Update.

I just spent the last hour typing a new post, then the internet crashed. So I'll start again.

I finished reading Redeeming Love and even though I wasn't sure if I would like it, I really did. I learned a lot about unconditional love, and faithfulness, and purity.
1. It's crazy how Michael Hosea just kept loving his wife, even after he learned about her past, and what happened whenever she left him. He sought her out time and time again, and all he wanted was for her to love him back....and God loves me like that. Everytime I sin and hurt Him, He just wants me to come back to Him. There is so much restoration in Him. Unbelievable that even after all I do and have done, He loves me anyway.
2. I need to be faithful to God in my thoughts and actions and words and in everything I do, which is really hard.
3. Purity...I want to be able to give my husband all of me when I get married - every kiss, everything. I don't want to have regrets. I don't know, but like, Shaun had his car when he was dating Pam, and I can't help but think that he held her hand in that car, kissed her in that car, told he loves her in that car...and that makes it less special, in a way, to be in the car with him.

God's also been teaching me about how special I am to Him, how He truly treasures me, and cares about me, and wants me to love Him. I've been struggling with that, with feelings of just blahness. God's taught me more about beauty, how it really isn't about what people see, but about what God sees. And that's hard to remember sometimes.

The last draft I wrote was WAY longer, much more in-depth, but I don't want to write all that again. I wrote it once to get it out of my system. This is just for all you people who read this.

PS. I love you all. :)

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas to all.

And Happy Birthday to Jesus.

I'm so blessed.

I'm home.

It's...a little weird. Not really what I expected, but what can you do? It's interesting how things change, how people "replace" you, in a way.

Stressing Out.

I'm freaking out.

Not even kidding. I'm going to have a break down any time within the next 2 or 3 days.

I was almost crying earlier today when Kristin and I were at the GC. And Shaun was playing ping pong, so I gave him a hug, and felt a little better. But seriously. I have no idea how I'm going to get everything done.


French homework.
Book to read for English.
Philosophy paper to write.
Philosophy study guide to fill out.
Cross-Cultural Ministry study guide to memorize.
Old Testament notes to review.
Aerobics grade to check.
French exam to prepare for.
English Blue Book to do on Monday.
Finals all next week.
Birthday plans for Shaun.
Christmas presents to buy.
Stuff to pack for home.
Get Whitney moved out and Amber moved in.
Clothes to fold.
Shaun to pray with.
Friends to remember.
Time to talk to God.
Interview for The Herd tomorrow right before Mission Center.
Philosophy review Sunday night.


I feel sick to my stomach every time I think about all I have to do. It will be a late night. And a late weekend. And a stressful finals week.

I'll be home soon. Can't wait. 6 weeks of not worrying about anything to do with school. Glorious.

Freaking out.
So stressed.

Everyone's just saying, "It'll be okay. You'll do fine." But the thing is, they don't know that. If I don't do good enough on my finals, I will lose my scholarship. Then I need to find $4000 for the next semester. Good luck, Melissa.

I know that God wants me here, and He'll provide a way. But I'm having a hard time believing that right now. I don't want you to say that He's still in control. I know He is.

All I want is for people to be there with their mouths shut. I want them to just listen and give me a hug when I want one. They don't need to have anything to say. It's okay for them to be quiet and just let me talk. And if I cry with them, they just need to sit and hold my hand.

Falling For God.

I bought an "I'm a Scandanavian sheep herder" vest today. It's amazing. It was only like $1.60. VERY nice.

Lots to do - finals in another week, and I'll be busy up until then with other homework and Mission Center and other meetings and such. Then I'll be home for 6 weeks.

Mom and I are ordering Thank You presents for Addi's parents and Shaun's parents right now. I'm so thankful that they opened their houses and families and lives to me like they did. It was sad not being with my family for Thanksgiving, but Addi's family is like my family in Oklahoma. I love them all so much. And Shaun's family is amazing, too. I love his sister. And his Mom. I didn't talk to his Dad much. Oh, and Shaun is pretty amazing, too.

I got my latest Philosophy paper back today. And I got an "A-"!!! That's the best I've gotten in that class ALL semester. I've only gotten Bs in there, but then I got this A. Ah. I was so happy about it. And my oral French exam was moved to Wednesday, and Wednesday is also "Be a Bison" day, so there will be a bunch of prospective students around, which is always fun.

And Thursday is the start of Operation Birthday Week.

I love talking to my Momma.

Re-populating.

"If you knew the world was going to blow up, and you could take only one other person in a space chuttle to another planet to save yourselves, who would you take?"

"Shaun, so we could re-populate the new world. My second choice would be Jesse McCartney, because he's hot, and because he could serenade me while we were repopulating."

"I'd choose Mr. Clean so we'd be a clean race of people. Brad Pitt's my second choice, but maybe if Billy Graham had a grandson, I'd choose him, 'cus he'd love Jesus and be hot too. It could happen...or a boyscout."

"'Cus he'd always be prepared."

"You'd have to do a lot of re-populating to be ahead of the new world."

"Jesse will have to do a lot of serenading."

"It's a good thing he just wants your beautiful soul."



"Which country would you re-populate first?"

"Papua New Guinea"



So, Addi and I talked at about 1:30 in the morning on Thanksgiving morning. It was so great. And we told Shaun. And I'm pretty sure he was a little weirded out, but that's okay. He thought it was funny. And so did we. :)

Dreams And Beauty.

I had a dream while I took my nap today.

Which is weird. Becuase I never dream.

But I did.

I don't remember all of my dream, but I remember that in part of it, Shaun looked at me, and said, "Wow... wow, Melissa you, I mean, I... wow." Then he was just like, "You look breathtaking." And in my dream, I was just wearing jeans and a sweater.

It's weird. Right before I took my nap, I was praying, and I said, "God, show me..." and I guess He did.

I'm listening to a really good song by Three Cord Wonder on www.purevolume.com/. The song is called "Made Perfect". It's one of my favorites.

Procrastinating.

Do people really think that drinking makes them look cool? Becuase seriously, it doesn't. At all.

2 more days.

I just keep telling myself that.

2 more days.

It was so good talking to Hannah last night. We talked for over 2 and a half hours. And I laughed so hard. It was so nice getting caught up on everything. And we didn't, really, but still. It's better. I think (I hope) we are going to make a more regular thing.

I need to finish my homework. But homework it lame. And it's hard to be motivated when you have 2 more days.

I'll be home soon. I'm a little worried about being home for so long. Just because... I'm used to living in a hall with 20 other girls, and being with them all the time. I'll miss them. And my dorm room - my safe haven away from everyone, but also a gathering place. Man... what am I going to do for six weeks? I need to get Christmas presents. ASAP. From the OBU bookstore for Mom, Dad, Jeff, and maybe Mindy and Kelly. Becuase I love them. Lots lots lots.

Apparently Morgan and Anna were excited to hear I was coming home at Christmastime. That makes me happy.

Ah, I should start packing. Anything to get away from doing homework. :)

I wonder what I'm supposed to do for French...I should check. Maybe I'll go see Chae ans ask her. If not her, then maybe Anne knows. Hmm... I think we're off on the syllabus.

I worked for like 4 hours on my stupid English essay today. Gosh. But once I actually chose a topic and decided what I was writing about, it came pretty well. In fact, I wrote too much and had to go cut some out. Which was nice. So I wrote three essays this weekend. Hopefully they were okay. I just want to do well on my philosophy essay. I think I'll end up with a B in that class.

We went to Temple Baptist today. It was really good. I liked it a lot. Addi did, too. I don't know what Shaun thought. But I think I liked it more than Heritage. But I'm not sure. Maybe we'll talk about it tonight.

So last night, or maybe it was later than that...anyway, I was thinking the other day that I've talked to Shaun every day since like September. Which I guess isn't THAT weird, seeing as we live within a tenth of a mile from eachother. But still. It's interesting. There are some girls on my HALL I haven't talked to in a week. Just interesting.

Gah. I'll go to homework now. :P

Stop Frontin', You're Just A Puppet.

I'm listening to my angry music now.

Angry music is good. Thousand Foot Krutch is always reliable.

Even when nothing else is.

Thanksgiving is lame. Bah. I thought it was all worked out. But no. And the thing is, I can see her point of view. My Mom's, I mean. But it's so hard to work it out any other way.

GAH.

Can't think about it right now.

I'm making another bag. It's orange. It'll have a flap. I'm kind of excited for it. Actually, I'm really excited for it. :) Maybe it'll be done by next weekend. I hope so. If not, maybe I'll finish it on the BUS I might take.

NO, NOT THINKING ABOUT IT.

Brad and Jeff met up in Iraq.

I talked to my Mom. And it's like, just because I called today, she thinks something is wrong, that something is up. And nothing is wrong. I just wanted to talk to her. And Dad, but Dad was on a call, so we didn't talk.

Ah. What is the deal?


You can never fill these shoes cuz I refuse to lose.
I'm just ordinary me.
You can't make me feel this way.
You won't make me run away.
Can't understand my chemistry.
Laugh if that makes me ordinary.

Ping Pong = much love.

LET'S BE ORIGINAL!
Break the silence.
No more violence

I went to lunch at Braum's today with Jessica. It was pretty good. Nice getting away from the ARA.

I have all my classes chosen for next semester. I'm taking New Testament, French, English, General Psychology, Concepts of Wellness, and Intro to Evangelism. 16 credits. I think it'll be good.

Helena should call. Maybe tomorrow night. I dunno.

Mom saw Morgan and gave her my e-mail address and phone number, which is cool. I heart her. My little sister.

Ah, Hawaii. I wish we could go back. Right now. And help the little church, and paint, and go to the king's swimming hole. And sing in the backseat, and make fun of Leki Leki, and draw tattoos. I wish Maria and I could be backseat Hawaii buddies again, and that I could jump off the cliff into the water, and that we could eat at the pancake place again, or go to Jamba Juice. I want some guavas picked right from the trees, and to run around without shoes on in the rain, and to see Megan's dance at SubWay, and all the line dancers boot-scooting to country songs. I wish we could go to that coffee place, and see that lady and her whole family. What was her name? Oh yeah, Sheila. I wish we could go back to the volcano, and walk all the way to the lava this time, and hang out with ALBERT-O and his family. Lizzie and the son had a little connection. :) haha. I wish we could be serenaded by W-Dawg's cowboy song. And sing along, even though she sang it so much better. I could go for some time looking at the baby Hawaiin dresses, and I wish I had boughten that ukulele for $15.00. I wish we could go back and hear that girl and her brother play the ukulele in front of that store. And that we could go to the cave, and climb to the top of the waterfall again, and talk about monkeys being in the forest in Hawaii.

I hate how everything is just memories, and nothing more. Once it happens, it's done. And all you have is what your senses allow you to remember.

It's sad. But I guess that's life.

By Bison is bobbling his head.

Sydni is smiling at me from a picture frame.

My Welcome Week beanie is sitting on my lamp. :)

EVERY TIME I TURN AROUND
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR ATTENTION.
EVERY TIME YOU SHOW UP LATE
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR FORGIVENESS.
THIS SONG'S FOR ANYONE WHO EVER TOOK A CHANCE,
WHO STARTED AT THE BOTTOM TO GET TO THE TOP.
THIS SONG'S FOR EVERYONE LIKE ME,
FOR EVERYONE NOT AFRAID TO STAND ALONE
AND LONELY.
WE WILL NOT BACK DOWN.

That's a good song. I never really listened to the lyrics before.

French test tomorrow. I don't want to study. But I need to. I don't think I'm going to Canterbury tonight. But I'd like to. I need to go to Wal Mart. And I need sleep. I took three or four naps today. That's not good. I need more sleep at night. AT NIGHT.

This is long. But not really. There's just a bunch of spaces.

EVERYBODY.
SHAKE YOUR BODY
LIFT YOUR HANDS
STOP FRONTIN'
YOU'RE JUST A PUPPET.

That's all for tonight.

But I'd appreciate some prayers.

What Do You Believe?

My SpongeBob/Patrick/Pirate/Glow In The Dark/Halloween pajama pants make me happy. And so do breaks from homework. And procrastinating all day. Then sitting outside, looking at the lightening and hearing the thunder with him.

Bring It On, Bring It On.

I don't know what mood I'm in, but I don't really want people to see this post. I kind of wish I had an Open Diary like Han, becuase she can decide who sees which posts of hers. I wish I could make this one private. But I can't.

LAME.

[Paragraph Removed] (but don't worry about it)

Going to Helena's tonight for homemade bisuits and gravy. I think she and Tristan are making them just for me. I mentioned how I like b and g, and she was like, "Next time we make them, I'l linvite you over." THen she called today while I was in aerobics, and was like, "we're making them tonight, wanna come over?" So after our mandatory hall meeting, I'm going to her house. And I'm excited. I love Helena. I'm going to miss her. A lot, actually. I can't believe she's leaving at the end of this year. It's not fair. She's so just funny and sarcastic, and acts tough, but is such a girl. She cracks me up. When I was at her house last Friday, she showed me her black and pink dress and was all excited about wearing it for Halloween. :)

I'm working on my English thing. We're doing an in-class write tomorrow. Mine's about firearm education, and how if we educate kids about guns, they're less likely to go kill eachother and stuff. I've gotten As on all my essays so far, so I hope this one is good, too. We'll see.

Helena is Dr. Hagen's aid, so she looks at all my papers and stuff, which I think is funny. She can tell when I don't put a lot of time into a paper. This is probably going to sound so lame and girly, but I hope we do stay friends. I want her to be at my wedding, when I eventually get married in years and years from now.

I hope Kristin stays here - I like her.

Shaun and I are on one month in like 8 days. I wonder if we're doing something for it. We'll be at mission center that night.

Wonder where Tink has been lately... weird. I wish her parents would just tell us where she is. Unless they have been, and for the past 5 weeks, she's been out with friends. But I don't know. I don't know if that's true or not.

Sigh.

Wonder what everyone else is up to right now. I should talk to Shaun before the meeting, because who knows when I'll be back from Helena's tonight.

Maybe She's Aiding In The Birth Of A Baby Kangaroo.

What a beautiful day. It's gorgeous. In the 80s, nice breeze, no cloud in the sky... I'm lovin' it.

Church with m'boy this morning. It was good. I started feeling sick during the worship time, which was weird. Then I totally embarrased myself during lunch. But that's okay. So then, we sat outside the library for about 3 hours, just hanging out. It was cool. Then I came back here and talked to Addi and my parents. And now, here I am.

Drinking Danimals Rockin' Raspberry yogurt, and eating some carrots. Yum. Peanut Butter and Jelly sounds gross. I don't want to eat it for dinner. Again. Since Addi was gone this last week, I didn't have anyone to eat in the ARA with for lunch three of the five days, so I had PB&J in my dorm. Blah.

I've really been struggling lately with knowing God. Like, when I praise Him, do I mean it? And I might have mentioned this in my last post - I'm not sure. But the other night, I just wrote out a prayer to Him, like I used to, and it was good. I just talked to Him.

I'm falling in love with Jeremy Camp again. I forget how much I like him. And I like him a lot, I decided.

Life Is A Highway. I Want To Ride It All Night Long.

So, yeah.

It's windy today. I like it. It's like Alaska in September. But instead, I'm in Oklahoma, and it's the end of October, and there is no snow on the ground, and you can still walk around without a coat on. And the leaves on the ground are all country, and I totally go out of my way to step on them. Some of them are crunchier than others, and the good ones make up for the bad ones.

I sent a birthday card to Jeff, and had to put like 6 stamps on it. It made me giggle. Kristin helped me write him a birthday poem, then I drew him a birthday picture.

"Ow, I kneed my chin."
"You what?"
"I kneed my chin."
"Your chin?"
"Yeah."
"You need your chin?"
"Yeah, when I sat down."
"What? Kristin, everyone needs a chin."
"No, I KNEED my chin. With my knee."
"Oh."
[MUCH LAUGHTER]

That's silly. It was in fact very humerous.

I took two naps today. No, it was just one. But it was nice. I woke up too soon because I had to go to French. But that's okay. French was...not really fun, but it wasn't horrible. English was interesting today - we talked about privacy.

So tomorrow, Shaun and I are going to a Catholic mass/service/thing. He wants to go, so I was like, "Yeah, I'll go with you." Then we're going to dinner and a movie. So it's a date, I guess.

"What's so funny?"
"Nothing."
"No, what?"
"NOTHING."
"Does the word 'nothing' have something to do with it?"
"Well...yes."

Hehe - good times.
"One One Nine"
"I'll tell you in two years."

I can't believe my first semester of college is over halfway through. Crazy.

Tomorrow is Fall Preview Day on campus. I'm really excited for the freshmen that will be here next year...already. Maybe it's because I didn't get to visit the campus on a special day, but I think Saturday will be cool. I'll have to think of something collegiate to do. Or something completely random and funny. Kristin and I are thinking that we might climb a tree and throw water balloons at people when they walk past. Or maybe throw them out my window, and yell at them in the Smoker Voice. Because THAT would be funny, too.

I don't know when Addi gets back. It's been weird not having her here.

I love Rascal Flatts.

Cody and I are trying to decide what concert to go see. None of his friends want to come up to OKC. Blah on them. I'll see if Shaun and Addi want to go see a concert in TX with me sometime. And maybe Chris before he leaves OBU at the end of the semester.

That's really sad that he's leaving. Really. He's a cool kid.

It's so weird. Like, in high school, I had a really hard time just talking to guys. Except for Tony, and occasionally Cody and Chris. But I don't know...here, I'm okay. For the most part. And in high school, no one ever liked me. But here, guys do. Like, that sounds totally stuck up, but Jonathan and Shaun got into a "fight" because Shaun and I are dating now. Shaun and Addi's theory is that it's becuase Jonathan liked/likes me. And now, Jonathan isn't talking to me. Like, at all. What a girl.

LAME.

Ha - KC is funny. She makes me giggle. She's dressing up as that chick from Pirates of the Carribean - Elizabeth Swan? So yeah, she made her own dress in her dorm room, used eye shadow to dye this wig blondish/brown, and bought those fake stick-on boobs to give herself some cleavage. And she just walks down the hall and is like, "My boobs bounce when I walk now!"

That's so funny. She cracks me up.

HAHA - I said crack. :)

Clothes.

So Saturday night, I was washing clothes, and as a favor to Kristin, I threw her new skirt in with my white clothes...and the purple part of her skirt got onto my white clothes. So now, I hate two pink T-shirts, a pink tanktop, pink underwear, pink socks, and a pink bra. AND my PJ pants? The ones with the sheep on them? They're pink, too.

I am not a pink person.

But I thought it was really really funny. When I opened the washing machine and saw all the pinkness, I started laughing. So I was in the laundry room, by myself, laughing for like 10 minutes. Then I told Kristin. And she laughed, too.

It's The Lighters In The Air.

I haven't done a favorite things list in a while, and Kristina inspired me with hers, so here we go again:

1. Running in the rain without shoes on in a skirt.
2. With your boyfriend.
3. Hearing the rain outside your window.
4. Candy corn and candy corn pumpkins.
5. Slippers.
6. Baptisms on Sunday mornings.
7. Visiting a church for the first time, and having the Pastor announce, "There is a girl here from Alaska who goes to the same church as the Milners".
8. The Dishwasher.
9. The time 1:11.
10. Having a guy open the car door for you.
11. All the pictures by my desk.
12. Playing hymns on the guitar.
13. Playing anything on the guitar.
14. Burts Bees.
15. Rascal Flatts.
16. Leaving random facts on people's face book walls.
17. Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches.
18. Being the only people in a Thai restaurant.
19. Staying the night in my OCBF's dorm room.
20. Thinking about noodles and overlapping things on the wall and choking people and the Alaska State Fair...at 2:30 in the morning.
21. Asking people about their views on gun control.
22. Your Mom.
23. Laughing at number 22.
24. Laughing at myself cuz I'm a dork.
25. Knowing that I'm okay with being a dork.
26. Praying.
27. The Dougie Fan Club founder.
28. My fellow Curver.
29. The most sarcastic girl in the world. :)
30. Inside jokes - WHOA! You have a locker??? High-five for Jesus! mmmBIOSN. You would. Army crawling. Mr. Lussow. The Love Square. Rakes.
31. Drawing pictures for Mr. Witzel.
32. My Happy Notes with Heather.
33. Writing in my journal.
34. Faith.
35. My lappy.
36. Jesus.
37. Biscuits and Gravy.
38. Satsuma Body Lotion.
39. Looking at children's books at Waldenbooks.
40. Walking around campus at night.
41. Poison Ivy Soap - just because that's a funny name for it.
42. Climbing trees by the chapel.
43. Finding out that there's a gymnastics museum in Oklahoma City.
44. Index cards of encouragement.
45. Care packages. From anyone.
46. Mine and Megan's spot in the new church building.
47. My Dad being in this year's Christmas play.
48. Talking to Mindy for an hour yestrday.
49. Little Anna.
50. The guy on campus who wears a "Oklahoma Baptist University Mom" T-shirt.
51. Being called "girly" and a "tomboy" in the same evening.
52. The song "Here's To You".

Ah, Happy Happy Day.
Horrah.

Why Do You Do The Things You Do?

Our date is tonight. I'm rather excited. But kind of nervous. And I'm not sure why. Probably becase really, apart from two weeks ago, I've never been on a date.

I spent the night in Addi's room last night. I was exhausted. But I spent a bit of time just writing random facts on people's facebook walls. Which was so much fun. Then we woke up this morning at some crazy hour to go see Shaun run the Bisonathon. And we stayed there for like 10 minutes, and went back to Addi's room and feel asleep, then like 40 minutes later, Shaun calls and is like, "Hey, I finished. Did you guys go back to bed?" And it was kind of funny. Because we totally had. And we slept until about 12:45 this afternoon.

I got an e-mail today saying that they don't have my Prichard Scholarship application in. Which is frustrating, because I thought I had turned it in, but now that I had stopped to think about it, I'm not sure I did. But no, becauase I remember having my Pastor sign something for a scholarship for me. I'll call my Mom.

Today's her birthday, so I'll call her anyway.

I have to write a paper on abortion today. And I don't know what other h-dub I have. But I'm okay with that. It'll all get done. Unless it doesn't. Either way, though, meh. No, I need to finish it all and stay caught up.

SO GLAD Fall Free Days are coming up. So glad. Not sure how content I am with where I'm going. But that's okay. Hopefully it will be fun. I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving. That will be amazing. I have invitations from my two closest friends on campus, and I'd love to go to either of their houses...especially Addi's. :)

I hope it rains today. I hope it not only rains, but that it POURS down. I love the rain.

Heaven Fills My Thoughts.

So last night, I was laying in bed thinking.

About life.
Which isn't that new for me, but still.

I thought (and I've thought this thought before) that it would be nice if someone followed me around and recorded everything I've ever done. It would be amazing if they just video-taped my life, and somehow got all of my thoughts and emotions and fears on the tape as well.

So then, I thought that it would be cool if in Heaven, in the mansion that God's building for me, if there was a special cabinet by the TV or whatever with video footage of my life in it. And I can just invite people over, and we can rewatch my life. And I could hear my thoughts and experience my emotions all over again.

But then I was thinking that when I'm in Heaven, why would I want to relive my life here on earth? Won't I be so stoked just talking to Jesus that the things of this world won't matter anymore?

But what if I don't know the people in Heaven that I know now? What if there are so many people in Heaven that I never see Hannah, or Jade, or Kristina, or Addi, or Shaun, or my family? What if I never pass them on the golden streets? Will we still have friends in Heaven? Sleepovers? Dates? Movie nights?

Are there different cities in Heaven? Can my sisters and I go for random road trips to other places there? Or is it all like one big city? And when God makes the Earth new again, where is everyone going to live? Will I live in Alaska, or Oklahoma? Or in Israel or somewhere else?

And what if someone on the perfect earth sins? What if we mess up again? Then what? Does it all start over again? Is there temptation on a perfect earth? THere has to be, because the Garden of Eden was perfect, but Satan was there to tempt Eve. Ah, but I forgot that Satan is going to be locked up forever. Except for those 10,000 years. What's up with that? I wonder what happens during that time. Are people still going to have children on the perfect earth?





I can't wait for forever to begin.

Okay.

I'm not sure what this post will be about. I guess we'll see.

I love college. I love the people, and the classes, and the relationships, and the activities, and the randomness and everything. (Ooh, I like this song: "Herself" by Everyday Sunday. I hadn't listened to it before. It's on my "Favorites" list in iTunes now.)

I got more minutes for my phone, and I think Mom was upset that I went through the last set so quickly. So I'm going to try to ration these ones out.

My roomie was here for like 15 minutes yesterday that I saw, and I haven't seen her since. Which isn't that abnormal, but still. I know she's been here, because I've started using her chair to step up onto my bed, and her chair's been pushed in since I last used it. Took two naps today, though, which I thoroughly enjoyed. :) I'm not sure if I slept, or if I just like zoned out. But either way, I liked it.

Weekend.

Saturday night was fun.

Lucie at Cracker Barrel: "Are y'all on a date?"
Me, Shaun, Addi, Jonathan: "NOOOOO."

Hehe. Good times with yummy food and cool (and amazingly sweet) people. Driving with Jonathan's "boom boom" into OKC. Hair flying everywhere in the wind. Taking self-portraits with Addison. Not being able to find a parking spot. Seeing a movie.

JOnathan: "Oh, I can't marry Melissa."
Addi: "Why not?"
Jonathan: "Because she's pregnant with Shaun's child."
Me: "WHAT?!?!"
Shaun: "Huh?"

Walking around Brick Town afterwards at midnight.

Addi: "Okay, we can't get raped now."
Me: "How so?"
Addi: "Because the guys are with us...hey Jonathan! Quit walking so fast! We're gonna get raped!"

Taking pictures, watching drunk people dance to a Blues Band.

Drunk girl: "OW! Two hot ladies!"

Driving back home next to him in the backseat. Going to Wal Mart. Having my "pimp" aka Ms. Janelle, buy us cake with the Wal Mart gift card she sent me last week. Getting milk/juice to go with it. Back to campus. Sitting at Raley. Five forks, four people, one cake platter. Yum....Lots of stars. Laughing. Taking more pictures. Guys climbing trees. Addi and I laughing about them. Shaun "falling" off of the platform at Raley. Staying out until 3:30.

Talking to him the next night...deciding it was our first "date"...hehe :)

Silliness.

hehe I'm in a giddy mood. :) :)

I'm such a girl.

I hope Addi gets back soon. Soo glad I didn't go int OKC with them. I knew this would happen. Hope everything is okay and that they make smart choices.

Hehehehe I'm just giggly. :)

I'm really excited for tonight. "My boy" (as My Maddill friend calls him) and I got everything on the table tonight. I have no idea what's going to happen. At all.

That's so silly.
I'm so silly.
And holy cow - he's silly, too.

Ah Crap.

What the crap. What is going on?! How does that HAPPEN?

Wednesday night: 4 hours.
THursday night: 3 hours.

Question after question. Family. Baseball. Music. Video games. Pets. Shooting things. Our testimonies. Family vacations. Friends back home. Crazy things we've done with friends. Fears. Oh my word.

And I'm pretty sure he likes me. And that can't happen. Not with him, anyway. I don't like him like that. At all. He's like Lucas with a but of Tony - just the game-playing part of Tony, though. He smelled good last night. And he escorted me back to my dorm at about 1:00 in the morning. I had to sign in at the front desk, even, for being out so late.

This can't - CAN'T - happen. Doesn't he get that?

I can't just stop talking to him, though. That's not fair. But I can't lead him on. If that's what I'm doing. I don't want another Corrie. It's like that quote from Little Women: "You don't need scores of suitors - just one if he's the right one."

I'm not sure what to do. And I don't know who to talk to about it. I told Christina about it a little...but I don't know if she got it. Maybe I'll tell Addi while we drive to her house on Sunday. She'd understand. It doesn't help that she called him "My man" already. Or that she thinks he's a cutie, too.

I can't.

What the crap...?!?!?!??????!?

Mission Center Rocks My Socks.

Mission Center last night was incredible. It was everything I had imagined...and more.

I'm working with Tink now. Have I mentioned her? SHe's a mentally-challenged girl who goes to mission center. She needs one on one attention. The girl who works with her right now - Ashley - is graduating at the end of the year, so they've been praying about someone to work with Tink, preferably someone who is an underclassman. So I started praying about it, asking God if it is what He wants me to do. And it is. But I was like, "Well, someone else will do it. I can't." And GOd was all, "UM, you CAN, and I WANT you to." So I told the group on Monday that yes, I'd work with Tink. And then I started crying, and Ashley was like, "MELISSA! You are soo the right person for Tink. You're crying!"

So I wrote her a letter during the week, just telling her how excited I was to meet her. And then I got sick. And I wasn't sure if I would be up to going to Mission Center or not. I didn't want to get everyone else sick or anything.

But I ended up going. We stopped by Tink's house to pick her up, but she wasn't home, and I was kind of disappointed. But we went back to the Mission Center, and started the lesson...and about 1/2 way through, she walked in! I didn't really say anything to her until we started the craft. But she totally was open about talking to me. She was like, "Any friend of Ashley's, I want to meet." So we just talked. And it felt more natural than anything else I had done there yet.

So then it was time to take her home. And when we got to her house, she gave Ashley a hug, as was normal, but then she gave me one too.

And after she walked away, Ashley looked at me, and was like, "THAT WAS SO COOL!" Apparently Tink is never that open with anyone. She never gives hugs on the first day. But she did with me. So every Friday after Mission Center, we all sit around and talk about the night, so I shared about Tinkerbell, and it was just so cool. Like, I found my niche. And I like it. It's a little scary, I'm not quite used to it, but already, I know it'll be a nice niche. You know?

Then we went to Braums and I got some peanut butter cup icecream, and talked to people, and it was good fellowship. We talked about running on tredmills, going caving, giant produce grown in Alaska, and I don't know what else. But I just saw one of the guys in the library, and we talked in passing. But it's cool to feel involved and welcome. And Erin, Eckle, Becca, Hannah and I had a good (tired) ride back home afterward.

It was a good night.

Then I stayed up until 1:30 am or 2:00 am reading one of Whitney's books. :) But it was a really really really good book. One of the best that I've read in a long time. So there you go. And all the homework I have left to do is reading chapter six of Plato's Replublic, and writing a paper for philosophy. Bah. I hate philosophy.

Not A Senior Anymore.

Wow, that's so weird....I'm not a high school senior anymore.

I mean, I knew that. I totally did. I'm in college now. Not high school.

But wow.

I was just looking at the Anchorage Daily News website and the Frontiersman site, and I was scanning an article about Colony's football season thus far, and they were talking about Colony High School Senior So-And-So. And it was just weird. I mean, that was ME. Well, not ME me, but my classmates. That was Joey on the football team, Joe Cook running uber fast, Hallie Huggins jumping like her life depended on it. And now it isn't.

It's weird.

I don't really know what to think about it all.

Tomorrow I get back on face book. Can't wait to see what Tammy wrote in the last week while I was going without FB. Something about me and Shaun, I think. Bah.

We Rock At Flag Football.

I'm sick now. And it's lame. Like, my throat is killing me. It's retarded. I hate it.

We played flag football again tonight - AND WE WON. We are so good. I played the entire first half and like 3/4 of the second half. Ha - I like our plays A LOT. We have such girlie code names for them. Like, "pink" and "yellow" and there's "flower", "tree", "rainbow"...no, I actually don't think there's a rainbow. But still. In one play, our coaches yell from the sidelines, "They can take our pride, but they can't take our..." And we all yell, "FREEDOM!" And charge. Then for another one, as soon as the QB says, "HIKE" we on the line get down on our hands and knees and bark like dogs. It's incredible. We did it in today's game, and the other girls were just like, "Um...okay..." Apparently it's in a movie. But the play worked and we gained some yardage. And this girl got made at me because she ran into my knee, then said I tripped her. Sore loser. Then she wouldn't come shake our hands after the game.

I think I did really bad on my French test today. And I have an Old Testament test tomorrow. I need to study. A lot. And drink apple juice that I bought at WalMart today.

Flood.

Music Video:FLOOD (by Jars Of Clay)

Music Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

Work Work Work.

I don't really have anything to update.

Classes are okay. Tonight I have flag football practice at 7:00, a hall Bible Study at 8:00, and a Mission Center meeting at 9:00. AND I need to get all of my homework done before that, including studying for two tests and brainstorming for a paper that is due next week. PLUS, I have to write and send some letters. Bah.

I think the stress is setting in. Haha. So uh, if you guys have anything funny, a song, a joke, a story, let me know, so I can laugh and de-stress a little.

Aight, I'm off to the library to do work.

Thoughts And Football.

I think that, in regards to the girls on my floor, since I missed the initial "Get to know eachother" time, I'm always going to be an outsider with them. I mean, I have like two friends in the hall. Three, including Whitney.

But I just can't really be myself with them.

Maybe they intimidate me, in all their outgoing ways. Maybe I'm just better at observing than participating. Maybe if I was really good at something, I could be in their little gang.

I mean, I'm part of all the little hall things they do - or some of them - the one's I know about and am invited to - but there's just little things. Like hanging out in eachother's dorms all the time, or just sitting with eachother in class. I'm never in on it.

And why do I feel like I need to be in on it?

It saddens me sometimes. Just the thought that we girls always seem to need to be with other girls, even if those girls make us feel dumb, or give us a negative self-image. It's sad that there are girls who feel like they don't measure up, so they have to diet and work out like crazy. Why do girls feel like they need to go shopping so that they never look like last week's style? Have you ever thought that somewhere, girls are standing in line for a makeover?

I mean, Okay, I know that not EVERY girl feels like that. But I bet that at least once in their life-time they do. I know I do.

I'm in college and I still do.

I don't think it will get better though.

The Bible says that God is enthralled by my beauty, so why do I let the world's standards get in my line of thought all the time? Why - HOW? - does it all become about looks and clothes?

And it's not just those, but it's relationships. There are girls in my hall who already have boyfriends here. Not that there's anything wrong with that, and perhaps I'm just jealous, but...

I struggle with that. I'm not gonna lie.

I dream about a boy falling in love with me, and us going for a drive and him pulling the car over and turning up the stereo, then getting out and asking me to dance. You know? I think about what I want him to look like, the kinds of activities I want him to be involved in. I want him to be able to sing so that he can write me songs.

But before I get all that, I need to let God be the romancer of my heart. I know that I need to fall in love with Him first, but it's easier to tell my mind that than my heart. Not that I'm in love with anyone - by any means - but still.






What is my destiny?

Reality Sucks Sometimes.

Life is crazy sometimes.

And sometimes, it flat out is crap. Even if what you find out isn't that big of a deal and you don't know WHY it matters so much, but it does. And I guess I need to get back to relying on Jesus.

And I don't know. But even when I don't think so, I've got you and Jesus.

Stellar Kart has an amazing new song called "Me and Jesus" and I love it. A lot. It's in my top top top top top ten.

I sat with Helena in chapel the other day, and talked to her a few times today in passing. She's nice. She taught me that if you stand on the end of the tree, you get more leverage.

I've got a flag football game tonight. Too bad I can't catch or throw. :) haha And tomorrow night I'm going into Oklahoma City to work with some intercity kids. And I'm super excited about it.

The other night, we had a speaker at 905 who talked about destiny and how like our daily descisions affect ours. And it was cool to think about. After 905 was done, I thanked him for coming, and went outside and started crying and just walked around campus in the dark. It was so good.

I think I'm going to go to the library now to do homework. I'm limiting myself to an hour on-line per day unless it's for homework.

So I'm out.

But thanks for the letter, Kristina. I love it. :)

Chapstick. And Chapped Lips. And Things Like Chemistry.

Going to dinner in about 9 minutes. Or, 14 minutes, depending on which clock I go off of.

And I have homework to do afterwards.

This isn't very interesting, thus far.

Last night, I was thinking, crazy, huh?, about love. Yes, love. And I was thinking: who do I love more? God or other people? Do I want to be in love with God or with a mortal man? Whose love can I depend on more? So why then, do I spend my time thinking about other things?

And I decided that it's lame.

I have some other things I decided, too, but those will be recorded later. I need to get ready for dinner.

Peace out.

Flying Into Daybreak.

Sometimes, I'm super inconsiderate.

And it's sad. And I feel dumb afterwards.

Like, I have these grand notions about how something will go. Then it doesn't go that way. And I'm left like an idiot.

And it's hard.

God's Glory Endures Forever.

God is amazing.

I'm not even kidding.

He's so personal to me - like, I know Him, and He knows me, and He loves me, and I love Him (though not as much as I should...I need to work on that). But at the same time, He makes lightening strike down from the heavens.

Could Buddha do that? What about Muhammed? Moses? No. But can God? Yes. It's fantastic.

I really realized that tonight. At the Saturday in the Park. Charlie Hall was up there playing, and as he was rocking out, I could see flashes of lightning all around us. And...it was so powerful...just to be worshiping God while He was doing all this amazing nature stuff. And I could hear the thunder. And the wind was blowing, and it's like, God was just THERE. In spirit, in love, in POWER.

And I think that sometimes, I forget that God is powerful. I mean, I know He is, but I guess I get so caught up in Him being forgiving and loving (which He totally IS) that I just don't realize that He makes lightning, and causes us to hear thunder. He is the origin of all life, the Creator of gravity. He spoke the mountains (though there aren't any here in Oklahoma) into being. He just told the stars to BE and they were, and are to this day.

And - He wants me to know Him. He wants me to love Him. He wants me to be His friend. He's called me to be His daughter...I am the daughter of not just A king, but THE King.

To think that He loves that much - so much He gave me His Son - is just...it's causing me to have a loss for words. And that doesn't happen very often. But wow. God doesn't just HAVE love, He IS love. God's all about love and forgiveness and new beginnings with Him. And no matter how many times I mess up, God's still there. And He's just like, "Hey, Melissa, try it again. One more time. Don't worry. You're living freely with Me. I won't stop loving you if you mess up again." And God doesn't just say that and not mean. God means it. A lot. Like, with His whole being.

And I think that people need to realize that. I need to realize that. God loves us soo amazingly much. God loves ME soo amazingly much. And God loves YOU soo amazingly much. So much that He would rather turn His back on His Son than spend eternity without you.

God is forever.

4-20-2006.

I just read a post I wrote on April 20, 2006.

And it was good. The end of it, I mean. Like, how awesome that I wrote that THEN, and it applies to me now?

God is amazing.

Gah.

I think I'm obbsessed. (did I spell that right?)

But I don't know if it's a bad thing. I think it is though.

Darn it.

Scary.

Things are gonna change. I know, I know, it's like "DUH!"

But still.

My friends that have never had boyfriends, could get one. I'm going to know people that other people don't know. I'm going to have experiences that no one can comprehend, no matter how well I explain it. My relationships are going to change, my friendships, my life, my everything.

And it's....weird.

Like, I have a facebook now, and I'm seeing things that I don't know if I want to know, because for some reason, it's really important. And I don't like that it's important, but it is. It makes me think that somethings that I want, I REALLY want. But at the same time, I don't know what I want. Because I may think I want something and then come to find out, it's the opposite of what I actually want. And that scares me for some reason.

And then....

Yeah.

Inside Jokes And Random Stuff.

Move-In Day tomorrow. The dorms open in about 15 hours. Whoa.

I thought of a bunch of random inside jokes today.

Singing like Angelina Jolie.
Hitler.
12:23.
Paula's interpretive dance.
Rock the Boat.
My truck blowing up.
Creepy Corrie.
Grabbing Maria's hand during The Fog.
Maria freaking out from seeing a spider.
Being the Official Acteens Spider Killer.
Being Ms. Mindy's favorite.
Saying "Hey, so..."
Leki Leki.
Butt floss.
Peeing in caves.
Jesus Is Better Than Chedder.
"Ooh, ooh, I love that band! What songs do they sing?"
Ha - getting almost kicked out of the PAC.

Ah, darn. We never bought me a fridge for my dorm.

My Dad and I have completely different tastes on what to watch on T.V. Man, if we had cable at home, we would argue all the time.

Oh, but how sweet. He just put it on the Disney chanel for me. :)

Various Thoughts.

My Dad is more excited than I am.

It's actually kind of annoying. Like, all we do is drive around campus. Okay, not really. But still. We take all these back roads, and it's just...

I don't know. I mean, I don't know how I feel about this, this whole going to college thing. I think I'm ready to be away from my parents, for a while at least. It seems like I'm walking on egg-shells with them, like everything I say and do will set off a bomb in them or something. And I'm sure that's not true. But I'm afraid my mom will start crying at any minute, and my Dad will want to stay here forever and take pictures and talk to everyone.

For once, I want this to be MY thing. I know I'll need my parents' support, and yes, their financial assistance.

But I was talking to Peppin some time ago, and he was like "I'm excited to go to college...it means for once that you aren't your parents' kid. You're your own person." And I've been thinking about that a bit lately. Like, for the first time ever, I won't be known as "Officer Krauss' daughter" or "Patti from the Purchasing Department's daughter" or "Brad's little sister" or "Jeff Krauss' little sister". Which is good. I mean, I'll miss them. I'll miss telling my mom everything about what happened during the day, the funny things that I talked about at lunch. I'll miss my Dad's random singing (off-key :D) and how he just comes up with theses random thoughts. I'll miss talking to Brad, about random things and college, though I guess I'll still be able to. And Jeff...I'll miss hearing about everything going on with he and Kayla, or everything that's NOT going on, I guess.

I mean, I'm shaped by the people I spend time with. And I know college will change me. But it will be interesting to see how.

But I talked with Megan and Maria about how Thomas is different this summer than last summer, after a semester at college. And I told them that if I am different - way different, in a bad way - than I am now, I want them to call me out on it. And I really REALLY hope they do.

I'm going to miss them. How Maria seems so tomboyish, but is actually a big flirt. How Megan is good at running, but doesn't like it. I'll miss how we would just be like "hey, do you wanna do something today?" And how Maria would tease me about the truck, and how I'd tease her about Ryne and that other kid. And how we talked about guys - me and Corrie, and Maria and Titus, and Megan was like "I wish I had a guy story..." and I said, "NO YOU DON'T!" Ha - there was the time Maria saw a spider and jumped, screaming, and hid behind me. Or when we were in Hawaii and Megan climed the tree (with the help of our boosts). I'll miss them.

And of course, Jade and Kristina and Hannah. That's a given.

Cody and Chris were right, by the way. It's Barq's Root Beer. With a "Q" not a "G". And it's definately not "Barge's" like I always pronounced it. Meh. You win some, you lose some.

I'm Giggly.

Hee hee hee

Hannah liked her going-away present. I'm so glad. I hope Jade and Kristina will like their's too. They get them on Monday. I'm excited.

Packing = almost done. Kind of. For the clothes anyway. Mostly. Except for what I kept out to wear these last few days. And I've got my sheets, towels, and quilt in a box to take. So all that's really left is my little things and my clothes hamper. And my super sweet dishes. And I've got tons of stuff just kind of piled on my hope chest, waiting patiently to be packed away.

One more Sunday at church. Crazy. Then it's out into the wide, unknown world. Thankfully, God knows what is going to happen, because I surely don't. As long as I get invited to someone's house for Thanksgiving, I'll be okay. :D

(none)

It's going to be so hard saying goodbye to them. To Jade. Kristina. And Hannah. I can't even imagine my life without them. Jade's Earth Child-ness and outdoorsy love for nature. Kristina's complete sarcasm and her love for God and camp and youth group. And Hannah...she and I had a conversation about loving each other. :)

And wow.

I can't even imagine.

So that's all, because I might cry any time now.

My Wonders On Heaven.

I really have no idea what this post will be about. I just decided to write one. And usually I start with an idea of something that's going on in my life, but not this time.

Eleven days until I am on a plane bound for OBU.

And thirteen days until I'm moving into my new dorm room.

It's so crazy how everyone just kind of goes their own ways, come college time. Like, I'm going to Oklahoma, Jade's going to Montana, Kristina and Chris are staying here, Hannah's going back to Australia, Cody is on his way to Texas, Ashley is gonna be in Arkansas, and Lucas, Liza, Azzy, Joe, and Chrissy are headed up to Fairbanks. We're all spead out. But I know that for those of us who know Jesus Christ - and I'm not talking religion, I'm talking a RELATIONSHIP - we'll see eachother again some day. And holy cow. I'm so stoked for heaven. Imagine just getting to see Peter walking down the golden street. Do you think it will be like Hollywood, where people are rushing them for autographs? Or will we all just automatically become really good friends with everyone there? Imagine worshiping God with people from Nicaragua, and from underground churches in China. What kind of clothes do people wear in Heaven? Do they wear clothes at all? What about food? Do we play games? Like Sardines, or Clue, or the game we played at Ms. Janelle's that one time? Will I automatically be awesome on the guitar?

It's interesting to think about, really.

My Thoughts About God Tonight.

I drove down my road with my lights off tonight, at 11:30 pm. I drove by the light of the setting sun. And it was nice. Almost like time stood still and I didn't have to worry about saying good-bye to people. It's like I was covert, and it was just the clouds above, the pavement below, and the mountains in front showing my way. And though it only lasted about a minute, it was really peaceful.

But then it was back to the non-peaceful stuff.

Such as, I'm totally sitting here crying right now, dreading saying good-bye to Ms. Mindy. That will be my hardest good-bye. Besides, like, Hannah. But Ms. Mindy...I cried a majority of the way home from her house tonight, too. She's my "mentor" but I don't think she really knows that. She's such a godly lady for me to look up to. And I admire her a lot. More than I can explain, more than she can comprehend.

And I'm talking to Ashley now, which is good.

I think - I know - I just need prayer. Someone to just get on their knees and lift me up. And I may never know if someone is doing that, but I need it right now. Right now, at 11:47 pm, Alaska time, on August 4, 2006. And that's what I'm asking God for, is to put me on the heart of someone who will pray for me, because I don't know how to pray for myself right now.

And already, I have more peace. Because whether or not someone is praying for me right now, here on earth, the Bible says that Jesus is interceding on my behalf to God.

God's the lead character. And the author. I've never thought about my life like that, as a giant movie staring and written by God. You know, I'm spending all this time "Oh, I'm going to miss so and so" and I will, but I'm forgetting that my life is not about me being with people I love. My life isn't about me never saying goodbye to people. When I became a Christian, whether it was when I was five, or a few years ago when I rededicated myself at MYPD, I died. And Christ came to live in me. So, who am I living for now? A majority of the time, myself. And that's just dumb. Like Ashley said, it's a trust thing, a faith thing. And I need to look at where my trust and faith lie: In myself, or in God. And that's a question only I can answer.

But I'm afraid I might not like the answer.


Thank goodness sin is the easiest cured problem ever. Jesus has the solution, the remedy to it, and thank goodness I know Him. I would be so lost and confused (even more than I am now) if He wasn't in my life. So I thank and praise God for that - for Who He Is, and what He does. And for everything that so often goes unnoticed, like how big the space bar is on a keyboard so that you rarely miss it.

Then pride gets in the way, and I fight and fight giving in to God until I am just exhausted mentally and physically and emotionally and spiritually, and I realize that God is still there, and while He wanted me to come to Him sooner, He's just glad I'm there now. And then you see that nothing - nothing - is better than Him.
And so you dwell on that for a while, till another problem comes, and more pride. But still, God just loves. Unconditionally. With no end anywhere near by at all. He's just LOVE, a love that never runs out. And He just waits for us to get the message that He still cares - beyond our mistakes and screw ups, and bad days. He still loves me. And I can't really comprehend that, but it's pretty awesome. We're such aldutresses, like Pastor Tom said on Wednesday. But God just says, "Hey, I know you messed up, but just try again. One more time. It'll be okay, because I've got your back." And it's amazing.

Tired At Work. What Else Is New?

I'm so utterly exhausted. And I'm ready to blow this popsicle joint. The popsicle joint being work, of course.

I just want to go home. But I can't. Because at 5:00, I am meeting Tom, Kristi, Stephen, and maybe Lucas for dinner at Pizza Gut. And who knows how long we'll be there. THEN I can come home. But I'll probably just do random stuff until I start my Bible Study at about 11:00 or som, then I'll finally get to sleep.

Thank goodness tomorrow is my last day of work. Though it was sad saying bye to my work buddy, Azzy. Meh. Life goes on.

I get to teach Sunday School on Sunday for the probably last time in a while. The lesson is about our gifts. And I am so excited. I'm showing a clip of "Lord of the Beans", and we're going to use our "gifts" in a rock band. And hopefully they'll learn something, and hopefully they'll have fun.

My parents are weird. No, not weird. But it's like, I'm not allowed to do anything in the evenings with my friends anymore. Which is kind of odd, because we don't do anything at home except sit there. I'll hang out in my room and Mom and Dad watch TV. If they planned something for us to do - dinner, or a movie, or something, I would totally be there. But I've had 18 years of sitting at home with them. And I mean, I never go out with my friends. Over 2/3 of my Friday and Saturday nights during the school year were spent at home. I remember before Brad left for West Point, he just wanted to hang out with his friends. And at the time, I was kind of ticked off about that, because I wanted to spend time with him too. But now, I see his point of view, too. I mean, my family will always be here and support me, but my friends...who knows what will happen. So I think that while I have them here, I want to be with them. Not that I don't want to be with my family, but you know.

And Ms. Mindy.....I'm going to miss her, but it kind of seems like she's cutting me out now. Like, "If I don't spend much time talking to you, Melissa, it won't be so bad once you leave." And that feels like crap, as Tyler would so aptly put it.

So I don't know. But I'm ready for a nap. A long one. In my bed. With my quilt over me. Right now, I keep blinking and forgetting to open my eyes. Oops.

Aargh, better get back to putting folders away.

Quitting My Job.

I told Terrie that I quit today. Our conversation was as follows:

Me: Terrie, I can't take this anymore.
Terrie: Can't take what, Melissa?
Me: I can't take the hypocrisy of all the people here, the racism that is so abundant all around, the insincerity of their words.
Terrie: What are you talking about?
Me: Terrie, I'm sorry, but Friday is my last day.
Terrie: NO!!! Melissa, you are the glue that holds this school district togeher. You are the World's Best Student Worker, as the lable on your Nalgene so clearly states! Azzy is good, but you, Melissa...you are amazing!
Me: Don't make this harder than it already is.
Terrie: But what will I do without you?
Me: I don't know. But good luck with that.
[as I walk away looking cool with sunglasses on my head...]
Terrie: Melissa! Melissa? Melissa, wait! Don't go yet! I'll give you a raise! I'll bring apple juice for you everyday! Melissa!!!!

Okay, really, that's not at all how it went down. But you were convinced, weren't you? I thought it was pretty good (fake) dialogue. But really, Friday is my last day. Yay! I leave a week and a half after that, so I figure I should start packing soon. And it'll be nice to just relax and stuff. Hang out with friends. All that.

So yeah.

Only two more days, and I'm jobless for the first time in over a year. Crazy.

Equals.

It's interesting. Life, I mean. And how I react to certain people and situations and events.

Tyler's birthday party tonight = fun. I love that kid. He's hilarious.

Work = boring.

College = exciting.

Pictures with friends = awesome.

Sermons And Youth Groups.

I'm now really excited for college. Whitney and I are planning stuff out, and it's just exciting. And yeah, I know my last entry was about how scared I am and stuff, but church on Sunday changed that. All of it.

Pastor Tom's sermon was in the beginning of Matthew 12, and I don't remember the title or anything. But something he said really spoke to me. Like, lately, I've been wondering if I'm really supposed to go to OBU, and I've been kind of nervous about that, and I know that that's Satan. Because Pastor Tom said, "God won't lead you somewhere where He doesn't want you to go." And I had totally never realized that. So I thought about that for a while during the sermon. About how God doesn't lead you half-way, then say, "Oh, okay, Melissa, you've got it from here. I'll see ya later." So what does this have to do with college? It's a total God thing that I even found OBU. Mom and I just happened to stop at a Christian bookstore in Eagle River, and I just happened to pick up a magazine and just happened to turn to an advertisement for Oklahoma Baptist University. And then I just happened to remember the website. And the school just happened to be EVERYTHING I wanted. Then I just happened to get accepted, even though they had never heard of me before. And I just happened to get scholarships from them and just happened to have a serene experience on campus. They "just happened"? Yeah right. That's a God thing. So during Pastor Tom's invitation, we started singing, and I went up to the altar to pray, which I don't really like doing, but I did. And I just prayed for an excitement. Because yeah, one door is closing forever. And I'll never have the same friendships I do now, and all that. But, anything can happen this next year. I could fall in love. I could have someone fall in love with me. I could make an awesome friend, who I'll know for the rest of my life. I could realize that I'm awesome at tennis. ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN. And I think that's why I'm so incredibly stoked now.

Last night was fun, too, with Kristina. We went to First Baptist Palmer's youth group. Chris invited me, and whether or not he really wanted me to come, I did. So that's that. They had a cool message about how you can only see pieces of your life, but God sees all of it. So even when you don't know why something is happening, God does. And it's all going to be okay, because His plan is perfect. Then, since it was Cody's last youth group, he chose a game to play, and we played Shuffle Your Buns. And it was really fun, actually. Then we talked to Cody and Chris for awhile, and Kristina and I met Jade at V-Ho and had milkshakes. So it was an overall good evening.

AND, I had an overall awesome week, what with hanging out at baseball games, cheering for number seven, to my multiple V-Ho trips, to sleeping in a tent in Hannah's backyard, to playing guitar in front of my friends. And whether or not they were impressed, I don't know, or really care, because I was just playing for Jesus. And I like playing my instrunment. Oh snap.

Excited + Sad + Scared = Me.

I'm excited. For college. For my future. For the baseball game tonight. For going to a concert in Oklahoma City. For life.

I'm sad. To say goodbye to Hannah yet AGAIN. To pick up and move everything. To start over with making friends.

I'm scared. Of everything I'm excited and sad about.

I'm going to miss Hannah a lot. I mean, she's practically a sister to me. And yeah, I'll totally miss Kristina and Jade, but me and Han...it seems like we've always just BEEN. And I hope that we'll always BE. I spent the night at her house last night, and I realized that it was possibly the last time she and I could had a sleepover. I mean, within the next 5 years, we could both be married, have children, have careers, and live in completely different areas. I mean, I know that the last bit isn't a huge change, but... It seems like everything is changing. And I know that as soon as I start packing my bags for Oklahoma, the change is inevitable. It's like a storm. It starts innocently enough, just some rain, then all of a sudden it changes, and the thunder and lightening start, and the power goes out, and the rain is pounding down super super hard. And all you can do is pray that your house won't flood. And yeah, that might sound dramatic, but I'm being serious. It seems like I'm caught in this huge flood of change. I know I'll change. And myfamily will change. And my church: people are going to join the congregation while I'm gone, and they'll be all, "Melissa who?" But my friends, too. There is going to be a big difference between the people who stay here in Alaska and those who go out of state (and country). And, I don't know, but maybe I'm just really doubting God. Like, I can't handle all the change by myself, so I guess I'm wondering if He can handle it. I know that He never changes, that He is constantly the God He says He is. And it's comforting to know that He is always here, even when I can't feel Him. Maybe my faith is wavering. That's no surprise, though. It seems like...I don't know, like my faith isn't REAL. I mean, it's real, but you hear about people whose lives have been drastically affected and changed through faith. I don't know.

At Hannah's this morning, we watched the Gilmore Girls episode where Rory moves into college. And in exactly three weeks, that will be ME. It's so...weird feeling.

You have brought me out of the pit. So I sing Glory, Hallelujah. I lift Your Name on high. I'll sing Holy, cuz You're worthy. I'll praise You with the dance.

Today.

Talked to Chris on line last night for literally two hours. It was crazy. And I told him the C. Story, which was interesting.

Just think - in three weeks, I will have a majority of my earthly posessions in duffel bags and suitcases, waiting to go to the airport so I can go to OBU. And oh, man, I'm excited. I wasn't really, until I talked to Cody the other day. And now I am.

I think people are intersting. How they react to certain things, why they do the things they do, all of that. It makes you wonder what they're thinking when they do something. But really, you'll never know. And really, it kind of sucks that you may never know what someone is thinking, but I guess I don't want people to always know what I'm thinking.

My foot fell asleep.

Blowing Things Up.

Titus is moving to Oregon on Friday. So tonight everyone laid hands on him and prayed for him. And I can't believe that in three weeks, it will be me up there that everyone is praying for. And I'm totally going to cry. But Jack and Peg said they were seriously going to visit me at OBU, which will be fun, and I'm hoping that if Brad comes home around Thanksgiving, he'll come to my school so I can see him.

Friday night rocked. Sunday School sleepover. Scavanger hunt. Girls won. Wiffle Ball for 3+ hours. Girls vs. Boys. Girls won. We were on fire. Sardines. I hid in a chair with Juanita and it took about 20 minutes for someone to find me. Maria and I jammed out the next day. I played like crap, as Tyler would say... "MELISSA!" and I laughed a lot.

Saturday night was awesome, too. Hannah and I painted the town red. It was just FUN being with her. We laid on the grass and just talked about stuff. Nothing important, but it was all important. You know? We had a V-Ho picnic which was really really nice. Because really, the only time Hannah and I hang out together is at Curves. So this was fun. We walked to Fred Meyers and got dessert, and ate at a "French cafe" in Palmer.

And no work tomorrow. I'm sleeping in, baby! Azzy gets to work by herself. I don't think Terrie is very happy with me, but really, I'm okay with that. I didn't even want to work this month. Though it's good I am. My lap top cost over $1700. I told her at the beginning that I had other stuff going on, so hopefully she's okay.

Ha - Alaska's gonna blow up when me and Cody leave for school.

College Bound.

I leave for college in 26 days.

I'm leaving everything I know behind, and moving into the wide, open, and sometimes scary world. I have no idea who I will meet, what my roommate is like, what church I'll go to, or really, how I'll pay for it.

But Hannah just reminded me of something: Jesus will be there.

And if He's for me, who can be against me?

Talking.

I Love talking in front of people. I love it. I love it. I love it.

For example, tonight we spoke about the mission trip. And watched a slide show with our pictures. And it was so much fun.

I talked about beauty.




I miss Hawaii.

What I'll Say About The Mission Trip.

This is actually part of an e-mail I sent to my friend, Brittany. But it's good.

Hawaii was AMAZING. It was indescriable. And I'm not even just saying that. I don't know if you'll understand this, but it's like, I loved just being with God in this beautiful place. And everywhere I looked - at the beaches, the water, the cows, the people, the guavas, everything -they had "GOD MADE ME" written all over them, and His beauty was everywhere. And God's been teaching me that there's beauty everywhere...even in me. Even on the days when I'm PMSing and everything (you know how THAT is). And I mean, I knew, but I guess I didn't realize that beauty goes deeper than skin. And nothing is more beautiful than the feet of those who serve the Lord. And how cool is that?

I think that's what God has been teaching me: all about beauty. A lot of times, I doubt I have any of it. But then, God assures me: I'm a little more than useless, and when I think that I can't do it, He promises me that I'll get through it and do something right, do something right for once.

So I'm going to bed now. And I'll sleep well, and wake up tomorrow ready for another day. I hope. Perhaps I'll sleep with my fingers crossed, just in case...

BTW, WE NEED CHILL.

Sequel Is A Funny Word.

I saw Pirates 2, the sequel to Pirates 1, with my parents last night and was pleasantly surprised. As a sequel, I thought it was very very good. It could easily have stood by itself as a movie, as opposed to a sequel. Which is good, as far as sequels go. I wonder how many times I can use the word sequel in this entry.

As a sequel (hahaha) to that paragraph, work has been fun lately. Azzy and I have been talking a bit - about the lights in the hallway, Gilmore Girls, people getting hurt on the job, names, and, yes, movie sequels. She, too, liked the Pirates Sequel.

And my guitar playing is coming along nicely (there was no way to use the word sequel in that). It's really fun to play it, especially when the song continues, in a sequel, if you will, on the next page, and you have to flip pages real quick.

Sequel is a funny word. Did I even spell sequel right? I hope I spelled sequel right. It'd be embarrasing if I did spell sequel wrong, seeing as it's in every sentance.

I Don't Know What To Call This, But It's What I'm Thinking.

You know how sometimes you experience something super awesome, beyond belief even, that if you stop to write about it, it just takes away from the experience? Like, if you share it with someone, if becomes less real? So you just want to treasure it in your heart forever, but you know that if you don't write it down, you'll forget it...the little bits and pieces of it that made it so awesome. And you know that pictures do NOT do anything justice, and the recanting of the stories is never as good as living the stories in the first place, and you can't help but wish that someone could follow you around with a video camera and a key to access your mind. But no one does that, and the memories fade, and life goes on.

That's how it is with me and this mission trip.

July 3rd was the best day of my life.

Keds.

I found a pair of shoes I want: Aren't they cute? They're Keds.

Church Last Night.

Last night, I got really fed up at church. During Acteens. It's like, to them, I can't do anything right. Me and Maria, and usually Megan is grouped with us, are always wrong. No matter what. Even when we're joking around, a leader who shall remained un-named always takes it personally. And I'm so sick of it.

So after church got out, I didn't want to go home yet. So I asked Ashley if she wanted to go for a walk or something. So we drive to Wasilla, park at a park, and just start walking around. And talking. So I tell her all about what had happened that night and while we were camping, and we talk about serving, and she tells me about her mission trip, and we talk about what we want to do in our lives, and we talk about God a lot, and we decided to start running together. And it was just really good. I needed it.

Ha - so we started walking, and we're going down the sidewalk, and on the other side of the street, a ways in front of us, is two guys walking towards us with a dog. And they are not nice-looking boys. They look like trouble. With a capital T. So they look like Trouble. And all of a sudden they cross the street towards us. So Ashley and I look at eachother, look at them, look both ways down the road, and like sprint to the other side of the road, away from them. And it was so obvious why we did it. And they were like "Ah, #$$#&^^&^&*$%, man, we were coming to talk to you ladies!" And we're like, um, yeah, okay...keep walking, don't look back. It was really really funny.

So I came home in a good mood.

And I have something sweet planned for today. Last night, Ms. Janelle was like, "We're washing my car tonight!" but she was just kidding. So after work, I'm going to pick up Megan and Maria, and we're driving to her house to wash her car. And we decided to wear shorts, a T-shirt, and ski masks. So it will be sweet.

Then tomorrow, or today, I have to pack for Hawaii. And then on Saturday, at like 2:30 am, we leave on a jet plane. And I actually don't know when I'll be back again.

I'm reading a raelly good book called "Being a Girl Who Serves" by Shannon Kubiak Primicerio. I think it's better preperation for the mission trip than anything else we've done in Acteens. We told Ms. Janelle that we want a culture lession again, because really, we do, and she thought we were joking. We haven't actually been taught by her in about 6 months. And I'm dead serious. We'll either do a lesson from MGHFTW, or we'll just talk about nothing, or we'll plan funraisers, or we'll talk about the mission trip. I'll be glad when I don't go to Acteens anymore, but I feel for Meg and Maria if they have to keep doing it when you don't do anything. How sucky it'll be for them.

Wiki Wiki Wikipedia.

I love, I seriously LOVE, www.wikipedia.com. It is the greatest website on the entire world wide web. Except for this one. But at wikipedia, you can type in anything and I can pretty much guarentee you can find info about it. Including, but not limited to, duct tape, Mischa Barton, Keds and spork. Here is some little-known information about the spork:

A spork is an hybrid form of cutlery. It is based upon a spoon, with the addition of the tines of a fork (usually three or four). A similar utensil, the splade, also has the serrated edge of a knife. Spork-like utensils have been manufactured since at least the late 1800s; patents for spork-like designs date back to at least 1874 and the word "spork" was registered as a trademark both in the U.S. and the U.K. decades later. Sporks are offered in both re-usable and disposable form and are quite versatile. They are commonly used by fast food restaurants, school cafeterias, and backpackers.

Who knows all that? Why, www.wikipedia.com does!

They even have Relient K. Did you know they started a cartoon show about themselves? You can watch it on their myspace.

Crazy what you learn on-line.

I Think.

I know people who think no one really knows them.

And I think that that's lame.

A lot of times, people know you better than you know yourself. That's how it is with me, anyway.

It's like, if you want people to raelly know you, then let them. Stop putting up walls or acting fake or whatever you're doing, and live how you want people to see you.

Perhaps you think people don't know you because you don't really know yourself. You aren't willing or able to look at who you truly are, so you blame that on other people not knowing you.

Grow up.

CrossWalk.

So, CrossWalk today. And it was...I don't know. God worked in it. In me, at least.

It rained all morning. And pretty much all afternoon and evening.

But, it's like, I knew that God wanted me to do this CrossWalk thing. And I knew that no matter what, even if I was the only person, I would carry the cross by myself. But Jen came, and Megan, and that was all. And a guy came from church to take pictures, and suggested that we postpone it.

I don't think people realize what CrossWalk is about. I mean, Luke 9:23 says to deny yourself, take up your cross daily and follow God. It doesn't say, "Only if it's sunny, and the birds are singing and you can wear shorts and a T-shirt do you have to deny yourself. Any other time, forget about it." It says DAILY. As in, every 24-hour period, this needs to be done. Denying yourself is about forgetting about your soaking shoes, and jeans wet from the knees down. It's not caring about your stringy hair and too small raincoat. To deny yourself is to realize that nothing is more important than God.

And I think people forget that. A lot.

So when the Virginia kids arrived at Carrs to CrossWalk, they were so not looking forward to it. It being carrying the cross from Carrs to Wonderland. They did not want to do it in the rain. Or at all, I think. So I told them this:

"CrossWalk is all about Luke 9:23, where Jesus tells the people to forget about themselves, and take up their cross and follow Him. And I mean, I grew up in a Christian home, and asked Jesus into my life when I was five. But even then, I didn't know what it meant to live out that verse. Last May, I was chosen to go to North Carolina to pick up the very cross that is in the back of my truck right now. And the entire weekend I was in NC, I still didn't know what CW was about. People kept saying how it had changed their lives, but I didn't get it. The final night, we had to talk about what we wanted to do with the cross in Alaska. And I came up with something about 'binding the church together'. And then the time came for us to take the cross and walk it off-stage. So we picked it up. And we struggled. Not because it's heavy, per say, but because it's awkward. I mean, it's a cross. So we start walking down the aisle of this chapel we were in. And everyone in there stands up, and they start to clap and cheer and kids are crying and screaming. And all I can think is, 'Wow...I feel like a rock star. Everyone is clapping for me...look at me deny myself and take up my cross. Man, I feel great.' Then it's like a brick hit me, opening my eyes. Because I realized, finally, that they weren't clapping for me. They were clapping for the cross, for the One who died on the cross, and for Who came off of the cross and rose three days later. I relized that CrossWalk is all for Him. Not for me. And guys, I'll be honest with you. I'm not too thrilled about doing this in the rain. I'd rather do it when it's nice and sunny and beautiful outside. But think about this: how much easier would it be to do this on a nice day? Satan knows that God changes lives with CrossWalk. He changed mine. And Satan does not want us to do this. That's why it's raining. But you know what? I'm not going to let rain stop me from following my God. I'm going to deny myself, and learn to deal with wet pants and shoes. If none of you want to do this, I'll carry the cross myself, like Jesus did for me. CrossWalk is about denying yourself, forgetting what you want to do, and doing what God wants, regardless of everything that goes with it. So I want you guys to think about what you're willing to give up: dry clothes? A warm bus? Are you willing to CrossWalk for God? I'm not going to make you do this, but think of the sacrifice Jesus made for you on Calvary. What will your sacrifice be?"

I know that's really long, trust me I said it (or something like it) three different times to three different buses. And I was crying towards the end. I just wanted them to get over themselves and see that CW isn't about them being comfortable. It's like, God doesn't move a stationary object. And I know that for me, I don't want to be stationary any longer. I have been for enough time. I'm through with being a rock that gathers moss.

So by the end, almost every kid had on a plastic garbage bag for a rain poncho, and they all came and gathered around the truck. I led us in a prayer, and they picked up the cross and took off. And almost as soon as we even got to the Parks, the rain had stopped. It's like, when Satan saw us actually going, he knew that nothing could stop us. And that felt really good.

I don't know if they learned anything. I did, though. It's funny how God uses the words He speaks through me to others to teach myself something I need to know.

We carried a cross to Wonderland Park. Wet jeans and shoes had never felt better. And I loved it. All of it. I hope, I pray, that if nothing else, they'll think about what I said. And remember that. And I hope and pray that God will just work in them. And me. He knows I need it. A lot.

So I don't think we're doing anything else with CW at my church, but I there's something I want to do on the Butte, just me and God, and hopefully my parents will let just me go. I think it's important that I do this. Before I go to college. Preforably when it's raining. Because...I have some things I need to deal with. And the Butte will be a nice place to do it.

I think I'm really in love with my God, and as hokey as that may sound, it's true.

Veggie Oil Sandwich.

So yesterday, I had lunch (with my parents and his parents) with this kid (okay, so he's out of college). But anyway, he had altered his own truck by himself so that it runs on vegetable oil. Recycled vegetable oil. As in, he just goes to restaurants and asks them if they have left over vegetable oil he can have. And how crazy genius is that? I mean, you hear of a bunch of people who are trying to do that, but this kid, Andy, totally did it. I was actually amazed.

As for the title, you know that song about Australia ("I'm livin' in the land down under...")? Well, there's one line about a vegemite sandwich. And I just thought of that.

So yeah. That's all. I thought I would tell the world (or the like, two people who read this) about Andy, the genius who made his car run on vegetable oil.

Operation: Resuce Mission.

We went to the Anchorage Rescue Mission on Wednesday. To serve meals.

And...wow.

It was actually a lot of fun. Me, Meg, Lizzy, and Brittany served first, and randomly we would all just switch spots. When Meg was serving the meat, she put a mountain of it on someone's tray. It was funny. There was this one guy who came and talked to us several times. Once, he came up and said like, "I don't stay here, so it's okay for me to say that you girls are as adorable as [insert name of place where Satan dwells]." Then he came back later and said, "Well, I'm leaving, but do any of you know French?" and so I said I do, then he said, "Pardonez moi, mademoiselles, mais [insert French words here]. Don't worry, that's good." And I have no idea what he said, but he was funny. And this African-American lady came in with like three or four little black kids, and they were so cute. And there was this guy who didn't speak English, and imagine how hard that would be: to be in a place with no money, probably no job, no place to live, and no food. And there was another guy who must go there a lot, because the workers there knew his name.

It was eye-opening. That could have been the only thing they ate all day. And I mean, I didn't really think about the kind of people who go there for food. That black lady was young, and there was men dressed rather nicely. And women. And kids. And each of them have a name, and a history, and a story, and a future. And some of them know Jesus, and others don't. And to think that I was a part of their life, if only for a moment when I scooped them up some vegetables. To think that I helped keep them from going to bed hungry that night.

So then last night, while I was talking to God, I prayed for a long time for the people I saw there.

And I don't know, but my heart just broke for them. I can't imagine not being able to just go to the refrigerator and pull out some yogurt or string cheese or something. Yet, they can't. And I can't imagine not being able to sleep in my own bed every night, or watch TV, or take a daily shower. But they can't. To be looked down upon, to have people not look at me in the eyes, all of the things that go with being homeless: I can't even imagine going through that. And these people live with that every single day. They stand on the corner and ask for money with cardboard signs, under the scrutiny of the people who can afford the luxury of cars, wincing under the eyes of those who think they spend all the money they get on booze. And I'm sure some of them do. But I can almost 100% guarentee that if you gave that black women some money, she would high-tail it to WalMart to buy something for her kids. It's like, because of one situation in one person's like, we're willing and eager to judge everyone. And that isn't fair. To anyone.

I think that's what I want to do in Afriac, is go to a really poor AIDS-ridden village or city, and set up like a boarding school where we give food to the people there who need it. How sweet would that be? I could teach English, and I'd obviously need more people to teach other things, but to have a girls' boarding school, and as part of their requirements, they have to help hand out meals to people. I really need to pray about it, though. I want to do what God wants me to do, nothing more and nothing less, but sometimes I get confused with what He wants me to do and what I want to do.

I know that He wants me to go into missions, and I know that He has given me compassion for people (Although now, all I can think about is prom night, when we were in Anchorage, and I was like "don't wave to homeless people because they'll chase your car asking for money." And I feel like a huge jerk. Because what if one of the people I said that about is one of the people who came into the rescue mission, just hungry and wanting to get out of the rain? I'm such a huge hypocrite. With my lips I praise God and condemn men. And how lame is that?). But what do I do with it?

Nicole's Picture.

At graduation, my friend Nicole gave me this watercolor picture she had made. In the backgound she painted Africa in green, then over where Ethiopia is, she painted it another color and wrote "Ethiopia" in a really cool way. Then she added two African-looking people. And they are amazing. Breathtaking. Indescribable. How she made them that realistic with watercolor is beyond me. Then, over all of it, she wrote some scriptures and just a really cool note to me. I'm going to frame it, and guarenteed, I will keep it forever.

I don't know why I just thought of that, but I did. And for some reason, I had to write about it.

I Won't Lie.

Maybe I'm just being a baby who needs to grow up. I think that's it. But still. I mean, I know I'm 18, but I feel like I'm 12. Maybe I just ACT like I'm 12. Either way. I hate it A lot. It's like, I know God had a reason for it. All of it. I just wish I knew what it was. Or is. Or will be at some time.

In some ways, I can't wait to go to college. Just so I can get out of here, and start over with friends and who I am and everything. But at the same time, that's why I'm scared to leave.

I think that out of everyone, I'm really going to miss my parents. And Jen. A LOT. She's like a little sister to me. And Megan and Maria. And the 5th/6th graders: especially William, Kyla, Carli, and Mary Ann Zmuda. And Sierra. Those guys love me, but I don't say that to give myself an ego. I say that because it's true. I mean, for graduation, Sierra gave me a box of chocolates and a card that said "No where on earth is there a better teacher" and I'm positive that she meant it. And I'll miss Mrs. Middendorf A LOT, and Mrs. Trout, but mostly Ms. Mindy.

I think Ms. Mindy has been the sinlge most influential lady in my life, both spiritually and otherwise. Besides my parents. And sometimes, I think she surpasses them. I'm going to miss her more than anyone outside of my family, I think.

And I'm about to cry from just thinking about it.

Tony Ony Strikes Again.

Yay for Hannah and I being bold last Friday! Double Yay for us! Kristina always said I'm more outgoing than her, and in this case, she is totally right. Though Kristina wasn't there. And I WAS on the side they were on. But still! YAY for us.

So, Tony wasn't at school on the Senior's last day, so Han and I were bummed, because he's our friend, and we wanted to see him again. So we came up with a fool-proof plan: invite him to the V-Ho. Tony can't turn down the V-Ho. It's a fact of life. We had planned on going last Thursday, but he had to play his game. Then we were going to go on Friday, but we never talked to him. So Han messaged him on MySpace saying that we'll do it another time. THEN he said that he'll never see us again, then, since he is going to Washington for the summer, and he leaves on Monday!!!

Hannah called me, and we both looked for his phone number, and couldn't find it, so I called Chrissy, but she wasn't home (they're neighbors, and I knew she had it). So we hatched a brilliant idea. We would just go to his house. We met at CHS, then rode to the area where Tony lives. We found what was possibly his house, and there were two people standing outside of it. We drove up, I rolled down my window, and we had the following conversation:

"Are you Tony Bartley's parents?"
"Yes..."
"Is Tony home right now?"
"Yes..."
"Is he busy tonight?"
"No..."
"REALLY??"
"..."
"We're his friends from school. Do you think he'd want to come to the Valley Hotel with us for dinner?"
"I don't know, let me ask him. You guys can pull up."

So his Mom goes inside, and his step-dad leads us around back to the kitchen, and we walk into a beautiful, spotless house. Seriously, it could have been in a magazine. Then Tony's Mom comes in, looks at Tony's step-dad, and says, "WHY DID YOU LET THEM IN??? THE HOUSE IS A MESS! I didn't want you to see it like this." And literally, there was like a book on the coffee table, and she considered THAT a mess.

So Hannah and I sit and make small-talk with his Mom about dog illnesses and such, and Tony comes down. Yay! So we take him to the V-Ho.

And it was so much fun. We love Tony. Not like LOVE love, but he is such a good friend. We finally got him to sign our yearbooks, though he said like nothing. It was really cool, though, what he said. and we sat in the Vo-Ho for close to two hours, just talking and eating. Nothing important was said, but everything said was important. You know? Then we drove back to Tony's house, and we took pictures: of Hannah and Tony, of me and Tony, then the three of us together.

And I'm totally going to miss him. A lot. His devil pants. Eating Hannah's hair. Doing nothing in Mrs. Lackey's class. Telling me to DIE. Being my "BFF". How he always flattens his hair. Non-stop. And for knowing about the TV show "Salute Your Shorts" that aired in the 90s. I think mine and Hannah's first conversation with Tony was about 90s TV shows. And I love how Tony looks all Emo and Goth, but he is soooo not like that.

Anyway, it was such a fun night.

I'd Have Been Scared If I Was Kutless. But I'm Not. Bummer.

Are you kidding me? That is awesomecrazyhilarious!

So there's this guy here, in Alaska, and he goes to every Christian concert in Anchorage. I've seen him at like every one I've gone to. So this guy, he has a huge beard and carries a gigantic metal cross. And he'll walk back and forth muttering and yelling stuff, and he'll try to get to the stage so he can throw stuff on it. At the Audio Adrenaline concert, he had tons of papers about some Disney cult, and Father Mickey Mouse or something. And then the security guys (who wore cowboy hats, by the way) carried him out.

SO ANYWAY. This guy is crazy.

I was just looking at the Kutless website (it ties in, I swear) and they recently played a concert up here, and I was bummed because I couldn't go. But I went to their tour journal and they had an entry about their concert in Anchorage. And guess who made the entry?

That's right, crazy beard cross guy.

I'm not even kidding. It's hilarious. But now every person in the world who reads this tour journal is probably going to think that all Alaskans drink beer and are bikers with huge crosses who like to joust.

Just go read it: http://www.kutless.com/tour.aspx and click on "Tag Teamed Up Date Part 1" from 5/22/06. Prepare to be amazed. I sure was. Then read part two.

I can only imagine.

"Take Me In" - Kutless

Take me past the outer courts
Into the Holy Place
Past the brazen altar
Lord I want to see your face
Pass me by the crowds of people
And the Priests who sing your praise
I hunger and thirst for your righteousness
But it's only found in one place

[Chorus:]
Take me into the holy of holies
Take me in by the blood of the lamb
Take me into the holy of holies
Take the coal, touch my lips, here I am


I've listened to this song literally at least 10 times since last night. It is my new favorite. As if 11:30 pm Sunday night. It's my heartfelt prayer to the Lord Most High.

Friday Night.

Megan and Maria spent the night with me at the Swihart's when I house sat.

We're all freshmen!
*insert random yell here that translates to "YES!"*
Jesus healed the leopards.
Mmmmm...donuts.
"Why is there a frozen whole bird in the freezer...with it's feathers still attached?"
"It's a crocodile mouth!"
"What's that supposed to be? Chicken spaghetti?"
"Ryne, Ryne, wherefore art thou Ryne?"
"You doth play a mean baseball game. Your mom doth cook a mean meal."
Maria wouldn't clean out the poop.
Megan practically cried because she was scared. More than once.
The guy in the freezer opening his eyes.
And the other guy getting up and grabbing the girl.
Skipping the last three chapters. Lame-o movie.
I forgot to close the garage door.
Watching "Making the Band" on MTV for like 4 hours straight.
Smoothies.
Disney game.
Sharing water at Arby's.
The guys pushing that car. Hahahahaha.
Megan stealing half of my pillow.
Body imprints in the grass.
The burned boat at the auction. It mimicked the one in the lame-o movie.
The Corrie Story...and Megan shuddering at the thought. hahaha again
Maria and I laughing about what I e-mailed him before I told Meg.
Talking for like an hour about the mission trip.
Telling them I want a guy who can/is willing to learn how to butcher a pig.
Maria + Ryne, Meg + the Dishwasher, Me + NOT CORRIE.
Talking about Thomas and how he's changed.
Realizing that Maria LOVES praise-band like nothing else.
Hearing about how Maria talked about me to Mr. Berg, saying I'm super cool. :)
Megan showing up in a skirt and sweatpants.

I'm going to miss them. It kind of sucks going to college. It's hard to think about everyone I'm going to miss.