just be by myself.
- Braggers.
- Sometimes, having my cell phone with me is a pet peeve.

Describe Your Most Embarrassing Moment.

It was in fourth grade.  And I was totally smitten with Mikey.  He was fantastic (well, not anymore - but he was then).  He was so fantastic that I made him a beaded lizard (remember when those were so cool?!) and wrote him a love note... which I neglected to make anonymous.  I slyly stuck them in his mailbox in the classroom.

Well then... she-who-shall-not-be-named saw me do it. And she TOLD him that I put something in his box.  So he pulled it out and read it in front of the whole class.

I was mortified, pretended to be sick, and went home early.

List Ten People Who Have Influenced You And Describe How.

- Mom and Dad. Teaching me about service, always being prepared, and how to properly eat ice-cream.  Life lessons to never forget.
- Katie K. Talk about a huge heart for the Lord and making Him known.  What an inspiration and what a great friend.
- Allen. Reminded me it's okay to just be silly and have fun. It's okay to tease each other and be teased in return.  Love seeing his heart with God.
- Kim. We haven't talked much since college, but she befriended me when I was mostly lost and wandering.
- Ms. Linda. She teaches me how to be an adult woman, finding her way in life while relying on the Lord time and time again.  She has endless grace.
- My GAs. They are so eager to share praises and prayer requests, something that gets lost as people grow up.  Those little things don't really "matter" anymore... when they do.  All of it does.
- My sisters.  Ha, oh the times we had in high school and now, beyond. We are all growing up, but I love being with them.
- Grandma. She constantly serves, always putting herself behind others. Sacrificial.
- India family. I think they were more important to me than I realized at the time. But they supported me in ways they don't even know.
- The ex-boyfriends.  That's odd. But they taught me what love is and isn't, what I do and don't want in an FH, and the importance of not settling.
- Joe and Janelle. Another example of a godly marriage. Another couple I can look up. They are so faithful to what God is calling them and their growing family to do.

What Are Five Passions You Have?

- Education.  Education can change the world.  That's one reason I like Krochet Kids International - they are dedication to educating women and empowering them to rise above their current situations.  Providing someone with an education - not just having them memorize rote facts, but leading them to think and reason on their own - that's what changes lives.  I want to assist in that in any way I can.
- Missions.  I am all for traveling, but especially when there is a greater purpose behind it.  What greater purpose than going to a lost world, sharing the greatest hope ever with people who - without it - would die and go to a very real place: hell.
- Crocheting. I like how I can take yarn and tie some knots in it and all of a sudden - BAM - you have a sweater. Or a blanket. Or slippers.  Isn't that clever?
- Love. Love is the other thing that can change the world.  It gives hope and brings peace and laughter and boy - once you encounter real love, and that love is reciprocated - you are never the same.
- My job.  I didn't think I'd say that, when I'm not teaching in a classroom, but I do enjoy my job.  Especially the working-with-people and making-forms-and-newsletters part.  I like that I am involved in education, but in a back-ground role.  The world would spin on without me, but I like to think I help it spin a little better...

What Is Your Dream Job And Why?

A motivational speaker/Adobe form maker/archaeologist.

I would make forms for people to fill out so they could apply to come to my motivational archaeological digs in Africa or the Middle East.  We would dig for bones and play Shuffle Your Buns and I would share great speeches and stories.

It would be legen... wait for it.... dary.

I like to give speeches.  I have never been afraid of public speaking.  I like telling stories and sharing my thoughts and whatnot.

And I love Adobe.  My boss' ask me to make Adobe forms a lot, just because I like it so much.  I am such a dork.

And I've always wanted to go on an archaeological dig.  Discovering things that people did before... finding their ways of life... who they are and what they do and how they lived.  It seems magical.

What Is The Hardest Thing You Have Ever Experienced?

This one is hard, because two things come to mind:
1. Not going to India.
2. Breaking up with Chris.

What is interesting, is that both of them were equally difficult and easy, because I knew that each of those decisions was God's desire for my life.

But I thought I was moving to India, for real. And when I didn't, all of my "Life Plans" changed. Quickly. And drastically. It's taken a while for me to get back on my feet, accepting and moving forward with life how it is, not how it Should Have Been.  There's no such thing as Should Have Beens. Or there shouldn't be.

Ha.

I thought - and I think everyone else thought - I would marry Chris. I ignored the warning signs and just thought we could get through it with love.  And I think we could have, but I don't think we both would have been happy.  I loved him and would have sacrificed every dream I had in order to be with him. That's not right.

So the lead-up to, carry out of, and life after those decisions were hard.  Excruciating.  I didn't even get into the sleepless nights, countless tears, and loss of appetite that accompanied them.

The thing to remember is that the Lord was there, guiding each decision as it was being made.  And THAT made them the easiest decisions ever.

What Are Five Things That Make You Most Happy, Right Now?

- Serving at my church.  My GAs are so delightful.  I know I say that all the time, but God has really blessed my time with them.
- My relationship with Allen.  Everything just feels so normal and easy and comfortable, like I've always known him, and he's just been waiting in the background.  Does that make sense?
- My Jeep! AKA, the BEAST! I love this thing.
- Summer :)
- The Word.  It is refreshing and wonderful.

List Ten Things You Would Tell Your 16-Year-Old Self, If You Could.

- Watch the birds.

- Embrace life.  Stop thinking what others think and just be yourself.

- Don't date someone seriously your freshman year of college.

- Pray more.

- Don't lose your passion for the Lord - He is so good. 

- Write your Grandma more letters.  Few things are more important than that.

- Here's a head's up: You are going to go to Africa and fall in love with it.  Don't settle for a boy who doesn't love missions as much as you do because it ends in heartbreak.

- Don't be afraid of failing.  You won't be perfect at everything. 

- Work hard to graduate with honors - you won't regret it.

- But you will regret not making stronger friendships in college. Invest in those.

Describe Your Relationship With Your Parents.

I live at home, so my relationship with them is mostly good.  It's hard being nearly 24, still living at home, but I am so thankful that they let me!

My mom and I are closer - she asks me questions about my life (and I'm not one to talk about what's going on unless someone asks).  I think she knows how silly and random I can be - and I know she loves me for that.  She has always been so supportive - when I wanted to go to Africa and India, she was just like, "Welp, God will provide."  And I know she prays diligently for me.

My dad provides like no other.  Almost every birthday or Christmas for the last I don't know how long, I have gotten a gun, knife, or bullets from my Daddy.  He doesn't ask a lot of questions, or respond to them when I ask, but I know he is so darn proud of me: for graduating summe cum laude, for paying off student loans, for buying a car.  He is so giving and loving.

I think they sometimes don't know what to do with me: my passions are different than theirs, and so are my "life goals" and dreams.

They make me laugh, my parents do, and I praise God for putting me in a family with parents who still - after 32 years - passionately love one another, who still kiss in the kitchen (even when I say, "EWW!"), who still like to hold hands.

I have great respect for them.

Describe Three Legitimate Fears You Have And Explain How They Became Fears.

1. Deep water.  For real.  I don't float well, so that's part of my fear.  But a bigger reason: when I was visiting Hannah in Germany, we went to a swimming pool.  After (finally) jumping off the diving board, we decided to go in the wave pool as the waves were rolling... and we decided to swim across it.  But it was deep, and the waves went over my head, and I started going under and panicking and I couldn't breathe or swim anymore.  One of the scariest moments of my life.  If someone were to drop me in the deep end of a pool, I am 99% sure I would drown.

2. Getting hurt.  Physically, yes, but mostly emotionally.  I have broken, sprained, bruised, and dislocated many of the bones in my body.  I have been to the ER countless times.  But I think the worst physical pain I had was when I bruised my tailbone.  It was awful and scary.  Emotional pain is worse.  That feeling of not being able to even move because you are so heartbroken is awful.  Not liking to feel anything touching you... not being able to eat or sleep or move or put makeup on...  I never want to repeat that.

3. Not being in the Lord's will.  Oh, this ties to number two.  Moving forward with something that is not the Lord's will caused such turmoil and fear in my life.  It was horrific.  Panic attacks, anxiety, hyperventilating... Let's just not go there.

List 20 Random Facts About Yourself.

- I have pink braces, but will get them changed on May 17.
- When I check tags on laundry and see that they say "tumble dry," as I put them in the dryer, I always say, "Tumble Bumble!" and I don't know why.
- I still like to play with Legos.
- I recently bought the COOLEST crab pin ever from a thrift store.
- Sometimes, I end up sleeping width-wise in my bed instead of length-wise.
- I would get married in Vegas.
- What I really want for my birthday: to know I am in the Lord's will in every area in my life.
- I haven't been to the ER for six months (which is good for me!)
- I alternate between calling my Jeep The Beast and Violet.
- I floss my teeth every night.
- I want to adopt small African children (and will name one of them Katie, as promised.).
- I use a Mac at home and a Dell at work. And I like them both.
- A student worker gave me a baked potato at work the other day. And I ate it. It was marvelous, actually.
- I ran a little over three miles, very slowly, for the first time in years.
- My GAs just crack me up.  They are so funny and clever and I love to spend time with them.
- Giraffes are my favorite animals (at least for now).
- If I could live anywhere, I would live in North Carolina, on the West Coast, or in Africa. But Alaska is good for now.
- Every week, I send out roughly 5 mass e-mails at work, most of which the Superintendent reads.  Apparently, she thinks I am a good writer.
- My birthday is in two weeks!!!!!
- For a long time, I didn't like the color purple but now I do.  In fact, purple and green are my favorite colors.

The List.

(To be answered completely before I turn 24)



1. List 20 random facts about yourself.

2. Describe three legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

3. Describe your relationship with your parents.

4. List 10 things you would tell your 16-year-old self, if you could.

5. What are five things that you make you most happy right now?

6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

7. What is your dream job and why?

8. What are five passions you have?

9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.

10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.

11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.

12. Describe a typical day in your life now.

13. Describe five weaknesses you have.

14. Describe five strengths you have.

15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?

16. What are your five greatest accomplishments?

17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?

18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?

19. If you could live anywhere where would it be and why?

20. Describe three significant memories from your childhood.

21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?

22. Where do you see yourself in five years? Ten years? Fifteen years?

23. List your top five hobbies and why you love them.

24. Describe your family dynamics of your childhood versus your family dynamics now.

25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?

26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?

27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?

28. What is your love language?

29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?

30. List 10 things you hope to be remembered for.

Isaiah 52:7.

"How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring Good News, who proclaim Peace, who bring Good Tidings, who proclaim Salvation, who say to Zion, 'Your God Reigns!!!'"

So excited to work in Kodiak Island again in less than three weeks, with Allen and Paul and Lydia and half of the youth.

Please be in prayer for us:
- for kids to come to the VBS
- for productivity in our service project
- for good weather
- for health, safety, and strong relationships

Wisdom.

"If you feel like he is the guy, and you feel like he isn't just jerking you around in making you wait, then BE patient.  Guys are not always great at multi-tasking.  As a man, he wants to provide stability and security for his woman, and w/o a job he may not feel like he can do that.  He may feel irresponsible if he is not able to "provide" for you and quite honestly, these concerns may seem more urgent to him."

Work And Love.

I got a raise at work.

Well, technically, I got a new job: Business Systems Analyst.

I could spend time saying, "This is NOT how I anticipated my life going!" or I could rejoice in God's provision and blessing and Greatness.  I'll choose the latter.  Let me brag on Him for a while:

The Father is so darn Good.  I mean, let's get real.  Within two years of graduating from college, all of my student loans are paid off and I purchased a brand new car off the showroom floor at the car dealer. My parents have continued to let me live at home. Relationships are growing and I am co-leading the youth mission trip again this summer.

He has blessed, as He always does.

I get another raise at work on July 1.  My goal is to have my Jeep paid off by the time I turn 27.  That's doable.  Because of my recent purchase, however, I may wait until fall to find my own place.  Get the start of my car payments under my belt.

I am loving living at home lately - it's been fun to spend time with my parents and see them live life as a couple still totally in love, after nearly 32 years. Aren't they SO cute?!

I want a love like that - where I can be totally myself, absolutely comfortable and happy with the person, and confident that they feel the same way.

PS - my birthday is in two weeks!

Romans 8:28.

I guess, then, that the best place to start is today. Right now.

God has spoken Romans 8:28 into my life countless times over the last few days: through various radio stations, people, blogs, journals... it seems to be everywhere. "He works all things for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose." The thing that struck me the most: "... for THE good..." Not everything is good. But ultimately, everything is FOR good.

I know that I am supposed to pay attention. I know that something is coming. But what?

Praise God for His faithfulness, in spite of my ridiculousness and foolishness. He is always Good, and He always works for good.

I'm Back.

I mean really, where has time gone? Halfway through May, and it seems like yesterday I was at Brad and Paige's for Christmas, or sitting in Starbucks having THAT conversation, or, or, or... I can say, "It seems like yesterday..." all I want, but really - yesterday was just another Friday. Work. Traveling to schools. Home. Time with parents. Meeting for the mission trip that's in less than three weeks. Life may go so quickly... so quickly that there's no time to blog or write or think or anything. Hardly time to just be. And then, when you do have time, it's like there's no place to start.

My New Friend.

Let me introduce you to someone:



This is Allen.

He has been in my life for a little over a month. The whole story of how we met - of how the Lord orchestrated it - stretches back to mid-September. Here's a brief outline:
- Break up.
- Go to Seattle.
- Learn about Krochet Kids International
- Pledge for a date with Nic.
- Go on a date with Nic while in CA for work.
- God speaks, telling me He is preparing a man for me who has the same desires in his heart that I do.
- Come home and live life.
- Wait on the Lord, clinging to His promise.
- Allen gets "locked out" of his church while my church's youth girls are unable to start their van in his church's parking lot.
- They talk.
- My mentor and his pastor conspire.
- Allen calls me.
- We eat eggs together.
- We snowshoe.
- He brings me a Valentines Day present.
- We go out to lunch, show each other pictures, and talk.
- We have a weekly Wednesday lunch date.
- We hike at Thunderbird Falls.
- We watch a movie.
- We start dating.

Out of nowhere, but in the works forever.
Known for about 5 weeks, but feels like he has always been in the background of my life, just waiting.
Just comfortable and fun and easy and romantic.

That's all.

But there you go. It's enough.

Brokenness.

I got to talk to a really dear friend this weekend. The Lord has used her mightily in my life, encouraging me to Christlikeness. And I pray I do the same for her. We discussed life plans – her next year overseas, everything that’s changed for me lately, etc. She’s had a rough time there lately; life is changing and relationships are changing and fatigue is setting in. And life has been hard for me, too; I’ve had three four jobs in the last year and a half, relationships are changing, and there’s a lot of uncertainty.

But tonight, my Pastor spent time preaching about Jesus’ hands. He has reaching, healing hands. But at one point, I turned to Luke 9:16-17, which says, “And taking the five loaves and the two fish, [Jesus] looked up to heaven and said a blessing over them. Then He broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples to set before the crowd. And they all ate and where satisfied. And what was left over was picked up, twelve baskets of broken pieces.”

This is the question that was posed: How many things am I reluctant to put in God’s hands, for fear He’ll break them? Relationships? The desires of my heart? My sweet GAs? My job situation? My finances? My time and energy?

In the verses above, Jesus took pieces of whole bread, which seemed to be good and useful for eating. But He broke them, blessed them, and multiplied them. The bread was broken for Good, for the Good of those who were present that day.

The thing is, sometimes God has to break my spirit so that I yield to His. But everything He seemingly breaks, He always blesses and multiplies.

I had a relationship break a few months ago. I take that back – it was broken long before; a few months ago, it was severed. My spirit was broken…crushed. But God blessed my brokenness: The Spirit interceded when my words failed; Christ began my Husband, and I His bride; and God covered me with His wings, comforting me as a weaned child with his mother. And after blessing, oh how the Lord multiplied! My joy multiplied, as my did the time I could spend with Him, the love I had for my GAs, and my ability to dance freely in the song He sings over me. My spirit broke, but I chose to yield to His – and through that, I was blessed and multiplied.

So it’s okay to feel broken. It’s okay to not know what’s happening next, how that relationship will turn out, or what it means to rest. That’s okay. In fact, it’s in those moments that God takes our Brokenness, blesses it, and multiplies it into something better than what we had before. We are blessed through that process, and so are others – more than we can count.

Three Messages Left On My Phone Today From A First Grader.

“Hello, uh, teacher, I just wanted to say about, uh the lock-in, um, do we have to bring medicine because I don’t have to bring medicine and I just wanted to talk to you about the lock-in, but you can call me back. Ye-Yeah, Yeah see, I can, can you, you can call me back when I’m, because see my, my sisters are going to like gymnastics and we like doing that, we have, they’re just going to gymnastics and then I’m going to stay here and you can just call me when you get back from school like the, I mean, like, work, um, yeah I mean you can call me back about the lock in I just wanted to talk to you about the lock in because, because its like, um, I don’t, I don’t, I don’t know when, I don’t know when it is so uh you can like call me back, it’s ---------------- ------------ so just as you know and I don’t know where the lock, when the lock in is, so you can like call me back if you can and I don’t know what my phone number is but um I hope you know and… I don’t, I just don’t know when the lock in is and the uh, somebody and uh someone scribbled on the paper and I can’t see what, what numbers I have and, but the only thing I can see is my words and your, your phone number so I called you and said, um, you know, I wanted to see how the lock-in was and I wanted to, I just wanted to see when the lock-in is going to start and the derby race because this is my first time – this is the first time I’ve had a derby race and I don’t know how to make them and I was hoping you could help me if you want because this is my first time I’ve had a derby race and you can help some other people if it’s their first derby race, you know. I just wanted to see how the lock-in is going to go first because maybe I’m not going to be there because maybe it’s going to be on Saturday or Sunday or Monday or Tuesday because I have to go to school on Tuesday and I have to go to gymnastics on Tuesday but I can cancel that. So, just call me back if the lock-in is um, this week, or next week, or February, January, whatever. Just call me so I know and I’ll tell my mom about it and because I’m…”

“I’m so so, I’m so sorry, Ms. Melissa, my phone isn’t really working really right and I just wanted to talk to you. I am so sorry about this. I’m like my phone is not working and something happened to it, the phone, um (crying in background) I’m sorry, I can’t get to the phone right now….”

“I am SO SORRY, Ms. Melissa! This phone is not working and I tried two of your numbers and now I, and so now my sister knocked over the thing but we’re not gonna do that right now. I’m so sorry. I just wanted to tell you, when is the lock-in? You can call me back at 6:00pm or 7:00pm or… whenever, but you can leave me a message if you can cuz I’m, I’m going to be here and my sisters are going to, to not be here. And so. I’m so sorry, Ms. Melissa. (Small child talking in the background, asking for gum: “------------- can I have a piece of gum, please?”)… Nope. And um, I am so sorry. I just want to tell you, when is the lock-in and the derby race cuz this is my first time and my derby race, I just told you that, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I just disturbed you cuz there’ s going to be three messages since I’m so sorry. I would have called you for the first time. Call me at 6:00pm if you’re home by then…”




Note: The post below is my Mom's response to these (totally real, absolutely transcribed straight from the answering machine) messages. Please read it. You'll love it.

From My Mom's Heart.

My daughter is the new leader of the missions program for 1st - 6th graders at our Church this year. Last night she handed all the girls a paper with information regarding their first lock-in of the year (and derby race), with information as to when, where, what, etc. This afternoon a message was left on our answering machine from one of the first graders. The message was actually composed of three messages as she ran out of time on each one. She was so concerned because this was her first lock-in ever. She asked for the “date of the lock-in…was it this week or next…on Saturday or Sunday or Monday or Tuesday….because she had gymnastics and might not make it or might have to cancel her class that night so she could go to the lock-in. Does she have to bring medicine? ‘Cause I don’t have to take medicine, so do I have to bring it? So teacher can you call me back because my sisters are going to gymnastics and I‘m going to stay here. I just wanted to talk to you about the lock-in because I don’t know when it is. So call me back…this is ------ and I don’t know what my phone number is, I hope you know. I just don’t know when the lock-in is because someone spilled something on my paper. And this is my first lock-in and my first derby race. (on the last of three messages she said)…I am so sorry…this phone is just not working…I‘ve tried two of your numbers and this phone is just not working….I‘m just so sorry. I just wanted to know just when is the lock-in? You can call me back at 6pm or 7pm or whenever.“ As she went down her list of concerns and questions we laughed and laughed…she was just so precious and concerned that she was going to miss something.

As I thought about her phone call later, I wondered how often we do this with God. Do we ask repetitive questions that we already have the answer to? Do we say how sorry we are to bother Him and then tell him when He can call us back to answer our questions? When He listens to us does He sometimes chuckle because we have such silly questions, or is He like my daughter who has such a heart for these girls, that a phone call like this just blesses her heart? This little girl had most of the answers she needed written down in front of her, but she just had to call and ask on her own. She wasn’t afraid or intimidated….because of the relationship already established, she knew she could ask anything and my daughter would answer her questions as if they were the most important questions ever asked.

Is my relationship so cemented with God that I can do that? Can I ask Him questions….even though most answers are already written down in His Word…..without any hesitancy or concern of what He will think? Am I confident enough in my relationship with Him that even if He does chuckle, I know that He loves me and will answer each and every question I ask? Can I ask for clarification because I am so afraid of this new experience in my life that I really need help? If I don’t know my own phone number or how things are going to work do I turn to Him for help and know that He will help me through it with love and patience? Do I remember that HE IS GOD…THE GREAT I AM with His own time schedule? Or do I demand His response at a certain date and time? When I don’t hear from him on that date and time do I think He’s forgotten?

Oh, Lord, help me always to be comfortable coming to You with ALL of my concerns and questions and fears. Help me to remember how very much You love me and care for me….enough that You sent Jesus just for me. Help me to remember that Your plans are perfect and just and that Your timing is perfect. Help me to read and study Your Word every day so I know the plans You have for Me.

The More...

The more time I spend with the Lord, the more time I want to spend with Him.

The more I know the Lord, the more there is to discover.

The more I seek Him, the more I want to find Him.

I think this is how it's supposed to work.

12 Things In 2012.

12 Things To Do In 2012:
- Read through the Bible
- Pray for every country in the world
- Give sacrificially to the Lord and His work
- Try something new every month
- Wear clothes that make me feel beautiful
- Find my passion and pursue it
- Be a better sister and daughter
- Don’t be afraid to do things by myself
- Apply to Grad School (or at least pick one or two to which I want to apply)
- Retreat with the Lord
- Once again it’s on my list: 6-pack abs
- Vacation. AKA, use that ticket I have.

12 Things NOT To Do In 2012:
- Waste pointless hours on Facebook
- Compare myself to others, especially with regards to looks, relationships, or the direction in which their lives are going
- Cry over a boy
- Obsess over Krochet Kids
- Live vicariously through someone else
- Live in tomorrow or next year
- Withhold forgiveness
- Act impatiently toward my GAs, coworkers, or family
- Complain about something when I can just change it
- Refuse sleep or naps when they are available
- Watch pointless TV shows
- Settle