Part 11 Of 11.

11 Things That Most Impacted/Changed My Life in 2011
- Taking over GAs and leading Acteens purity retreat
- Finishing my year at Machetanz with Sarah and Laura
- Not getting hired for the Bush
- Leading Old Harbor and telling stories
- Hired at MSBSD; Ken, Terrie, Laurie, Bro, IT
- Breaking up with Chris and going to Seattle that weekend
- Friendship with LDB, Ashley, being rekindled
- Braces
- Reading “Radical” by David Platt
- California and everything surrounding that time.
- Being mentored – “Stepping Up”

Part 10 Of 11.

11 Things I Still Love in 2011
- Krochet Kids
- Crocheting and being crafty
- Dinosaurs
- Bling
- Jeep Wranglers and old trucks
- Biking and Cycling
- My MacBook Pro
- Working Out
- “Say Yes to the Dress”
- Wrapping presents
- Teaching

Part 9 Of 11.

11 Things I Did For The First Time in 2011
- Went to an Alaska Native Village – Old Harbor
- Owned a mountain bike
- Went to the movie theater by myself
- Biked 25+ miles in one day
- Planked
- Climbed Mount Baldy in Eagle River
- Attended my 1st all-expense paid work conference
- Went on a date in California
- Taught at a purity retreat
- Taught principals a lesson about change management
- Got braces

Part 8 Of 11.

11 Songs Stuck On Repeat in 2011
- “Hold Me” by Jamie Grace
- “Lead Me” by Sanctus Real
- “Times” by Tenth Avenue North
- “River Flows in You” by Yiruma
- “Beautiful Things” by Gungor
- “I Do” by Colbie Caillat
- “I Have a Dream” by The City Harmonic
- “Marry You” by Bruno Mars”
- “Enchanted” by Taylor Swift
- “Long Live” by Taylor Swift
- “Rise” by Shawn McDonald

Part 7 Of 11.

11 People Who Most Impacted My Life in 2011
- Ms. Linda, my wonderful and beautiful mentor/Pastor’s wife
- My GAs, all 20 of them, who have such excitement for life!
- Chris, my first love
- Sarah, who taught my so much about teaching
- Katie, my soul sister who yells Truth at me when I need to hear it
- Ken, who gave me a chance and expects great things
- Joe and Janelle, who have hears for missions as big as the sky and a love to match it.
- Paige and Brad who opened their home to me when I was really an emotional wreck and couldn’t seem to move on in life
- Cody and Heather, who did not choose sides but chose to continue to pursue relationships and who opened my eyes to see the importance of individuality AND better-togetherness in a relationship.
- Kristina, who taught me (though she may not know it) about passionately pursuing your passion
- Mom and Dad, who continually challenge me to pursue Christlikeness, live by faith and in the Spirit, and to love.

Part 6 Of 11.

11 Places I Visited in 2011
- Seward, AK – 4th of July Weekend
- Kodiak, AK – June/July
- Old Harbor, AK – June/July
- Seattle, WA – September, December
- Anaheim, CA – October
- Grants Pass, OR – December
- Olympia/Lacey, WA – September, December
- Butte, AK – many times
- Anchorage, AK
- Palmer, AK
- Wasilla, AK
** I had to stretch to think of 11 different places. Not a good travel year!

Part 5 Of 11.

11 Words From God in 2011
- Walk by faith, not by emotion
- Get some rest!
- I see the desires of your heart.
- I am building those same desires in someone else
- Worship.
- Truth is greater than Melissa’s words
- A little sin goes a long way
- Be rich towards God
- Importance of prayer, with your back to the sky
- His way and timing is perfect
- Continue to watch the birds

Part 4 Of 11.

11 Things For Which I am Thankful in 2011
- Safety for Dad, Brad, and Jeff at work
- Being mentored by Ms. Linda
- Biking at Eklutna and Hatchers with Chris
- My green Coach bag
- The letters from my Machetanz students
- New Keen hiking boots
- A trip to the beach in CA
- Heather moving to AK
- Lola
- Kristina living nearby so I could talk to her house in the middle of the night and be safe there
- My job, and work friends like Taig, Charity, and Bro

Part 3 Of 11.

11 Things I Was Pretty Good At in 2011
- Biking
- Teaching
- Leading meetings
- Crocheting
- Reading books
- Planning GAs (even if It was ovten at the very last minute) and GA Activities
- Planking and overall adventuring
- Telling stories
- Picking work clothes
- Keeping gas in the truck
- Saving money

Part 2 Of 11.

11 Crafts I Made in 2011
- 3 sets of coasters (for Ms. Linda, Paige, and Dana)
- 1 sweater for me (blue, with a hood)
- 2 baby sweaters (for Parisha and Ashley)
- 1 hat (that looks like a Star Wars helmet)
- 1 ring (out of wire and Indian pearls)
- The start of a quilt
- Bedazzled shoes (why not?!)
- Purple scarf (out of a T-Shirt)
- Crab ornament (for Crab Hat Girl #2)
- Crocheted rose (to wear on a blind date)
- 1 pillow (to math the to-be reupholstered chair)

Part 1 Of 11.

11 Books I Read in 2011
- “The Twits” by Roald Dahl and “Fudge-a-Mania” by Judy Blume
- “Radical” by David Platt
- “Before the Ring” by William L. Coleman
- “Expecting Adam” by Martha Beck
- “Pride and Prejudice” by Jane Austen
- “Little Princes” by Conor Grennan
- “These Things Hidden” by Heather Gudenkauf
- “When God Writes Your Love Story” by Eric and Leslie Ludy
- “My Name is Memory” by Ann Brashares
- “A Vintage Affair” by Isabel Wolff
- “Thing Twice” by Lisa Scottoline

Radical Challenge.

Rich towards God,
In money
And in time
And in love
And in praise.

What does that look like? In every planned phase, in every month, in every job and relationship and task, how can I be rich towards God?

I don’t really know what I’m doing tomorrow, let alone next year. But I do have a plan for my life. My plan is to be rich towards God.

I’m going to take the Radical challenge. But I don’t want to just jump in haphazardly. So I’m going to start on January 1. Until then, I’m praying about how I should give money sacrificially. Sponsor a child? I already help sponsor Steve in CA. He sometimes acts like a child. Give to the Cooperative Program? I love the work Southern Baptists do, but I don’t know that I want to be tied to a denomination. I want to discover my passion, and give to an organization that is in line with my passion.

Ha – Krochet Kids.

But seriously – what is my passion? What is it that excites me about life?

I’ve grown really proud of my friend Kristina lately. She knows her passion in life: she loves to travel. And she is doing that. Every available ounce of her heart, energy, and money go seem to go toward living passionately on a plane, in foreign environments, and with new people. I admire her tenacity, how she knows what she wants and she pursues it. (I spent close to $100,000 at college studying to be a teacher, and I don’t even know if I want to teach after all, at least not in a traditional classroom. I don’t think. I don’t know.) But Kristina just says, “Hey, this is the next country I want to go to, or the country I want to return to, so I’m going to go there next summer. I might do this when I get there, or I might do this, but I’m not sure yet. I just know I want to be there.”

I guess that’s how adventures always start. You get an idea: “This sounds good.” Then you just… Go with it. Being rich towards God – that seems like the start of an adventure. I don’t know how I’ll get there and I don’t know if I’ll know when I get there. I don’t think they’ll stamp my Passport at customs in “RichtowardsGodlandia.” (Side note – I still have that valid Bangladesh Visa. I should go.)

People talk about what they’re passionate about. I talked a lot about myself today. I’m passionate about proclaiming my own kingdom come, furthering my own agenda – at least judging by today, I am. I talk about crocheting often, and I do it a lot. I talk about education and Africa and living in a hut. Lately I’ve been talking about Mr. Darcy (so much so, that I think my Dad is sick of hearing his name).

2011 is almost over. It’s always at this time of year that I get all nostalgic and think about what I did and didn’t do over the last year. And it’s when I make plans for the next year. I’ll be doing that seriously soon – be excited. And live passionately.

Finding My Place.

I couldn’t go to church on Sunday, so I listened to a podcast by James McDonald about Finding My Place. He said that three things really define our “places” in life – our name, location or relationships, and our jobs.

So who am I? What are my names?
1. Melissa. Melissa is Greek for “Honey Bee” which I think fits me well. I am mostly sweet, prone to being ADD, and can have a sharp tongue sometimes.
2. My middle name is Joy. I like that. My joy is in the Lord. A lot has changed in my life recently – and for a couple of weeks, my joy was on the verge of being MIA. But when my perspective is right, I know right where my joy is: in the Lord. In who He is, in my relationship with Him, in His word, in walking through life, hand in hand with Him.
3. My last name is Krauss. It is German for “Curly.” As in curly hair. I do have curly hair. But more than that, my last name has become synonymous with the Army and Cowboys and the School District, with hard work, intelligence – both in books and problem solving, and with a general desire to serve.

So who am I? What are my titles?
1. Ms Melissa. My GAs call me this. Some of them do, at least. It kind of makes me feel old, but then I realize that I am about 10 or 15 years older than most of my girls, and it’s okay if they call me Ms Melissa. It is special.
2. Sissy. Jeffy is the only one who calls me this regularly, but some variations include Sis, Sister, and Missy. It indicates my relation to those who are family. I am the youngest, the only daughter.
3. Project Administrator. When I tell people this is part one of my job title, they give me a blank look and say, “So what does that mean?” Usually I tell them that I plan meetings and send a lot of e-mails. But it’s more than that. I “yell” at people when they don’t do their homework. I am the face of this implementation. I balance three or four calendars.
4. Change Management Coordinator. This is part two of my job title. This is the fun part. This is the part where I walk around the Admin building and say hi to people (I usually end up in the IT department, talking to my Bro or Lunch Club). I update Twitter and our websites and created the Gold Star. This is the side where I can be creative and have fun.

So where am I? Where do I physically do life?
1. Halfway between Palmer and Wasilla. That’s where I live. Really, they blend together so well that it’s like one big city. Wasmer. Or Palilla. Hahahaha.
2. Palmer. I work in the School District Admin Building, a converted elementary school. I have one of 10 windows in the whole building by my desk, which is quite nice. My desk is large, located in the Business Services department, and unless you asked Darjon, you wouldn’t know where I was. Though now, other people know too. Word gets around.
3. Wasilla. Church is in Wasilla. Sunday School, Big Church, GAs, etc.

So where am I? With whom do I do life?
1. My parents. I’m their “roommate,” so to speak, except I don’t pay rent or buy food. Or pay utilities. So I guess I’m their daughter who moved home after graduating from college and deciding to NOT move to India. They challenge me and pray for me and speak Truth to me and let me watch Project Runway on their big TV.
2. Ms Linda, Janelle, Jackie, and other women from church. They have taught me so much about life, and following the Lord, and being a woman after His heart. They continually challenge me to grow and love Him more. I see so much of God in their lives.
3. My girls. Twenty of them, first through sixth grade. These girls light up my life! Their enthusiasm and prayer requests and stories and everything just brings me such joy! I’m usually tired by 7:00pm on Wednesdays, but these girls don’t let a week go by without blessing me, and I pray that I bless them, too. Dates with them start next month! I can’t wait.
4. Work people. Ken, Terrie, Charity, Nancy, Darjon, Justin, IT, Cindy, Jade. Oh man, Jade sent me the funniest picture. At work, my mom was teasing me about my braces, since I was talking with a lisp. Jade found a picture of Sid the Sloth from Ice Age, being followed by three dinosaurs. She asked, “Are the IT guys the dinosaurs?!” It was really funny, but I told her she’d have to ask the IT guys.
5. Heather, Kristina, Han, Jade, Sydni, Rhonda. Coffee or lunch or planking or talking or whatever the case may be, these are my go-to-girls.

So who am? What do I do?
1. Craft. Mostly crocheting, but I’m branching into other things, mostly thanks to Pinterest. I’ve begun sewing more and have a quilt in the works. There’s a chair waiting to be reupholstered. There are some tiles that will soon be coasters. Mostly there’s that tub of yarn though.
2. Teach. Mostly my Girls in Action, but sometimes Sunday School, too. And sometimes a Change Management session or two. I love teaching. I love the preparation and creativity and the acting and artistry of it. But I don’t know if I want to actually have my own classroom anymore. I don’t know. The Lord will guide, but what is the desire of my heart in this? Still searching.
3. Missions. I do missions. In Alaska, and the USA, and the world. Africa. My heart has been Africa since high school. I don’t know why. But my heart has always been Africa. Obsessed? Probably. The Lord is so Good, why NOT tell others about Him?!
4. That MSBSD Job. I really do enjoy it: creating cool forms with Adobe, running meetings, professional wardrobe, etc. People are always surprised when I tell them I like what I do. But I do! I like what I do! Well, only when I’m not bored. Because when I’m bored, I turn to Krochet Kids or something else that would likely get me fired.

Who are you?

Late Night.

I can’t sleep. Isn’t that usually how it is? It’s past midnight, I’m recovering from a surgery, and I can’t fall asleep. I hate that.

I had to ask forgiveness tonight, for losing my identity in Christ. For letting life overwhelm. For not keeping my focus.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately, about friends especially. How they come and go and change and you hold on and hold on and hold on but it really isn’t the same and you still can’t bring yourself to let go. Then they get engaged and start planning weddings or have babies or just get busy, and you’re like, “Wait, what? Where did they go?” But neither of you really slow your pace to reconnect. It’s sad. Interesting. I like when that moment comes, that moment that forces your hand practically, and says, “Hey! You don’t have a choice! You need this person more than you know. Get off your high horse and deal with the hurt and the pain that’s ensued lately. You have HISTORY together.” You know?

It’s almost 1:00apm now. I’ve been listening to iTunes, to a playlist I made for a friend.
Hey, Soul Sister: I was glancing through one of my old journals (number 17 to be specific) and it mentioned the first time I met you. Funny how, even in the beginning, we knew a special-connection friend when we saw/met one. And sure enough: that’s what you are. I like that. It’s like, we formed that special-connection friendship and no matter how LONG that friendship has been established, I know you are there for me in heart and soul, even if not physically. Like the song, “Pray for You” by Roads to Rome. You make me think of that song.

I’ve seen lately that to have a good friend, one has to be a good friend. I don’t think I’ve been a good friend to some of my people lately, and for that I am sorry. How can I remedy this? I guess it starts with an “I’m sorry for…”

Braces.

Metal Mouth.
Railroad Tracks.
Or, as Taig says, A Mouth Full Of Butterflies.

Monday, November 28, 2011.

I spent the first part of my evening with the book “Pride and Prejudice” and a tall Starbucks chai. It was nice: a great read, delicious drink, just enjoying being 23.

I spent the second part of my night with a family: a mom, dad, and five daughters, all under the age of seven. We ate dinner and dessert and drank coffee and told stories and talked about serving the Lord in Africa – their desire and my own. I shared my dream for my love life with the wife, a lady I respect a great deal. I left with a full heart, full belly, and a vase full of yellow roses, my early get-well-soon present for Wednesday’s surgery.

God is so faithful. When the desires of my heart are in line with His will and His character, He lovingly and willingly grants them. My confidence, my hope and my joy and my faith, is not based on God’s actions, but on His character. Who He is.

I’ve struggled the last few days with that relationship that ended a couple of months ago. I’ve struggled with things that happened in the relationship, things that have happened since, what the end of it means for my future. I get braces put on tomorrow (Tuesday) and part of me thinks that if I have braces, I’ll never get married! Like I ruined my chance with him (and any boy!) when I had it.

But I know those are not words of Truth. It is Good that that relationship ended. Good for both of us, really, though maybe for different reasons. I do not change because of braces. I am still me – Melissa, age 23, Project Administrator/Change Management Coordinator. Because of all the recent struggles, however, I have developed (or there has developed within me) a new desire for my love life.

I really – REALLY – want to be in love with the Lord. I want to be so wrapped up in His love, in His pursuit of me (and my pursuit of Him), and in what He is accomplishing in my life… I want to be so caught up in our Royal wedding dance that I don’t even notice a boy until He has sought the Lord and requested from Him the privilege of cutting in on my dance with God. And only when that man steps in, takes my hand, and leads me in the dance will I acknowledge him in my heart. I want to know that the Lord has placed me in this man’s hands – that I have been turned over to him, so to speak, and that YWHW is looking on with pleasure and delight, just tickled pink that He can dance with both of us from that day forward.

I want to do what God has for me to do, with boldness and enthusiasm and all the fruit the Spirit of God can muster. I want to serve willingly and passionately: in GAs, at work, in my family and among my friends. And I think that it is while I am doing that – while I am pursuing God and His will in my life – that I will find The One With Whom I Am To Spend The Rest Of My Life. Not before.

That’s my heart right now. That’s where I’m at. Let’s do this.

Thanksgiving.

Happy, happy Thanksgiving!

I'm thankful for my family at large. Last year, I was in Oregon for Thanksgiving with my grandparents. That was so delightful. Grandma and I baked and made candy and since my half birthday occurred while I was there, we had a half birthday cake. It was my first ever Thanksgiving with my Grandparents.

I'm thankful for how the Lord captivates my heart. I'm listening to "Captivated" by Shawn McDonald right now.

I'm thankful for the job I have, for the friends I have made at work, for having a Bro and for being able to walk through IT and say hi to everyone in that department a few times a day. I'm thankful that I got to eat lunch with them. I am thankful for the insurance I have because next week I am: 1. Getting an eye exam done. 2. Getting braces put on. 3. Having oral surgery.

I'm thankful for my GAs and Church Family. I have TWENTY GAs - Twenty first through sixth graders that I get to hang out with and love on every week. I praise God for them, for the influence I can have in their lives. It is scary and intimidating sometimes - but I love them.

I'm thankful for the last couple weeks of house-sitting, for dogs that sleep with me (and eat my face off when they're hungry in the morning). I'm thankful for the warm, comfy bed I'm sitting in now as I listen to K-Love Radio. I'm thankful that in a few minutes, I will get ready and go home to help make fudge before joining friends for Thanksgiving Dinner.

Prase God - He alone deserves it.

Red Sea.

I taught Sunday School this morning about when the Israelites left Egypt, were lead back and forth by God through the dessert, were pursued by the Egyptians, and were finally cornered by the Red Sea. Cornered, between the people who wanted them dead or in captivity, and a body of water too deep to walk across, to wide to swim.

But as I was preparing for the lesson, I was so struck by the fact that God only leads where He wants me to be.

And sometimes, when I feel like I am cornered in life, it is only because He wants to do something great, like part a sea for me.

OneRepublic: "Good Life."

Christmas Music And Ice Cream.

This is life tonight:







Yummy Peanut-Butter/Chocolate ice-cream. And Christmas Music. And cutting fabric for quilting.

Today, I went thrifting: 4 sweaters and a bag.

I went to a movie by myself for the first time, too - something to which I've always had an aversion - and I loved it. The movie was lovely, and being by myself was nice, too. I talked to the random man who was waiting for the movie to start, who was also there by himself. He was about 50, so it was a little odd that he went to see "Breaking Dawn, Part 1" but who am I to judge?

And I soaked for about an hour in my boss' jacuzzi tub. Oh man. It was awesome. There's nothing quite like drinking a cup of coffee while soaking in a jacuzzi tub and reading "My Utmost for His Highest." It feeds every part of me: Physical, Spiritual, Emotional.

Truth.

House-sitting.

Now I remember why I don't like it: I spent more time last night cleaning up dog puke than I did sleeping. And I'm not exaggerating.

PS, boy: I have a crush on you. Do you know? Probably not. I feel like Taylor Swift's song "Enchanted."

Tonight's Plans.

Quilting while listening to K-Love.

I just downloaded the Phil Wickham Christmas CD. I love Christmas music. Who doesn't?

I love that Christ is celebrated - that He was born and lived and is still alive!

Living.

I loved being in California last month. I loved the warmth, the people with whom I spent time, the realization that Alaskans aren't the only ones.

I don't like to travel. I like to be. I like to be where I know I should be. Not should be, but... where the Lord wills for me to be. Last month, it was California. The month before, it was Washington. This month, it is Alaska, House-sitting.

I don't want to live in Alaska forever. Or probably much longer, period. But where do I want to live?

Africa. Uganda, with KKI. Or at the orphanage in South Africa. Or in a pyramid in Egypt.

Radical.

I just finished reading “Radical” by David Platt. It took me about a month, from start to finish. I read it at work, thousands of miles in the sky, lounging in a chair in the California sunshine, and relaxing on my bed with fresh snow outside.

Talking to Grandma tonight, I mentioned wanting to move to Africa, to intern with KKI for six months. She asked if I want to do it long-term, that if I do, I’ll miss a lot of family stuff, that I probably won’t get married, that I’ll have cats instead. But you know – my heart has been in Africa since 2008. Three years now. Four, next summer. If I am to go to Africa, I will go, for however long the Lord allows me to stay. With or without a husband. With or without cats.

Because it comes down to this: The Lord is faithful. He is just and pure and His way is much higher than my way. He makes everything work for good, even things that seemingly threaten to throw my whole life off course and make me doubt everything. He works them for good.

If this, then…. And if that, then… And if I hadn’t, then…

He knows. God knows. He knows all those paths and He is leading me down the one that He has ordained since the beginning. And I get to walk it. No, I get to run it, straight into His arms at the end of the race. Along the way, I get to serve and lead and disciple and carry my cross. And there is no other way I want to live.

One of the most difficult things, however, is not having people my age here in Alaska with whom I can talk about this. Or maybe I do, but the topic is never breached. Like we’re all scared to go there, to cross that line and discuss something that really matters… like it makes us uncomfortable because it doesn’t follow the American Dream. For that reason, I really miss OBU and Senior Women Bible Study. I miss my roomies and my BFFFL and Sarah and my J-Man Sister, who was mostly another Oklahoma friend. A heart friend. I miss having a heart friend.

Love.

You know, I really love the Lord. He Is. Isn’t that the Truth? He Is. Lovely. Pure. Holy. Above all, in all, Creator of all. He is Life and Love and all things beautiful.

I find myself in awe of Him, usually when I’m doing something seemingly unrelated to His glory. And yet, everything is related to His glory – everything either glorifies Him or steals His glory. How convicting, when I think of my actions – which ones glorify Him and which ones glorify myself?

His plan is so perfect. I am delighting in it. Delighting in Him, in the area He has me now. I love studying His word with my Pastor’s wife. I love leading GAs. I love giving. I love forgetting about the American Dream and focusing on what Scripture says.

I hope this lasts forever.

Tuesday Tribute.

Day with my Dad.

Well, afternoon with my Dad. We don't do that often. I don't know why not. Just busy, I guess.

I had a consultation in Anchorage for a surgery I am having done next month. He went in with me to talk to the surgeon also. On the way in, I asked him about what kind of guy he thought I'd end up marrying... and it was really interesting to hear his thoughts. Apparently he and my mom talked about it recently. He talked about (according to him) how old he think the guy will be, what his personality will be like, how he should be taller than Brad and Jeff so that he's not intimidated... how he'll want to do missions and will be outgoing. Really cool.

We got there WAY early, so we went to the mall :) He bought Mom a birthday card, and I bought shoes, and he bought a calendar. Ha.

The consult itself was fine - they couldn't find my video/X-Rays, but assured me they would look at them before the surgery. Phew, right?!

Icecream, pepperoni sticks, and a gun store on the way home - that's how we roll.

So thankful for my Dad, who can communicate his favorite thing about my Mom, who clearly loves me and wants the best for me, who speaks truth and encouragement into my life.

Lessons Learned, According To Melissa.

Don't be afraid to be the first one dancing in a group of people. They will enjoy your Sprinkler and Shopping Cart.

Purity does not mean you can only date one boy. Do not plan on marrying the first (or even second) boy you ever date.

Choose everyday to worship. Pray while you are flat on your face, back to the sky - you hear better that way, too.

Call your parents every week. They really do love hearing from their kids, no matter how "wayward" you think you may be. And be prepared to answer, "So what else is going on?" While I'm on this subject, call your grandparents, too. Better yet - write letters. Grandmas love letters. Unfortunately, I didn't fully realize that until I went to college. But it's never too late to start writing letters.

Write letters to lots of people - who doesn't love getting real live mail?

Accept it: life will NOT go how you plan. You might not work in a job for which you studied at school. You might not marry THAT ONE BOY. You might actually be the old lady with 15 cats someday. But it's okay. Because you can also accept the fact that God is still on the throne.

When boys named Ravi say you are a nice dancer and have a face like that of a European descendant, ignore him.

Allow yourself to be captivated: by sunrises, stars, Bible verses, cute shoes, the intricacy of a crocheting pattern, the colors of your own eyes.

Forgive. Let it go.

Don't be so caught up in Things On-Line that you aren't actively engaged in the life you are living. Likewise, don't be so caught up in What Used To Be that you miss What Is Now.

If you like it (and it's honoring to God) do it. Even if others think it is ridiculous. I'm thinking of dancing in a crowd of 8000 people, planking in public places, going on blind dates, acting like a hippie, taking random pictures. Enjoy it. Those times make the best stories later on.

Learn to tell a good story. It can be real or not. But make sure you know how to catch people's attention and keep it. It keeps you and others from being bored, fills awkward silences, and makes you quite popular with the ages five and under crowd.

And don't date a boy who doesn't like listening to made-up stories! If you don't think he would appreciate that side of you, or any other side your personality - however ridiculous it may be - don't date him. What will you have to talk about when you are 65 and it's just the two of you?

As Mom always said, "It's easy to fall in love with the wrong person." So true. Listen to my Momma.

Be good at something creative. Not professional level, necessarily, but be really good at it. It can be reading, writing, story-telling, painting, beat-boxing, knitting, etc. Own it.

Get some sleep. More than you think you need. Whatever IT is you are doing, it can wait until tomorrow. Chances are, you'll enjoy it more then anyway.

Lessons Learned.

I really enjoy reading advice that people give. You know, the "23 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Was 23." I love them. I really enjoy hearing/reading about what matters to people - what lessons have they learned that make them who they are now? What would they redo? What are they proud of?

There are some girls at church who are in college. When they entered, I gave them freshman year advice: Do not seriously date a boy your first year in college. Sophomore year, the advice was different: Get out of the country and experience something different. While you are Outside, go out of your way to do something for someone else. My advice for Junior year would be thus: Give friendships a second chance. Be the kind of friend you want to have. And then Senior year: Learn how to worship. And do a Bible study with other senior girls.

But the more I've thought, in general, about advice, the more I want to share. I do not by any means have it all together. But I believe that the Lord is faithful, and He does work everything for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose. Soon I will post my advice. I don't know if it will have a catchy title, or a certain number of items. But I hope it is valid.

Jamie Grace. Love her.
Going to California tonight for a week.
Fun with the Newlyweds.
So ill - sinus infection, pink eye, ugh.
Hard evenings of late - but Isaiah 29:11-13.
Psalm 126 - "Do it again, God! Bring rain to our drought stricken land!"
Tired.

Pilgrimage.

I never really thought about Pilgrimage until last week. My Pastor’s wife and I are doing a Bible Study by Beth Moore called “Stepping Up.” I picked it from lifeway.com and somehow, I just knew it is the one we needed to do right now, just the two of us.

We are all on Pilgrimage. Every follower of Christ is on a pilgrimage to Zion, to our wedding feast with the King. We are following in the footsteps of those believers who walked before us and paving the way for the ones who will come after, but we all have to walk our own journey.

This study is based on the Psalms of the Ascent: 15 songs that are found toward the end of Psalms – Psalm 120-134 to be precise. Think of these songs as a playlist you load onto your iPod before a road-trip with friends: they are the songs Jews sang as they traveled to Jerusalem. And now, for me, they are the songs I will sing as I travel through this very dark and uncertain forest called… life. My Pilgrimage is very different than I thought it would be. But then, I suppose life is never quite what we think it will be.

Beth Moore quoted from a friend at the Simulcast a few weeks ago. Her friend said something along the lines of, “Life is scary right now and I don’t know what the future holds. But if feels as if I am surrounded by blank canvases and I get to paint beautiful colors all over them.” I’m almost there, to the excitement of painting on my blank canvases.

For the first time since about high school, I get to figure out me. That sounds funny. I get to discover who I am in Christ, what I really enjoy doing, the things I like to talk about and laugh at and explore. I bought a book by Doris Chan: “Crochet Lace Innovations.” (Be jealous.) I bid on a retro blue desk today. Soon I will reupholster a chair. I spent the last weekend in Washington with my lovely sister-in-law, who is more like a real sister than not. We shopped and watched movies and talked – oh, how we talked!

But the best part? My favorite thing to do right now? Be on my face, on the floor, as low as I can go, before the Lord. Usually my arms are tucked into my side, and usually I go between talking to Him and just… being with Him. I spent so much time the last week and a half feeling anxious, in tears, unable to eat. Before the Maker of Heaven and Earth is the one place where I felt whole again. And now, it is the best place to find rest for my soul.

Because the thing is, I can’t base my worships on NOW because NOW is always changing. And since NOW is always changing, I know I won’t be in this hard place forever. God has ordained this hard place since the beginning of time, when the angels first started singing. This hard place is proof that God has not accomplished His will in my life yet… if He had, I would already be in His presence in heaven. I would be done with this body and in my new one! I would hear Him singing on the throne as the angels and I worship Him. I have not made it to Zion. This is a hard trip. But I am not walking alone. Other travelers are with me – dear friends near and far…different friends, but dear ones nonetheless.

So there you go. Pilgrimage. I challenge you to read the Psalms of the Ascent this week – to find them and fall in love with them. To see them as the soundtrack to someone’s vacation, walking across the dessert, to the one place they really wanted to be: the Temple of the Living God. And see yourself in them: walking through this difficult season, anxious and excited to be on the other side of the mountain. As we walk together, please let me know how I can be lifting you up as I am laying down.

Things For Which I Am Thankful.

- The day off of work.
- The fair being in town. I love the fair.
- The visit from Brad, and walking on the glacier with him, Chris, and Lola.

- Planking.

- Dwelling in love. Proverbs 10:12 "Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses."
- Talking with a great friend one day and the encouragement therein.
- Being invited to go to Brazil with an African buddy.
- Ordering books on Amazon.com
- "No matter how the wind may blow, it cannot shake the son."
- Cold weather; holding hands on the Ferris Wheel; sacrifice.
- Lola.

Isaiah 54.

Love, love Isaiah 54. I’ve read it every night for nearly a week.

“Oh, barren woman whom I love – enlarge your tents! Spread out! I am the LORD your Husband. I have called you and I am building you up to be better than before. Get ready to receive My blessings.”

I walked barefoot through grass on my lunch break at work today. This was a busy week and I was feeling a little despondent about not teaching this fall; the school where I taught last year is about 60 students over their projected enrollment. But as I walked laps around the soccer fields nearby, I felt God whispering His love over me in everything:
- The soft grass under my feet
- The warm sun after a week of rain
- The dew that clung to the grass despite the warm temperatures
- The wind rustling through the trees and all around me, calling my name, reminding me that everything that happens is designed to display God’s love for me
- The stillness and solitude, but not loneliness

He reminded me that I am chosen. That I am pursued. That I am loved.
I’ve been wearing a simple silver band on my left index finger – a ring that reminds me, per Jewish Tradition (though it’s usually worn on the right hand) of my Betrothal to my Lord. Whatever happens, I am His.

Life Right Now.

I must own my life as it is now, not as I see it in the future. The future is not promised; only this moment is. So why throw away right now for something that is not yet known?

Life right now:
My name is Melissa. I am 23 years old, I live at home, and I drive my parents’ pickup truck. I have paid off half of my student loans and am on track to pay off my last chunk before I turn 24. I recently set financial goals and will have to revamp them soon because they are too easy to attain.

I am a salaried employee, a “Project Administrator/Change Manager” for the Mat-Su School District, making more money than a first-year teacher. I love my job. My biggest task this week is creating a music video to Kanye West’s song “Stronger,” which I rewrote to reflect the software implementation we are beginning on Monday. I really do enjoy the corporate world: having a desk, with a computer purchased and loaded just for me, with the authority to call some shots, and an overactive e-mail account. My boss and I have a similar sense of humor and other employees recognize that I can help them with what they need, even though I haven’t been in this position for a month yet.

I’m getting braces soon. There, I said it. Braces and oral surgery to fix my too-small upper palette and, hopefully, reduce the number of sinus infections I get every year.

My boyfriend and I just celebrated two years of dating with a 25.4-mile bike ride at Eklutna Lake. He is working hard to finish his flying courses at UAA so that he can become a Certified Flight Instructor for the school this fall. He studies more diligently than anyone I have ever met, and takes work more seriously than most of my family put together. I really respect him for that – I praise God that He put a man in my life who knows the importance of hard work and does not slack on what needs to be done. He thinks about everything, challenging me to see something I might otherwise miss.

I teach GAs at church. Tonight we had an enjoyable time of fellowship and “crafting.” They are so fun to be with – I love their enthusiasm and desire to share everything that’s going on in their lives, from soccer to bug bites and everything in between. My church in Alaska is quite different from the church I attended senior year at OBU. More traditional. But oh, it is homey.

I spend a lot of time crocheting. Maybe too much time. I have coffee with my Pastor’s wife every Tuesday night. My parents and I watch “Project Runway” on Thursdays. Every Sunday after church, Chris and I go to lunch with my parents and Fred and Betty. I like classical music – a lot. And the song “Without You” by Keith Urban. Keith Urban is one of my favorites. He has so many good love songs out.

I watched “Beauty and the Beast” last night in my room by myself. I only like movies when I know people fall in love at the end. It is a wonderful story, but knowing that I am preparing for a Royal wedding with my King is even better. Bride of Christ. The Lord dotes on my even more than Beast did for Belle. But His greatest desire is that I become like Him. That process takes time, and usually challenges. But, after all, as I read in “My Utmost for His Highest,” the Christian life is not deliverance from troubles, but deliverance IN troubles. God does not give us overcoming life: He gives us life as we overcome.

This is the life the Lord has given me right now. I may not understand all the ins and outs of it, but by golly, I will make it my goal to glorify Him in this life: in my job, my time at home, my GA leadership, my relationship with my boyfriend. All this, as I prepare to be His bride.

I wish people communicated more. That they TOLD what was on their mind, how they felt, etc. I am SO over not talking about things.

Promises.

7-9-2011
1 Peter 2:9 “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.”

1 John 1:5 “This is the message we have heard from Him and declare to you: God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all.”

1 John 3: 20b “For God is greater than our hearts and He knows everything.”

Isaiah 55:8 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the Lord.”

Psalm 55:2 “Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall.”

Put your whole weight on it, see it if stands – see if you can trust Me and My unfailing love for ever and ever. MY promises are true and are NOT dependent on man. I ALWAYS want you to be My bride. Rest.

Jeremiah 6:16 “This is what the Lord says, Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.”

Jeremiah 29:11-14 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you, declares the Lord, and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

Psalm 23:4 “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows.” Even in the presence of your enemies, even amongst those who have hurt you and maligned you, I will be there. I will be there and I will make sure that you are provided for, according to My riches in heaven. My child, learn to rest there, in the middle of danger, not because you are unafraid, but because you are Mine. My greatest desire is to make you more like Me. In that, I want to drench you in My love, pursuing you in My divine power.

Psalm 27:3 “Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident.”

Though others forsake you, my child, I will receive you.

Psalm 31:7 “I will be glad and rejoice in Your love, for You saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul!”

Psalm 33:4 “For the word of the Lord is right and true; He is faithful in all He does.”

Melissa. My word is right. I am not wrong. I do not make mistakes. Remember? I told you that through your own words in Old Harbor. You are not a mistake. This situation is not a mistake. I make everything Good. My word is true. You can trust it. You can trust me. Take the promises and stand on them. I am faithful and I will not let you fall. I will see you through because there is more to be done on the other side.

Old Harbor.

Wed. June 29, 2011
12:00am ish

I’ve been home from the Mission Trip to Old Harbor for roughly… two hours. And even though I was only gone for ten or eleven days, and even though I stayed in Alaska, I feel as if I am reverse culture-shocking.

Laying in my bed, looking at all my stuff kind of makes me feel ill. Why do I need all this? It isn’t as if people in Old Harbor don’t have stuff – because they do – it’s how they view it. To them, it is necessary. A skiff to catch fish. A Honda to get around town. Clothes so you aren’t naked. There seem to be no pretenses because there isn’t room for them. And yet, they allow themselves to take pleasure in those things, enjoying the tools. Using the skiff to view Harbor seals and find sand dollars. Going over the hill on the Honda. Playing dress-up.

It’s also odd, the first few days, to be with different people, people who did not go on the trip, who will not understand what happened, no matter how many times and ways you explain it.



I think I am so tired and confused at this point that nothing makes sense… at all. Everything is loud and annoying and frustrating, so I’m going to bed. Tomorrow I am meeting with my future supervisors to talk salary, benefits, and a possible trip to Disneyland. But oh, what I would give to be back on that skiff, watching the seals, then on that beach, cavorting in the warm sand, playing I Spy with sand dollars.

Tuesday Tribute To The Bible.

Top Three Favorite Old Testament Characters, Excluding God (In No Particular Order)
1. Benaiah. He chased a lion into a pit on a snowy day. He CHASED a LION, INTO a PIT on a SNOWY day. I can’t imagine they get many snowy days in the Middle East, thousands of years ago. But on that fateful day, David’s mighty man did not let that snow deter him. Instead, he scared a LION so badly that it ran away from him and tried to hide down in a pit, and Benaiah killed it. He did other brave things: he killed an Egyptian; he led David’s bodyguard; and he is known as a “doer of great deeds.” What a way to be remembered. Interesting to note, nothing is said of his relationship with the Lord; it will be interesting to see if this valiant man is in heaven.
2. Boaz. Oh my gosh, I love Boaz. He makes me swoon. Kinsman Redeemer. Protector. Man of Honor and his Word. Ruth comes to him and he falls in love… but goes about winning her heart the same way. From an outside perspective, Ruth’s mother-in-law, Naomi, totally has a hand in it, too… but Boaz remains a strong man. One of my favorite verses from him? Ruth 3:10-11 “And he said, “May you be blessed by the Lord, my daughter. You have made this last kindness greater than the first in that you have not gone after young men, whether poor or rich. And now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you all that you ask, for all my fellow townsmen know that you are a worthy woman.” Boaz, as much as he loved and respected Ruth, was BLOWN AWAY by the fact that she loved him too. She chose him just as much as he chose her. It is a great picture of our relationship with Christ as Kinsman Redeemer. He chose to redeem us… but we have to make that choice to be redeemed, to choose Him instead of one who is more “attractive” or “desirable.” In fact, Christ has all we need.
3. Hosea. Redeeming Love is one of my all-time favorite books, but the Bible story is just as good. He just… he just keeps loving his wife, buying her back from prostitution and slavery to the world over and over and over again. He doesn’t give up on her. He woos her and wins her heart as many times as he has to before she accepts his love and returns it. Hosea 2 details the heart-wrenching story of how she forsakes her husband in pursuit of other lovers… then Hosea replies in verse 8, “And she did not know that it was I who gave her the grain, the wine, and the oil, who lavished on her silver and gold, which they used for Baal.” Hello!! I give you everything you need! Where are you going?! I feel like so often, God is saying that same thing to me as I pursue other lovers, be they recognition, or a certain goal weight, or whatever. Those things are not God and they cannot fill His place in my life.

Top Three Favorite New Testament Characters, Excluding Jesus (In No Particular Order)
1. Peter. I’ve been reading through 1 Peter for weeks, it seems, and I still can’t move past 1 Peter 5:2-3 “Care for God’s flock with all the diligence of a shepherd. Not because you have to, but because you want to please God. Not calculating what you can get out of it, but acting spontaneously. Not bossily telling others what to do, but showing them the way.” Whoa. Challenge upon challenge for me lately. And I love how Peter’s life was changed. He denied Christ three times, but after Jesus met with him on the beach, Peter showed how transformative Christ’s love is and he helped lead the New Testament Church. He was, indeed, the rock.
2. Mary! Oh Mary. Not Jesus’ Mom (though she’s great, too), but Mary from Martha and Mary and Lazarus. She’s the one who poured perfume on Jesus’ feet then wiped His feet with her hair. I seriously have so much I could say about her… about the sacrifice and the humiliation and the pure, unadulterated worship… about how, though the perfume was intended for Jesus’ burial, it’s like she couldn’t wait that long! She had to anoint Him then. Spontaneously. She gave her best – a year’s wages - $40,000 in my life, once I sign a teaching contract. She poured that out in less than a minute’s time, I bet, onto the dirtiest part of a human: the feet. And she wiped it with the most physically attractive part of herself: her hair. I can’t get over it. Devotion. What worship.
3. Luke. The silent partner, the doctor, the author. He knew what it was to be in the wings, to not have center stage, but to be a supporting role in the work God does through someone else. And not once in the book of Acts do we hear Luke saying, “I had an awful day!” or “I stubbed my toe again!” or “I was in prison too, you know…” or “I lead 400 people to Christ that same day!” Luke is okay with Paul being in the spotlight. And maybe that’s because Luke recognized the role God had given him – Luke’s job was to write. To record history as it was made. (Who knows – maybe Doctors had better handwriting back then.) And he did his job faithfully. He was able to live out Peter’s challenge in 1 Peter 5:2-3, the one I’m struggling with so much. Faithful to the end, that Luke. What a guy.

Falling Leaves.

Emotional Nutcase: (n) one who cannot react to situations appropriately; one who is prone to crying and fits of feeling inadequate

Of all definitions I can have with my name, this is the most recently appropriate. Isn’t that unfortunate? But alas, on K Love today, I heard…

“Fall Apart” by Josh Wilson.

…Now it all seems upside down.
Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel you now more than I did then.
I cannot come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need.
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts:
I find You when I fall apart.
I don’t know how long this will last
I’m praying for the pain to pass.
But maybe this is the best thing
That has ever happened to me.

The mission trip to Old Harbor is coming up. I’m accompanying the youth with two married couples and three or four little kids. And I am excited. This will be my first trip since India, where everything changed. There was a newness on that trip: a new way of relating to God, of knowing Him and hearing from Him. It was… indescribable. This will also be my first time in an Alaska Native Village and I think it will be an interesting and challenging time… from what I hear, at least. One week. We leave in one week, first for a six hour car ride, then a ten hour ferry ride, then a plane trip. Gotta love Alaska travel.

I interviewed at an elementary school in Anchorage. They have no openings but are anticipating some. Waiting game. I do have a (non-teaching) job lined up for the fall. And I’m thinking: do I even WANT to teach? Am I ready for it? Can I handle my own classroom? This job that I’ve been offered, I would learn skills that could better prepare me for a classroom of my own one day – but if I take it, will I ever get my own classroom? Really?

I am nearly done with my hooded crocheted sweater. It’s blue. And cuddly.

I found a brown leaf today on our deck table. It’s JUNE. What’s the deal? We had a party together:





My bike and I went on a wonderful ride together yesterday, about 10 miles. I stopped at a fellow teacher’s house and blew my nose before visiting with them for a few minutes. Bike riding? How did I like for about 10 years without this?! What a time to enjoy God’s creation and empty my mind! It’s like… mobile meditation. Haha. I got my new helmet in the mail and really like it. Incidentally, the new shorts I just bought match it perfectly. I’m like a little bike model.

Call your shrink. Call the National Guard. Call your priest. Call me when you’re over it.

Perspective.

Father, I have been suffering.
I didn’t think I was; not really. I thought life was just happening around me.
But this is hard. This is suffering.

Rejected
by school districts, right and left,
and wounded by those closest to me,
and feeling jilted at every turn,
and uncertain as to why I am so dissatisfied with this life You have graciously given.

But God, Your Word says to rejoice in suffering
Because it develops perseverance.
Because it perfects me.
Because it draws me closer to You.
So that I can obtain the prize.

And You never give me more than I can handle…
But I don’t feel as tough as You must think I am, Father.
(I am not a champion weight lifter, in any sense. I fell in the middle of yoga that time, remember? I’ve never been able to do a cartwheel, much less a forward roll. My best mile time is roughly nine and a half minutes. Tough? Me? Hardly.)
I feel weak and lost and alone and afraid and like a loser.

I feel like a loser.

But You don’t whisper those thoughts to me. You don’t. You love me. I am Your Bride. I am Chosen and Dearly Loved and I was bought with a price. Ha. I am valuable. I am not my own; I was bought with a price. So even in this hard time, I can honor You with my body. I can present myself as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to You because this is my spiritual act of worship. In this waiting, I do not have to be conformed to the world, but I can be transformed by the renewing of my mind so that I can test and approve Your will for my life, Your good, pleasing, and perfect will, both in the future and in the now. (Romans 12:1-2)

So maybe, Lord, maybe…
Maybe through Your Spirit alone, I am stronger than I think.
Maybe You are accomplishing something in this season that seems to last for-freaking-ever.
Maybe I can trust Your plans for me.

No, Lord. Not Maybe. Definitely.
Through Your Spirit, I am definitely stronger than I think, because of the promise in Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things [even the things that threaten to suck the life and joy right out of my lungs] through Christ who strengthens me.”
You are definitely accomplishing something through this time, like Romans 8:28 claims “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.”
I can definitely trust Your plan, because it is good: Jeremiah 29:11 tells me, from Your own point of view, “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope.”

You are never late, Lord. Your plans never fail to come to fruition. They are never forgotten until the last minute. You never have, “OH CRAP!” moments. You don’t need a plan B and You don’t have to second guess how something will turn out. You are never late; so I can praise You while I wait.

That’s the great part of being free in Christ. All my worries and cares? I don’t have to live under the weight of that oppression. I don’t have to stress about where I am going and how I am going to get there and with whom I will live life.

As a child of the King, I am free. Free to live completely surrendered to His love, completely alive in His presence. These ties that were holding me don’t have to hold me any longer. Surrender. The key to, and difficulty in, surrendering is that I forfeit my right to ask questions.

It can be easy; I think people – myself included – tend to over think things, especially Christianity. Your love, God, is strong. Stronger than Satan’s pull on my life. Stronger than my own fleshly desires. Stronger than my fear and uncertainty. Your love is Strong. I can trust You. I know I can. And I choose to, Father. I choose to trust You again. And again. And again. Renewed everyday, just like Your mercies.

Growing Up.

The May memory verse for Sunday School is 1 Peter 1:24-25 “All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field: the grass withers and flowers fall… but the Word of the Lord stands forever. And this is the Word that was preached to you!” (Emphasis mine.)

Because I have spent the last few nights practicing the verses for Verse Alert, I ended up reading some of 1 Peter, particularly verses 1:13-25. But tonight, I backed up a little to verse 3.

You see, my journaling tonight centered on what I learned while I was in South Asia, which is the same thing my Pastor preached about in church this morning. After last night’s breakthrough, it was a wonderful confirmation of God’s faithfulness. But I digress. After thinking some more about Mary’s sacrifice (cf John 12:1-8) and spiritual act of worship (Romans 12:1-2), I started thinking about worship in general. Pastor Tom mentioned that just the realization of who God is should spring up worship in us. As I thought about it, sure enough, that worship grew and grew in my soul. I became so excited for Who God is.

1 Peter 1:3 says, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!” and goes on to talk about the inheritance I have as a believer. But the part that stood out to me tonight – the part the Holy Spirit made to leap off the page, came in verse 5: “… who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time…” (Emphasis mine.) Guarded through faith for a salvation. Guarded. All those doubts? All those fears? That anxiety? The frustration and sadness? Through it all, I was being guarded. My salvation was being guarded. GUARDED! (I’m picturing angels standing next to me, while Satan tries to snatch away my salvation. Those angels are ensuring with flashing swords that he is not successful. Because even when I don’t feel it, I am still being guarded.)

Verse 6 continues, “In this you REJOICE!!!!!” (Emphasis totally mine.) Peter’s saying, in effect, “Hey guys! Life is hard! You are exiled and left in a land that is unfamiliar to you. You don’t know what’s going on or when you’ll get some guidance from the Lord. BUT! Your faith is being perfected and your salvation is being guarded! Yeah, I know you can’t see God. But don’t you see?! You still have faith big enough to love Him and believe in Him! Your faith is growing – He is growing you up! Rejoice in that!”

God is growing me up. And He is guarding me all the way. Guarding His child, precious in His sight.

First Peter, Chapter One.

The May memory verse for Sunday School is 1 Peter 1:24-25 “All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field: the grass withers and flowers fall… but the Word of the Lord stands forever. And this is the Word that was preached to you!” (Emphasis mine.)

Because I have spent the last few nights practicing the verses for Verse Alert, I ended up reading some of 1 Peter, particularly verses 1:13-25. But tonight, I backed up a little to verse 3.

You see, my journaling tonight centered on what I learned while I was in South Asia, which is the same thing my Pastor preached about in church this morning. After last night’s breakthrough, it was a wonderful confirmation of God’s faithfulness. But I digress. After thinking some more about Mary’s sacrifice (cf John 12:1-8) and spiritual act of worship (Romans 12:1-2), I started thinking about worship in general. Pastor Tom mentioned that just the realization of who God is should spring up worship in us. As I thought about it, sure enough, that worship grew and grew in my soul. I became so excited for Who God is.

1 Peter 1:3 says, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!” and goes on to talk about the inheritance I have as a believer. But the part that stood out to me tonight – the part the Holy Spirit made to leap off the page, came in verse 5: “… who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time…” (Emphasis mine.) Guarded through faith for a salvation. Guarded. All those doubts? All those fears? That anxiety? The frustration and sadness? Through it all, I was being guarded. My salvation was being guarded. GUARDED! (I’m picturing angels standing next to me, while Satan tries to snatch away my salvation. Those angels are ensuring with flashing swords that he is not successful. Because even when I don’t feel it, I am still being guarded.)

Verse 6 continues, “In this you REJOICE!!!!!” (Emphasis totally mine.) Peter’s saying, in effect, “Hey guys! Life is hard! You are exiled and left in a land that is unfamiliar to you. You don’t know what’s going on or when you’ll get some guidance from the Lord. BUT! Your faith is being perfected and your salvation is being guarded! Yeah, I know you can’t see God. But don’t you see?! You still have faith big enough to love Him and believe in Him! Your faith is growing – He is growing you up! Rejoice in that!”

God is growing me up. And He is guarding me all the way. Guarding His child, precious in His sight.

Still Learning.

Lessons from my own life: How I know God is Real.

When I was five, I felt convicted to kneel at our couch and pray, asking Him to be my Savior. Even then, I recognized my position as a sinner and His position as Lord of the Universe.

While attending GVAC, there was the time the man went forward as part of that skit Paula did – I was reminded then of God’s ability to change and transform lives, even though I was only 10 or 11, probably.

At MYPD, I felt so lost and confused; I was uncertain about life, especially life everlasting. That night, I rededicated my life to Him and felt that huge burden lift. I know at that moment, He became my Lord also… and sometimes, yes, I have booted Him from that throne, kicking Him out of the throne room of my heart. Repent.

I can’t be the Lord of my life, God. I can’t do it. I am a sinner, with desires of my own that do NOT please You. Too often I walk according to my flesh, not according to the call You’ve placed on me. Forgive me, Father. I step off my throne again to give You back Your rightful place. You are Lord. You are my Hope. You are my Salvation. And I love you. God, I mean it. I believe… but help my unbelief.

Back from MYPD, I spent the summer serving: VBS after VBS, summer camps, etc. God used me to lead children to Himself; I was His vessel. Then, sure enough, He proved faithful again – calling me into missions. I still don’t know the extent to which that call will lead, but I have seen Him be faithful:
1. That summer around Alaska.
2. Travelling to North Carolina for CrossWalk, right after Grandma died and I didn’t want to go.
3. Hawaii.
4. Florida.
5. South Africa; providing all the money, all the prayer support, safety, blessing upon blessing as I shared His love through His strength. Tahmee showed me that God exists. His love changed her life. Mama Vuyi showed me that redemption is possible. Brianna showed me that God unites. Sofani showed me contentment in Him. Candace showed me hope. Let the world crash, love can take it.
6. India. That phone call from Tezpur should have been the end of me. I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t continue. His strength was my all in all. The confidence that He had led me there in a matter of a month and half, stemming from a random conversation on the way home from Mission Center. Those friendships, instant connections with people I barely knew. Those times when we should have been frustrated, but laughed instead. Those times when the electricity was out or the AC was leaking… God showed Himself faithful again and again. The birds. “Watch the birds. Just like I show them where to go, I will show you where to go.”

That summer: the end of one relationship, the start of another. A call to purity and patience. Rest. Faith.

NOT going overseas; change of plans; provision in the form of a job at Machetanz; not getting the job in Bristol Bay; the offer of a job in the Valley (but not what I expected); now, on to Old Harbor for a week or two.

I can only cling to the promises I know. I can only know the promises through spending time in His word. My relationship with God is similar to any other relationship: it takes time, communication, a commitment, trust, and forgiveness. Showing love to God is more than just sitting in Sunday School and church on Sundays. It’s more than singing, or even going forward during the invitation to pray. It’s more than my 15 minutes in the morning, spent praying and in His word. It’s being patient when His timing is not my own. It’s being kind to Him – not angry or bitter about how things are not going my way. It is walking by faith, always trusting and persevering, even when the road is rocky and shifty. He is not sand. He is the Rock on which my life and faith is built.

Jesus Christ, born of a virgin, is the Son of God. He lived a perfect life on earth, dedicated to serving His Father in obedience. Because of His perfection and obedience, He died on the cross at Calvary, the perfect redemptive price for me, a sinner lost in my worldliness. His resurrection three days after His death broke Satan’s chains on me and people worldwide, from Papua New Guinea to the Serengeti, to the jungles of Brazil and all places in-between. Jesus Christ is the one way to have eternal life with God, the Maker and Lover of all things.

I believe.
I believe.

The Song.

The Song of Solomon 2:15 "Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom."

I've been thinking lately. Life is NOT going as I planned. Jobs for the fall fall through; relationships take more work that I anticipated; summer plans turn up empty. And yet, my relationship with the Lord could be in full bloom if I let it. Instead, I am allowing these foxes to come in and spoil my vineyard. They are digging holes of doubt, eating off leaves of submission, leaving pride and self-centeredness in their wake. Destruction and emotions and confusion. And not just in my relationship with God, but in my relationship with others.

When did the foxes get in and how do I get rid of them? 2 Corinthians 10:5 "We...take every thought captive to obey Christ."

The Song of Solomon 3:2 "I will seek him whom my soul loves..."

I believe that my soul is the part of me that will live forever with the Lord in heaven. My spiritual part, according to Webster. So what control do I have over who my soul loves? I'm called to love with Lord with all my heart and mind and body and soul... but do or will I love one certain man with my soul, too?

The Song of Solomon 4:9 "You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride; you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace."

Reading this verse in church on Sunday, I was... shocked. As in, I almost started crying. Me. I am captivating. It hit me hard this time, on a day when I was hurt and not feeling desired or beautiful or lovely or - in the least bit! - captivating. But one look. One look at the Lord of the Universe and HE is captivated.

Captivate: to fascinate

Wow. Fascinated. Can't take His eyes off me. Made powerless by a look or presence.

And yet, when I am in His presence, that's how I feel. Powerless by Him. Fascinated. Like I don't want to be anywhere but there, bowed at His feet, prostrate in worship. How could I not love Him? How could I let foxes into the vineyard? Why would I want to love anyone else with my soul but Him?

Reading through The Song of Solomon again is so nice - so challenging and eye-opening. Seeing how the man and woman talk to and about one another... what a challenge! They never mention anything negative; no "Your Mother is crazy!" "I can't believe you said THAT to me!" "You forgot to fill-in-the-blank again!" Nope. Never. They are all positive. They bring out the best in one another, pointing out both the physical, and the internal purity and strength.

When I am angry or confused at God, when I feel like I've fallen from grace, it's so much easier to nit-pick at the things I think are wrong. But what if - what if - for thirty days, I spent thirty minutes a day worshiping? Not asking for anything, not seeking my own gain, but in worship. Real worship. And learning, over the next thirty days, what real worship really is. Different kinds of worship. Would my focus change? How would my relationship with the Lord change? Would I feel a need for Him again? A need to be in His presence? Would I get rid of the foxes? Fall more in love with Him in my soul? Would we both be more captivated? Captivated.

On repeat: "Times" by Tenth Avenue North

To Teach Or Not To Teach?

Lately, I've been thinking: What if I don't actually want to be a teacher? What if I want to go back to school to study, like, mummies or marine biology, or something? Am I having a mid-life crisis before I reach the age of 23?

My job, so often, is mundane, with limited outlets for creativity or excitement. Then, this afternoon, I fell back in love with teaching. It was marvelous.

I encouraged three fourth graders to be excited about writing "How To" reports; we voted on the winner and they received a sparkly sticker. (The winner wrote about how to clean out a griffin's cage. Step one: Put on a gas mask.) Then, I told a really wonderful story to first graders about a griffin named Gregory who likes to eat Green Beans and order mashed potatoes with sprinkles for dessert. It was funny and creative and they liked it.

But alas. I was not hired by Bristol Bay. Even though they gushed over my resume. And my interview. And my references. Instead, the person they hired had more experience. HOWEVER, I got home today and there was a message from the Superintendent at Bristol Bay. Upon calling him back, he told me that he had passed my name to the Sup. of another school district that is hiring. He said that they really were impressed and were bummed with how the chips fell this time. SO maybe there's hope after all. Maybe.

Trust.

Well. Learning to wait, again.

Proverbs 3:5-6 MUST hold true in my life. I must allow it. I still have worth because my hope is NOT in a job; it is in the Lord. He is my strength and my shield.

Okay, world. You can't get me down again. (But please - don't try too hard...)

I Am A Teacher.

I am a teacher.
That means, when I walk into the bathroom and a students has not flushed, it is MY job to do it.
When a kid whistles in the hallway, I have to tell him to stop.
I turn on the computers, I write the date on the board, I sharpen pencils.

I am a Special Education teacher.
That means that sometimes my students hit and peel at cuticles and sit under tables.
Sometimes, they have drastic mood swings reminiscent of middle school girls.
Often, they are socially inept.

I am a teacher.
Funding is cut. Jobs are eliminated. But still students have to learn.
I may be uncertain about where I will be in the fall, but I cannot be uncertain about how to divide syllables because my students rely on me for that.
I make posters during my prep time and check my e-mail and use the bathroom. That's about all I have time for.

I'll be honest. Sometimes I get an extra cup of coffee. (Sorry. Some days are like that.)

I am a teacher. I love it.

Unexpected happenings of late.

On April 1st:
V, a 4th grader, "Hey, you're fly is down!"
Z, a 3rd grader checks his fly.
V, "Just kidding! April Fool's!"
Z realizes his zipper really IS down, and quickly fixes it.
(I think I'm the only one who noticed and I laughed really hard.)

Life interruptions are God's divine interventions.
Case in point:
- NOT going to South Asia.
- Full-time, year-long sub job at Machetanz.
- Summer plans get a drastic change.

My resume is not as important as my obedience to and relationship with the Lord.
Go to Ninevah. The right way. Not in a whale like Jonah.

SBAs this week. SO MANY job applications. Mom and Dad go on vaca. I'll housesit Lola. Is it housesitting if I am in my own house? Huh.

March, March.

Wow, halfway through March. That means, 2011 is nearly 1/4 of the way done.

Serious bad self-image at the gym lately. What's the DEAL?
Things I like about myself:
- all my scars; they just make me laugh at the legitimacy of them all.
- being able to hike a lot and keep up with the boys.
- not being scared to do most things.
- my hair and eyes.

Chris' birthday is coming up.
The job fair is coming up.
SUMMER is coming up and the days are longer to prove it! Huzzah.

Today In Bullet Points.

* Reading to a third grade class, and receiving great affirmation through it. So much fun.
* Being encouraged by the Principal that I am doing a good job.
* A wonderful conversation with a fellow teacher about the Lord and being able to trust Him.
* Going to the gym: running, working on my 6-Pack, elliptical.
* Coffee with my Pastor's wife about how Christ is the center.
* Plans to have breakfast at Bagel's Alaska tomorrow.

Lovely.
Thanks, Lord. You are ever Faithful.

End Of The Road.

Happy Last Day of February!
May next month be healthier than the last.

I Will Let God Write My Story.

That was the theme for the GA Lock-In this weekend. I WILL let God write my story. It's kind of a hard concept for 1st through 6th grade girls to grasp. But man, I sure learned a lot. When He spoke through me, He captured my heart more than anyone's.

Mary, Jesus' mother, did NOT plan on getting pregnant out of wedlock, becoming the mother of the Savior of the World, and seeing Him murdered on a cross. God intervened in a big way, changing... everything. But Mary's attitude is what surprised me the most. She went from, "Are you sure you have the right person?" flabbergasted to, "Okay, Lord, I am Your servant" acceptance, to "I am SO blessed!" excitement and worship.

WORSHIP. God changed everything and she worshipped.

I do not have that kind of reaction when God changes my plans. I usually get angry, like "How DARE You change my plans, God!" I can't believe my attitude sometimes. But because of Mary's humble acceptance and obedience, the whole world was blessed. I will never be involved of the birth of the Savior, but He does have a divine purpose for MY life, too. Do I miss that divine purpose when I foolishly follow my will rather than His?

God does have a better plan for my life than I do. In every area of my life. Where I will live. What I will do. Who I will marry. What car I will drive. Everything is better when He is in control. After all, Jesus came that I would have abundant life, not just an average life. I can trust Him. I really really can.

But already that is being tested. He has already rewritten my plan this weekend and already I am called to trust Him again, to follow Him, to put my heart and rust in Him alone.

When God and I don't talk for hours, how do I feel?
Do I have good communication skills with my Lord?
Do we spend a lot of time together? Or is it just face-time work?

No matter how hard it is, I will let God write my story. Especially if I want an "And they lived happily ever after; Great job, good and faithful servant!" at the end of it.

Analogies.

So So So Funny.

Funny like when someone sticks their tongue to a pole in the winter and rips it off in a really painful way.

Tuesday Tribute!

It has been a LONG time since I have composed a Tuesday Tribute. MONTHS, in fact. But it's time.



Dear LDB,

I'm SO GLAD we are long-distance buddies!! I've missed you and our friendship - we had fun in high school! Sometimes I forget that we were such good friends. But we really were. I am thankful for that. It's like, each time I prayed for a good Christian friend, you came into my life.

Oh my gosh - that time we hung out in Palmer with Jen and Titus randomly?! Haha, V-Ho, and taking pictures, and we went to that park that has the spinny thing.
I don't remember hiking in Hatchers, but I remember when we hung out in Anchorage. You had mono :( (BTW, I think I might have mono now... I'll know tomorrow.) We "hiked" up to Thunderbird Falls.

Literally. That's how God worked it out.
You are my answer to prayers.

It's funny how our lives are similar now. Like relationships and jobs and even what God is teaching us. I like that. Often, I miss having girlfriends with whom I can discuss the Bible and what I am learning and whatnot. How great is that, that now we can do that again.

Lovely.

Thanks for being my friend again. You're great :)

Love,
Melissa

Learning.

People don't teach me things; God does.
That's great if I have a mentor, but our mentoring relationship can't be about her, or even me. It HAS to be about God and what He is doing/has done.
Because remember? He teaches me things; not her.

That's all.

Ghana As You Fly By.

During the week, my mind is totally focussed on my job, working out, and making sure I see my parents and Chris. And GAs. It's not until Thursday or Friday that I realize it's the weekend and I could see people if I wanted to. I don't always want to.

I am learning. A new mentorship with my Pastor's wife. A job where I am daily challenged. Figuring out how to be an adult.
I am teaching. GAs is a blessing. My students are improving in their reading.

My life is full. But I am even more looking forward to the future.

Love.

It's this thing about leaving your parents and becoming one with your spouse. It makes things a little difficult. Like living at home without your special someone. Time. Time. Merging of lives throughout time.

Trust.

It's a test of trust. What does love mean to us? How do we talk and dig and forgive?

It makes me anxious and like I don't know what to do.
The future is a scary thing.

Love.

http://mrmrsglobetrot.blogspot.com/

That's all.

Highlights and Lowlights.

- Being home sick from work for two days... but crocheting a sweater during my downtime!
- A really delicious hamburger last night, with a half avocado on top.
- Getting to buy new painting supplies.
- A cake ball from HanHan. (It was so yummy.)
- Free haircuts.
- Cussing in church.
- Forgiveness.
- Coffee dates that are enveloped in heart-to-hearts.
- Uncertainty and anger.
- Three day weekend.

That basically sums it all up.

To My Reflection In The Mirror.

Dear Melissa,

This is my last letter. What an interesting journey these letters have taken me on. I've been forced to think about some things. And Melissa, I think you are stronger now. Stronger, and more in love, and more aware.

Looking in the mirror, I have to say - you are beautiful. You are professional. You are a teacher who can and does change lives. You make a difference. Right now, you have a cold and don't feel well, but you are still lovely and worth it.

You can do it.

Dream big. Bigger! Keep dreaming. But include other people in those dreams. And help others achieve their dreams, too. Encourage, don't damper them.

Don't beat yourself up anymore. Do what you love and love what you do, regardless of what the number on the scale says. Zumba your heart out, run if you want to, and keep working on that 6-pack. You can do it. When you set goals, keep working even when it gets hard. Just because something is hard, that doesn't mean you should stop. Remember? Chris taught you that. Persevere. It's worth it.

Look to the future, but don't forget the past; that's how you learn.

Love,
Melissa

To The Person That I Want To Tell Everything To, But Am Too Afraid To.

Sometimes I am scared - hesitant - to talk to You. I think You are too busy running the universe to listen to me.
But then I remember that I am Your bride - that You delight in listening to me, in spending time with me.
Today, You reminded me that You send Your angels to rally around me, to fight battles for me, that through them You have spared me from many tragedies.

Lord, why would I NOT want to tell you everything? You are everything. Everything lovely and pure and perfect and inventive and intuitive and strong. Oh, Father. Husband. Romancer. Brother. Friend.

You are all I need; I can tell you everything. I do not need to fear.

Humbly,
Your Servant.

To Someone That Changed My Life.

Dear Tahmee,

You changed my life. Did you know that? Will you ever know that? If I return to your home in South Africa, will you remember me? Will you allow me to hug you?

You were two years old and you had AIDS. You didn't smile, didn't laugh, didn't play until I had been there a few days, consistently smiling at you. Then you... changed. Never the same, from what I saw. How did you change my life? More than anything, you are the one who opened my eyes to the transforming power of love. I now believe that, by golly, love can do anything. Love can change anything. There is more power in love than anything else.

I hope you are happy and healthy. I hope you are adopted one day. But more than anything, I hope that you come to the saving knowledge of Christ so that you can experience His transforming love, too.

Yes, those are my hopes for you.

Sometimes I am caught off guard by how our lives are so different. How you were chosen to be born in Africa, to an ill mother who did not want to take care of you, or who was unable to take care of you. How I was chosen to be born in Alaska. But by the grace of God, our lives still crossed paths.

Beautiful, precious Tahmee.
Love,
Moleesa.

To The Friendliest Person I Knew For Only One Day.

(*This one is hard for me. It's true, I have a tendency not to remember people. I'll remember faces, but not necessarily any connection we have. Thus, it's hard to think back on one person, from one day. Also, it takes A LOT for me to consider someone a Friend. I may know someone for years - literally - before I think of them as a friend. For that reason, I choose to change it from a "Day" to a "Week." Deal with it.)

Dear Sheila and family,

Oh my gosh. Visiting you in Virginia/Washington D.C. that one spring break was so random and ridiculous. Here I was, a little white girl from Alaska spending all this time with an African-American family in D.C. that I literally did not know at all. Well, okay, I had met Sheila once. For one day. Or two. The trip could have gone awfully, horribly, awry. But it didn't!

You were so friendly - giving me virtually free reign of your basement, taking me to the Circus, allowing us to explore D.C. on our own, taking us to dinner that one night where we each had like 12 courses. Our eyes were much bigger than our stomachs.

I loved going to your job, Sheila's Mom, and learning about what you do. I am, still, so in awe of the love and friendship in your family, how you welcomed me in even though you didn't know me from Eve. Thank you for that.

Man, I had forgotten all about this. Flying into the airport, not knowing at all who I was looking for, or what to expect. Not even knowing you had a sister, then all of a sudden, there was a girl holding a sign with my name on it. We drove through DC "on the way home" at night. That was cool.

You're all cool. Thanks for a wonderful time. You are indeed the Friendliest People I Knew For Only One Week!!

Love,
Your White Alaskan Daughter.

aka, Melissa

To The Last Person To Whom I Made A Pinky Promise.

Dear K.W.,

Today, you were really frustrated during Sonday. We were reading aloud and you missed quite a few words. I know that you just want to be smart and you don't think you are.

But you are smart. You have such perseverance.

You know, every student has a hard time. It's hard learning to read. The important thing, though, is to never give up. Keep practicing. Read all you can, even if the books are below your grade level. Just keep going.

I pinky-promised that we still like you, that we still want you in our class, even if you think you aren't a good reader. You are still valuable. Please don't allow stress of "not being a good student" keep you down.

That's all.

Sincerely,
Ms. Krauss